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CHAPTER ONE

He was nervous for many reasons when he showed up to work that morning, nervous enough to not notice that socks didn’t match, and he stood in front of the door debating whether or not he would actually go inside. Eight months had passed now, and he would finally have to face them. Sure they’d come to visit him in the hospital. They’d even been pallbearers at his wife’s funeral, a funeral that he hadn’t been able to attend because he’d come so near to death himself that he couldn’t escape his own bed. But from the moment he walked out those hospital doors, he’d vanished.

The phone calls were immediate and unrelenting, but, even when the months began to pass, the guys never lost hope that he’d come home. So one day, when he was ready, he made the call. They’d postponed the tour long enough for him, wondering if he would even return, and the guys deserved better than that. Besides, it was time to show the world that he was exactly what he claimed to be, unbreakable.

“Brian!”

Brian flinched at the sound of his own name and turned to face his life-long friend. There was no backing out now. He thought for sure the others would all be inside learning the choreography for the first number by now, but then, Nick Carter didn’t exactly know the meaning of punctuality. “Hey Nick.”

“They said you were coming but… Damn man! I can’t believe it, it’s great to see you.”

Nick approached Brian with caution and wrapped his arms around him, partially expecting him to evaporate as if he were really a dream. Brian returned the hug a bit relieved to see the smile in Nick’s eyes. He wouldn’t blame the guys for being angry with him, they had every right to be, but Nick smiled at him the same way he had all those years ago when they first met, and Brian was grateful for it.

Nick took another moment to size up the man that had fallen off the face of the planet and again shook his head in true bewilderment. “Brian,” he said with a sigh and finally quit shaking his head. “Are you sure you’re ready for this? I mean you just got back, and you know they’re gonna kick our butts in there today. The first show’s only a month away.”

“Honestly?” Brian asked, trying his best to force a smile. “I don’t know.”

Nick’s bright eyes began to lose their light with the bluntness of Brian’s response, letting the awkwardness of the situation finally sink in. The two men looked at each other, both knowing that things would never again be the same and wondering if they could still make it work or if they were just desperately holding on to a past that had long since expired. “Fair enough.” Nick sighed and then held the door open, gesturing for Brian to walk through.

Nick was getting reamed for being late even before he entered the rehearsal room, but, when Brian followed through the door behind him, time seemed to halt. Everyone stared as if looking at a ghost and then suddenly immersed into one giant group hug of relief. The reunion was a tearful one that quickly turned to a bunch of awkward coughs and manly pats on the back as they each attempted to wipe their eyes without being noticed.

AJ finally decided it was time to break the silence. “Where the hell have you been man? Eight months! You know Nicky and I had a bet going on whether you would really show up today.” AJ turned to the tall blonde with a smirk. “You owe me a hundred bucks, dude.”

Brian smiled, though he felt bad that Nick thought he wouldn’t show. “I did some traveling, took Baylee to Disneyland.”

“I know the traffic from here to Anaheim can be murder sometimes, but eight months? Seriously, what the hell?”

AJ’s mention of the word murder kicked the tension up a notch, and Howie elbowed him sharply in the side. AJ pouted for a moment but then looked to Brian, still wanting an explanation. Brian looked into all three curious pairs of eyes and shrugged. “I’m sorry guys, I just… I couldn’t handle it, you know?”

Each man gave Brian his version of an understanding shrug as Brian rubbed the tension out of his neck. “And the media,” he continued to explain. “I didn’t want Baylee to have to go through that, so we went someplace quiet where I could get my strength back.”

“Looks like it.” Nick chuckled, unable to stop himself from squeezing Brian’s arm. “Have you been working out?”

Brian grinned, showing the guys a hint of the man they loved so dearly. “Nah, I just had a good physical therapist.”

“I hope she was hot.”

The group laughed, and, when the initial greetings were over, Howie pulled Brian aside. He felt it his duty to be the one to say something since he was now in fact the oldest member of the Backstreet Boys, and apparently Nick and AJ couldn’t address the seriousness of the situation. “If you’re not ready…” he began.

“No. I need to do this.” Brian was determined in a way Howie’d never seen, and Howie gave him a proud smile. “Leighanne would have wanted me to keep going.”

At the mention of Brian’s wife, Howie’s smile faded. “I’m really sorry they never caught the guy who…”

Howie didn’t have the heart to finish his sentence, but there was really no need. Brian’s thoughts had already turned to the eyes of the masked man who haunted his dreams on a nightly basis. His fists curled with rage and then quickly relaxed again as he produced a smile. “It’s ok,” he said with a deep sigh. “He may have gotten away with it for now, but there’s no escaping the wrath of God. That man will have his justice one day.”

