“Rehab”
Chapter Sixteen: Life, Love, Hope
“Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love
Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
Through us he's given life to one
But isn’t she lovely made from love”
-Stevie Wonder, “Isn’t She Lovely”
It is amazing how damn quick a girl can forget excruciating pain when she sees a screaming, crying baby in her arms. My baby. Nick, Nick just, I couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t stop staring. The awe in his eyes, which was just something else. I’d never seen anything like it, and I’d known him, wow, eleven years now. He was nine, I was eight. Now he’s twenty-seven, and I’m turning twenty-six in about two months. In those years, I’d never seen him how he was at that very moment. I didn’t know how to take it. At all.
Luke was sent in as they cleaned her up, and I was “ready for visitors”. I wasn’t, but eh. I just wanted my baby back in my arms. I had this crazy fear of losing her after all I did to bring her into the world. This went beyond normal labor in my eyes. It’d been a crazy journey so far. I drove all the way to Florida from California, six months pregnant. By doing so, I pissed off my California doctor a ton, and that I decided to stay. I came so she’d know her father, despite all my issues with him. I even decided moving in may be a good idea so she’d know him, rather than me moving in some condo. (Okay that’s also because I didn’t know if I wanted to stay here, but that’s not the point.) All of it though, was for a daughter I hadn’t laid eyes on till now. She was perfect, beautiful, and mine. Tuffs of blond hair, and Nick’s eyes rather than mine. I hardly noticed Luke to be honest. I was tired, just amazed at my newborn daughter.
And say what you want about me and the Asshole now, but our little girl was made in a moment where we truly loved each other, a moment where we made something so damn precious. Right then, nothing else mattered.
A nurse came in, bringing me back to some sense of damn reality. She had a clipboard in her hand and I’m betting she’s doing her birth certificate. “What’s the child’s name?”
I expected Asshole to answer, to be honest. We decided on the name together, so it wouldn’t have bugged me. But all he did was turn his head and look towards me. Wanting my approval? Haven’t seen that shit in almost a year.
“Kaydee?” And using the old nickname only allowed to him no less. Okay, what the hell?
“Haven. Spelt like the actual word. Haven Jean Carter. And Jean as in blue jeans. You should know the last name.” I said with a slight smirk at Nick as I told the nurse. I used to love teasing Nick about his popstar fame. Almost felt good to do it again. Almost. I saw him grin a bit at me. Déjà-vu. Felt like I was eighteen again for a moment. Mocking Nick during the height of Millennium insanity. Good times. Before he was asshole. But now, there’s Haven.
“Haven?” Oh right, I never actually told Luke the name I picked. He should like it. “Are you sure Kay?” Or…not. “It’s a little odd.”
Oh. I really don’t want to hear this. Or deal with it. I looked over at Nick. Oh, wow, he’s ticked. Bastard just about killed my hand just now too. Fuck them both, Luke for challenging the name, Nick for strangling my innocent hand.
“What’s wrong with it?” Asshole stepped in.
“Oh shut up Carter, you’re lucky you’ll even be listed on the birth certificate as the father. Not like you earned it.”
Not. In. The. Mood.
“Both of you are acting moronic; just shut the hell up!” I smiled at the nurse. “Yes, the name is Haven Jean Carter. Nickolas Gene Carter is the father.” She left; don’t blame her for escaping so fast. I’ll have to sign the stuff later anyway. And I wouldn’t want to be here either in this mess if I were her. But I’m me, and I knew how to deal with it, and I was peeved.
“You two, stop the crap. Luke, deal with Nick being here, he’s the father of Haven, and he’s been there so far for her. Nick, deal with Luke, he’s been there for me. So shut it before I kick both of you out. Oh, Luke, call my mom for me, she needs to know, because I was too busy thrusting a child out of my loins to call her. Oh, and Mel.” I looked over at Nick, who amazingly enough was trying not to laugh. Asshole. “I assume you called Kev.”
“Texted, but he knows.” He replied. Luke left the room again, only this time to make calls.
“Good, strange way for him to know, but good.”
“How, just how are you with him Kaydee?” He suddenly demanded. That seriously came out of nowhere.
Not. Now. Come on, one day of no bull. Is that too much to ask? Oh, right, it is, because it’s still Valentine’s Day. “Oh same way I was with you Nick, he’s not a selfish asshole like you became. Might be too hard for you to picture.”
