Brian’s View
I reluctantly put the key in my hotel door, afterwards slowly opening the door to the dark quiet room within. There was no home feel here. It seemed desolate, or rather a black void where if you stayed too long you’d be lost forever in a world of sorrow and loneliness.
I entered the room, simultaneously closing the door and switching on the light at the same time. The room illuminated and it only seemed to depress me more. I went and sat on the edge of the bed, not really knowing what to do with myself. I could call the guys, but what good would that do? They’d say some stupid remarks and then attempt to get me laid, which in their eyes, was the best remedy for any man, married or not.
I sighed and looked around the room, zeroing in on my black duffel bag in the corner. I got off the bed and walked across the room, hoping that there would be some form of entertainment to get my mind off things. I grabbed the bag and went back to the bed, immediately unzipping it. DVDs spilled out of the flap and I quickly glanced over them, nothing catching my eye. I had a portable DVD player inside as well, along with a PSP and some games. I may be thirty, but I still liked games, and I still liked playing with new technology.
I grabbed a couple of games, looked them over, sighed, and tossed them across the bed. I groaned. There was nothing. I sat in silence, staring around the room for a moment or so, and then randomly looked back at the DVDs and games strewn over the bed. One particular DVD caught my eye then, but it was one that I should have steered clear from. How did it get in this bag anyway? I didn’t pick it out, but I guess I didn’t really pick any of these out. I was in such a rush to get out of the house, due to anger and exasperation, that I just swiped my hand across the shelf and whatever fell into my bag was what I was taking. I didn’t stop to take a second look.
I reached over and picked the DVD up, staring at the cover intently. All that was written was Wedding in big bold black letters. My buddy Nick was lazy and not one for sentimentality, so he didn’t tend to elaborate on anything, let alone my own wedding. Out of stupidity, I hooked the DVD player up to the hotel TV, and slipped in the DVD. I’m not quite sure what drove me to want to watch this, but part of me thought that I just needed to see the two of us happy and carefree. Maybe then I would feel some sort of hope rise up within me.
I pressed the play button and the shaky home video came to life. There were people everywhere, dressed according to the occasion. The wedding hadn’t even started yet. I could be seen standing at the altar with Father Mooney and my buddies AJ, Kevin, and Howie standing behind me. People were quickly taking their seats. I picked up the remote and began fast forwarding. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t boring to watch, but I needed to get to a point where I could see people laughing and having a good time. A place where not all the focus was completely on us.
The reception came into view and I pressed play again, sliding to the floor to get more comfortable. Nick glided across the dance floor, approaching couples and children, speaking to anyone he could. I laughed, because I couldn’t help it. Half the people at the reception were drunk and half were crazy, so it was amazing to say the least. It was a great night.
After another ten minutes of this, people settled at their tables and Nick focused the camera on the table that seated Angela and I, the groomsmen, and bridesmaids. He focused in on the two of us, me in my traditional black tux, and Angela a vision of beauty. She was absolutely gorgeous that day, so much so, that I can still close my eyes and picture her just as she was. Normally with time, images and memories tend to fade or become fuzzy, but her, she’s clear. I couldn’t stop staring at my bride for one, but she also had an aura about her that was striking and memorable.
The clinking of a glass could be heard off to the side. I had my arm draped behind Angela’s back, my elbow resting on the back of her chair. She leaned into me slightly, our faces practically touching. I can still remember the way she smelled too. I had told her on our honeymoon that it was the greatest thing I had ever smelled, and so she started wearing it more often. That’s part of what is so great about her. She would do anything to keep you happy in any way shape or form.
I could be seen whispering in her ear and she had smiled shyly, giggled even, like she was a girl still in high school. I smiled then, watching that scene. I remember that I had whispered something about her Uncle Ken across the room, who was becoming belligerent. The man was single and having a mid-life crisis and he was using the ceremony as a means of a quick dating service. We still joke about it to this day.
The clinking of the glass continued and after I softly kissed Angela’s cheek, we focused to the right where AJ was standing, banging his glass of champagne with a fork. The camera panned out a bit to get AJ in view.
“Ladies and Gentleman, girls and boys,” he called out, setting the fork down. The room fell quiet and everyone stared up at him, waiting.
