“My Aunt Anne says pass the salt please… do dah do dah.”
“Okay guys we are getting nowhere fast.”
“We know this already Brian.”
“Are you sure we all know this Howie?”
“And my pet pig, she has fleas… oh dee do dah day.”
“Okay you’re right. Maybe no one has told Nick yet.”
“To do that we’d have to bring him out of his pig flea world.”
“This is true AJ.”
“Oh my poor poor pig…she really likes to dig…”
“So, this is weird we all had to be together to do this. Usually we do it on our own.”
“I know Bri, but I think it’s because one of us usually falls behind and forgets.”
“Oh sure Howie, look at me. I’m not the only one who forgets about this stuff you know.”
“Wow, he stopped singing about pigs…it’s a fucking miracle and a half.”
“Don’t get too excited AJ, I’m just taking a break.”
“Oh joy.”
“So, what are we doing?”
“We are supposed to be writing our thank yous AJ, weren’t you listening?”
“Nope.”
“He was too busy being enchanted by my pig song to listen Brian.”
“My mistake.”
“And what is this, the fucking fifth grade where we have to write our thank yous and check for spelling mistakes while we are here?”
“Nicky, if you didn’t still spell like you were in the fifth grade…”
“Shut up Howie. He’s so mean…did you all hear him being mean to me?”
“I didn’t hear anything, did you Brian?”
“No, can’t say I did AJ.”
“You both suck!”
“Guys! Can we please focus for a few minutes?”
“Wow! Howie has been possessed by Kevin…are those bushy brows he’s growing?”
“Get your hands off my brows kid!”
“Your brows look more taco shaped than Kevin’s.”
“Nicky…you are so annoying sometimes.”
“Sometimes?”
“AJ! That wasn’t nice, now AJ’s not being nice to me. How am I supposed to put up with this kind of treatment?”
“You have managed for fourteen years so far buddy.”
“That’s because I’m a glutton for punishment Brian.”
“Did you know you stick your tongue out when you write, Howie?”
“I do?”
“Yeah D, you do.”
“I never knew that Brian.”
“Well, now I’m learning you something new. Nick what are you doing?”
“I am writing my thank yous Brian.”
“Are you thanking me?”
“Pfft! Hell no.”
“Don’t tell me you are doing a gay ass code thing again Nick.”
“You just hate them because you can’t figure them out AJ.”
“No, I hate them because they’re dumbass.”
“I am probably not going to include one this time around, although I just might and make it random like ‘someday iguanas will rule the world!’ or something. HA! I made Howie laugh!”
“I’m laughing at you not with you.”
“Howie’s being mean again!”
“I hate writing thank yous on the spot like this. I like taking my time and thinking about it.”
“You haven’t thought about it Brian?”
“I have, but even still…you know what I mean. I feel rushed and I’m afraid I’ll forget someone important.”
“As long as you thank me, that’s all that counts.”
“You just said you weren’t thanking me so why should I thank you?”
“Because you are a better man than me?”
“Oh, this is true.”
“Hey! Even Brian’s being mean to me.”
“How am I being mean? You were the one that just called me a better man.”
“But you didn’t have to agree!”
“Oops! I accidentally spelled my name Hoowie!”
“Hoowie!! I like that. You should change your name to Hoowie! He sounds like an owl…oh I have a pet owl named Hoowie do dah do dah…”
“Oh God…here we go again.”
“He really likes to…ah fuck it I can’t rhyme with Hoowie!”
“Nicky, not everything has to rhyme.”
“Should we all just thank Kevin together?”
“What do you mean AJ?”
“You know, instead of all of us thanking him one at a time, maybe we should all say something together.”
“Oh yeah, like thanks for abandoning us dickweed!”
“Yes, I think that’s exactly what AJ means Nick.”
“I thought so Brian. And of course you have to say he’s your cousin. I’d like to thank my cousin Kevin who left us high and dry.”
“Quit it!”
“Sorry, I’m just playing. I think it’s a good idea if we all wanted to do that. I do plan on saying something in my liner notes as well.”
“So you are thanking my cousin but you’re not thanking me?”
“Damn right!”
“That doesn’t seem fair.”
“Let’s prank Kevin right now!”
“Nick, why do you always feel the need to prank Kevin?”
“Because it’s just a thing I do…come on…it’ll be fun!”
“Nick, can you PLEASE concentrate on what you’re doing?”
“Howie…or should I say Hooowie…when did you become so un-fun?”
“I am only un-fun when dealing with you noodle head!”
“Noodle head?”
“Nick is a noodle head!”
“AJ is a poodle head!”
“And there he goes… rhyming again.”
“Rhyming is a good thing Brian. It brings da people together!”
“What?”
“Nothing…I think I’m going to make my entire thank you rhyme.”
“In code?”
“No AJ, I’ll leave it codeless so you can understand it.”
“I’m done!”
“You’re done already Howie?”
“Yup…all done.”
“I’m almost done too.”
“What? Brian, I thought you were going to take forever.”
“I’m fast.”
“Don’t tell me you’re almost done too AJ.”
“Almost.”
“Damn it, what’s wrong with you people?”
“Some of us people don’t want to spend all day here Nickolas.”
“You guys are not fun at all! I need fun.”
“Fine, if you finish your liner notes I’ll buy you some Silly Putty!”
“Really? I want the big egg and not the puny ass one Brian. No skimping!”
“I can’t believe that bribery still works on him after all these years.”
“Why does that surprise you AJ?”
“I don’t know why anything surprises me.”
“What rhymes with appreciate?”
“Nick for the love of God…”
“Can I be serious for a minute here?”
“Sure Brian.”
“Thanks Howie…I wanted to say that I’m so proud of this album and I’m so happy we are doing this again.”
“Are you sure? I mean you are kind of selfish for putting your whole solo career ahead of us.”
“Nick, stop talking like your alter ego!”
“Awe, but why AJ? Being a girl is fun.”
“Tell me you’re not talking about your stupid postings on message boards again?”
“Of course they are Brian.”
“And at least I don’t post as an obsessed older fan that’s afraid of Howie!”
“I enjoy being her.”
“You guys are idiots! And who would be afraid of me?”
“You are kind of scary sometimes Howard.”
“Only when I’m about to kill you!”
“Well I’m almost done with my thank you notes now, so no killing necessary.”
“Hallelujah!”
“I can’t believe we have another album under our belt. It seems weird, doesn’t it?”
“A little, and especially without your cousin.”
“We’ve come a long way. Fourteen years, it doesn’t feel like that long.”
“Sometimes it does.”
“I wouldn’t want to be doing this with anyone else.”
“Thanks Nick, I feel the same way.”
“Why are we suddenly so quiet?”
“I think we are reflecting.”
“Yup, thinking back on our journey, what got us here and where we have left to go.”
“Well, I’m still trying to find a word that rhymes with appreciate.”
“How about alleviate?”
“Oh that’s a good one Howie, thanks man.”
“Will that even work with what you’re saying?”
“Hey Brian…pass me that newspaper.”
“Are you actually going to read, AJ?
“No dude, there’s a fly on the wall over there.”
“Oh, so you gonna read to the fly?”
“Ha ha freaking hilarious. Give me the paper dude!”
“Oh guys before I forget I have huge news!”
“What is it Howie?”
“I…”
- Splatt!-
