“Are you sure you want to go on a walk? I mean, most of your dinner ended up in your lap instead of in your mouth. You must be starving—”
“I’m fine,” Nick insisted once more when he cast a glance over his shoulder, smiling when Roxanne offered what seemed to be a bashful smile. He supposed that he had been quite abrupt when he suggested that they take a walk, but Josephina and Howie had been far too embarrassing for words. Nevertheless, she made sure to take a step toward him when they continued along the shoreline, bumping their bodies so he would step away from their original path. When he stumbled slightly and then started to hop uncomfortably because of the burning sand, he was surprised to hear her laugh. It was not the usual laughs that he received from a woman. One filled with scorn because of his stupidity. Instead, she laughed at the predicament, enjoying his boyish nature. Somewhat relaxed, he offered himself several more chances to steal looks at her, mesmerized. He couldn’t believe that she had actually taken the time to join his friends and himself for dinner.
“—What are you thinking about at this very moment?”
“You,” Nick answered quite honestly before he had a chance to curb his thoughts like he had learned through the years. He knew that he had caught her attention, even if it wasn’t intentional, because she bumped into him when they stopped suddenly. Feeling her hand touch his elbow, he turned to face her. His face was burning with embarrassment, but it wasn’t as if he could change the course of the conversation. He had pried the can of worms open, at least that’s what Brian would have told him in a strained whisper, which would eventually turn into a roar of laughter. Why exactly would one want to open a can of worms, anyway? And how is it that worms became the bait of choice for fish? Worms who lived on the Earth, delicious meals for fish who lived in water? What fuck-head—
“What about me?”
“I just… I can’t believe you came to dinner.”
“Yeah, me either, considering the psychotic call your friend, Josephina, made. I swear to God that she makes an internet stalker look like a giggling school-girl cuddling a giant, floppy-eared bunny in a adorable baby’s outfit. But, she’s quirky. I like that.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t hit star-69.”
“I did!” Roxanne exclaimed with a laugh, playfully bumping into him to steer them off course and in a direction of rocky terrain. “Then I called one of my friends at the police department to do a search on the number! Then a criminal background check!”
“You did not!” Nick exclaimed, his sapphire eyes widening in shock.
“No, but I could have…”
Chuckling, Nick turned to follow the shoreline once more. She had a way about her that put him in the utmost ease. She offered him liberation from the dark slums of his hellish relationship, showing him there indeed was a possibility of hope. And if he had the chance, he could rest his head in her lap, close his eyes, and drift off into a peaceful sleep that had escaped him for so many agonizing months. “Roxanne, can I ask you a question?”
“Do you expect me to be honest?” Roxanne questioned with an air of seriousness when they came upon a large boulder that jutted into the ocean. Sizing up the mass of natural material, she reached for Nick’s hand in hopes that he would balance her when she began to climb. Looking back, she offered a small smile when he brought both his hands about hers, despite the cast, and used his strength to help lift her. When she had sure footing, she pulled him upon the rock and looked for a comfortable place to sit.
“…Isn’t that kind of a stupid question?” Nick questioned with a soft grunt when she pulled on his hand, urging for him to take a seat. Awkwardly maneuvering so he wouldn’t be pitched from the boulder, he managed to sit next to her with only a slight sting flaming against his backside from the plop. Wiping his slightly gritty palm against his jean shorts, he looked to Roxanne as he explained, “I mean, doesn’t everyone want the truth when they ask a question?”
“Not everyone. Some people want the lies. They sometimes hope that the lies will make everything easier, y’know?” Roxanne explained, allowing her legs to hang off the rock as waves crashed upon them, washing the sand from her bare feet. “I used to be like that. I loved to live in this pretty dream where life was so sugar-sweet. Where I could never be hurt and life was, above all else, absolutely perfect. I swear, if I had anymore imagination, I would have been riding a unicorn with nothing but flowers and long curls covering my bare body. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay there…”
“Why not?” Nick murmured softly, surprised that she had yet to release his hand. Instead, she twined their fingers and brought his hand to rest upon her thigh. Her aquamarine eyes were transfixed upon the horizon as if she were searching for something she had long ago lost.
“Because others got hurt when I ran away,” she murmured, though she spoke into the ocean breeze to an unknown source of energy instead of him.
“What do you mean? Like… Is that why you’re part of the abuse team or what-the-fuck-ever?”
“If I’m honest with you, I’d like for you to be honest with me, Nick.”
