The ambulance raced down the highway on a dreary, rainy fall evening in Tampa, Florida.
"Poor boy, he's so young," the female paramedic sighed as she threaded an IV line into the patient's right arm.
Brian struggled to keep awake, trying to figure out what was happening. The last thing he remembered was being at a promotional party. He told Nick he was tired and was headed home. After saying goodbye, he got into his car and headed down the road.
Brian tried to ask the girl was had happened, the words were formed in his brain, but nothing was coming from his mouth. He was starting to get scared, something wasn't right and he was unsure of what was happening to him.
He felt a little relieved as the ambulance arrived at the hospital. Brian figured he would get some answers as to what was going on. He listened to the paramedics as they prepared to move him from the stretcher onto the cot in the emergency room.
"We were called to the scene and found the patient in his vehicle, off the road, the car had hit a tree. He was unconscious," the paramedic stopped briefly as they counted to three before transferring Brian onto the cot. "He is unable to communicate with us at the present time."
Brian's mind was racing. He couldn't recall hitting a tree or driving off the road for that matter. The paramedic started calling off Brian's vital signs, so Brian was unable to determine still what was going on.
As he laid on the cot, he watched the people around him, touching him, poking him with needles, feeling everything, but unable to move or vocalize the pain he was feeling. A doctor finally approached him and leaned over so that Brian could see her face.
"Hi, I'm Doctor Johnson, I hear you ran your car into a tree," as the female doctor spoke, she was pressing in different areas on Brian's stomach. Brian desperately wanted to cry out and tell her she was hurting him, but he couldn't so she seemed to think everything was okay. "Does it hurt when I press here?"
Brian wanted to say yes, the words were there, but they wouldn't come out, it was like they were stuck in his mouth.
The doctor mentioned some type of medication and as soon as Brian saw the nurse inject it into his IV, everyting went black.
Kevin's headlights shone onto a vehilce that was off the road, smashed up against some trees. He took his foot off the gas pedal and stopped his jeep.
Slamming it into park, Kevin's heart sank. It appeared to be Brian's Jeep. He couldn't get out of his car fast enough. Afraid of what he would find inside the vehicle, Kevin swallowed hard. He was semi-relieved when he found that the jeep was empty.
Upon opening the driver's door, Kevin immediately panicked when he spotted a large amount of blood on the front seat. Thoughts ran through his mind, trying to think of where Brian was. He prayed that he was found and taken to a hospital.
As Kevin turned to walk back towards his car, headlights flashed across the road. The car stopped and Nick's voice called out to Kevin in the darkness.
"Kev? Is that Brian's car?"
"Yeah, he's not in there though, he must---" Kevin stopped in mid sentence as his pager went off. Looking down at the message, he didn't recognize the number. "I got a page, let me call this number, it might be Brian."
Kevin got into his car and dialed the number. Sure enough, it was Tampa Bay Hospital calling to inform Kevin that Brian was admitted as a patient. When Kevin tried to get more information from the person that answered his call, she reluctantly stated that was all she could tell him and the he would have to come to the hospital for more information.
"Brian's at Tampa Bay. I'll meet you there," Kevin said as he started his car up.
Brian woke up again, but this time he found himself in a hospital room, laying in a bed. He wanted to turn his head and look around the room, but his body refused to obey the commands. He could hear machines beeping and assumed that they were for his heart.
A young nurse approached Brian's bed.
"Hi Brian, I see you're awake again."
She took a washcloth and wiped it across Brian's chin. "There, that's better, isn't it?" She asked cheerfully.
Brian tried to understand what was going on. He wondered why she did that. Then a sick reality entered his mind. He wondered if he was drooling. He tried to will his body to swallow, but it wasn't happening!
He wanted to turn his head when he heard a rushing of footsteps entering the room. The owners of the footsteps finally came into Brian's view and he wanted to call out Kevin and Nick's names. As he looked into their faces, he could tell that something was seriously wrong.
Nick's mouth dropped open, tears immediately rolled down his cheeks. Kevin just covered his mouth with his hand, obviously choking back sobs.
Before Brian would try to will his body into doing something, anything to let them know he was there, a nurse injected something into his IV and everything went black.
Dr. Johnson entered the room to talk with Kevin and Nick about Brian's condition.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Johnson," she held her hand out for Kevin to shake it. Nick shook her hand as well.
