“Come on Nick. It’s like this: and a one, and a two, and a three and a half and then you start singing.”
Toby was watching Nick and Kevin argue about the rhythm of “My Beautiful Woman”, one of the songs he liked most on the Backstreet’s new album. Although, if he had to admit truthfully, he knew he was even more sold to the more ‘romantic’ songs. This was a result of him being together with Zoë, a girl so different than he was but at the same time she reminded him of his sister.
Ah, Claire. Where was she now? And what was she doing? If he could’ve said anything, he would’ve told her to join them on tour. He knew Claire was fighting his supervision on her, the fact he was anywhere and everywhere worried about her, sometimes so badly it made him even sick… But for the first time in his life, things got a bit easier for him. Zoë and he often talked about Claire after everyone went to bed, and Zoë had told him he did a wonderful job raising his sister to the person she was today. But that it was completely necessary for him to let her go. When Zoë pointed out that someday Claire would find a decent guy who wants to marry her, Toby freaked out and told Zoë he just wasn’t ready for the whole boyfriend thing yet.
“Hello? Woohoo, Tobs dude. You gotta talk to us if you keep zoning out like that.”
Kevin chuckled on Brian’s comment and fell down on the chair where his cousin was sitting. Although Nick acted perfectly fine, Kevin sensed a tension between him and Toby. And he was extremely curious to find out why exactly these best friends weren’t hanging out as much as they used too. Like right now for example. Toby was talking to Howie and Brian and Nick sat down on the floor next to AJ, whispering to each other while Nick kept rambling his drumsticks on the floor.
“So, everyone. The tour is going wonderful, but like we all know already, it’s nearly time to shoot another video.”
Kevin’s speech was treated with a lot of sighs (mostly by Howie).
“I know we’re all tired, but look at the brightside. We almost have a week off for vacation, and I really want to shoot this new video before we all go home.”
The boys considered his words and knew he was, like always, right. If they did the shoot before their holiday, it meant they had nothing to worry about. And they all had their specific reasons to not worry about anything. Kevin and Kristin really wanted a baby, Bri and his family would go to an exclusive resort to have some privacy and rest. Howie would spend that week looking out for a new house and AJ would help him out with that. And Nick, Nick just wanted to leave everyone behind, fly out to Florida and shut him and Claire in his house for a week. He wanted nothing more than to see her again, taste her kiss again, feeling that incredibly smooth skin against his own. He felt awful every single night after they had called each other. It hurt somewhere down inside of him when he wished her goodnight and told her he loved her. It was a good thing though that AJ knew about his situation. Whenever he felt the urgent need to talk about his mixed emotions towards Claire and especially towards Toby and the rest of the group, he went to AJ’s room, taking some Mountain Dew with him. Nick could listen to AJ for hours. Even though AJ was only two years older, it seemed like he was so many steps ahead of Nick in life and love.
“Okay then. Now that we agree on making the video before our holiday, can we talk now about the concept, which song, etc? And without anyone zoning out this time.”
Kevin looked at Nick and AJ and they both nodded their heads.
“I would go for “Crawling Back To You”. Howie stated. Everyone knew he loved that song.
“No way man. We should go for something more up tempo. I know we released Just Want You To Know and that’s up tempo too, but I’ve been surfing the net and on certain fan websites we scored pretty good points.”
Nick started laughing and shook his head. “AJ, are you serious? I mean, you actually read the stuff our fans write down on message boards and special BSB chat rooms? Dude, that’s mental.”
AJ snorted and shook his head. “Anyhow, no matter what blondie here thinks, I reckon it’s a good thing to choose another “fast” song, something like My Beautiful Woman…”
Kevin nodded his head and stared at Brian.
“I would’ve said Climbing The Walls or Safest Place To Hide. You see, we’re famous for our love songs. And although I know we’re trying to shake this whole boy band thing off, I still believe we can capture more hearts with a love song.”
“Okay. Nick, what about you?”
Nick smiled when he was asked that question. He had been thinking about the video shoot a lot lately, and had a little plan on his mind that involved Claire.
“I don’t care about what song we use but I do have already a concept we can use for either a slow or an up tempo one.”
