I Swear It’s Not Me (Kevin)

“Look,” Howie said pointedly across from him. “It’s really a simple thing.”

Everything is always simple when it comes to Howie. He couldn’t recall of anything Howie-related that was ever difficult.

Sometimes, the devil in him would use this very point against him, poking at his sides on nights when he thought nothing would ever just end. Problems just topple one over the other until the voice in him would whisper, go on, kick that damn door, you know you want to. And then there was Howie, going ‘Oh, a last minute interview? Sure, I think we can do that.’ Winks.

“It’s more than just simple though,” AJ added his two cents, knees absently brushing against Howie’s; they were sitting that close.

“Yeah,” Brian added to his left. “It’s about honour. It’s about baking your cake and eating it.”

“Dude, what planet are you on?” Nick asked, to his right.

“Translated to, ‘Rok, in English, please.’” AJ grinned.

“Thank you.” Nick said.

“You’re very much welcome.”

“And I will never eat anything I cook, much alone bake.” Nick added.

He shook his head because this entire conversation was going nowhere and he really could have used this down time to sleep.

“This is pointless. It’s not even important!”

“Sorry Kevin, but I have to disagree,” Nick said as he held his hand up, like a kid asking for permission before speaking, which Nick totally disregarded, so why his hand was even up in the first place was something he really couldn’t be bothered to find out. “This is very important, my honour is at stake here!”

“You have one?” Howie asked, eyebrow raised, and he couldn’t help the snort that came out.

Nick rolled his eyes and ignored the remark. This seemed to be really important to the young man. “Look, if no one steps up and admit, we all know the blame will rest on me by default and I will not have that.”

“But it’s something that you mostly would do, Nick.”

“Brian, I’m very hurt by your utter ignorance.”

“It’s not really ignorance,” AJ defended Brian. “It’s more from observation. You do seem to do it a lot, Nick.”

“See?” Nick sighed, overly dramatic if he could say so himself. “You guys are already doing it and this meeting isn’t even over yet!”

“You guys,” said Howie. “We can all come out of this with no one owing up, but remember, we’re breaking something very important if that happens.”

“Yeah,” said Brian, again. “How can we trust each other if no one owns up?”

“We sure don’t have any problems moving on when the blame’s on me by default.” Nick muttered.

AJ was giggling. “Dude, you’re too easy man.”

“I’m not easy AJ,” Nick retorted. “You’d already be in my pants if I were.”

“Dude, give it time.” AJ grinned. “’Sides, the best things are worth the wait.”

“You’re sick.”

“You’re sicker.”

He wondered again why he was here in the first place and then it hits. Oh, yeah, right.

“Okay guys, listen.” He spoke out, killing whatever banters that was about to get out of hand between the two monkeys affectionately called AJ and Nick. “I’ll take the lead and everyone else just follow through okay?”

“Right, okay.” Howie nodded in agreement. Always the wingman, that one.

“Okay so,” he breathed. “I swear, it’s NOT me.”

Nick put up his hand again. “Not me either.”

“Not me.” Howie joined.

“Definitely not me.” AJ shook in negative.

“This is not the cake that I bake,” Brian said next. “Therefore, I cannot eat it.”

“Uranus,” Nick affirmed; to whom, he wasn’t quite sure. “Definitely from Uranus, this one.”

“Well,” Howie sighed as he got up from their little séance thing. “I have to say I’m very disappointed in this outcome. From today onward, it changes everything.”

“God, D, did you forget to take your happy pills or what?” AJ smirked.

“No truer words have ever been spoken.” Brian said.

“Thanks Rok.” AJ smiled.

“Not you,” Brian pointed out, which totally got a hyena-typed laugh from Nick. “I agree with Howie. This definitely changes everything.”

He couldn’t help rolling his eyes this time around. “Guys, come on. Someone friggin’ let out a ripe one, it was gross, we could’ve died from poisonous gas but we didn’t, and no one owns up, big fuckin’ deal, now can we just call this meeting over so I can go sleep the rest of this weird night off?”

The room was silent for a few seconds before AJ broke it. “Okaaayyy…so we all agree that Nick did it and meeting’s over.”

Everyone left the room happy. Well, everyone but Nick.