Leaning against the center island counter of Grace’s kitchen, Nick intensely studied the newly bought pack of cigarettes in his hands. He had impulsive picked up the pack from one of various stores near the airport, knowing it was his only way of coping with the crisis. His body truly craved the nicotine laced within the paper tube of chemical products and the Lord knew he deserved the calming effects in such a stressful situation, but he resisted in opening up the package. He knew how much Grace loathed the filthy habit and worried about his safety as well as her children’s safety in his presence. As a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, she understood the hazards of smoking and reminded him daily. He could even recall a few graphic photographs of black lungs sent in emails. She had also suggested early that morning that he do his best not to smoke around the children, fearful of the dangerous effects second hand smoke could have on their lungs. If it were anyone else who had asked him to change, he would have told him or her to simply fuck off. But, Grace was different. So, with a whine of displeasure, he buried the pack of cigarettes deep into the trash before moving into the living room to make a phone call. He’d pick up some Nicotine patches and gum later.
Usually, when he visited the Reynolds’s residence, he was overcome by the chaos of the experience. The entire family had been charismatic and fun loving. If someone wasn’t howling with laughter, then the day had been a complete disaster. If Benjamin had been running around in just a pair of underwear, Grace would soon come chasing after him in her own underwear. If Logan and Benjamin were swimming, they would do their best to coax Grace into the pool before Logan would launch out to grab her amidst peels of laughter. If Isabella were screaming in pain from cutting teeth, then the whole family would surround her with adoration, coos, and playful tickles till she smiled. They had been so uninhibited, but the death had sobered the joy of the house.
A cold silence filled the rooms with a suppressing quality that made him apprehensive, especially when he was the only one home at the moment. Grace had taken the children out for a few hours, wanting some private time with them, which Nick understood. He just couldn’t stand the thought of being alone in another man’s house, especially a deceased man who had always been competition. Every room had his memory, reminding Nick of what could never be with Grace, which chilled him to his very bones. So, dialing a familiar number, he slumped on the couch and waited for a response.
“BAYLEE THOMAS WYLEE LITTRELL! YOU ARE NOT A COWBOY! AND IF YOU TRY TO ROPE TYKE AS YOUR BABY COW ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR THE WRATH OF GOD ON YOUR FATHER! IT’S THE LAST TIME I LET YOU TWO WATCH CITYSLICKERS—Hello?”
“Boy, did I just have a flashback of Bay’s terrible twos!” Nick whistled suddenly, relieved to find that things weren’t so depressing everywhere in the world. As a matter of fact, it seemed to be quite opposite at the Littrell household when he heard Baylee’s defiant whine followed by the family dog Tyke’s yelp. Victoria Littrell, Brian’s beloved wife and Baylee’s adored mother, seemed at her wits end with the rambunctious household. “Tori?”
“BRIAN! TAKE CARE OF YOUR SON RIGHT NOW! …Y’know, handling Scooper’s temper wasn’t that bad. It was only when Scooter started pouting on top of Scooper’s temper when I told them both no that had me reeling. Those two will be the death of me,” Victoria answered easily, though she immediately laughed at the memory. She never stayed furious with her men for long, jokingly deciding that she would only wait long enough for the first piece of expensive jewelry. “But, Nick, I’m so happy to hear from you.”
“It’s good to hear your voice, too, Tori,” Nick promised, leaning back on the couch to rest, soothed by the caring quality in her voice. She wasn’t like the previous women that Brian had dated, who loathed the unique bond that had formed between them during the years. Instead, she embraced the very quality that made the friendship special and enhanced it in ways that Nick couldn’t even begin to identify. In fact, she had been the one to first suggest that Nick be the best man at the couple’s wedding, before Brian could even think of how to phrase his want exactly. She anticipated the needs of the friends and did her best to facilitate the strengthening of the bond. She treated him as if he were a little brother and had made sure that Baylee thought of Nick was an older brother or uncle of sorts. Without her as a friend and attentive “sister-in-law,” he knew that he might have been doomed many years ago.
“How is everything?”
“Okay as it can be, I guess.”
“How’s Grace?”
“I…I don’t really know… We haven’t talked about anything really. I got here the other day and the jetlag was fucking horrible, so I crashed early. Then, this morning the kids were around and asked her to take them out for a bit. So…” Nick shrugged helplessly though Victoria wasn’t aware. He just wasn’t sure about anything anymore. He wanted to tell Victoria about the surge of powerful emotions that had overcome him the second he saw Grace, but couldn’t form the proper sentences. Right now, he just wanted to hear a familiar voice until she returned.
