A growing uneasiness overtook me as the date of my court appearance approached. After talking with Charlie, I couldn't help but realize that my testimony could really bring that girl down. I wish there was a way I could get out of it, totally avoid seeing her there. Sitting and staring at me while I in essence told the jury, the same one that found her guilty, why she should die. Wasn't a guilty verdict enough?
I rubbed at my eyes, It was 4am and I hadn't slept at all. Not even a little nap. Whenever I closed my eyes, memories of Trish gently patting my head as I slowly woke up in my prison came back. That's how it was when I first came back to civilization. I was terrified to open my eyes, afraid of who might be staring back at me.
It was so bad that only sleeping pills would do the trick. That and someone volunteering to spend the night with me in my room. My dad had taken the first week. He never left my side. He would even sleep all day just so he could spend the night watching over me. Eventually I sent him home, saying I can handle it, I felt better now. But it was a lie.
That's when the guys came and took his place. They didn't come at first. I was afraid that maybe this thing had made them hate me. Even though they are the ones that found me in the first place. They didn't even come to my house until my second week back. Kevin said it was because I needed to be with my family. Funny but, in many ways my bandmates were more my family then my own flesh and blood.
But between my dad leaving and Kevin coming, there was a gap of one day. One day for me to roam around my huge house jumping at every sound I heard. I was never aware of how loud a house could be. The dripping of a leaky faucet sounded a lot like someone trying to jiggle a handle. The hum of my air conditioner sounding a lot like a motor of an awaiting car. Sitting in my driveway ready to take me away.
Those sounds had kept me up all night long. Just like they were doing now.
Ironically those same sounds had actually calmed me while I lived in that basement of Joe's house. The sounds of dripping water or pipes clanging had helped to remind me that I was still alive. I had no trouble sleeping at all there.
I yawned, stretched and decided maybe if I got up and watched some television it might help me to fall asleep. I walked down the steps and stopped when I saw a figure sitting on one of my chairs. My heart stopped. He was sitting there in the dark. No light, no television, nothing. Just sitting there staring at me while I descended the steps.
"What are you doing up?" I asked him putting on a light and taking a seat across from him.
"Couldn't sleep..what about you?" I sighed. It looked like Kevin had been up all night as well.
"Same"
He had been drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette. I could tell he was unhappy that I had caught him in the act of being human. "Why were you just sitting here in the dark?"
"I didn't feel like putting on a light. You know your security people both are in their car sleeping" I walked over to the window and noticed that both of the guys seemed like they were asleep. "I am going to call the police and let them know" He said taking a chug of his beer.
"Kev, do you think there is anything to be worried about?" When Kevin acted like this, that meant he was worried about something. That is the only time he ever bothered to smoke.
"No Nick. You are perfectly safe"
"Then what's bothering you?"
"Why would you ask me that?" I pointed to the cigarette butt in the ash tray. He smiled.
"It's really nothing, I just had a little fight with Kristin, that's all"
"Oh, I'm sorry. You wanna talk about it bro?"
"Nah! She just misses me that's all. She wants to come up here"
"Tell her she can come if she wants. There's plenty of room"
"No, I think it's best for her to stay at home" I was afraid that was what he was going to say. He was afraid for her to come out here because he didn't think it would be safe. Simple as that.
"Maybe you're right. You know Kevin, maybe you should go back home to be with her" He laughed, "Are you trying to get rid of me or something?"
"Maybe"
"No dice kiddo. I am here for at least a week. We all are"
I moved back to my chair opposite this man I admired so much. Kevin, I owed my life to him. Kevin and Brian both. That is family to me. I was lost and they found me.
"I don't want to go to court" I whispered.
"I know you don't" He sat back in his chair and crossed his long legs.
We sat in silence for a little while. Then he said, "I am scared" I was surprised that Kevin admitted to me that he was scared.
"What are you afraid of?"
"I don't know, just things. I wrote out my will the other day"
"Kevin don't tell me that"
"Why? You should do that too. You never know Nick...you never know"
"This is NOT making me feel any better about court you know" I decided I needed to be close to him just then, so I moved from my spot across from him and sat by his side. I think he also welcomed the change. For the first time since I came down the stairs, I got a good look at my brother. He looked sad, maybe he had been crying. His eyes were just a little glassy.
"I'm sorry Nick, I didn't mean to make you even more nervous than you already are"
"That's okay. Maybe you should try to go to sleep"
"No way, not as long as those two idiots outside are asleep. You go to bed, I'll hold down the fort"
"I can't sleep Kevin, whenever I close my eyes I see..." I had to stop. I didn't like talking about things.
"See what little man? What do you see?" I just shook my head knowing if I tried to speak I just might cry. I hated what Trish and Joe did to me, what they did to Kevin, all of us. We continued to sit in silence. Wanting to say so much but yet, saying so little.
When I woke up, I was sleeping on my couch leaning on Kevin's shoulder. I don't remember falling asleep at all. Kevin was snoring next to me, he had a blanket wrapped around himself and me. We probably looked like a gay couple. Ah well. He was comfortable just the same. I sat up and stretched. The television was on and AJ was sitting there intently watching cartoons.
"Well, it's about time you woke up. Should I even ask?" He said pointing to Kevin and I sharing our blanket.
"No! It's better you don't" I moved away from Kevin and walked over to the window. Happy to see the changing of the guards had already happened. "The two policemen who were watching the house were asleep in their car last night"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I shook my head at him.
"Are you ready for court kiddo?" Howie asked walking in with a cup of coffee.
"No, but I have another day before I have to worry about that"
"True. I say we go somewhere and try to have a good time, what do you guys think?"
"Think about what D?" Brian asked trotting down the steps.
"Howie thinks we should go somewhere and have a good time today"
"That's sounds all well and good, but we DO have work to do"
"That can wait right?" Howie said kind of giving Brian a look. That is something else that has happened more than I would like. The looks. It's like they each had their own, secret "Nick" look. So when Howie gave Brian that Just say okay so we can get Nick out of here look I pretended not to notice.
"Okay, I guess I'm up for some fun today. What did you have in mind?"
"Let's go sailing!" AJ said surprisingly. He hated the water. AJ hated everything.
"You want to go sailing?" Kevin asked awake now.
"Yeah, why the hell not. Let's go sailing"
"Okay" I nodded.
Once we had our plan we got dressed and headed out to the docks to enjoy what we thought would be a stress free day.
Unaware that as we were leaving someone else was watching from a car across the street. Waiting to make his next move.