“Okay…”
Shifting slightly, Roxanne made sure that she faced Nick while covering both of her hands upon his. She always kept her story a secret, especially when she spoke to other victims. Usually they did not want to hear about her miseries, but wanted to be comforted and speak their own story. So when Nick asked for the story, she was leery to present it, but the intensity of his eyes convinced her. He yearned to know more about her in a way that she might never understand. But, more importantly, he needed to hear that he wasn’t alone. So, slowly, she began:
“My father was abusive. He was an angry man with a lot of burdens piled on his shoulders. He worked hard and life was not fair. It’s not an excuse, but it was what I grew up with. When he was upset, he drank. When he drank, he turned into a monster. He was a monster more often than not. My entire childhood was spent walking on eggshells. At least, that’s what it felt like. I had to tiptoe around the house like there were bombs hidden underneath the carpets. One wrong step and the whole house would tremble under his power. When I lived at home, my mother and I took turns with taking the brunt of his anger. He’d switch between us, y’know? Like, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday were Mom’s days for getting beat. Then I took Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Sundays were usually peaceful, because that was the Lord’s day… But when I left for college, Mom was all alone and had nowhere to hide. He lost it during my first semester as a Freshman… I’m not sure what triggered it, but I do remember the phone call from the police… He beat my mother till there was nothing left to beat, then shot her and himself… A murder-suicide they called it. Chalked it up to the infamy of domestic abuse. Actually made the front page of our newspaper, but then disappeared just as quickly. No one likes to talk about what really lurks behind the cherry wood doors of suburbia.”
“Jesus…”
“Yeah…” Roxanne trailed, knowing it was a lot to absorb and not wanting to make Nick uncomfortable when he sought out the proper apologies. “I blamed myself for what happened for a long time… Did some things that I’m not very proud of. And, then, you know how people say that girls will always be attracted to men that emanate their fathers?”
“Yeah, which is creepier than Hell.”
“Even more so because it’s so damn true. Not to give you my whole sob story in vivid detail, but after my parents’ deaths, I did fall in love with an abusive man. He was so charming in the beginning and just little things would send off warning signals in my brain. Like he’d rather stay home instead of go out. He didn’t want me talking to others when we were together. When we were apart he constantly called… I thought it was cute that he was so possessive. That maybe it meant he loved me so much… I was studying nursing at the time. I knew all the warning signs of a dangerous man, but I couldn’t make myself leave. I guess I just wanted to stay in my dream world for a bit longer, because I let him take advantage. He cursed at me, but I wouldn’t leave. He yelled at me, but I wouldn’t leave. He hit me and I still wouldn’t leave. Well, then he pressured me into having sex several times, which is rape, and I was convinced I had gotten pregnant. I had hoped that he’d be excited and that he’d change. The baby would make everything better. Only, he was so jealous that he took a knife and stabbed it into my stomach… That’s the scar you saw at the beach… I blacked out after that. Thank God, y’know? The police said that the walls were just soaked in blood… Woke up a few weeks later in the hospital on a morphine drip.”
“Roxanne…” Nick couldn’t find the words to elaborate the pain that engulfed his heart. He knew that in many ways she had tried to lessen the violence of the story for his sake, so that her original story must have been absolutely brutal. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the suffering and terror that had gripped her throughout her life. His throat closed with an intense emotion that could not be placed. Instead, he held tight to her hands, not wanting to let her part from him.
“I know it sounds horrible, but I’ve grown in so many ways from that day. When I got my strength back up and helped the courts nail his ass to the wall, I went back to school. I got my degrees in nursing and knew that I wanted to help others who were caught in a whirlwind of hate. Helping others gave me a reason to live,” Roxanne explained with an encouraging smile, not wanting to delve into the details of the trial. How the sentence had been far too light considering the severity of her injuries. Though, even if she had been murdered, she was convinced that he would have perhaps gotten a lesser sentence than the one he served now.
“…Were you actually pregnant?” Nick suddenly questioned, unable to erase the question from his mind.
“I don’t really know… I never let the doctors tell me if I was… I couldn’t bear the pain… Though, I know in my heart I was…”
“Oh…” Nick whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Don’t look at me like I’m some broken doll, Carter. I have baggage. Probably a lot of baggage that doesn’t all match. But I don’t let that stop me from enjoying life. I think that’s what fuels my energy to live life. To enjoy all those special times, because I know how easily they can be lost.”
“You’re a hell’uva lot stronger than I could ever be… Roxanne—”
“Roxie. Promise me that you’ll call me Roxie.”
