My mind started wandering about different things. Some really dumb, like did I remember to turn off the hall light before I left the house to some that were really important, like what am I really feeling about Lizz? I knew I was in denial about coming to terms with my feelings, but it kept gnawing at me. What if she didn't feel the same way about me that I kinda felt about her? What if I push her away by even attempting to admit my feelings?
"Shit Nick, just bite the bullet. If she feels the same way I do, then that's cool and if she doesn't then I guess I need to move on with my life," I coached myself.
"Hey is someone out here?" Lizz asked as she walked out into the room towel drying her hair.
"Nope, you must be hearing things," I grinned. "Hey how would you like to do something tonight?"
Lizz looked at me questioningly. "Such as?"
"Such as we go clubbing," I announced cheerfully.
"Nick, I don't have anything to wear to go out and do things," Lizz pointed out.
I pulled open the drawer on the nightstand and pulled out my wallet. "Well, we can take care of that." As I tried to give her a credit card, she crossed her arms over her chest. "What? Just take it!"
"No, I wouldn't feel right, I would feel like I'm mooching off of you," she shook her head.
"Mooching? Lizz come on, judas you're being stubborn and stupid. You're not mooching off of me or anyone, just take the damn card."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
A knock on the door interrupted our playful arguement.
"I'll get it!" Lizz cried out as she bounded towards the door.
"Hey make sure you check to see---" I stopped my sentance when Lizz opened the door without looking.
"Oops, sorry about that. I didn't think about someone that shouldn't be on the other side of the door," Lizz apologized sheepishly.
"It's okay, you're new at this. Who's at the door?"
"It's me, I'm safe, at least the last time I checked I was safe," Leighanne joked as she entered the room.
"I invited Leighanne to take you shopping with her. Lee, take this card and pick out some stuff for Lizz to wear tonight and whatever pleases her, okay? She won't take the card from me," I explained as I handed a credit card over to Leighanne.
"Ah, I remember those days myself Lizz. Come on, you ready? We have some shopping to do!"
Lizz gave me a funny look. "Okay, I'm going, but Nick this will be under protest."
"That's fine, protest your ass away but don't come back without clothes and stuff, okay?"
Lizz shook her head as she followed Leighanne out the hotel room door. I flipped on the television and laid back in bed hoping to catch a little bit of sleep before the night started.
Inwardly, I was grateful that my favorite booth had been reserved at The Red Star, I practically lived at this nightclub when I was old enough to go clubbing. I knew the rest of the group would enjoy themselves.
"So, Nick, how does Lizz seem to be adapting to the tour so far?" Brian asked as we watched the two women walk towards the restroom.
"Well, she really hasn't gotten a taste of it yet. I figure by at least midday tomorrow she will loathe it as much as I do," I replied after taking a gulp of beer from the bottle.
Leighanne and her were gone for about four hours on that shopping spree and I was happy to see Lizz come back with bags of clothes. Lee explained that Lizz was hesitant at first in buying anything on my credit card. I think it had something to do with how Manda had maxed out one of my credit cards in less than a month's time. Lizz knew how upset I had been over that experience and I knew she was worried that I would worry about spending.
This was different. I was quite pleased with what she had bought and definately happy with what she chose to wear at the club tonight. There are some girls that can wear black leather pants without looking cheap or dumpy. Her pants complimented every curve and I about died when she walked out of the bathroom with those pants on. I still didn't know what to say to Lizz or how to tell her I was having the feelings that I was having. I was afraid of losing her.
"Nick? Hey buddy!"
I blinked when I realized that AJ was waving a hand in front of my face. He laughed when I snapped out of my trance.
"Boy, what are you thinking about?"
The heat on my cheeks indicated to me that I was in the process of a full blown blush. "Nothing."
"Yeah, sure Nick," AJ scoffed.
Okay, I will admit that me slamming my beer down only added to an omission of guilt on my behalf. "Just drop it, okay AJ?"