“So, I guess it’s time for the best man to make his speech,” he cleared his throat. The camera focused in on AJ, “So if you all don’t know, I’m AJ. I’ve literally known Brian all of my life, but of course that doesn’t mean we’ve always gotten along. We hated each other once.”
People began to chuckle and he continued, “We did, it was in the 7th grade. You see, Brian’s always been the smart one and he always got better grades than me, but one time, in just one class, I pulled out an A and he only got a B. The kid didn’t talk to me until freshman year of high school. The boy can hold grudges, let me tell you. But I guess it was warranted, I tended to cheat off of him.”
More chuckles, “Anyway, that’s beside the point. The point is, I’ve known him long enough to know him more than anyone, except for you Angela.”
The camera panned out again and both Angela and I were seen smiling at him.
“We’ve been through a lot, him and I. We’ve had our share of girlfriends, jobs, family problems. We roomed together in college and graduated the same year. I guess I would be the wild part of that debacle. I always wanted to party. My theory was the more you drank, the better your grades would be. Of course, there’s really no basis for that ever working, but I tried so hard to prove that it could actually happen.”
More chuckling.
“And then there was Brian. He studied constantly, he was involved in campus activities, and he actually gave a damn about people. That’s the thing about Brian. He gives a damn, and that’s one quality a lot of people don’t have. But that's boring, lets talk about girls…”
AJ grinned and people laughed, even Angela and I.
“Oh, the good times that occurred there. Good times normally just involving me,” AJ laughed at himself. “When I did tear Brian away from his studies, we’d go to a party or go bar hopping like normal guys do. He was social when need be and he always attracted the ladies. I mean look at the guy. I’m saying this in the straightest way possible, but the man is beautiful by all standards.”
Angela and I had both laughed. She looked at me lovingly and kissed my lips. She had said ‘That you are’ to me after that statement, and it had actually made me slightly blush.
“Any guy would love to be in that situation and probably would milk it for all it’s worth, but not Brian. He’s always been a classy sort of guy, and old fashioned. He only dated girls that he actually liked or made a connection with. He never slept around, I want you to know that Angela.”
Angela smiled lightly and I could be seen looking at her attentively.
“The only reason why I found my wife Colleen is because I actively put myself out there, trying my hardest to find the perfect person. Brian on the other hand took a different approach. He was patient. We’d be out with the guys and we’d always joke about his situation. We’d give him a hard time, but that’s what we’re supposed to do right? Brian didn’t let it phase him though.”
He took a sip of water and continued, “And then a couple of years after college when we were beginning to settle comfortably into our jobs and our lives, I was getting married, and Brian and a couple of us went out to a bar just for a little sending off party. Remember Bri?”
I could be seen calling out to him, “How could I forget?”
AJ smiled and continued, “That’s when he saw you Angela.” I was seen kissing Angela’s cheek again and she turned her head to look at me, smiling widely. I remember she had squeezed my hand tightly then.
“It was odd really. Here we were, actually getting Brian out and about, just to enjoy ourselves. It was just going to be us men, you know, but right off the bat Brian was acting strangely. Here’s a guy that so famously avoids seeking out women the first chance he gets, and then on the one night he wasn’t supposed to, there he was doing it. It’s not like he meant for it to happen though. We had been there before Angela and her friends had come in. Everything was normal, we were talking, laughing, cracking jokes, and then you walked in Angela and Brian couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. It was something about you that drew him to you, and I’m telling you now, that’s a huge achievement.”
Angela and I were just sitting there smiling at one another, not bothering to look back at AJ.
“It had taken me 20 minutes to get him to go over and talk to you. He would have in any other situation, but Brian being Brian, he didn’t want to ruin my night. If I hadn’t known Brian all my life, I wouldn’t have pushed it as much as I did. It was obvious something was there and I didn’t want to be the man that made him pass something great up. So off he went, turning on his Brian charm I can only imagine. And you know what happened?”
A couple of people from the reception yelled out ‘What?’
He laughed, “She rejected him.”
People laughed and AJ continued laughing, “Flat out rejected him. When he came back to the table, the man looked heart broken. He had a smile on his face as if to just shrug it off like it was no thing, but you could tell by the look in his eye that he was clearly put out by this girl. I sat there wondering how this cute little blonde girl could do this to my buddy. I’d never seen Brian so intent on just one girl before and it astounded me.”
