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Chapter 8
December 22nd 2005

After spending a few more minutes with Kevin and AJ, being assured that he wasn’t going to be killed he went off in search of Win. Whether or not he wanted to admit it, he had to talk to her, and it would be easier to do it sooner rather than later.
He searched the room for a few minutes until he found her speaking to a group of her old crew friends. She was laughing and smiling, he hated to do this to her. Taking a deep breath, he walked up to her and said,
“Hi Winifred.”
“What, oh you, hello, anyways, as I was saying,” Win continued, turning back to her friends. Nick wasn’t going to be perturbed by her cool attitude, he had expected that. Taking another breath he put his hand on her shoulder and forced her to notice him.
“What do you want?” she asked coolly.
“I’d like to speak to you for a minute, if that’s all right,” he replied.
“Fine, but keep your hands to yourself,” she replied walking away. He followed her and noticed she was walking towards AJ.
“Nick want’s me to talk to him, I’ll be back in a little while, don’t worry,” Win said squeezing his hand.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” AJ asked looking warily at Nick.
“Yes, I’ll only be gone a few minutes,” Win replied giving him a small smile.
“Lets go, my room,” Win said turning back to Nick and walking past him, out of the room.
The ride upstairs was silent and tense. Win walked ahead of him the entire way and left the door of the room open behind her. She was sitting at the table in the middle of the room waiting for him and pointing to the chair opposite her. Nick entered, closing the door behind him and took the seat she was pointing at. The silence lingered again before she spoke.
“So, what do you want to speak to me about?” Win asked.
“Win, I wanted to say I’m sorry and I wanted to explain,” Nick started, but Win cut him off.
“Explain,” she said raising her eyebrows, “What is there to explain! After all the crap we went through, after all the shit we put AJ, everyone through, and you want to explain!"
“I know, but Win, you don’t understand, after Jen and I broke up, I never really got over her.” Nick tried again, but Win really wasn’t that interested in listening to him. She didn’t even want to look at him.
“We were friends Nick, I’m not even talking about what we were going for, I mean, that happened in just a couple of months. But why couldn’t you talk to me? Jen is obviously very important to you, you were a couple for two years. Did you honestly think I wouldn’t understand?” Win asked.
“Win, it all happened so fast, we didn’t mean for it to, I swear,” Nick said desperately.
“After all the guilt I’ve been going through, for torturing AJ about you, and putting the rest of the guys through the ringer forcing them to accept this, and not think I was just trying to get back at AJ. Now they think I’m trying to get back at you by being with him!” Win said getting up.
“They said that?” Nick asked standing up as well.
“No, but it’s obvious enough. Dammit, I’m so sick of this!” Win shouted annoyed.
“So you and AJ are really back together?” Nick asked.
“Yes, and I can’t believe he took me back either.” Win replied.
“He should have been the one begging, Win he cheated on you,” Nick said annoyed.
“We are more than even on all accounts now! But what about you, I still don’t get how you and Jen could end up back together, and in bed none the less, I thought she said she was saving herself for marriage,” Win asked confused. She couldn’t believe it, she’d thought Jen was in love with Taylor, they’d seemed so perfect together.
“She lied. Taylor didn’t know. I was her first.” Nick replied.
“Oh, that makes real sense!” Win replied, still not understanding why it had happened.
“That night, after everyone was asleep, Jen came to talk to me. She wasn’t sure she was marrying Taylor for the right reasons. I’d set them up, a little while after we broke up so I could get over her and she over me, and I thought it had worked. After a year they were engaged. I thought I was happy for her, but I guess I wasn’t.” Nick explained. He felt some of the weight lifting off his shoulders now. At least a little bit. He’d been holding it in these last two years that he still cared about Jen. Pushing her together with Taylor had seemed like a good idea at the time, an easy way to fix their broken friendship and a way for them both to move on. But the wound had only been dug deeper every time he saw them together. And when they’d gotten engaged, he’d finally felt his heart break. When he met Win he threw all feelings left over for Jen onto her and pretended that it didn’t bother him anymore.
“So the two of you got carried away, right?” Win snapped.
“Yeah, I guess so,” Nick said sheepishly.
“I am so sick of that excuse Nick! You are a rational, thinking, human being! Alarm bells should have gone off in your head! You cannot just go with impulse Nick, that’s how people get in trouble, that’s how I got in this mess! I didn’t think, I just did what felt good, now, now, this is where we are.” Win replied, pacing her room. Her cell phone rang and caught her so off guard that she jumped.
“Damn thing, hold on a second,” she mumbled pulling out the phone and opening it.
“Hello? Oh hi, yes, Mr. Pastor, yes, I got your assistant’s message. Oh you’re in Paris, um okay. Tomorrow? Uh, sure, yes, yes, I can meet you and your wife, four o’clock, sure at the hotel, okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, yes, goodbye,” Win hung up the phone and stuffed it in her pocket and sighed.
“How is the foundation going?” Nick asked uncertainly.
“Great, it’s going great,” Win replied shaking her head and walking towards him again. She looked at him with a wounded stare.
“That’s good to hear,” Nick replied, avoiding the gaze.
“Nick, what are we going to do about this?” she asked.
“Win, I don’t know what to do. But can I just ask you something?” he said, finally looking at her and directly into her eyes. She nodded.
“Are you happy back with AJ? I mean really happy?” Nick asked.
“Yes, I am. I told him the truth, that I was looking for an excuse to stay away from him. We both know that if we could erase what would happen, we would. And to top it all off, he was honest with me. I couldn’t have asked for anything more than that.” Win replied.
“Do you ever think you could forgive me?” Nick asked.
“If you had made any effort to contact me Nick, maybe I could consider it. But you didn’t, you just stayed there, you comforted Jen. I know where I stand with you.” Win replied, her eyes stonily cold.
“Win, I love Jen, and you are such a good friend to me. But she needed me more, I couldn’t just leave her,”
“In an entire month you couldn’t make one damn phone call! Nothing! I get that you care about Jen, but she is not the only person in the world! You lied to me! You hurt me, and you hurt Taylor too! He was your friend too, but you don’t care about your friends much do you? That’s quite obvious! I should have expected it I guess, I mean if you could do that to Taylor, whom you’ve known for years, I shouldn’t have expected something from someone I’ve only known eight months!” Win screamed, past the point of being diplomatic.
“The one time I act out of impulse, in my entire life! I’ve never gone with my gut, or done anything that would gratify just me!” Nick shouted.
“Exactly! As soon as you start acting like an ass, is when it all came back to roost! I’m done with this Nick! Done!” Win shouted her final words, crossed to the door and walked out, slamming it behind her.
Nick slumped down in the chair again and held his head in his hands. He’d expected this, he’d known it was coming. Back in his mind he’d hoped Win would forgive him. She had forgiven AJ, he’d hit her, he’d cheated on her. But the nagging voice in the back of his head spoke up and said, “Yeah, but he was sorry about it and he told her the truth.”
He thought back over the month and wondered why he hadn’t called Win to explain, to talk to her. He’d tried; he’d picked up the phone a number of times and dialed before slamming it shut and deciding against it. He was a coward, and he knew it more than ever right now.