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Autumn curled up into the fetal postion and buried her nose in the pillow. She hated retelling the story, thats why she never did. Besides Marissa, Brooke was the only one that knows. She sighed and put her earphones in, drowning out her sorrows with Jason Wade's beautiful voice.

Brooke looked up sadly from Autumn's position and sighed when the door ringed. Walking briskly over to it, as to not disturb her roommate, she opened the door up. Her eyes widened as Kevin's green eyes bore into hers.

"Caaann I help you?" He gave an arrogant grin at her squeak then loooked past her to Autumn on the bed.

"No sugar, I just need to speak with Autumn" He grinned sexily.

Brooke narrowed her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry, Kev, but Autumn is asleep right now and doesn't need the disturbance. If you'd like then I'll write a message down for you. I'll even put it in her hands myself. " She wasn't about to be nice to him after the way he treated Autumn. Granted, it wasn't all Kev's fault, but he laughed. You don't laugh at other peoples pain.

"This wont' take but a minute of her time, babe." He tried to squeeze past her and the door, but she kept her foot firmly locked against it.

"Shes asleep and doesn't want to be disturbed. If you dont' mind, I think I'll do the same. Good night." When she tried to push the door closed, Kevin grabbed her hand gently. After kissing her knuckles, he slid past her unmoving form.


Autumn snuggled into the warm form that now engulfed her. She didn't care who it was, but it made her feel better. Made her comfortable. She was sure this was some kind of dream. It had to be. Sighing contently, she nuzzled the forms chest. Before dozing off, she molded her body to him.


Kevin wrapped his arms around her waist. Brooke left in a huff, knowing it was a lost cause. He inhaled her scent. Tears mixed with vanilla and roses.



Alex looked at his hands. They were shaking. He put his head in his hands and sobbed. What was wrong with him? He tried endlessly to forget that night. Her eyes, her eyes.He remembered again...against his will.

He looked at Marissa from ontop the stage. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, she was beautiful. She wore what she said she was going to. A halter top and a mini skirt. Her makeup was done dramatically. He laughed pathetically when he realized that she looked exactly like the many whores hes had. Beautiful, skimpy clothing, fall into his hands with a look.He looked at her appreciatevely, not even noticing the person with her. He had met her last summer on aim. her nickname was musicislove, his musicislife. Needless to say when he saw her in a chatroom, he had to talk to her. He found out later that it was a she. He never revealed his identity. Never.

musicislife: hey, how ya doin?
musicislove: good, yourself? whos this?
musicislife: just an admirer.
musicislove: oh really? hah.
musicislife: Defintley. gtg.
musicislife has signed off.

They talked for weeks. He told her everything he was, while she talked about her current obession; the backstreet boys. He grinned and bared it because she was beautiful. Looks were everything to him. He wouldn't be caught dead with anyone other that a beauty. She told him that her favorite was carter. She told him her elaborate plan and how she was going to the concert in a few weeks. She then told him how she'd get someone shes known for awhile to go with her. A decoy, you could say. He wiped away tears as he realized that he pulled off the perfect deception. She explained how when they went to the concert, her friend, who'd be a little on the heavy side would go unnoticed, while she got what she wanted most; inside carters pants. He laughed at her elaborate plan. He chose until this moment to go ahead and reveal his identiy. When he did, she freaked out.. He had her, he knew it.

musicislove: So what are you trying to say Alexander?
musicislife: That I'm a backstreet boy baby. I sleep and eat alongside your precious carter everyday.
musicislove: NUHUH. I don't believe you. Sure you are.
musicislife: I am.
musicislove: Oh really? Then Mr. BigshotMclean, get me some backstage passes. I'll be wearing a halter and skirt, in the front row center. See ya there.
musicislife: Whats your addy?

He gave it to her. He gave her the backstage passes. He would have given her anything. If only she'd asked. When the concert came, all eyes were on her. She was more beautiful in person than in pictures. If only he would have looked at her companion, he would have seen all she had to give. He would see her eyes, her eyes which held so much for him. But he didn't, but he didn't.. He went to the mini bar and got a mini Jack. He downed the whole thing in a matter of seconds, getting another out.. As agreed, he took them to their hotel. It was by chance that they ended up in Carters room. He wanted her all to himself. He branded her as his. He was so entranced, that as soon as they were out of cameras eyes, he had to kiss her. Had too. It was either kiss her or perish. He was so entranced, that he didn't hear the sobs. Didn't see anyone else but her.

"Yo, j, get a room." Nick joked and shoved his elbow into his side. His eyes were snatched away from Nicks figure as he heard the sob. She was crumpled. In a heap upon herself. By Marissa's harsh words, he knew she was Bree. She looked up and glared at Marissa then, who was by now laughing. His eyes locked onto hers, and he was once agian, entranced. The water that was freely falling out of her green eyes confused him. IT was then that he realized how beautiful she really was. Sure, she was a bit on the pudgy side, but her face..her face...was the most beautiful thing hes ever seen. Marissa's was nothing compared to hers. Where Marissa's cheekbones were bony and thin, hers were defined, well rounded. Marissa's boring blues looked like a blue crayola compared to her jade green ones. Marissa's lips were thin, too thin. Hers were round, plump, beggin to be kissed. They had a pout. He grinned at himself appreicatively.