Kevin smiled and motioned for Nick to continue his story.
“Okay, we have never ever used our families before. I mean, I guess it must be cool to shoot a video with someone of your family, or your loved ones. To the fans, it’s like we open up our treasure chest and show them how we are around people we love. Let’s not take a random model, we did that way too much already.”
Nick glanced around the lounge where all the boys were seated. He could practically feel AJ’s eyes burned on his back when he told everyone about his little concept. He knew Toby would ask Claire to be in the video, and that would be a perfect opportunity for Nick to show Claire how he really felt. Not to mention the fact that it would be extremely hot to know she would be standing next to him sometimes on the shoot, without anyone knowing what really was going on.
Hearing the discussion going on, he shut himself off and thought about the one girl that made his heart go faster.
*********************************************************
Claire finished her last chapter of her biology book and closed it. She stared at the pictures Nick had sent her in one of his e-mails. They all seemed to have so much fun. There was the one picture, taken of all of them, smiling at the camera, like they were not busy touring, but on a freakin’ awesome holiday somewhere. It made her feel like she had been cut out on all of these things. When she was honest with herself, she knew it wasn’t fair to think that way but she couldn’t help but wonder if she had made a mistake.
She loved Nick, with all of her heart. But not seeing him like she could’ve with a normal boyfriend was a hard fact to deal with. The countless nights of little sleep when she and Nick couldn’t hang up, knowing that their conversations through the phone or by email was all they got. And yes, they promised each other things wouldn’t get that bad if everyone found out, but she knew her brother would do something to Nick. Not to mention the fact that Toby would be devastated, finding out about all the lies.
Is Nick really worth it to lose my brother?
No, ofcourse not. The real question is: why should they hide out if there was nothing wrong with dating each other? How could it feel so right and so wrong at the same time?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her cellphone. She picked it up and saw it was a number she didn’t know. Hesitantly, she answered the call.
“Hello?”
“Hi Claire. Kevin here. Hope you remember me?”
Aha. Why was he calling anyway?
“Sure I do. How are you? And how is it on tour?”
“Good, good. Things are good. I think the boys are all worn out by all the stress but they’ll live.” She heard him chuckle and thought of Nick.
“Right. Well, I do hope so too. I do want to see my friends again, and not when they’re all lying down in bed.”
Kevin bursted out in laughing and I heard someone screaming something on the background in response.
“I can assure you they won’t. By the way, I didn’t know you were friends with some of us?”
Damnit. He had me there. I decided to twist the story a little bit. It would make things much easier.
“Well, Nick and I actually get along pretty well. I can honestly say that I feel very comfortable around him.”
“Really? Then I must’ve missed something back in Montana…”
I smiled and nodded my head. Yep, he sure had missed a lot.
“Yeah. We had fun together. I can really laugh with him.”
“Well, I’m certainly happy you guys get along so well. But that’s not why I’m calling, and I don’t want to take away so much time from you.”
“No it’s fine really. My classes are over and all I did was study for finals. So tell me, how can I help you?”
“As you know, for some of our songs we shoot a video. Last night, we had an informal meeting to discuss which song we want to bring out next and which concept we would use this time. After a long hour of ideas and discussions, we all agreed on doing something special this time.”
“Great. You’re making me curious Kevin. Go on..”
“The idea is to invite the family and/or loved ones from each of us onto the set, so we can make a video with all of you in it. It would be some sort of inside look on the Backstreet life for the fans and on the other hand it would be a wonderful for me and the rest of the boys, to see our family at a time we miss them mostly.”
“And now …?”
“And now I’m asking you if you’d like to be in the video.”
“Oh god, what a question. I’d love that!”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously! This means I can see my brother again, and my best friend.” And even find some time to spend with my lover…
“Wonderful news! The only catchy part is that you should fly out to Hawaii and that you have to be there within two days.”
“No problem. If you could only let me know what hotel we’re staying at and stuff like that. You can email it to me, Nick has my email address.”
Oops. That got out of my mouth way to quick.
“He does? No problem, you have the schedule within an hour. And Claire, thanks again. I know it’s short notice but we’re happy you can be there.”
“Your welcome Kevin. Please give my love to everyone there and if you can, give my big brother a big hug.”
