Ryan wiped his eyes dry hearing a knock come at the door; he got up from the ground staring at his bag. He was thinking he could just pretend to unpack, but as he looked about he was clueless as to where to put things.
The door opened and he turned around seeing Jackie walk in “Need some help?” she asked, he nodded wiping his hands on his pants. Jackie opened the first bag; it was full of dirty clothes from camp “We’ll get your dad to come take these down to the washer” she said taking the one bag to the door setting it down. As she came back she found some pants placing them up to her nose to smell if they were clean. Ryan flinched a little but she continued it sorting out the dirty from the ones that were clean, She did that with all of his clothes making a folded section across his bed, handing him them to sort out. The dirty pairs she threw to the side in the dirty pile. After a few minutes of this she looked at him, and smiled “We’ve missed you so much.”
He looked over at the clothes laid out across the bed; he was so confused because had been left out of everything. He swallowed hard forcing back the tears that were coming up again. Jackie placed her hands on his face again turning his chin towards her.
“Oh sweetheart, I know this is hard” she bent down hugging him “Pam and Peter are wonderful people, we’ve been bless that they found you.” She ran her fingers through her hair “You’re dad and I searched forever, we never stopped thinking you were out there someplace.”
Ryan felt her caress his back, he couldn’t speak, his emotions were caught up in his throat, he wanted to throw a fit and cry. “I want to go home” he begged, “Please let me go home.” He blurted.
The words had made it to Jackie’s ears, he felt her hands slacken, he had thrown this ball of fire in her face and she didn’t know what to do with it/. Finally she answered, “You are home.” She whispered. Her mascara was now slipping down the corners of her eyes as she looked at him. “You are finally home.” She whispered.
“You left me.” he bumbled his face was in a small frown.
“No, no” she whispered, hearing her words repeat in her mind ‘this isn’t going to be easy’ “Brian” she tried to speak.
“My Name is Ryan.” He said again, he was starting to throw a fit, he didn’t know where his temper had come from but he certainly knew how to use it, why was he supposed to stand and let the game be played while he sat like a stupid pawn.
Jackie, ever patient, tried again “Do you know where your name came from?” she asked, “Thomas was your grandfather’s name. and Brian is –“
“I want to be left alone.” Ryan felt his cheeks growing hot, he didn’t care anymore, he wanted to hide in the huge closet or better yet jump out the window and run away.
Jackie had taken six swift blows to the heart; she let him go and walked out of the room shutting the door quietly behind her as she did.
Ryan ran to the corner of the room where he found a corner he could crawl into, he hid as far back into the closet as he could, pulling his legs up as he cried again.
…
Harold was giving Kate a piggyback ride, waiting for Jackie to call him back up to grab the dirt clothes, but now as he reached the top step to the second floor he saw her walking to their bedroom. He slowly let Kate down from his back “Can we go so Brian now?” she asked walking around in front of him, grabbing his legs, dropping herself in-between them.
“Not now, why don’t you go get Baker for dinner” he said smiling touching her nose lightly with the point of his finger. Kate nodded as she started for the door “Kiss?” Harold asked bending his cheek to one side. Kate smiled giggling; she ran back planting a cute kiss on his cheek then ran back towards Baker’s door. Harold stood up and walked towards the master bedroom, opening it and walking in.
When he peered in he saw Jackie was standing by the window hugging herself, looking out the window, he opened the door the full way walking in, then shut it behind him clearing his throat to let her know he was there. She turned then looked back out the window, her shoulders shaking again.
“I know” she whispered.
“I wasn’t going to say anything?” he replied, walking to her resting his hands under hers and his chin on her shoulder “I was to afraid to do it” he admitted softly looking out the window where she was gazing.
“I know it was going to be hard, but I wasn’t expecting it to be like this” her words halted in the end as she chocked on her tears. They both stared ahead for what seemed like perpetuity, quietly comforting each other as they doused their own thoughts with the events of the day. “I wish I could just wipe it all away” she whispered finally wrapping her hands around his leaning back exhaling.
