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After Alex was gone, I lay on the couch...I was totally sinking in my own thoughts...like the conversation wasn't enough for me...

but I am still confused...does this mean that Nicole and Amy are wrong??..But they told me that they saw them together,holding hands...and well...they even kissed...I can't say that Amy & Nicole are liars, they are my close friends...& I can't say that Alex is a liar, either,I trust him 100%..But what if they are right, what if they really saw them doing that...what if he and Beth, are in a relation..I was gonna lose my mind...I yelled," that's crazy" hoping that these ideas would vanish, but they didn't...I bit my lower lip and continued thinking...could they be that close...but...if that was right, I guess I would feel that Alex has changed...but he hasn't, he is even sweeter than ever..Maybe he's trying to be sweet to never hurt me..And when it's the right time, he'll tell me the truth.
I started biting my nails as I was looking up at the ceiling..I was worried about where my mind would get me if I continued thinking..I scratched my head for a moment, then I remembered every time I was with A.J. & met her "by a coincidence"..The way she looked at A.J., keeping her eyes on him..The look in her eyes wasn't that innocent. and I believe she wasn't paying attention to a word of what we were saying in our conversation there...I kinda saw them locking eyes for a moment and I felt that Alex was confused..God..I'm now suspicious, and I didn't know what to do..But..c'mon...Alex won't do a thing to hurt me...well....maybe that's the reason why he lies to me...but...I'm not even sure that he's lying...maybe he's saying the truth...maybe Nicole and Amy are wrong...I mean, maybe they saw someone that looks like A.J. and thought it was him...no...I don't think they would see a guy & think he's Alex...it's impossible...but...no...A.J. can't do that to me...he's so honest...I can't believe what I'm trying to tell myself, because it's not true..No,it's not true...he's not a cheater..I'm gonna follow my heart...yeah..My heart tells me that's not true, and that I gotta believe Alex..Because he's not that kind of guys..I sighed...got up of the couch and started walking...but...following what the heart says isn't always the right thing to do...sometimes it causes disasters...sometimes the heart tells us what we wanna deep within believe in...even if it isn't the truth...maybe following the heart is only a way to run away from reality...maybe it's just another big mistake to do...and definitely, I'm not ready for any big mistakes right now...because every mistake has a price...and I'm not willing to pay any prices...I sat with ma back against the wall, and put my head on my knees, not knowing what to do or what to believe..I looked at the watch, it was 2 o' clock in the morning, I said to myself,"yeah,they're together...and here I am, alone in this empty house...he said he won't be late, but it's been 5 hours since he's gone..Well..Maybe that's not "late yet".."

It was between 3:30 to 3:45 in the morning when I heard the door's lock opened, and the steps of Alex coming towards the bedroom....I was in bed pretending to be sleeping, while in reality, my mind was full of expected excuses that A.J. would start telling me tomorrow, specially that he was really late and I was in bed like I was totally sure that he would stay with Beth & won't come back early...like I was totally sure that there was no use to stay up and wait for him..I preferred to keep pretending that I was sleeping...I heard him mumbling to himself ,then he kissed my forehead..& rolled under the sheets to sleep....I never knew what the meaning of that kiss was...was it a kiss to say,"I'm sorry for the broken heart I'd leave u with" or was it "I know you are not sleeping"...