I sat behind the wheel of our rented SUV wondering why it is that I was always thrown into these situations. I buckled my seat belt slowly and waited for all of my band mates to pile into the car before I started it up. We aren't even out of the driveway yet and already a quarrel has started. Nothing serious but still an argument. No matter how petty they were these days they still managed to seep into my head in the form of a nagging migraine. I wanted to yell at them to shut the hell up but I knew it was just going to be a useless plea. Over the years I have wizened up and realized that it's pointless to argue with people who don't seem to care about what you have to say, so I sit there silently letting it run off my back.
I never quite figured out why my worry and drive was always misconstrued as being stern and serious. It really used to get to me when I was younger. I was a child back then, when we started this journey together. Nick has now just reached the age I was when we first sang together. He is young to the world yet I was always considered old. I look in the rear view mirror to see if the argument is even close to being over but yet, it seems very far away.
The argument isn't the only thing that feels that distant to me anymore, our careers are also seeming to wane of into the sunset. It scares me a little and it pleases me a little. I have so thoroughly enjoyed my free time with Kristin. just two soul mates traveling together with not a care in the world. Something that I can take solace in is knowing that if it all does go away, she will still remain. I smile at that thought and suddenly the headache slows to a dull throb.
I'm just about to turn the key to start this little "trip of hope" as Kyle a spokesman from Jive put it, only to be told that someone has to run back inside to grab his bag. I don't really pay attention to who it is but I have my own idea. so I sit back in my seat and sigh heavily.
Someone then puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder and I acknowledge it by looking across to my passenger seat and smiling. I hadn't even bothered to notice who was going to be accompanying me in the front seat and I was secretly relieved to find it was Nick. I was wrong, I thought for sure it was Nick who had forgotten his bag. I find myself smiling even more when I see my cousin running back to the car. I hadn't thought it was him but lately nothing was much as it seemed.
Thoughts of the old days rip through my mind with a grim feeling of longing. We had taken so many of these trips along our ten year brotherhood. Most came at the beginning. I was always stuck driving the car because the parents trusted me to take care of their precious children. I always agreed, silently reluctant, to take care of the younger guys. I chuckle under my breath at the thought of parents trusting either Nick or AJ to do the same job they had entrusted me with all those years ago. I would get so angry at the kids in the car as they would fight, wrestle, and yell and scream at each other the entire ride there. They thought it was because I was mad at them. They were wrong. I was just jealous. Oh how many times I had wished that I could be that carefree were too numerous to count. I was never given the opportunity.
I notice that the arguing has escalated to a whole other level as I am surprised to see D so mad. He storms out of the car only to be followed closely by Brian. I briefly think of getting out of the car to make sure things quiet down but I just sit there. AJ gets out of the car to serve as peace maker.
I decide to put the keys back in my pocket and rest my head on the steering wheel. The arguing seems to die down a bit and I take comfort in that. I look up and out the passenger window to see J hugging Brian. Howie nowhere to be seen. I also see Nick watching the scenario in front of us with the same look of awe.
Nick then turns to me and the sadness in his eyes overwhelms me if only for a moment. He smiles at me but I can see he really wants to cry. Feeling the same way I smile back. He has grown up to be quite a wonderful young man and I take pride in that feeling as if I had a hand in making him that way. It was odd to think of Nick as my closest allay in the group. There were many times when we couldn't even bare to be in the same room together. Nine years is a big age difference. The generation gap seems to have gotten smaller over the years and he has been the one who I have talked to the most.
He turns away from me to stare back out the window. I decide the drama no longer holds my attention and I just stare forward. My stomach does a flip flop for the fifth time today and I hope I don't have to flee the car myself. I grimace as I rub my stomach willing the nervous cramps to go away. I never thought my band mates would ever cause me to feel physically sick but I guess there's a first for everything.
Nick noticing my discomfort puts his arm around me again and asks me if I'm all right. I just nod and say it's probably gas. He laughs and starts to fidget in his seat.
"Here comes Howie" Nick said as he put his head all the way back against the rest.
I turn back to the movie playing off to my side once again seeing if we will all live happily ever after this time. Howie walks right past J and Brian and gets back into the car.
"I'm ready whenever the hell you guys are. Lets get this over with!" he says while placing a pillow behind his head. J and Brian start slowly walking back to the car. Right before they enter Nick whispers to me in a voice so small he sounded almost invisible
"What's happened to us Kev?"
I look up at him and answer his question with a shrug. Thinking to myself I wish I knew.
Brian and J finally get into the car and I refasten my seat belt, take the keys out of my pocket and start our journey. I back out of the driveway to the UN mistaken sounds of silence. We have so many miles to travel, I hope we are taking the right road.....