“Ouch, hit it where it hurts right Kay? So now instead of being with…” He actually made the quote gestures with his hands. “’The Asshole’ as you love to call me, it’s now with a guy with a creeper thing for preggo chicks.”
“Oh come on, you kidding me?”
“You’re telling me you don’t find it crazy shit that he decided to get with a woman seven months pregnant. Not to mention your job, which didn’t make you famous, but you’re recognizable. You’re telling me you never considered this shit?”
Damn him. He had a point. Luke said he didn’t know who I was. But he loves sports; he does watch them quite often. So, that could’ve been a lie. And to date me, when I’m big preggers… why the hell didn’t I think of any of this. Nick had a damn point. Ugh. “No, you’re wrong.” Not that I’d actually admit it or anything.
Soon my baby was brought back to me, wrapped in soft blankets, perfect for me to hold again in my arms. Nick hadn’t held her yet, he was almost afraid to. Not sure why. So instead of taking her from the nurse, I nod towards Nick. She offers our daughter to him. He’s Asshole, but he’s her father. “You should hold her.”
“I…”
“Nicky, just say hello to your daughter and hold her, let her know you.” The look on his face, I’m finding to be damn funny. I knew calling him that would work.
Finally he took her in his arms. Now I can talk a lot of shit about Nick while being honest with every word. But the look amazement on his face, of awe, was just indescribable. Anyone who looked at him right then could see the love for our baby girl. Our Haven.
“Hi Haven, I’m your…your…”
“Daddy.” I supplied for him, and then yawned. Good god I’m tired. He glanced over. “Get some sleep.”
“I’m fine.”
“Kayden…”
“I am.”
“You want to-“
“I’m good, amused at watching you with her.”
“Why?”
“Because of how grown up you seem for once Mr. Celebrity.”
“Kay, remember you mentioned us trying to be friends again…”
I raised a brow. Where was he going with this? “Yes…though I believe my words were about being civil and how we were friends once."
He sighed. "You're never gonna let me live this down, but I know I fucked up big. I'm the reason everything went to hell. I believed a psychotic bitch that made you look tame, over you. And now we have a baby. We should actually try being friends. Crazy shit is I can still predict your shit pretty damn well."
I stared at him. "Are you nuts?"
Nick shrugged. "Watching you have a kid got me thinking, and holding her, knowing she's mine, she's ours...made all the other crap seem petty. Even if Luke is a creepy bad choice of an idiot for you to date."
He just had to add that on. Of course Luke walked in at that moment. I swear I have the worst luck ever.
“Your mom said she’s taking the first flight out here…before asking who I was.” Shit. I didn’t explain everything to her did I? Well that makes things worse.
“Sorry, mom and I…“
“Their relationship has always been weird. But not as weird as dudes trying to leech off of pregnant chicks.”
That damn boy-bander was gonna fry!
“What the hell are you trying to say, you fucking pansy?! At least I didn’t ditch her while she was pregnant to hook up with some whore using me for her career.” Ouch, that was only a place I should be allowed to go.
Before Nick could even say anything more, I decided for them both. “Luke, maybe it’s better if you go. I’m tired, I need some rest.” I glanced at Nick. “Asshole will be leaving soon too, but he is Haven’s father, he deserves some extra bonding time.” I avoided the subject of my mother, better to deal with that later.
I only called Nick by that to him, basically to keep him calm. I could see he was completely annoyed, irritation blazing through those pretty changing green to blue eyes of his that I loved staring into. They were greener then, darkening at the thought of leaving us. He was jealous! Why? God Nick and I could hardly stay in a room for an hour without fighting these days. Then again, everything’s been strange lately. Oh whatever. I’m sore, tired, and I want to hold my baby!
His lips met mine, and I let myself be taken away in a short but sweet kiss. It’s nice to be loved. Loved. Oh no. I did not just say the L-word. Well I did, but not about what I feel. It’s not love, just attraction to a cute guy I’m somewhat dating. Shit. He loves me. Luke loved me. Shit. No, I’m wrong. Just paranoid cause of what Nick was badgering me about. That’s it. Or the pain. Yeah the pain. Oh forget it. Luke gave me one of those pretty grins that fit him best, and he turned and left. Of course he made sure to give Nick a pretty harsh glare too before he was gone. I heard Nick sigh with relief, happy to have him gone, I knew. Then, he gently passed over our daughter to me. I held her close, as she naturally fit into my arms, made to hold her so close one day.