I was resued by Lizz and Leighanne walking back to the table. As if on cue, the band started playing 'Open Arms.'
"Lizz, wanna dance?"
"Sure," she accepted my offer with a smile.
Taking her out on the dance floor felt right . We fit perfectly, it was a comfortable feeling - like a favorite sweatshirt you'd wear when you felt blue and needed inner reassurance that things would be alright.
We didn't speak to each other as we danced. I held her close and closed my eyes. Everything about that moment was good. I took in things about Lizz I never noticed before - the smell of her hair, her perfume had to be my favorite, I didn't know the name of it but I decided then and there that smell would be ingrained in my mind forever.
I tried to work up the courage to whisper three little words into her ear. Three very powerful and meaniful words, but the fear of rejection hung around me and I was afraid to tell Lizz what I felt inside. I licked my lips, and took a deep breath in. It was do or die time, I was going to risk my pride and tell her what I felt.
"Lizz?"
She looked up at me and smiled. "Nick?"
The music stopped. The song was over.
"Thanks, that was fun," I replied as we turned to walk back to the table.
I mentally slapped myself all the way back. Brian was engrossed in a conversation with Leighanne, making up for the lost time while she had been away in Europe during our trials and tribulations over the past year and Howie, Kevin and AJ were discussing stocks and investments. I was inwardly happy to think that they didn't see my failure out on the dance floor.
The waitress appeared at our booth. I quickly ordered another bottle of beer and a shot of tequila, thinking that would be courage for me in a shot glass. I ordered a salty dog for Lizz and then gestured at the rest of the group and simply stated, Another round for them.
The club band started playing Stayin Alive. I was about to ask Lizz to dance again when AJ jumped in before me.
"Yo Lizzard, let's go out and show these people how to dance!"
Lizz giggled and took AJ's hand and she left in an instant. I resigned myself to watch them out on the dance floor. For some reason, I felt as if AJ had stepped on something sacred. I watched them laughing and hamming it up on the dancefloor, both seemed engrossed with each other. It looked to me as if they were a couple that had been dating for years. To add insult to injury, they played a fast set which was roughly three songs in a row and the two of them stayed on the dance floor for the duration. I was seething when the drinks were finally served. I took the shot and dumped it down my throat, part of the drink oozed out the corners of my mouth. As I quickly wiped my mouth off, I caught the waitress and asked her before she left to bring back a double shot of whiskey. I guzzled my beer and slammed the bottle on the table as I watched AJ horn in on something that I wanted.
I could feel someone staring at me.
"Whoa, Nick, something bothering you?" Brian questioned.
I closed my eyes and groaned. God, he sure had a talent for reading me. "No, I m fine, the bottle slipped outta my hand, sorry."
Slouching back in my seat, I watched as AJ and Lizz left the dance floor, happily joking back and forth with each other. I felt as if I didn t exsist at that moment. I messed up and now AJ took full advantage of my mistake.
As I snatched the double that was set in front of me and tipped it, I saw Lizz and AJ staring at me through the glass. At that point I guess I didn t care. My feelings had been hurt and the whiskey seemed to ease the pain.
"Thanks AJ, that was awesome." I grinned as we left the dance floor.
"Yeah it was. Although I noticed you eyeing another guy. Lizz, I m hurt." AJ said.
I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at AJ. "What did you say?"
AJ cracked up. "Lizz it's so obvious. Why don't you just admit it?"
I continued to stare at him, my eyes wide. "I don't know what you are talking about. You're full of shit Aje, you really are."
He only laughed and shook his head. I felt the color rise in my cheeks, but pretended to ignore it. We reached our reserved table just in time to see Nick down a double in one quick gulp. I glanced at AJ before sliding down in the booth next to Nick.
"Whoa there, take it easy hun. You don t want to get totally trashed yet do you?" I said, laying a hand on his arm.
"Maybe I do." He said, shrugging my hand off, staring straight ahead. His words were slightly slurred.
I backed up, stung. "What's wrong?"
