Finally land!!! I think as we jump out of the car and head in all different directions. Kevin and Nick go south to the bathroom, Brian goes north to the phones and Howie heads east for the snack machines. I on the other hand, head west to the picnic tables to sit down and finally light up the cigarette that I so desperately needed. Kevin forbid us to smoke in his car. That rule has been in effect as long as I can remember. Even though Kevin is also known to smoke on occasion, he will wait until he is far enough from his car before lighting up.
Smoking seems to have become a vice that pop stars like moi go to. It's better than drugs (I guess) and seems more socially cool. Nick almost smokes as much as me now. He used to nag me about quitting but now he looks up to me as if it was the greatest thing that I had ever introduced him to. I'm such a bad influence.
I take in a deep breath inhaling the natural smells around me. The smell of freshly cut grass looms in the air. That has always been one of my favorite scents. It almost seems a shame for me to change the fragrance but my addiction calls so I flick my lighter and puff.
As I exhale a feeling of calm overwhelms me. This is what I needed. Not the trip, the cigarette. I tap my fingers on the splintered wooden table and wonder when my friends were going to come back. I feel self conscious being alone and a fear of being recognized takes over.
It seems secluded enough here. The rest stop is just that. Not one of those big places where there is a lot of noise and people. Just a small area filled with picnic tables, phones and a line of vending machines. There are only three other cars here besides our own and those people seem to be oblivious to who is around them.
I inhale some more nicotine and see D walking towards me carrying a candy bar and a Coke. Those things seem odd in his hands. Seeing Nick with that stuff would seem more natural but hey, we are stuck in some kind of twilight zone.
Howie swings his legs over the bench and takes a seat right next to me. Down wind from my smoke. He offers me a bit of his chocolate bar but I politely refuse.
"Are you going to get something to eat? You should because who knows when we will find another place to stop." I look over at him as he takes a sip of his soda.
"Oh come on D you know there will be lot's of places along this stupid highway. I want substance not crap,"
"okay suit yourself but no whining when we get back in the car."
Whining? Did he confuse me with Carter or something? I never whine. That has been my problem over the years. In times when I should have moaned and groaned about things I had kept quiet. That is what led to me going off the deep end a few years ago.
We sit together without saying anything. That used to be a mark of a solid friendship but now it is more because there just isn't much to say.
"Do you think we'll be there soon? I want to ask Kevin but I'm afraid he will scream at me."
I am amazed at how Kevin had the ability to be so intimidating to Howie considering they are only one year apart.
"How the hell am I supposed to know. He said it would be awhile so my guess is it's gonna fuckin take forever!" I take another deep breath letting the smoke play in my mouth before releasing it into the air.
"Are you gonna call Sarah?" He asks me and I'm embarrassed that I hadn't done that first. Instead of choosing my love, I went for my vice. "Yeah, I'll get around to that soon."
"I feel like a kid being forced into a play date don't you?" He asks me as he continues to nurse his beverage. I laugh. "Yup kind of " I say as I continue to tap on the table.
"They really aren't happy with us these days" he then laughed and added "but then again who is right?"
Now that was true. None of us could seem to do right in anyone's eyes anymore, especially our record company. Except for Nick. He seemed perfect. Even our most loyal fans had turned their backs on us in the last few months. They were tired of all the bullshit. who could blame them, so was I.
"Well, only time will tell D, maybe all will be right with the world after our trip. Stranger things have happened right?" He nods and throws away the rest of his food.
"I'm running to the bathroom" he says getting up to leave.
I stomp on the butt of my cigarette and look over to the phones. There are only three in a line, one of which is being used by Brian the other two are vacant. I think about going over to call my fiance but instead decide to wait until there was some kind of news to report.
I take out another cigarette and begin the calming process once again. I inhale, hold my breath and exhale the whole time wondering if everything will work out....