Nick nodded in agreement, bringing her hands up to his lips to press the softest of kisses to her knuckles. “You’re a fucking brave chick. That’s for damn sure. Not even Tomb Raider could kick your ass!”
“Thanks,” Roxanne laughed, brushing her fingers down his stubble-ridden cheeks, knowing he was trying to lighten the subject matter. Of course, he did that because he knew what she would ask next. “Nick… As strong as you think I am, it took a shitload of years to get there. I almost died trying to get there…”
“But it’s the end that counts, right?” Nick interrupted, looking up from their twined hands.
“It’s knowing when to walk away so you don’t get hurt too terribly,” Roxanne murmured softly, brushing her thumb delicately over the back of his hand, wanting to ease his pain. “She’s gradually escalating, isn’t she? The first time she hit you, she apologized quickly and promised it would never happen again. I bet she bought you a really expensive gift and loved on you endlessly when you said it was okay… You thought it was just PMS… But, now, her blow-ups happen more frequently, right? She doesn’t apologize. She’s more violent. She uses more than just her fists. She probably threatens to kill herself when you try to leave and—”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like, Nick? Tell me.”
“I-I can’t,” Nick sputtered, the color draining from his face when she asked for the story. He had never been able to tell his story before. His heart screamed for the truth to prevail, but it never surfaced. Instead, he continued to walk through life with the pain engulfing his world. He wanted to speak to his friends, whom he considered extensions of his family, and tell them how painful his relationship was. How deadly it could be. But every time he looked to them, he knew the reality of making them confront the truth. “You just won’t understand.”
“Try me. Tell me about what happened when you came into the Emergency Room. Can you tell me about that? Just that?”
“I… You…” Nick allowed his voice to fall silent when Roxanne shifted his hand so the palm faced to the sun. Her fingers traced lightly over the natural lines of the palm, following the soft trails before creating her own patterns. The light brush of her fingertips soothed him. And when he looked to her and fell into the depth of her beautiful aquamarine eyes, his heart begged for him to do right by himself. For once. “We had late night radio interview. The host kept stalling us with more questions and the fans were so excited. So, we had to stay. God, it was so late when I got home, so I just figured that I’d call her in the morning. She had this thing about me calling to say I loved her, no matter where I was going. But it was so late. I knew she was sleeping, so I would just call her in the morning. What would be the harm? …She was already sleeping by someone else anyway… Never had a chance to call her that morning, though. I woke up with her standing over me. I sat up and her fist shot out. She’s like this explosion of energy. I couldn’t fight her off. I was told never to hit a woman. Then she started ripping off my clothes…”
“It’s not your fault, Nick,” Roxanne whispered, watching him choke on a hard sob. She reached out to brush away his tears, but he pulled back and stiffened his posture. “Oh, Nick…”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Nick assured softly, blinking furiously. “She’s on an island a million miles away for a few months. She’s doing the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. She knows the photographer and he promised her the biggest spread… Of course, that just means that she’s sleeping with him during the breaks… She’s had a lot of lovers since she’s been with me… But, that time apart will make her want to leave, y’know? She’ll just forget about me.”
“She’s not going to forget about you, Nick. She has power over you and she likes that. She won’t give it up without a fight. She won’t give you up without a war.”
“Then you’ll just have to fight for me, right?” Nick attempted, quirking his dark blonde brows in a charismatic manner, hoping to tease her into a smile.
“You may be adorable, but not adorable enough to lose a limb over,” Roxanne snorted, leaning toward him to press a soft kiss against the side of his face.
“But I could manage to be your crutch, even with a broken arm!” Nick defended with a small pout, wishing above all else that his flirting had been somewhat alluring. It had been so long since he had willingly offered himself to a woman. He just hoped that Melanie would disappear. When she was in the beautiful islands, she would be so caught up within herself that he would be free. He knew it. “I’d even accessorize myself to coordinate your outfits! I’ll call every night!”
“Nick,” Roxanne laughed, leaning to rest her head on his shoulder to watch the fading sunset. “I wear pink every Friday, so you’ll have to go shopping. And you’re just damn lucky I can carry a six shooter in my pocket for special occasions and special people.”
“I’m special people then?”
“A very special people.”
Finding a true smile grace his handsome face, Nick brought his arm about her shoulders to pull her close. The sun was starting to dip lower as the tide found its way to the shore. The beat of his heart seemed to guide the waves rolling inward, giving him peace. He would find strength in Roxanne and ask for help. He would end it with Melanie while she was in the islands. He would be free. Finally.