"What's going on with Brian?" Kevin asked quickly.
"It appears that Brian suffered a severe trauma to the brain. A CT shows a significant amount of blood on the brain," Dr. Johnson started to explain.
Nick stared at Brian laying in his bed. "But he will be okay, right?"
Dr. Johnson sighed. "Unfortunately, it doesn't look good. This type of injury leaves the patient with brain damage. The part of the brain that was involved controls Brian's motor skills, speech and gag reflexes. This injury is, unfortuantely, permanent.
"NO!" Nick shouted, throwing himself across Brian's body. "You're wrong! Brian will be okay!" Nick broke down into heartbreaking sobs. Kevin quietly approached Nick, placing a hand on his shoulder, not saying anything, letting the tears stream down his own cheeks.
The weeks that followed were filled with emptiness for Brian. He was trapped inside of a body that would not cooperate or communicate with anyone or anything.
On this particular morning, Brian woke up to find his parents and his bandmates standing in the room. His mother looked so tired, so pale. Brian could see that his father was upset, his jaw was clenched. Brian didn't look much better himself.
A woman that Brian had gotten to know while he was in the hospital, named Marianne, came into the room. She was the hospital social worker. She was accompanied by Dr. Johnson.
"Mr. and Mrs. Littrell, this is Marianne Dennis, the social worker. As you know we are planning on discharging Brian today. We need to go over the options with you," Dr. Johnson stated.
Brian was getting excited at the prospect of being released and going home. He wanted to shout for joy. The only noise that came from his mouth was a shallow gurgling sound.
Marianne spoke, "As Dr. Johnson mentioned, we will be discharging Brian today. Because of his medical condition, and the long range outlook, I would think it would be in your best interest in having him admitted to a nursing home facility where he would receive 24 hours round the clock care." She held the clipboard out containing the papers to transfer Brian to a nursing home.
Brian wanted to scream out. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His eyes looked at Nick, poor Nick just stood there, lost, pale, eyes red rimmed.
Brian's father swallowed before speaking. In a quiet voice, thick with emotion, he spoke out, "I want to take my son home."
"I would advise against that, Mr. Littrell. Brian is going to have to have a home nurse on duty at your house since he needs medications continously, he needs to be turned every four hours, this could run into quite an amount of money."
"Money doesn't matter, what matters is our son," Brian's mother defended.
"Fine, I will start the paperwork."
A comment out of left field was thrown which made Brian's heart sink.
"I know you guys have been looking into a replacement for Brian in your band. I have a brother that is quite talented and would fill Brian's spot beautifully. Here's his card, you should look into him," Dr. Johnson said as she handed a business card to Kevin.
Brian wanted to yell, scream or throw something. All he could do was watch Kevin accept the business card from Dr. Johnson and look at it.
Karen Johnson kicked off her shoes and sunk into her favorite chair, reaching for the remote control and her whiskey sour. Her brother Nathan entered the livingroom.
"Hey sis, how was your day today?"
"Nate, it's coming together, just like I promised you. I discharged Brian Littrell today and I talked to the guys about replacing him with you. This is gonna work, I know it will. You deserve all the recognition that Brian ever had and more because you're so much more talented than he is," Karen barely could contain her excitement at how the plan was unfolding.
"How did you ever pull this off? I mean, how did you even get Brian to the hospital to begin with?" As Nate asked, he took a chair facing his sister.
"Well, I didn't want to tell you because of implications, but.....I guess it would be okay now," Karen smiled and leaned forward. "There was this promotional party that my friend - you know, Ginny - well she owns a catering business, and she got hired for this promotional party. So she owed me a favor and I told her that I needed a special drink to be served only to Brian Littrell. Since I had a minor in chemistry, I knew exactly what to put in it that would make him sleepy and want to leave the party before anyone else. I made sure I worked down in the ER that night, so I would be there when Brian arrived. I ordered all the tests and I even took a CT from a patient that had brain damage and put it in Brian's folder," Karen gushed, obviously please with her plan.
"But I still don't understand how you got them to believe he did have brain damage," Nate replied.
Karen took a sip of her drink, slowly savoring it. "That was a piece of cake. I concocted a med cocktail that depresses the central nervous system and ordered to be injected every two hours around the clock. This med puts Brian into a vegetative state. He's fully aware of all that's happening around him, but he can't control any part of his body to respond. He feels the stimuli like a needle poking him, but he can't react. Isn't that wonderful?"
