We have only been on the road for thirty minutes and already I want to beg Kevin to turn the car around and take us home. I manage to get stuck sitting in the middle of too immature sulking grown men. The only sound either one makes is a grunt of disapproval. I have become peacemaker much to everyone's surprise, especially my own.
Brian and D can't even stand to be anywhere near each other these days but yet they manage to keep it a nasty little secret that only those allowed in the Backstreet Family know about. I get angry at the blonde in the front seat. It's all his damn fault. D got tired of constantly defending Nick to Brian and in the process the one started to resent the other. It has all became a junior high school game that no one particularly wants to play.
Silence. Should be comforting, even golden but seems oddly misplaced in here. Only as recent as a year ago, if we were to take a trip it would be so loud in the car that you would have to scream just to be heard. Now even the slightest clearing of a throat comes as an unexpected comfort to me. I look down at my watch and realize that we have such a long way to go, that I myself make a groaning sound.
"Is something wrong?" Nick asks me from the front without bothering to turn around. I want to yell besides the overwhelming quiet? but reconsider and just say no. Then silence.
"Kevin put the radio on or something!" Howie asks as if reading my thoughts. At the moment I take comfort in the fact that maybe I'm not the only one bothered by the emptiness.
Nick fiddles with the radio dials and everyone he lands on a small grunt from Brian can be heard. This makes D look past me at Brian with a disgusted look and I feel like round two is about to begin. Nick must feel the tension building in the back-seat of the car because he quickly changes the station from rock to country. The change makes me nauseous but I prefer it to the fighting.
"So where are we going anyway?" Nick asks Kevin and all three of us in the back-seat scoot slightly forward to hear the answer. None of us had even bothered to ask before now.
"Kyle has a cabin that he is letting us use for our retreat." I laugh at the use of the word retreat. It was more of an organized kidnapping than a retreat. I don't think a single one of us saw it as anything else. Jive was demanding that we spend this time together. It was more of an ultimatum then a request. They were so smarmy the way they put it, that you wouldn't even realize it was an "or else" thing unless you were a veteran of the business. I am.
It's weird to think of myself as a seasoned professional but at the young age of 24, that's what I am. When I think about all of the things we have seen and experienced together, I am amazed that we have made it this far. This business makes you grow up fast. Too fast.
It's only 8:39 in the morning and already my thirst for alcohol has begun. I can feel the cold beer touching my lips and the spiky sensation of the bubbles going down my throat. Oh how I miss that feeling. Just my alcohol and me. Two best friends meant to be inseparable. Cravings are the worst. The only thing that makes them go away is sleep so I close my eyes in hopes of blocking out all thoughts of drinking.
"Hey Brian, can you pass me a soda?" I ask after I fail to fall asleep.
"Coke already Bone? It's not even 9am yet" Kevin voices while he heads on to the highway.
"Is 7-up okay?" Brian says while handing me the pop. I just nod and open the can to hear that cool fizzing sound. I close my eyes and as the soda hits my mouth I fantasize that it is beer and I smile to myself.
Then, once again silence...