He turned to me, eyes hard. "What makes you think something's wrong? Just go back and dance with asshole some more. Don't worry about me."
"Hey!" AJ protested.
Brian and Lee had taken notice of the conversation and Brian put a hand on AJ's shoulder, silently telling him not to get started with Nick.
"Nick, we just had a few dances. Why are you so mad?" I asked, my voice quivering.
"You don't understand. Skip it." He growled, turning away from me.
Okay, that hurt. I hated when he said that. And on top of it he's going to tell me I don't understand?! Part of me wanted to cry, but the stubborn and slightly tipsy side of me made my temper flare.
"Okay fine! You know what? I've been really looking forward to doing something normal. Our lives have been so fucked up for so long and we finally get a night to have some fun and you turn into an ass. Obviously I screwed up your night somehow so I'll just stay out of your way." I said angrily, hot tears burning my eyes. Before the words were even out of my mouth, I had scooted out of the booth. Trying to keep from crying, I got up, grabbed my jacket and went out the front doors.
"Lizz, wait, you can t just take off like that!"
I turned around, hastily brushing tears off my cheeks. "I dont understand what I did to make him so mad."
"He feels really bad." Lee said softly.
I didn't say anything.
"Really, Lizz, when he's had a few drinks and he gets upset, he can get pretty mean." Leighanne explained.
"But I used to talk to him all the time when he was drunk. Well. not all the time, but way back before we met in person, he would get online sometimes when he was drunk. But he was never like this. He was always really goofy and uh, stuff." I broke off smiling at some of the things he used to say to me. They were bad and I loved teasing him about it. The next morning when he was sober, I would repeat some of the things he said and he would be mortified. He never remembered any of it.
"Probably because he was in good spirits when he was talking to you. If he gets upset, it's a different matter entirely." Lee surmised.
"Why is he so upset with me?" I asked in a small voice.
"I'm sorry, Lizzard."
Lee and I both turned around to see Nick standing there. The expression on his face made my eyes fill with tears again. Lee gave my arm a quick squeeze before slipping back inside.
"What did I do to upset you so much?" I asked softly.
"You didn't do anything. I'm so sorry. I was a jerk and I ruined your night." He said looking down.
I stepped closer to him. "Talk to me."
He looked up, his eyes brimming with tears. "I guess I just felt left out when you were having so much fun with AJ. I m sorry."
"Aw hun, I'm sorry. I totally lost track of time out there, But I was coming back to see if you would dance with me. We haven't had a chance to dance to any fast ones yet." I gave a tentative smile.
"You still want to?" A hint of a smile surfaced.
I grinned. "Of course I do."
"So we're okay then?" That smile grew. God I hated when he did that.
"Hell yeah we are. For future reference, no more fighting when we are a little less than sober, though." I linked my arm through his as we started walking inside.
"Deal. So you want another drink?"
I stared at him. "You realize we are gonna be so drunk."
"Yeah." He shrugged.
"Bring it on!" I said enthusiastically.
When we reached the table, everyone looked relieved to see us both smiling again.
"The war is over?" Howie joked.
I stared at him, my eyes saucers. The man was approaching piss drunk and fast. Hell, I knew he had is own club and everything, but somehow I didn t see this from him. It was hilarious.
"Oh it s over." Nick said with a sly grin, pulling me closer to him.
I giggled. "We need some Fuck Me Sillys. Nick, you gotta try a Fuck Me Silly!"
Brian stared at me, eyebrows raised.
"It's a drink." I laughed.
Brian looked at Lee and shook his head. "Maybe you oughta slow the drinks down a little."
"Party pooper." Nick rolled his eyes. He ordered the drinks while I excused myself to the ladies room.
The bathroom was crowded as club bathrooms always were. I waited for my turn at the sink so I could get rid of the mascara that my tears had smeared. To say I was relieved that everything was okay, was an understatement. I didn't want anything to ruin this night.
