Anyone whose name was not found in the book was hurled into the fire! MIZPAH NICK!!!
I woke up screaming...again. It has been my new routine ever since this stupid hell happened to me. I take a series of deep breaths and wipe the sweat off of my face. He is dead Nick, move on. I say to myself almost daily. It has become my new mantra. Then the next thing happens naturally, the gentle tapping on the door. Today it is Howie's turn.
"Nicky, are you okay?" I look over at the door, trying to control my emotions before part three of this new routine happens.
Howie opened the door slightly, poking his head in and smiling. There it was. Ladies and gentlemen, part three of this new morning routine. The concerned friend makes an appearance. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah D, I'm fine" Howie walked in and sat next to me on my bed.
"You want to talk about it?" He asked me placing his hand on my shoulder. Love and concern shining in his eyes.
"Do I ever want to talk about it Howie?" He laughed.
"No, I suppose not" He pulled himself up and started for the door, "It's almost noon, why don't you come down and have some breakfast"
"Okay, in a minute" He nodded and then closed my door. I stood up and stretched, trying to get an idea of how the day was gonna go. There were four different news vans out front today. Also a bunch of people holding cameras. They have been hounding me ever since I came back. Now that Trish was on trial, they were here ALL the time.
The trial, now that was stressful. Of course I was called to testify. I was drilled by her lawyer, claiming that I wanted to be there the whole time. She just stared at me, big grin on her face during my testimony. I single handedly got her the guilty conviction. She even smiled while they put the cuffs on her and took her away. Her eyes never leaving mine.
I decided to get dressed and make my way downstairs. Now knowing what to expect.
Howie was glancing out the window. "They have been here all morning" He said as I joined him, "Don't they have anything better to do? God go bother someone else" I complained as I turned away from the window and sat on my couch. Flipping through the channels. "I wouldn't watch TV today if I were you" Howie warned me.
"Why?"
"She's everywhere today"
"Oh"
You know, it had been almost three months since all this stuff happened and yet, I still was a prisoner. This time in my own home. At least I was finally staying in my own home. There was a period of time, when the guys and my parents, wouldn't even let me back here. Too many bad memories they had said but I wondered if they meant for me or for them.
So at least I get to stay in my house. Not alone yet, still under big brother's watchful eye, but at least I was home.
"You got a summons today" Howie said as he sat next to me at my table. He passed me the box of Count Chocula and frowned.
"I knew it was coming" I said as I poured my cereal into the bowl.
"It's almost over Nicky, then you can have your life back"
I nodded but I didn't believe him. It would never be over. Never.
"Then you should maybe think about moving out of here" I rolled my eyes at him while I chewed.
"Hey, it's just a thought" He said winking as he ate.
"Yeah right. I could move to Mars and they would still be hounding me"
"So..what are you gonna do?" He asked all traces of humor gone from his face.
What a good question that was. The main trial was over. She was guilty. Now we were on the penalty phase. The District Attorney had warned me that her lawyers might summons me. They would try to get me to say she was worth sparing. Of course, the State wanted death instead of life. When they first started trying this case, her lawyers pleaded insanity. Saying she was out of her right mind to kill all those boys, arguing that she herself never had a hand in killing them at all. The problem was, there was no proof of that. So thankfully, they went ahead with murder in the first degree.
The news people claimed it was my testimony that really did it. Made the jury believe this woman was as guilty as guilty can be. They were impressed with my "Stoic" expressions and how well I had held myself together while being questioned. I wasn't being brave or stoic or anything else, I wanted her to go away so she wouldn't be able to hurt anybody else. Simple as that.
See, I think that it was really HER testimony that put her away and you know something else, I think she WANTED it that way too. She never denied that she killed anybody, she never said it was her brother that did most of the dirty work, she only sat there smiling from time to time until they started to show the faces of all the boys that were killed. And there were so many. Trish had been linked to years and years of killings. Years and years of parents grieving for their college aged sons who would never come home again. During those points of the trial, she would just look down at the floor.
Life without the possibility of parole or the death penalty. One or the other.
"What are you thinking about?" Howie asked me, I hadn't realized that I was zoning out. It happens a lot these days. I go back to that place a little more than I'd care to.
"Oh, sorry" I said, "Just thinking about... I don't know" He came over to me again this time wrapping me in a big hug while I sat in mid chew.
"Aw, Nick everything will work out, Kevin is stopping by today" I swallowed my food and took a swig of milk.
"Cool!" I finally got out accompanied by a burp.
"You know you guys really don't have to keep baby sitting me like this, I am a grown man I can handle being alone"
"Nick, I don't think you realize how scared we all were for you. We know you can handle being by yourself, WE can't handle it" I had to smile when he ruffled my hair. Howie had a way about him, making everything better.
"D?"
"Yes?"
I stood up and wrapped my arms around him "Thanks"
It's funny that before all this crap happened, we were just starting to work on this album. We could barely tolerate being in a room together, I mean I resigned. Then in the blink of an eye, this happened and all thoughts of the Backstreet Boys vanished. We were just family at that point. Close as close can get.
For the first time since I have been back, last month, Kevin brought up our album. We were all surprised. Like we almost forgot we were a group entirely. We all thought that maybe it was time to try to go back in the studio again, so they were regularly using my house as the meeting place to write some more songs and run through ideas. Mostly it was to check up on me, but that's okay too.
I travelled back into my living room and once again took my place on the couch. Howie followed me, "So are you changing shifts then?" I asked
"Yeah Nick that's it, we're changing shifts. No as a matter of fact I am hanging around for a few more days. You can't get rid of me that easily. We have work to do" I laughed.
Kevin ran to the door and let himself in, reporters snapping his picture as he ran. "God! I hate those people" He said walking over to me and giving me a hug. Then doing the same to Howie. I noticed a suitcase. Cool Kevin was staying around for a few days.
"They've been here all morning" Howie reaffirmed to Kevin.
"You'd think they would be covering that poor kids murder instead" He stopped himself then felt the need to apologize.
"Kevin it's okay, what murder are you talking about?"
"You haven't heard?"
"No, Howie won't let me watch TV" Howie winked at me, the smile never leaving his face.
"There was a murder on the beach, the police found a teenager buried underneath the sand, he was strangled. Right up the street. You think they would cover that instead"
"That's terrible" I said
"I know it is. There are some sick people in this world little man" Like I didn't know that.
I stood up and looked out the window once again, now looking in the direction of the beach. Poor kid I thought, And closed my eyes realizing that even my quiet safe place wasn't safe anymore.