“Nick…” Victoria trailed in a soft understanding. “You want to talk to Scooter for a bit?”
“Yeah, I guess I could really use the old B-Rok-Bitch-Bash for my cursing,” Nick agreed with an amused smile, listening to the shuffling on the opposite end of the line, knowing Victoria was on the hunt in the warm California home. “…I’ll never understand why you call him that.”
“Because you never saw him burn his backside on the fire he had been dying to make when he proposed on our camping trip.”
“True… Think if I set some hot pizza on his favorite chair I could recreate it?”
“We’ll have to try it when you get home, Sweetheart, but right now you talk to your beloved big brother, okay? I love you.”
“Love you, too, Tori…” Nick called, overhearing the smack of lips when Victoria kissed Brian goodbye. Then, Brian offered his familiar greeting and Nick knew he was grinning like a fool. “Have I mentioned how much I love your wife?”
“Every day,” Brian promised with a small chuckle. “And she says she loves you, too.”
“I needed that.”
“So, should I just put her back on the phone? ‘Cause it’s obvious you didn’t need me to say I love you--”
“B, don’t get jealous of your wife again,” Nick groaned. “Because, you know that if it came down to blows and I had to pick between you and her--”
“You’d pack my bags and move right in.”
“Exactly!”
“I’m glad that I’ve come to terms with the fact that you love my wife more than you love me.”
“Me, too…”
“So, how’s it going?” Brian questioned after a moment of silence had evaded them. “And don’t tell me things are fine, because I know you were absolutely hysterical about going back there.”
Nick sighed heavily as he buried his face within his hands, using the crook of his shoulder to pin the phone to his ear. “It’s just so many memories, B… At first, when she called I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant again. And then I was just going to end our entire friendship. Knowing she was so fucking happy with Logan and I was miserable… I was just so pissed… Then she tells me that Logan’s dead and my first thought was – Good riddance. I mean… What kind of person thinks that?”
“Nick--”
“I didn’t hate Logan, I mean… Well… Okay, I did hate him. He got Grace and he knew the whole fucking time how much I loved her. But then he was so fucking noble at their wedding, pulling me aside to tell me that he knew I had a special place in Grace’s heart and he could never take that away, so he hoped I would continue to visit. Had made sure that Grace called during every one of her pregnancy appointments with the kids. Then he dies and I’m hoping to take his place in bed. I feel so fucking guilty...”
“You’ve known and loved Grace for how long, Nick?”
“Since before I can remember…”
“So, don’t beat yourself up for thinking those things… I mean… You can’t control it… I think you should just concentrate on Grace for now. Make sure she’s taken care of. Put all your energy into helping her and you won’t be kicking yourself.”
“But I don’t know what to say…”
“Then tell her that.”
“Since you have all the answers, why don’t you come here and handle this?”
“Because you’re the one she wants at her side right now, Nick. She called you.”
“God, the last time I visited her was when Isabella was born and that was over a year ago. I’ve missed out on an entire year of her life because I was so jealous and hurt. I missed her every day. Every damn day.”
“She missed you, too.”
“I hope.”
“I know.”
Groaning when the doorbell chimed, Nick climbed begrudgingly off the couch and slowly shuffled toward the door. He could just imagine what friend would be arriving with another heaping platter of food for the family to nurse their aches upon. The entire fridge was already filled with casseroles, he didn’t know where he’d put the next one. “B, you know I didn’t call just to get a pep-talk, right?”
“I know, you missed me.”
“And I love you, bro.”
“Finally he says it!”
“You’re such a self-righteous prick, just hold on a second,” Nick chuckled, opening the front door as he pressed the cellular phone to his shoulder. Though, the lightness of his mood seemed to erode when he faced the familiar older woman on the porch. She was dressed with expensive impeccably, like the wife of a chief surgeon was supposed to look. Her raven locks twisted into a tight bun; make-up hiding the age of her face, though the lines from a frown seemed emphasized. She looked none too pleased to see him and Nick realized that the feeling was quite mutual. “Hello, Mrs. Reynolds.”
“Mr. Carter…” Samantha Reynolds, Grace’s mother in law, replied in a cool kindness that sent a shiver ripping through Nick’s body. Her dark gray eyes seemed to burn through him when he stepped aside to grant her entrance. A muffled grunt of annoyance could be heard in her throat as she entered and glanced casually about the residence. “I missed seeing you at the funeral.”
“I had some trouble getting time off and catching a flight--”
“How is the business?”