Never in my life would I forget that dance we shared. Never would I forget how good we fit, how good he smelled, how hot he looked. Even thinking those thoughts made the heat rise in my cheeks. Never had I felt so safe and protected than right at that moment. It was like magic, cheesy as that sounds. It was like, at that moment, nothing could hurt us or tear us apart. I wanted to tell him what I was feeling, but what if he didn't feel that way? I would feel like the hugest dumbass.
As I walked down the short hallway back to the table, the payphone started ringing. I stopped and looked around, but no one else seemed to take much notice in it. Hearing pay phones randomly ringing always cracked me up so I sauntered over to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Hey babe." A low voice drawled in my ear.
"Uh, do you know you are calling a pay phone?" I smirked.
"Sure do babe. I was looking for someone there at that club." The voice replied smoothly.
"And you think you are going to find her by calling a payphone?" I rolled my eyes.
"Maybe I did."
"I doubt that buddy." I snickered.
"See, she kinda had a thing going with my buddy, but that didn't turn out too well. I thought I would try a shot with her." He said, laughing. He was talking so low, it was hard to hear him, let alone tell how old he might have been.
"Well good luck bud. I've got some own fun to go have." I grinned as I peaked around the corner. Nick was talked to the guys, laughing at something. Suddenly I wanted to be there, with him, not on the phone with some freak.
"Hey, wait." He said sharply, his voice rougher.
I ignored him, shaking my head, and hung up the phone. Weirdo.
I bounded back over to Nick. "Come on, let's go dance." I grabbed his hand and attempted to pull him out of the booth.
"Took ya long enough. Here's your drink." He handed me the glass and stood up with me.
"Sorry, some guy called on the payphone and I picked up. He's looking for this girl that had a thing with his friend and for some reason he thought she would be the one to answer the phone or something." I shrugged.
Nick gave me a funny look.
"What?"
He shook it off. Nothing, lets go.
I completely lost track of all time as we danced, song after song. Whenever we needed a break, we went and had another drink. Or a round of shots. Howie was drinking with us, but the others were just relaxing at the table. I was having so much fun that I didn t notice that the dance floor began clearing out. Finally Kevin came up and told us that it was time to go.
As we all filed out, I noticed that I d had a lot to drink. Nick might have even been worse off than I was. Howie was pretty far gone too.
"You're drunk." I observed to Nick.
Brian turned around, he was walking arm in arm with Lee in front of me. "You are pretty trashed too, Lizz."
Yeah. Chimed in Howie.
"Well, you're shitfaced!" Nick pointed out.
"You're blitz."
"You both...are sauced!" I snorted.
Nick had his arm around me, but that turned to be a bad combination when I stumbled on the curb. I almost lost my balance, but Nick managed to keep me on my feet. Unfortunately, it made him lose his balance and his feet shot out from under him.
"You're drunk off your ass, Lizz!" He hollered as he hit the ground.
"Yeah and you are drunk on your ass!" I whooped.
Howie cracked up too. "It's your fault, you drunkard!" He nodded at me.
As Brian and AJ pulled a staggering Nick up, Kevin turned around. "You guys are obnoxious when you are drunk."
"You're obnoxious all the time." Nick shot back. Howie and I busted up again.
"Seriously, it isn't that funny." AJ shook head at us.
By now we were roaring.
The drive home was fun. Nick and I laughed at absolutely everything, Astonishingly neither of us or Howie had gotten sick yet, but I guessed we would before the night was over. As we headed up to our hotel floor I suddenly realized something. I think Brian and Kevin noticed too because they were huddled togehter talking. I ignored them and went back to watching Nick struggle with the room key. It was very amusing.
"Brian, we can t let them go in there together." Kevin warned.
"I know. It wouldn't be appropriate. But surely they wouldn't...well, I mean..." Brian trailed off.
"Bri, they are both piss drunk and it's obvious how they feel about each other. Nick won't remember any of it tomorrow and Lizz probably won't either. We can't let them do something they might regret." Kevin observed.