He paused to take another drink and then let out another laugh, “And then I get a call from the guy about a week later. He’s telling me that he’s nearly 2 hours late to work because he had seen Angela at a coffee shop and walked her to her work. He went miles out of his way for this girl, but that’s beside the point, how did they even run into one another? That’s what amazes me. Some freakish force of nature was at work that was bringing these two together. I don’t know if it was because Angela felt bad for the guy or if she was half delusional, but she agreed to going on a date with him.”
Angela laughed and yelled out to AJ, “I liked him you moron!”
I laughed watching the scene play out on the TV. I felt like I was there, reliving the whole thing all over again.
AJ laughed again, “Whatever you say Angie. But after that, they’ve been inseparable. Angela, I’ve never seen anything make Brian happy the way that you do. When he talks to me about you, his eyes light up. The love that he has for you is striking and dare I say poetic even. This man adores you and I know damned well that he’d do just about anything for you. You’re his world. And Brian, you couldn’t have picked a better woman to spend the rest of your life with. There’s a light about Angela that brings a smile to anyone that meets her. She’s beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and you’re one lucky guy for snagging her like you did. You’ve always been one of order and organization, but Angela helped break you out of that. You were already a good man, but she’s made you great. The love that you two have for one another is inspiring and I only wish that everyone could experience such a love as yours.”
He raised his glass then, but then quickly lowered it, “One more thing. The genes you two possess are phenomenal and it would be a crime against humanity to not procreate, so for the good of the world and the universe even, and just so I can call myself an uncle, please have as many babies as possible.”
Everyone laughed loudly then and AJ could only smile. He raised his glass and everyone followed suit, “To Brian and Angela, may your lives be filled with good fortune and happiness.”
“Hear, hear!” people called out. Angela and I raised our glasses to AJ and then lightly clinked our glasses together. We took a sip from our glasses and then broke out into laughter when I told her that we’d better get started making AJ an uncle. She continued giggling and I leaned forward and kissed her softly, over and over again.
I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I watched. AJ had come up behind me and clapped me on the back. I stood up and gave him the hardest hug I could, telling him a heartfelt thank you. He bent down for Angela to kiss his cheek and for her to give him thanks as well.
I started to fast forward the DVD again and stopped when I saw myself guiding Angela onto an empty dance floor. Our song began to play overhead, Bryan Adams ‘When You Love Someone’. Her dress flowed about her and her curled hair cascaded down her back. I pulled her to me close, lightly kissing her forehead. I remember the soft feel of the lace on her dress on my fingertips and her warm breath on my neck as we spun slowly across the dance floor.
The smile that I had before during the speech slowly began to dissolve. The scene on the television started to make my heart ache. I felt like an outsider and barely believed that it was me on that television, that it was me holding Angela the way that I was, that it was me looking into her eyes so transfixed as if we were the only two people in that room. I remember it had felt like we were the only two people. I was so wrapped up in her and though the song only lasted a couple of minutes, it felt so much longer than that.
She had closed her eyes when I leaned in and kissed her forehead once again and that look of bliss on her face all but broke my heart. I had forgotten that she could look that way. It had been so long since I had made her happy enough to look so peaceful.
Without opening her eyes, she leaned her head on my chest. I lowered my head a bit so that the side of my chin rested against the side of her temple. I closed my eyes and took in the moment, feeling her under my fingertips, feeling her chest rise and fall with the music.
I couldn’t take watching it any longer so I quickly grabbed the remote and paused it. I was an idiot to put this on. I had thought that maybe some sort of hope could come from this, but all it did was discourage me incredibly. We had been so happy, which I knew, but seeing the two of us like we were was something different entirely. I can barely remember the last time we were like that. We have gone so long putting distance between us that it may be too late to fix. We have spent so long in silence, ignoring the situation presented to us, becoming numb to one another’s feelings, that there may be no hope whatsoever.
But, I wasn’t ready to accept that.
When you love someone, you’ll sacrifice, you’d give it everything you’ve got, and you won’t think twice. You’d risk it all, no matter what may come, when you love someone.
