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Chapter 17
December 23rd 2005

The group strolled around the square as the snow fell, singing Christmas carols in harmony with one another, Latecia chiming in with words she made up from time to time, adding in Barbie dolls to the twelve days of Christmas along with peanut shells and lemons. AJ grinned as Latecia sang out, unafraid to have the world hear her.
Win walked by his side, content with being so close to AJ, Latecia and her friends. These were the kind of moments that she cherished, that she really relied on to keep the bad thoughts at bay. There was so much bad, but she wanted to conquer that bad feeling, with these good feelings that these people gave to her.
The definition of family was one that was becoming very clear to Winifred. She knew what she wanted and why she wanted it. She wanted to be part of a family because family meant security, acceptance, support, all the things she had lacked for the past seven years and missed. Family meant breaking off from the memories of hurt and loneliness she’d felt while living in the street. Family meant taking a step forward and embracing people, trusting them again. Family meant making commitments. Family meant committing to someone, being responsible to someone other then yourself. Family meant loving and all the risks that came with it.
As she walked beside AJ and sang those songs of love and Christmas time, her mind was else where. Her thoughts flickered back to the day before, that meeting, those people, her parents. She just couldn’t put it away. It bothered her. She wanted to know and she didn’t want to know. She hadn’t exactly been lying to AJ when she told him that she didn’t care, she felt that way at the time, but now, as she reflected, she did want to know. It was a natural thing to want to know where you came from, how you came to be, what you are made up of.
Explain, that’s what they had wanted to do, explain. Explain what? Explain when she had been conceived, why she was named Winifred, why she had brown hair or her pale skin? Explain why she had been abandoned? Explain why she had been put out on the street? Explain why they hadn’t been parents to her? Explain why after twenty-five years they were searching her out to explain?
And if she did know, what would come of it? Would she have some great insight to herself, her character, her life? Would the explanations help her any, would they be able to make some sense out of the hell she’d lived through? The more she thought about these questions the more she was torn. The more questions burned up in her brain, the more things she wanted to know. About her biological family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, maybe even brothers or sisters. Whether or not she had any other family at all.
“Something the matter Win?” AJ asked as they approached the hotel.
“Huh?” Win turned to him and realized they had already walked back, she’d been too caught up in her thoughts to notice anything else.
“You’ve been quiet all the way back,” AJ continued as they went into the foyer.
“Just thinking, that’s all.”
“What about?”
“Oh, everything, nothing, you know. That kind of thing.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“Not especially, no.”
“All right, but if you do, you’ll tell me, right?”
“Yeah, I will. I’m just gonna go get changed into something a little more comfortable, I’ll meet you and Latecia in the restaurant in an hour, okay?” Win replied as she pulled her hat off. AJ looked at her uncomfortably.
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I’ll be down in a minute.”
“All right, but if you’re not down in an hour I’m coming up to get you, okay?” AJ warned.
Win smiled and rolled her eyes.
“Okay, I will,” he gave her a kiss and allowed her on her way, an unsettling feeling floating in his stomach.