“He’ll come around when he’s ready.” Her husband whispered kissing her temple, she turned her mouth up towards him welcoming the affection. She would be lost without him.
Harold knew he would be acting differently if he weren’t with his wife. He still felt the pain and anxiety that was coming with this, but it was built in him to calm her fears and through that vicariously sooth his own.
For a few moments his mind wandered, It was nice having a wife who let him take care of her, he knew many women who were bound and determined to prove they were strong. Jackie was not a mouse in any sense, like everyone wanted to pin her with, she could hold her own, and scold at times when he felt to softhearted to. They balanced each other.
“Mommy, Daddy” Kate came jumping in the room. Harold let Jackie go as she walked to the bathroom to fix her mascara again. “I’m hungry” she smiled bouncing around, she grabbed at her dad’s legs holding up her hands to be held.
Leaning down he picked her up throwing up above his head before he caught her again “did you get Baker?” he asked.
“He’s on the phone,” she giggled wrapping her hands around his neck swinging from side to side.
Harold remembered, they had yet to talk to Baker about all of this. He had gone to visit his friend in Massachusetts at his new school for a few days, and had just come back.
Jackie walked back out, she was still a little shaken but she was trying to regain her composure.
“The food is ready downstairs.” She said walking out the door.
“We haven’t talked to Baker about all this.” He watched her stop at the door resting her hand on the molding of the entryway into their bedroom.
“After dinner” she asked looking back at him, he agreed and followed her out to go down the stairs.
“I’ll grab him to come and eat.” Harold said handing off Kate to Jackie, she walked down the stairs while Harold went to go to Baker’s door.
…
“Baker, my parent’s are saying that we can’t see each other anymore.” Taylor’s voice blared over the speakerphone.
“I don’t care what they say. This is their problem, it doesn’t matter what they’re doing. I’ll come and get you. We’ll just sneak out. We’re eighteen so we’re adults. We can do whatever we want.” He said back. He was sitting on his bed.
“Baker, you’re parents took my brother away from my family. If I was caught with you, we’d be in major trouble. Why would they do that, they put the rift between us.”
Harold was finished listening into the conversation, he pushed the already cracked door open, walking inside casually slipping his hands inside his dress pants. Leaning on the sidewall placing one leg lazily over the other, he looked towards his son. Baker didn’t notice him as he kept on talking.
“I don’t care, are we going to let them decide what happens between us?” he asked. He heard someone clearing their throat, and looked towards his Dad “We’re you listening to my conversation?” he asked, he was mad.
Harold stood up and walked back to the door “Dinner is ready, your sister came to get you but apparently you didn’t hear her either.” He retorted “Time to get off, we’re eating.”
“I don’t want to eat. I’m not hungry.” Baker barked back, Harold was not one to be talked back to, ever. He walked up to the phone taking it from Baker’s hand hanging up the phone as soon as he pried it from his son’s grip.
“Fuck you!” Baker yelled in frustration.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” his dad replied walking out folding his arms, he shut the door, walking down the hall to the stairway. He made his way down the stairs stopping at the bottom step to exhale slowly, and clear his head. He rubbed his head, this was definitely not the cards he wanted in his deck.
…
Ryan, finally woke up, he was scrunched in the corner of the closet still, the sun hadn’t gone down the much, but he was feeling the pain from holding not going to the bathroom sooner, now he had no choice, unless he wanted to wet himself. He stood up and made his way out of the large walk in closet. After he was out of his room he made his way down to where Harold had pointed – where the restroom was.
After he had done his duty he made his way to the sink looking at his face in the mirror, his eyes were puffy and his lip was curled up from crying so much. He was still sad about it, but his nose smelled food a comforting aroma of a hot meal. His stomach began to growl as he finished drying his hands.
He started walking down the stairs casually looking into the kitchen as he made it to the bottom step. Kate was sitting to the side of Harold, her small feet dangling and swinging back and forth, as her dad coaxed the last of her food into her mouth.
“One more bit?” he asked, she shook her head, he put the spoon down, and picked up his own fork, finishing the rest of his food on his plate deciding she could sit there till she ate the last of her peas.
