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Nick couldn’t sleep, so he did what he always did when he was wide awake in the middle of the night.  He went down to the water.  The beach was quiet, the stars shone in the sky, and moonlight filtered over the cluster of rocks he leaned on.  The waves lapped peacefully at the sand, and he could smell the salty water.

Taking a deep breath of the fresh air, he tried to calm his mind, but it was too jumbled from everything he was feeling.  He was getting married in a few days, and he was nervous as a cat.  He loved Cara, but he hadn’t told her that she was right in her accusations.  He had definitely been watching Spencer, and it had nothing to do with annoyance.  Being around Spencer for the past few days had tossed him back into the past and into all those feelings he’d had for her.

Though he’d never been able to say the words aloud, he’d loved Spencer.  He hadn’t realized it until they’d broken up and all the nastiness between them had begun to brew.  It had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done to let her go, and he’d covered up the pain he’d felt by being angry and bitter towards her.  He’d wanted her to hurt the way he was hurting.  Over the years, though the pain had vanished, it had just become easier to be mad at her because he’d been terrified that, being friends with her would have brought all those feelings for her back to the surface.

And now look, he thought.  She was in his house for three days, during which they’d fought only the first day she’d been there, and he was already wanting her again.  It was wrong, and it had to stop.  He only wished he knew how to stop wanting her.

It hadn’t helped when he’d seen her strip for her turn in charades, and, he could admit, every time he’d tried to close his eyes and sleep, the sight of her had flashed behind his closed eyelids.  It felt as though he was emotionally betraying Cara, but, try as he might, he could do nothing about it.

He should’ve been angry that Sydney had invited Spencer to their house the week before his wedding.  He should’ve immediately found Spencer a hotel room far away from him, but he hadn’t.  He should’ve done a lot of things, but he hadn’t.  He was actually starting to like the fact that Spencer was around.  He’d forgotten all her silly little quirks and habits that made him smile.  He liked seeing her eyes change with her emotions behind her glasses.  He chuckled to himself as he remembered the fantasies he’d had when he was younger.  Her glasses had definitely been prominent in them.

“Oh, Jesus.” Nick tapped his fist against his forehead.  “What am I doing? I can’t be doing this.  I seriously cannot think about her that way.  I should be mad at her.  I should.” He squeezed his eyes shut and wished that he could find the anger he always seemed to have specially stored up for Spencer.  There was barely a remnant of it left.

“Nick?”

His head jerked up, and he found Spencer leaning over him with a concerned look on her face.  “Spencer.  Wh-what are you doing out here?” He glanced at his watch.  “It’s almost two in the morning.”

“I know.” She shrugged.  “Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d go for a walk.  What’s your excuse?”

Nick looked away from her and out at the ocean.  “Same.”

“I remember you taking walks out here whenever you couldn’t sleep,” she said without thinking.  Remembering herself, she winced.  “Sorry, didn’t mean to bring up the past.”

He shrugged.  “Whatever.  It’s no big deal.  It’s the past. Right?” He turned his head to look into her eyes.  

Spencer knelt next to him.  “I’m a firm believer in leaving what’s in the past, in the past.”

Nick wanted to believe that as well.  But, he could smell the scent of her skin, and his muscles tensed.  “Sure.  Yeah.”

They sat in silence for long moments, both lost in thoughts of the past.  As much as they wanted to leave things the way they’d been, they both knew that it was impossible to do so.  This was the first time in two decades that they’d spent so much time together, and they were both realizing the same thing.  It was too difficult to forget how and why they’d been together way back when, and, when they cut out the anger and annoyance, they actually liked each other as people.

Nick sighed a little.  Had he wasted all those years he’d been angry at Spencer? After all, she’d been his best friend at one point in his life, and he knew he’d been hers, too.  Maybe, he thought, maybe it was time to talk about it.  But, he had no idea where to start.

Spencer hugged her legs to her chest and wished there was some way she could bridge the awkward gap between herself and Nick.  Tossing and turning in her bed that night, she had finally understood that, if they got rid of all of the stupid anger, she and Nick really didn’t hate each other.  Had they really spent years angry with each other out of stubbornness?

At the same time, they turned to say something to the other.  There was a brief awkward moment before Spencer smiled.  “You go first.”

Nick shrugged.  “Okay.” He was quiet for a moment before cracking a smirk.  “You have some pretty great moves.  I was pretty shocked to see that from you.”

She could feel herself turn red again.  “Trust me, I was shocked, too.  I don’t think I’ve ever done something like that.”

“You’re too shy to do that.  You always were,” he pointed out.  “But it was nice to see you let loose, even though you were embarrassed the whole time.”

“I’m not shy.”

“Yeah, you are.  Like I said, you always have been.” Nick grinned at her pout.  “Oh, come on, Spencer.  You put on that confident outside, but, on the inside, we both know you’re a ball of nerves.  I gotta admit, it was always impressive to see you pull yourself together and do your thing when you were that nervous.”

She was quiet for a few seconds before sighing.  “Well, thanks.  You’d think I would’ve gotten over it by now.  Guess not.”

“Eh, it’s not that big of a deal.” He nudged her shoulder.  “I just have to ask, though.”

“What?”

“Where did you learn those moves? AJ’s tongue was dragging on the ground.” He grinned when she buried her face in her hands.  “I gotta admit, he was justified in it, too.  Like I said, you have some moves.”