“Fine…” Nick trailed, resisting the urge to scowl with disgust at the way she regarded his career. She acted as if he were some kind of louse who fed off the lives of hardworking individuals and was an imbecile because there was no letters behind his name marking his superior intellect. Since the beginning of Grace’s relationship with Logan, Mrs. Reynolds made sure to emphasize her distaste in her daughter-in-law’s best friend. And, he was almost positive that she did nothing to hide her feelings for him in Grace’s presence. “And, I’d just like to say how sorry I am for--”
“Where are my daughter-in-law and my grandchildren?”
“Gracie took them out--”
“How long will you be staying in my son’s home exactly, Mr. Carter?”
Biting down hard on his inner cheek to keep from spilling out a long list of expletives, he was assured that he could taste blood as he forced civility. “Long enough to make sure Grace and the kids are okay.”
“I’m sure you’ll be gone in a week.”
Growling, Nick clenched the doorknob with a thought of slamming the door against the crow’s face. “Listen here, you fu--”
“Would you let Grace know that I stopped by? We need to meet with the lawyers to go over the legalities of… Oh, look who I’m talking to, never mind, I’ll just give Grace a call later to let her know,” Mrs. Reynolds decided with a flit of her hand, exiting the house as quickly as she had approached. “It was nice to see you again, Mr. Carter.”
“I’m sure,” Nick gritted, vaguely aware of Brian’s voice chirping worriedly within his ear as he wallowed in a prideful hurt.
Hearing the soft snores emanating from her current pillow, Isabella tore her gaze away from the rolling credits of her favorite Disney movie to see Nick slumbering peacefully. He had been the one to scoop her up to watch a movie, insisting that he adored Ariel just as much as she. Yet, he had been asleep before Flounder was almost chomped by the shark. Wrinkling her nose at the rush of wind that blew into her face from Nick’s parted lips, she reached her small hands up in attempts to cover the wind tunnel. Giggling at the overwhelming ticklish sensation of his warm breath, she squirmed beneath the Princess throw and tumbled to the floor. Unfazed, she crawled for the coffee table and pulled herself up. Admiring the array of technical equipment, she seized a familiar remote and slapped her hands over the buttons until her mother’s stereo system came to life.
“JESUS CHRIST!” Nick howled in shock when the wholesome twang of country exploded about him like a gunshot of sound. Tumbling from the couch in a knot of blankets, he grunted in shock when his forehead connected with the coffee table. Struggling to stand as he fought the swarm of blankets, he howled in horror, “GRACE! CRAZY HICKS ARE INVADING THE FUCKING HOUSE!”
Hurrying from the playroom at the sound of the commotion in the living room, Grace was amazed to find Nick continuing to fight the blankets as if they were attackers as Isabella stood in awe at the limber movements of her Godfather. Ducking from getting caught in Nick’s imaginary fight, she reached her daughter who cooed a hello. Taking the remote from Isabella’s hands, she turned the volume of Trace Adkin’s sultry voice down and snorted with disbelief when the blankets fell from Nick leaving him free. “For goodness sakes, Nick! Crazy hicks invading the house?”
“With pitchforks and wads of tobacco stuffed in their mouths for machine-gun-style ammunition!” Nick defended, seemingly turning crimson with embarrassment though he continued to defend his position. “Who the fuck is that anyway?”
“Trace Adkins,” Grace groaned, watching Isabella squirm in attempts to reach the remote, knowing exactly what she wanted. “A famous country artist?”
“Since when do you listen to country music?!”
“Since I went to college at Duke University and the only bars in town were honky-tonk bars,” Grace defended, grinning when Isabella’s jade eyes electrified at the word ‘honky-tonk.’ Nodding to her daughter, she set the remote on top of her large stereo system and manually turned the CD to her daughter’s favorite song. “And don’t even make that kind of face, Nick.”
“But what happened to my Rock-Star?”
“I still love Meatloaf and Journey and 3 Doors Down--”
“But--”
“My tastes have been altered slightly and your damn lucky that I can otherwise your singing style would have been doomed by me a long time ago, Carter.”
Flabbergasted, Nick looked to his goddaughter who gleefully clapped her hands at the introduction of the song, falling onto the couch. Staring in disbelief when she spun in a circle with a squeal of delight, he sighed heavily, “You turned my Rock-Star Baby into a Bumpkin Baby…”
“Damn straight,” Grace laughed, scooping up her daughter when she lifted her arms. Swaying her hips to the beat of the song, she blew a kiss to Nick. “And you can’t fight the country fever, Son.”
“Do you know how damn long it took to break Brian of that southern twang?” Nick whined, reluctantly pulling himself from the couch when Grace beckoned him. Stepping forward, he took the hand she offered and swayed cautiously to the beat.