There was something about the tone in Brian’s voice that nearly sent chills up Howie’s spine. He seemed lifelessly calm about it all, and although Howie couldn’t possibly understand what Brian was going through, he figured no man, no matter how god-fearing, could be so at peace. Howie forced himself to look into Brian’s eyes again and watched a smile spread across his lips. “You’re a good friend Howie, but all you need to worry about is whether or not I still know how to dance.”

Howie watched Brian carefully as he joined the others. There was no question that Brian was hiding troubled feelings, and Howie wished there was something he could do to help.

Rehearsal that day was more of a challenge than anyone had anticipated, but not in the way they’d expected. Less than a year before Brian had been shot in the chest, with the bullet piercing his right lung. It was a miracle the man was alive and walking at all, so everyone just assumed they’d have to take it easy on the guy, but his physical stamina proved to be more potent than that of any of his band mates.

What surprised them all was how off his voice seemed. It was as if he hadn’t sung a note since the accident, and that was not the Brian they knew. Singing was one of the most important things in Brian’s life, and it was second nature to the guy, instinctive. For years, he was always the strongest voice and the first to be warmed up. The man could create vocal symphonies at the drop if a hat, but today he just didn’t have it.

His pitch was constantly wavering, and he often forgot the lyrics. Then, when they added the choreography, everything sort of fell apart. It was all just too much for him because his mind was somewhere else. Everyone could see it, but no one said a word about it. They were just so happy to have him back that they all tiptoed around the subject, hoping it was nothing more than first day jitters.

By the end of the long day, everyone was exhausted. They sat around the room ready to leave but without the energy to make themselves actually do so. Brian was sure that they were all sort of lingering because he was still there. They were worried about him, but he didn’t mind. He’d missed them and wanted the familiarity of their presence.

Conversation eventually died down, and, when everyone gathered their belongings to leave, Brian noticed a newspaper tucked into the pocket of Nick’s duffel. “Since when do you read the newspaper?” he teased.

“Since he showed up,” Nick said pointing to an article on the front page.

Howie groaned at the mere idea of having to sit through yet another discussion on Nick’s latest fascination. “The Avenging Angel?” Brian asked raising a curious brow.

“Haven’t you heard of him?”

Brian shrugged blankly. “You really were out of town, weren’t you?” AJ laughed. “That guy is everywhere right now.”

“Who is he?”

Nick could hardly curb his excitement as he pushed the paper into Brian’s hands. “He goes around beating up bad guys and saving people’s lives and stuff.”

“There’s a word for it,” Howie grumbled. “It’s called a vigilante.”

Brian glanced at Howie, surprised by the negative tone, but Nick rolled his eyes. “I got a better word for it,” he argued, “Batman.”

“Batman?”

“Yeah, the guy’s a friggin’ real life super hero,” AJ joined in, “Check this out.” AJ took the paper from Brian and began quoting the article. “ ‘ “He saved my life,” says mother of two, Joy Shoemaker of Long Beach. “He swooped down from the sky like an angel from the heavens and was gone before I could say thank you.”’”

“He’s dangerous,” Howie said defending his sour expression. “He should let the police do their job.”

“Try telling that to Joy Shoemaker,” Nick said pointing at the paper. “If she’d waited for the cops, she’d be dead.”

Brian didn’t have the heart to hear anymore of this conversation and he stood up. “It’s getting late guys. I need to get back to Baylee. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

Nick, Howie and AJ watched Brian go with sad expressions, and suddenly Nick wasn’t so excited about some caped crusader making headlines. Where had this guy been when Brian had needed him?

Brian drove home with a million thoughts on his mind, but mostly he thought of Leighanne. He let the nanny know he’d made it home safely and wandered into his sleeping son’s room needing the only piece of Leighanne he had left. Baylee looked just like her, and, sometimes, when he smiled, it hurt so bad that it brought tears to Brian’s eyes.

Brian watched the toddler breathe deeply. He rested so peacefully at the moment, and Brian wished he could do the same but knew he couldn’t. He didn’t know how to make sense of his life anymore—Leighanne was the one who had always done that for him. Without her, his heart had a void that he just couldn’t manage to fill. He missed her so much he nearly went mad from heartache. Thank God for Baylee. Brian batted at a tear rolling down his cheek and carefully brushed Baylee’s curls back before placing a kiss on his forehead. “Sleep tight kiddo.”