"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend." That by far is my favorite quote. I know nothing about the man who originally said it, I think his name was Albert Camus, but I live by those words he said. So simple yet so vitally important. I look at my band mates loading back into the minivan like pouting children who's playtime was cut short by a dinner bell, and I think we have spent too much of our time walking in a straight line one behind the other.
Positions in the car have shifted a bit. Brian is now driving for Kevin who took the passenger seat from Nick. AJ makes sure that he shifts over so he no longer has to bear being the monkey in the middle. Leaving Nick and I to battle it out. There will be no more fighting in this car if I have my way, so I just automatically move into the middle. Nick just nods and says "Thanks D"
We all shift restlessly in the car. Already restless. The mood of the car has also seemed to shift from tense to uncomfortable. The stop should have done us all good but instead it has worked against us. You could see it on everyone's faces. No one wanted to be here. It felt like a lost cause.
There are no lost causes in my world though. I refuse to think that there is no resolution to our plights. I will not give up. This group means too much to me. These people mean too much to me. I try my best to think of a tension breaker but yet none comes to mind.
I look over at AJ who is staring out the window and decide to playfully bump him until he looks my way. After a few minutes of swaying into him I finally get a response.
"Dammit D, your making me seasick, quit moving around so much," this makes me do it again. He looks over at me and laughs. He then mouths the word "What?" wondering if I am trying to tell him something. I just shrug and smile back.
"You can be really strange sometimes Howie do you know that?" I don't answer him.
Nick does. "He can be strange sometimes? that's calling the kettle black!" he says under his breath. "Do you even know what that means dumbass?" J asks and I look down at my feet and smile. I know what his answer is going to be. Sure enough he says it, "Um...well...no, but that's besides the point."
The car fills with laughter and I secretly pat myself on the back.
"Actually Nick, it's that's like a pot calling a kettle black." Kevin makes sure to correct.
"Whatever, he got the idea!" This causes some more laughing.
I find a golden opportunity for more stress relief, unfortunately it's at the hands of our youngest bandmate. I think twice before saying it but decide that it's for the sake of the band and Nick can take some friendly ribbing.
"Jeez Nick you've never been very good with sayings, remember the time he said we'll cross that bridge when we burn it?" I laugh when I see Nick's dejected face. The act of someone who is grateful for the attention.
"Oh God and when he said let's kill two birds with another bird?" Kevin interjected
"Hey, stop making fun of me" Nick says playfully.
"Oh what's the matter Nick you can't have your cake and eat tofu!" AJ's statement got us all screaming with laughter.
"That's what I thought I was supposed to say! tofu, eat it too, it all sounds the same!" The last thing that Nick said made me laugh so hard my eyes started to tear.
I found myself laughing uncontrollably. It was a beautiful release of tension. I started to snort. This broke AJ and even Brian who had been silent until now into fits of their own. We stay that way for about thirty minutes. Nothing being said but a few snickers and an occasional guffaw. It was a great sound.
The laughter dies down but so does the tension. That's all I was hoping for...
Silently Nick's large frame leans into mine and he whispers in my ear, "Good thinking Howie" He then lovingly puts his head on my shoulder before quickly moving back to his original stare out the window.
The youngest is not as dim witted as everyone thinks..
The mood of the care has turned from uncomfortable to almost pleasing. My job is done.
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."
We manage to pull from our straight line and walk side by side. If only for a moment...