"But you discharged him from the hospital today, he's gonna be coming around."
"Oh, well, dear brother, you underestimate me. Brian Littrell is enroute to a nursing home facility as we speak. I have placed strict orders for the injections to be continued as was in the hospital, so he won't be coming out of the vegitative as long as the injections are provided," Karen smiled sweetly at her brother.
Before Nathan could reply, the telephone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hi, could I speak with Nathan Roth?" the voice on the phone asked.
"Speaking."
"Hi, this is Chad Larkey, senior manager for Schiro Management Associations. Your name was submitted to our office as a possible replacement for Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys. We are planning an informal audition on Tuesday the 18th, which is a week from tomorrow. Would you be interested in auditioning?"
Nate about dropped the phone when he heard the word audition. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, his sister did pull it off for him.
"Um, yeah, next Tuesday? Sure! What time!" Nate tried to sound calm as he spoke but he knew his 19 year old voice was betraying him.
"My secretary will be sending you the information regarding time and place, just hold Tuesday the 18th open on your schedule, okay?"
"Yeah, sure thing, thank you!"
Nate hung up the phone and high fived his sister's hand. This was possibly the happiest day of his life.
Nick had kept an ever persistant vigil at his best friend's bedside. Brian had a private room in the nursing facility, so Nick stayed until the early hours of the morning some days.
Looking at Brian's face, Nick searched it hoping to find a spark of Brian still left in there. Although his eyes were open, they appeared to be almost vacant, lifeless.
Everyday Nick prayed that Brian would return to them. Everyday Nick slowly started to realize that Brian was lost, possibly forever.
Pulling his chair closer to the bed, Nick started to talk to Brian, just like he had been in the past few days.
"Brian, I can't believe that next week they are talking about auditions to replace you. I have tried to tell them that you will be back, but no one is listening to me. I have faith in you, buddy, I know you're in there, just trapped and can't get out, I know you're there," Nick repeated the last phrase over and over, rubbing his fingers across his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears.
Nick stopped his conversation when a nurse entered the room with a syringe.
"Time for your 2:30 meds, Brian," the young nurse sang out as she entered the room. She stepped around Nick's feet and smiled sweetly at him. "Hi, I'm Bonnie."
Nick nodded slighty, and stared, he wasn't feeling in a social mood at the moment. He watched the red headed nurse swab a spot on Brian's IV line. "What exactly is that stuff you guys keep giving Brian every two hours?"
"It was ordered by Brian's hospital doc. It's some type of sedative."
"Sedative? Why would he need a sedative? My god, he's in a coma for christsake," Nick snapped back at her angrily.
"Hey now, don't snap at me, I'm just following the doctor's orders," Bonnie shot back as she finished Brian's injection.
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little frustrated at the fact that Brian isn't geting any better," Nick sighed.
Bonnie patted Nick on the arm as she was leaving. "It's totally understandable, hun."
Brian could only lay in his bed and listen to Nick's conversation with the nurse. He was getting excited to think that Nick was hitting onto something that may be causing his unresponsive behavior only to be let down again with the nurse dismissing it.
Trying to fight the sleep the medication was causing, Brian tried desperately to let Nick know that he was there. He wanted to yell, cough, something, anything. The darkness started to take over him again. Everything went black.
"Hey, Brian, look who came with me to see you---" Nick's voice trailed off when he entered the room and found Brian in a wheelchair, slumped over. Nick dropped the book he was carrying and rushed over to the chair.
"Oh my god!" Nick cried out as he placed his hand on Brian's shoulder and gently pushed his body back into an upright position. Looking at Howie, his eyes narrowed. "This isn't right, Brian isn't supposed to be this way."
With a quick sweeping motion, Nick reached out and slapped the nurse call button on the wall. Nick could feel his blood pressure starting to rise from the anger in his body. It took a nurse fifteen minutes to answer Brian's call light.
Finally, an older nurse entered the room and nervously laughed. "Oh, I wondered how he could possibly hit the call button."
Nick stared at the nurse. "It took you fifteen goddamn minutes to find out why?"
The nurse acted offended by Nick's abusive language. "I think you need to calm down and not speak to me in that manner."