Spencer looked at him through her fingers.  “I made them up, couldn’t you tell? I was mortified.  That is by far the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.  When he told me I had to seriously strip, I nearly had a heart attack.”

“We’re not that old yet,” he joked.

“Whatever.  I am never playing charades with you and your friends ever again.” She didn’t say that she doubted she’d ever see them again after this trip.  “I can’t believe I actually took off my clothes.  I must have looked like a hag.”

No, Nick thought.  Her body was pretty much the furthest thing from a hag that he’d seen on a woman of her age.  “I think, if you lose your DA job, you could have a great career as a stripper.  No, seriously,” he said when she snorted.  “Your moves were sexy and hot.  Plus, your body is way better than those completely plastic twenty year olds that shimmy on poles in strip joints.  You’re all real and seriously beautiful.”

When he stopped talking, they both sat, staring at each other in shock.  Had he really said that? she wondered.  Had Nick actually called her sexy? She didn’t know where those words had come from, but she was in serious shock.  He found her attractive…even after all this time and all their history.

Nick, on the other hand, felt his palms go clammy as his skin heated just remembering her body.  Try as he might, he couldn’t bring himself to forget…any of it.

***

July 2007
Tampa, Florida

The kiss went on and on for what seemed like forever, and their bodies fit together perfectly.  When his hands slowly slipped her shirt off, she didn’t protest but pressed her lips to his throat.  His pulse was beating wildly, and he could feel her heartbeat match his.  Her skin was smooth beneath his fingers, and, by the time he’d laid her back onto the bed, it was damp from the heat and the passion shimmering between them.  Every last inch of her was a dream, and he tortured them both by trailing his lips over her skin, his hands stroking her into ecstasy.  

Her eyes were dark with passion when they met the deep blue of his.  Her hands cupped his face as she brought his lips back to hers and pushed them both closer to insanity.  When he slid into her, she moaned and began to move with him.  The sensations inside him grew and expanded until his world was pinpointed on one person—Spencer.  Being with her felt so right, and he couldn’t believe he’d gone twenty-seven years without this.  Without her.  Somewhere deep down inside of him, he knew the truth, knew the full extent of his feelings for her, even if it would take him quite some time to admit it to himself.  

The sounds she made exhilarated him and aroused him beyond what he’d thought he could feel.  Her movements drove him crazy, and he shifted to slide deeper into her.  Without thinking, his hands groped for hers, and their fingers linked together as though they were both holding on for dear life.  He felt her body quake and shudder before it melted beneath him, and he let himself slide off the edge of reason with her.

Long moments passed as they lay wrapped up in each other’s arms.  Her head rested in the curve of his shoulder, while their legs tangled together.  Nick had never felt quite this way before with anyone else, and he liked it.  If he had been able to, he would’ve spent the rest of his life in that spot with her.

“I’m glad we waited,” he murmured, his hand lazily stroking her bare back.  “You were incredible, and I’m really glad we waited.”

Spencer propped herself up on her elbows and kissed him.  “Me, too.  Didn’t I say you should trust me?”

“I did, and I do.” He cupped a hand behind her neck and pulled her in for another kiss.  “Mmm.  This is good.”

“It is,” she whispered against his mouth, and, when he rolled her over onto her back, his lips trailing down her neck, she let herself drown in the feelings only he had ever been able to pull from her.

***

Neither of them said a word as they were both lost in their own thoughts.  Nick tried desperately to rid himself of the memories of making love with Spencer.  It was no secret that he enjoyed sex, but he’d never quite experienced it in the same way that he had with Spencer.  But, if he kept thinking that way, he knew it would get him into nothing but trouble.  Those memories belonged in the ancient past, and he knew it would take immense efforts on his part to make sure they stayed there.

Spencer didn’t look at him, afraid that she would throw herself into his arms if she did.  Over the years, the need she had for him had dulled, but, suddenly, it had flared again.  She wasn’t sure if it was just her proximity to him or whether it was the way he’d talked about her, but she certainly didn’t think she’d survive his rejection.  Not again.  

When thunder rumbled overhead, they both glanced up at the sky, confused.  Sometime during their conversation, neither had noticed the storm clouds rolling in and darkening the sky.  When the first fat drops of rain fell and lightning slashed through the sky, Nick pushed to his feet.

“We’d better get back inside.” He hesitated for a moment before telling himself to be polite.  He held out a hand to Spencer.  “Come on, before we both end up soaked.”

She took his hand and let him help her up.  “Thanks.  I-” Her voice was drowned out by the roar of thunder and the sudden downpour of rain that soaked them instantly.

“Come on.” Nick tugged her along with him, her hand in his.  “Run!”

Spencer dragged her feet through the wet, heavy sand and struggled to keep up with his longer strides.  She could barely see through the torrential downpour and swiped wet hair out of her eyes.  Without warning, she tripped over something and lost her balance.  When she fell onto her back on the sand, she took Nick down with her.

The fall had jarred him for a moment or two, but he realized he was crushing Spencer beneath him.  Lifting his head, he looked down at her face.  Whatever he’d been about to say was lost when their eyes locked, and a shaky breath trembled out from her slightly parted lips.  Her hair was plastered to her face, and her wide, wary eyes were dark.

Not thinking at all, he did what felt absolutely right at that moment.  He lowered his head and met her lips with his own.  When her arms slowly, tentatively wrapped around him, he forgot everything but them.