“It’s weird.”
I stared at him. “What is?” I’d answer him, but I’m not the one who said it.
“You, I never thought you’d have kids.”
“I know.”
“But you look so right for it, there with her. It’s just weird.”
“You’re acting weird right now.”
“Am I Kay?”
I placed my lips softly to my daughter’s forehead, and I saw her tiny pink lips form a tired small ‘O’ before blinking her eyes shut. I’d sleep this out too, if I was her. “Yes, you really are.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you almost seem…” I didn’t want to finish. I knew where the conversation would lead. I knew where it would end. I’d be mad. He’d be furious, and I’m sure we’d wake our newborn from a gentle sleep she deserved. “Never mind.”
“No, what?”
“No, nothing. Never mind. Forget it. I said nothing.”
He rolled his eyes, great I ticked off another one. At least this one was only Asshole. “Why the hell do you always fucking do this?” It’s a damn good thing at this early age; it’s the tone, not the words. Or I’d kill him. Haven won’t have our trucker mouths.
“Do what?!”
“You start to act normal, like you, like freaking Kaydee, and then you shut it off. You turn back into the cold bitch you became after…”
“After you cheated on me, betrayed me, and called me a lying whore the first time I told you I was pregnant.” I finished for him. Maybe Luke should have stayed. Wait, what does he mean I was ‘acting like me’?
“Just rub it on in. It ain‘t gonna change a damn thing. And you don‘t think you‘re not using your creeper boyfriend? You are, because you‘re still a cold bitch, wanting to keep everyone out. Congrats Kayden, you‘ve become your mother.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “And you think we can be friends again.” God I hate him! “You can’t even stand me anymore.”
He stared me dead on then; his set of blues was icy and stubborn as they met mine. “That just shows how you don’t know me at all anymore.” Then he left, that easily. Well, more like stormed out, beyond fed up with me, with the crap that comes with being us these days.
And you know what sucked?
To see him so mad, so frustrated with me.
It actually hurt this time to see that.
********
I miss the days where Kayden Jamison made sense to me. I miss the days where she was random, and crazy, but not so cold. There was a freaking time where she worked her ass not to be because of how her mother was so shut off from everyone, including her. Never on purpose, Mrs. Jamison was always pretty cool overall, better than my mother by a long damn shot. She could never say ‘love’ to people, but other than that, Kayden was pretty open. Now she’s basically turned into her mother and doesn’t get that. I fucking hate it.
I fucking hate that I caused it too. Who else did? So I take my crap out on her, because it’s easy. Because I can. Because I hate putting the blame back where it belongs.
I hate being insightful. Ignorance is fucking bliss man.
Plus, now we have a daughter. That’s even crazier. Nothing I could’ve predicted. Hella weird, to have become a daddy, and to know that same dirty tomboy next door was now the mother to my child. And Haven, she’s…god she’s so beautiful. This small, tiny person, a combo-deal of both of us, the best of us, perfect and just so damn beautiful. I can’t believe I helped make something so perfect. My life is just a line up of screw ups and here’s something I finally did right.
I think Kay thought I left. Didn’t. I’m out here in the damn hallway, cause I hated how every damn time we talk it ends up in another damn fight. We didn’t always act like this. I’d ask what went wrong but that’ll make me look like a dumb ass cause it’s obvious. And that Luke, I’m not jealous. I’m NOT. He’s using her, or perverted or something. That shit they got going ain’t healthy. I knew it.
Friends. She said she wanted that again. Hell I want that again. And even if we didn’t, we’d need it for Haven. She deserves better.
So how do we get there? I’m not that smart, or good in relationship bullshit. But it’s up to me. Kayden’s tried so far, she did come back. Hell, I didn’t try shit. Till I discovered the crap about Lisette, the conniving lying manipulative slut who WILL get hers.
I sighed. I knew who I needed to call. I pulled out my cell phone, and pushed in the number. This was beyond me, and I knew it.
“Hey…yeah it’s me, look I need some advice.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
So basically this came to me kind of randomly LOL. Because I've been uninspired when it comes to romance lately. Anywho, enjoy, and feedback is love! :)