"I think you need to get a reality check," Nick snapped back.
Howie placed a hand on Nick's shoulder hoping to calm him down. Nick pulled his shoulder away from Howie.
"Nick, calm down," Howie asked.
"No, this has gone on way too long. Look at him, man. I want him discharged to me, NOW!" Nick yelled.
"Sir, do you have the power of attorney over this patient?" The nurse remarked with a tone of sarcasm in her voice.
Nick glared at her. "I don't care, I'm taking him."
Nick started to unlock the wheels on the chair but was stopped by both Howie and the nurse.
"Nick calm down. Let's call Brian's folks, let's talk this out, okay?" Howie tried to reason with Nick.
The nurse left the room to telephone Brian's parents.
As Nick sat down on Brian's bed, he let out a big sigh. He looked at his best friend sitting in the wheel chair, his face blank, no emotion. While they were waiting for the nurse to return after contacting Brian's parents, another nurse entered the room with a syringe.
Nick desperately wanted to refuse the drugs for Brian but he knew he had no say over what was happening to his friend. All he could do was watch the nurse give Brian his medication and then watch Brian drift back off into a drug induced slumber.
As the nurse was finishing up with Brian's meds, the other nurse reappeared with papers in her hand.
"I have received faxed permission for Brian's release of care to you by his parents. You will need to sign the discharge paperwork, but not until you have been fully instructed regarding the care for this patient," the nurse stated sharply. It was obvious that she didn't care for Nick, but it was also obvious that Nick didn't care for her.
"I don't see the point of being instructed on patient care, this is my friend, I know him like the back of my hand," Nick replied.
The nurse sighed. "Oh, really? Do you know how to empty a catheter bag?"
Nick's head whipped around in her direction. "Huh?"
"I figured as much. Do you even realize that Mr. Littrell needs round the clock care? He was scheduled for a placement of a feeding tube in three days. Do you know what to do with a feeding tube?" The nurse stared sharply at Nick.
"How the hell should I know?" Nick snapped back.
"My point exactly. This is why you need orientation on this patient's care. Once you have satisfactorily learned, then and only then will the patient be discharged into your care."
Nick could tell he had his work cut out for him. This nurse had it out for him and she was making sure that he was not going to be able to take Brian home as easily as he planned.
Howie could tell by the look on Nick's face that he was plotting something. He watched Nick go up to the wheel chair and unlock the wheels. The nurse and Howie stood watching Nick.
"Ah, Nick, what are you doing?" Howie asked.
Nick looked up at Howie, with an innocent look upon his face. "Ah, just want to take Bri for a walk outside. Fresh air would do him some good, don't you think?"
The nurse eyed Nick suspiciously. "As long as it's only for a walk outside, I guess so." She then outstretched her hand. "I want the keys to your vehicle."
Nick's mouth dropped open. How could she know what he was thinking.
"I don't trust you," she said as she waited for Nick to produce the keys.
Pulling the keys out of his front pocket, Nick slapped them into her hand rather roughly. "Fine."
Howie followed Nick and Brian out the back door, not saying a word. He listened to Nick talking to Brian, carrying on a one sided conversation. Tears stung his eyes, he felt and knew that Brian would never be the same and it saddened him to think that Nick was still clinging to hope that Brian would come back to them.
Nick parked the wheel chair in the sunshine. He pulled a lawn chair next to Brian. "Doesn't this feel good, Bri?"
Brian sat in the wheel chair, face expressionless. He blinked his eyes when the breeze played with his hair.
"Brian, you were sleeping when we were talking earlier, I'm taking you home with me, I'm taking you out of here. No more injections!" Nick smiled happily at Brian. He searched his face for some sign that Brian understood, but was only met with a blank stare.
Upon hearing Nick say that he was taking him home, Brian felt a feeling of relief wash over him. He knew that Nick would be able to unlock the key that was keeping him trapped in an unresponsive world. Deep down Brian felt it had to do with the meds they were injecting into his system.
"All I have to do is learn how to care for you and they will release you to me. So I have to learn this fast so you can get out of this godforsaken hell hole." As Nick spoke he looked around the grounds at the various residents of the nursing home that Brian was placed in. "That nurse of yours was a total bitch telling me I had to know about the tubes and stuff that you need. I really hate her, man. But it will be all good in a day, trust me."