Jackie walked into view picking up her plate, then back out of view. The words Ryan had said before flooded into his mind, he felt a tiny twinge of regret for lashing out at Jackie, but still every bone in his body wanted to be back with his parents, his other parents.
Harold looked up from his plate smiling at Brian “Do you want something to eat now?” he asked.
Ryan nodded, he felt his hands slid into his pockets nervously, Harold stood up patting the chair on his right.
“Have a seat” he said standing up, he walked towards the kitchen area, getting
another helping of food.
“If she doesn’t eat that food, I want you to” Jackie said looking sideways at her husband refusing to let him scoop up any more.
“She’ll eat it” he replied taking a different spoon.
“Harold” she said looking at him again.
“She will” he repeated.
Jackie looked back and stared momentarily at Brian, a little shocked to see him then her gaze quickly flashed to her daughter. Kate had turned herself around in her chair, she was just about to stand up, “Harold” Jackie patted her husband’s busy food-grabbing hand “your daughter.”
Harold put his plate down on the counter and went to turn his daughter around. “I’m full” she said looking up at him, as he resituated her in her chair.
“You haven’t touched your food, eat some peas and then you can get down.” he replied “Brian what do you want to eat?” he asked after he unsuccessfully persuaded Kate to eat more of her peas.
“What do you have?” Ryan asked, he didn’t fight about his name, he wanted to, but he also wanted food.
“There’s pot roast, corn, rolls, salad, dressings, and peas” Harold looking down at his daughter who laughed. “You can dish up what you want.”
Ryan nodded moving nervously towards Jackie, she smiled at him and moved a little to the side so he could pick out what he wanted to eat. At first he was timid with his foot, pouring small portions of food onto his plate.
Harold walked over, filling his glass with more water from the tap, he watched as Brian placed miniscule portions of food onto his plate “You want some help?” Harold asked smiling but instead of waiting he walked over and took Ryan’s plate from him scooping up a good helping “Here” he handed it back with a fork he pulled from the drawer.
Ryan looked at the food, the aroma of roast filling his nostrils, it made the his mouth water. Jackie was sitting at the table looking sternly at her daughter now “Katie, you’re going to sit here until you eat this, do you want to eat it all by yourself or do you want your dad to help you with it?”
Kate shook her head wildly laughing at her mom then towards her dad, he had walked over to the back door, he was going to open it to go outside “I want to go outside” she said looking at her mom, who stood up giving up again.
“Hurry up and eat the last of your peas and you can come outside with me.” Harold called from the back door.
“I want to go now.” Kate said pulling herself around again, towards the char. Jackie walked back over placing her in her seat again. Ryan watched amused by the little girl.
“I guess you can sit with Brian than and watch while he eats. I’m going outside to the swing, it’s to bad there isn’t a little girl to push.” He said, Jackie looked up at her husband.
“Don’t taunt her,” she said looking at her husband.
“Kate” he repeated enticingly again not paying attention to his wife. He started to walk outside. Kate turned around fast in her chair picking up her spoon. scooting the last of her peas in her mouth she chomped on them and swallowed them, Ryan felt a small smile creep around the corner of his face, he quickly whipped it off shoving more food in his mouth.
“I’m done. I’m done!” Kate announced turning back around Harold shook his head smiling.
“Good girl” he said picking her up out of her chair “We’re going outside on the swing to celebrate” he said walking past Jackie who shook her head, she was always surprised how each time her daughter fell for that. It was just to bad that most times it took that to get her to eat her food. Jackie wanted the quicker way.
“I’m glad you – “ she stopped realizing Ryan had shut her down the last time she tried to bring something like that up, she walked towards the table to pick up her daughters plate and her husbands, laying them both in the sink. “Do you want any water or some milk?” she asked.
“Water please” he said opening his mouth; a pea fell out the side. Jackie smiled looking at him for a brief moment as if reminiscing before she turned around to grab a cup from the cupboard then placed it under the filter in the door of the fridge.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Another Chapter.... your thoughts?