“You can’t take the country out of the boy no matter how much you try, Baby,” Grace disagreed when Nick brought a hand to her waist to keep her close. Smiling, she rolled her hips as she moved to the floor, though she never expected Isabella to squirm out of her brace. Pausing slightly near the floor, she watched Isabella dance off and Nick reached for her hands to bring her back up. Smiling nervously at their sudden closeness, she realized that her feelings for him had never really faded since she had married Logan. That, deep inside, she had always harbored a secret love for Nick that transpired beyond friendship. But, never anticipating to act upon the emotions, she rested her hands on his shoulders. “Are you going to dance with me?”
“Just trying to see if you have that fire like back in the day,” Nick agreed, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose before pushing her away. Then, grasping her hand, he twirled her back into his arms, surprised at how easily she moved and tucked against him. But, when she rocked her hips against his pelvis to the torrid beats, he wasn’t surprised at the heat she stirred in his loins. “Damn.”
“I know, I got moves,” Grace rivaled with a winsome smile, although she wasn’t naïve. She knew what the wheeze of breath that seemed to collapse Nick’s lungs had been about. She had felt the telltale hardness grow against her backside. So, stepping away from him to alleviate the pressure, she kept their hands linked and kept it light while she sang, “We don’t care about the drinking / Barely listen to the band / Our hands they start to shakin’ when she gets the urge to dance / Driving everybody crazy / You think you fell in love / Boys, you better keep your distance / You can look but you can’t touch / That Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk…”
“You got that right,” Nick breathed, jerking in surprise when he felt a hard fist to his kneecap. Looking down, he noticed Isabella attempting to dance on his feet with a frustrated look that caused her bottom lip to pucker. Crooning at her adorable nature, he ruffled her platinum curls. “Izzy, what’s wrong?”
“Me!” Isabella demanded, looking to her mother with a scowl.
“Woah! Sorry!” Grace whistled, holding her hands up in innocence and stepping away. “Didn’t mean to hustle in on the dance!”
“Damn straight,” Nick chuckled, leaning down to scoop Isabella into his arms. Layering her face with sweet kisses, he grinned in sudden triumph. “Izzy, I say we get her back.”
“Mama?” Isabella questioned.
“Oh yeah…” Nick enthused, smacking a loud kiss to her cheek before setting her on the ground. Signaling for her to wait a moment, he hurried over to Grace with a renewed energy. Scooping her into his arms, he was oblivious to her screech of defiance as he playfully threw her to the ground. Then, covering her small frame with his, he pinned her and waved erratically at the toddler. “Izzy! Attack!”
“Mama!” Isabella squealed, toddling over to fall onto her mother’s chest, attacking her with the loudest and wettest raspberries.
“Isabella Elizabeth! You heathen!” Grace squealed with laughter, arching her back off the ground to raise them all before collapsing in a fit of giggles.
“I got the other side, Izzy!” Nick promised, leaning to the opposite side of Grace’s face to smother her cheek with raspberries.
“Nicky!” Grace groaned in disbelief.
“All is fair in love and war!” Nick quoted, starting to tickle her as she squirmed and squealed while making sure that Isabella was firmly planted on her mother’s chest as a weight. Chuckling at the hysteria of giggles he was creating, he looked off to his side to find Benjamin had appeared at the couch. He was watching in confusion at the laughter, but a small smile played at his lips. Noticing the smile and without thought, Nick hauled him into the pile so he had the chance to participate in the festivities. Reaching for his small body to attack with tickles, all the joy ceased when Benjamin let out a petrified scream.
“Benji!” Grace gasped, immediately reaching out to bring him into a comforting hug. “Honey--”
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Benjamin heaved, throwing his cast into Nick’s jaw to knock him away. Terror seized his still achy body and disgust at the smile that had played overwhelmed him. When Nick released him, the young boy scurried away from the pile and went hurrying up the stairs in sobs.
“What the Hell just happened?” Nick groaned, holding the side of his aching face when Isabella gave chase after her older brother.
“He doesn’t think he’s allowed to be happy because of Logan,” Grace breathed with hurt, scrambling to her feet with every intention of finding Benjamin. But, when she heard the sharp slam of his bedroom door, she realized that he wanted no company. Tears wetted her cheeks when she slumped onto the couch, an overwhelming sadness washing over her without any warning whatsoever. Heaving a tired breath, she broke into a soft sob, wondering where she had gone wrong. “Damnit…”
“Gracie…” Nick trailed in confusion, not knowing what to say exactly or if he ever would.
