1 Month Ago
Brian's View
I closed the car door and hurried to the front door. I could see my breath billow out in front of my face. I hated the cold so I tried my hardest to spend as little time as possible in it. I fiddled with my keys to find the right one, not taking the time to notice that the living room light was on. Opening the door, I immediately realized that not all was normal.
I closed the door and walked towards the light coming from the living room. I wasn’t sure what I was going to find. I expected Angela to be asleep. It was two in the morning and she rarely ever stayed up late anymore, especially to this hour. I didn’t even have time to take off my jacket. I stopped abruptly when I saw Angela sitting across the room on one of the sofas, facing the window. She was in her pajama pants and tank top, with a light sweater. She didn’t turn to look at me until a few moments later when I spoke up, “Angie, baby, what are you doing up? You okay?”
I tentatively moved towards her. She looked over at me and a clear emotion that I had all but been familiar with lately greeted me. It was more intense though. It was actually a bit unsettling.
“Where have you been?” she stated.
“Out with the guys to get a drink,” I replied. “You knew this.”
“2 in the morning Brian? 2 in the fucking morning? You didn’t tell me that! I’ve been up worrying about you.”
I didn’t really know how to respond. I started to move back to the entry way, beginning to take off my coat to hang.
“I’m here Angela, I’m fine,” I replied. I could hear her get up from the couch and follow me.
“But I’m not Brian. You can’t just go out with your buddies and not tell me what’s going on. You could have been in a car accident or something.”
I rolled my eyes at her, which probably wasn’t the best idea, “I haven’t been out in months Angela. Cut me some slack. I needed to get out okay? Sorry if I didn’t inform you of my every move.”
“I need to get out too! Just because you feel that our lives are shit and that you feel the need to exclude me from things you’re doing, doesn’t make it anymore right. You could have at least called.”
“You’re upset over nothing. I went out, gave you some time alone, and now I’m home. No harm, no foul. And I’m not excluding you, that’s just ridiculous.”
She crossed her arms across her chest and glared at me, “So now I’m being ridiculous?”
I groaned, “Will you stop twisting my words!? Not everything is about you Angela!”
She looked at me a little shocked, “Is that what you think I’m doing? You think that just because you weren’t here to shower me with attention, I got all bent out of shape? Oh, you must be right. It is all about me. Me, me, me, me, ME!”
As she yelled the last part she started walking away and I followed her angrily.
“Don’t walk away from this Angela. You started this bullshit, so now we have to finish it.”
She turned on me, “It’s not bullshit Brian! This is our life and you’re brushing it off like it’s not a big deal.”
“Where are you getting this? You’re pulling this crap out of your ass and you know it. Stop trying to move away from what’s really bothering you.”
“And what’s bothering me Brian? The fact that you can’t give me the consideration and respect of just letting me know what’s going on with you so I don’t have to worry?”
“No, the fact that you blame me for not being there when it happened.”
Her eyes narrowed, “Screw you.”
I let out a harsh laugh, throwing my hands up in the air, “Oh, please do! Cause lord knows I haven’t gotten any in fucking months!”
She rolled her eyes and began walking away from me, “You’re pathetic and immature.”
I followed her into the kitchen, “I’m pathetic and immature? And what are you? A saint? You’re my wife Angela! My wife! Act like it!”
“What, serve your every wish? Be your sex slave? Let you do whatever the fuck you want?”
“Act like a descent human being for one,” I laughed harshly. “You know, I don’t even know who you are anymore. You’re not who you used to be.”
“And you are? Don’t be a hypocrite Brian. You stopped caring a long time ago.”
“So did you. You can’t push this all on me. I at least tried.”
“Not hard enough! You abandoned me!” When she screamed those last words at me, it felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I wasn’t expecting her to say anything close to that.
I lowered my voice, “Abandoned you? Is that what you think I did?”
I could see the tears start to well up in her eyes, “You abandoned me! You left me to fend for myself when I needed you.”
“I didn’t abandon you Angela. I never left. It was YOU who left.”
“What are you talking about?” Tears were beginning to fall down her cheeks.
“I was there for you in the beginning. I did everything in my power to make you happy. Everything! But it wasn’t enough. You stopped caring. You stopped trying. You stopped needing me.”
“I didn’t! How can you not understand that this is hard for me!?”
“She was my fucking daughter too Angela!” I screamed, leaning in towards her, pointing at myself.
She flinched, taken aback at what I just said. I lowered my voice again, “Isabelle was my daughter too. Everything that you have felt and feel, I still feel. You’re so fucking blind to not even consider me in all of this. Were you ever there for me? Do you even care how drained I am from all this?”
She didn’t say anything for a minute. She was searching to find the words to say and when she said them, my heart broke, “It’s different with me Brian. You didn’t carry her around for 7 months to have her torn away from you! I can’t believe you’re trying to turn this all around on you. You weren’t there.”
My anger then reached a breaking point. All reason and comprehension disappeared from my already foggy mind. How dare she pour salt into an already open wound, “No, Angela, I wasn’t! And thanks for rubbing it in my face once again. You’ve made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t fucking there! But what does it matter, according to you, I’m still not here!”
“You aren’t,” she cried.
“Well, neither are you,” I growled.
“Then why are you still here?” she was becoming incomprehensible through her tears. The anger that was building inside through this entire ordeal finally escaped, “Yeah, why the fuck am I still here? You don’t want me. I don’t even know if I want you.”
I was done. I couldn’t handle this anymore. I turned and walked back to the living room towards the stairwell. She tried following after me and I could hear her stumble, “Fine then! Leave! That’s what you seem to be best at! Just run away from your problems! Just run away from me!”
I ignored her and continued to our room. She didn’t follow. I threw my clothes and belongings into a couple of duffle bags quickly and rushed down the stairs. As I opened the front door, I glanced to my right to see Angela crouched against the wall, her head in her arms crying. The light from the living room made the diamonds from her wedding ring sparkle.
It took all my strength to tear my eyes away and to leave the house. But I did, slamming the door behind me.