"Right baby?" Marissa's voice rang through his ears. He just grinned. The sobs got louder and he watched as Brian handed her a tissue. Everyone was glaring at him. When she finally left, Brian turned to him and stated simply.

"You're an ass. I can't believe you would do that to someone as sweet as her. While you were sucking face with your whore, I actually got to talk to her. Shes the sweetest person I've ever met, heck, if I weren't in a relationship, I'd be falling for her. You know what? Shes better than you. I hope you one day find someone like her. No wait, scratch that you dont' deserve her. All you deserve is that whore beside you. Don't be suprised in the long run, when you're looking for love j, if you come up short." Hes never seen Brian so mad.

Those words have been imprinted in his mind ever since that day. He couldn't get his face, or her eyes out of his mind. Thats the last thing he saw every night while he shut his eyes, and his voice was the first he heard every morning while waking up.

When he finally asked Marissa to be his, he was full of pride. This carter lover, turned into an Aj lover. Man, he was good. He thought nothing of the stuff she asked of him. He bought her a car, thousands in clothes, jewelry. IT didn't matter. He'd do anything to keep her, his. It took Howie to finally make him see that she was using him. He forever thanked Howie for that.

His tears flowed freely as he remembered the sobs from earlier. Heck, he had to be up in a few hours. He downed another mini-bottle of Jack, until he was all out. Going to his suitcase he got out the papa Jack and downed a shot. Putting it on his bedside table, he buried his face in his pillow and cried himself to sleep.


Autumn yawned loudly and rolled on her side. Opening her eyes, she screamed and pulled the covers up to her chin.

"KEVIN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? Oh my ...we didn't? Please say no...I think I'm gonna be sick." She looked at him seriously. He laughed. He always laughed.

"Whats so funny?" He laughed again.

"No baby, we didn't, but if you'd like to..." he thrust his pelvis in the air, wiggling his hip bones.

" Get the hell out of here Kevin. I don't want or need you to rescue me okay? So stop trying to be my knight in shining armor. So not going to happen." She dismissed him like an old banana peel and got up heading for the bathroom. She closed the door behind her.

He looked on confused. Why didn't she want him? Dammit, Aj always made it look so easy! What'd he always say? Woo her, then shoo her? No...that wasn't right..Woo her, moo her...shoo her...What was it!? Woo her, smooch her, shoo her? Oh hell. He grinned evily. Woo her he would. One way or another she would be his. She would be sooo into him that he'd win this bet for sure. He laughed and whistled all the way out the door.

Autumn hurridley pulled on a pair of black curdoroys, a tank, and her black etnies. Brushing her hair out quickly, she headed for the meeting room. Which, unfortunately, was Kevin's room. Why should she have to dress up to impress THEM? She hated wearing nylons and more often than not they would be wearing next to nothing, just waking up themselves.

"Okay guys, the only thing I wanted to really touch on is the fan contest, the winners will be with us in about 3 days." She looked around the room and frowned. "Wheres Alex?"

Brian sighed. "Hes passed out in his room. He had a late night obviously. I'll just go over this with him later, if thats okay." His eyes held such hurt. She wanted to hug him and rubbed her hands along her jeans to stop herself. She noticed the deep sorrow in all of their eyes as they talked about their bandmate. He looked at her apologetically.

"Oh, thats absolutely fine. The contest was based on three parts. The two fans that won, Andrea and Tammy, are going to be joining you for a lunch, and date with all five of you or their favorite boy. The first round, which is an easy one, was to be in the qualifing age. Since this is a date opprotunity, they had to be of age..so 18-25. The second round was composed of trivia. Our top three went onto the next round, which.." she stopped to laugh.." was to show their love for you in some artistic form. Andrea and Tammy won. Andrea, composed a song for her love of Alex, and Tammy..well, she made a collage..You'll just have to see it to understand. Nevertheless, their favorite is Alex. We'll know tomorrow or not if all of ya'll are going on the date with them or not." She played the tape of Andrea singing and saw the appreciation in the boys eyes. "Okay boys, thats all I wanted to tell you. The ones who aren't going on the date, are coming with me to party." She grinned and laughed as Brian grinned right back at her.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna go grab a bite to eat. Ya'll can go back to sleep until the interview at 3:30 from the arena. " She smiled warmly at them and walked out of the room.

Brian grinned and bolted out the door to Alex's.

Alex was up with his head propped on his hand, his eyes bloodshot and a cloud of smoke around him.

"Yo, J, how are you?" Brian sat on the bed beside him as Aj flipped idly through channels.

When he didn't answer, Brian continued talking. "Autumn told me to tell you that the contest winners might get to go on a date with you. Just depends, since both of them chose you as their favorite. She just wanted to let you know."

"I cried myself to sleep last night Brian. Do you wanna know why?" his eyes teared up as he thought about the events of the past day.

Brian just nodded his head in a silent nod, knowing he just needed to listen.

"You remember that girl Bri, Bree? The one that I hurt that one night? The one night that I wish I could take back?" He puffed on his cig, inhaling its soothing scent.

"Yes." Brian looked down and sighed.

"Well, I just realized a lot of things. First off..Bree is Autumn. Second, I'm an ass. I never realized how horrible I was to her until I heard her crying about it last night. My momma raised me better than that, Bri, I let her down." He put out his cig and turned to Brian, waiting for his response.

"Bree is Autumn? Seriously?" Brian's eyes widened.

Alex just nodded.