“I’ll do that. See you soon Claire.”
“Yep, see you soon.”
They hung up and Claire fell down on her bed.
Unbelievable. Within two days I’ll be seeing Nick again. Which meant we would most likely spend the night together. Which meant I’m already getting nervous. Oh god, where does this will lead us to?
****************************************************************************************
Nick had heard Kevin talking to someone and had seen him throwing a weird look in Nick’s direction.
Now what did I do this time? I have been always on time for meetings and appearances, so it’s not that. I didn’t pick on Howie this much, unless he’s thinking about that one perfect prank I pulled on Howie when he was in the bathroom and…
“Nick? Can I have a word?” Kevin stood next to him and appeared to be very serious.
“Uhm, sure. No problem.”
He followed Kevin to a spot away from the group and sighed, running his hands through his hair.
“Kev? What’s going on? You’re kind of creeping me out here…”
“I just talked to Toby’s sister Claire. To ask her if she wants to be part of the video shoot. She told you had her email address, and I need that to send her the schedule.”
“Yeah, I have it. I’ll grab a piece of paper to write it down for you.”
“Nick…. I’m sorry to ask you this, and if it feels like I’m interfering just know that I’m not. But Claire told me you two are getting along pretty well. Now, we all know how Toby feels about his sister. I just can’t help but wonder if there’s more going on then either you or her are saying?”
Nick sighed and felt horrible for lying to his ‘big brother’.
“What makes you think I’m involved with Claire?”
“The fact that you and Toby aren’t hanging out together as much as you used too…”
“True. But Kevin, you surely know how draining it is to perform every night, and not just that. Touring, driving around, meeting fans, going to radio shows, and that’s not all of it. I’m tired and I’m in search for who I am and what I really want to do with my life. So there’s nothing going on between me and Claire. I’m happy though she’ll be in Hawaii too. It’s true we get along very well, I can be myself around her without having the fear she will see only Nick Carter, famous pop star. Having a friend like that is like heaven.”
Kevin smiled and nodded his head. “All right. Just in case Nick, if you had told me you were involved with Claire, I’d have your back. I can see you’re changed, but it’s not easy for everyone to see what I’m seeing, got it?”
Kevin patted me on my back and I wanted to scream out every single frustration I felt.
Was there anything other than lying I did the past few weeks? Now Kevin had said he would support me if people found out I was seeing Claire, but all I did was giving up another lie. I was betraying each and every one of them, apart from AJ, and I knew it would only get uglier. The vibrating feeling of my cell phone woke me up from daydreaming and I answered the call.
“You never told me about the video shoot plans. I’m going nuts right now, knowing I’m going to be with you again sooner than I thought.” Claire’s sweet and innocent voice put a smile on my face and I instantly forgot my worries.
“I just knew about it yesterday. And I figured it would be even a bigger surprise to you if you hadn’t heard the idea from me.”
“Aww, baby. Okay good, I suppose you’ve been to Hawaii already right?”
I chuckled softly, knowing she was ecstatic that she would be somewhere where I’d be too.
“True. And I have this feeling you’re gonna ask me what it’s like…? Am I good or am I good?”
Claire laughed and I found a place to sit. Watching the crew setting up lights and the band’s instruments, I listened to my girlfriend. It was a true relief to be able to talk to her when I was in this world of mine.
“Yep. I was wondering what kind of clothing I should pack?”
“Honey, I bet you look good in everything.” Or nothing if I have anything to say in it…
“Nick. Come on, don’t fool around now.”
“Sorry. Uhm, I guess you can pack summerclothing to Hawaii. It’s pretty warm there so… But take a jeans and a sweater with you too. You never know when it gets cold or something like that. That’ll do?”
“Yes. Thanks. By the way, I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something…”
How was that possible? She already knew what I was feeling inside. I couldn’t fool her.
“Yeah, there are a few things on my mind but I’ll be feeling much better when I get to see you again.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. And if I’m so fed up about everything, you can be sure you’re the first I go to if I need to talk.”
“Good. Because I’m here for you.”
“I know that sweetheart. Look, I have to go. We have sound check in a couple of minutes and I want to say goodbye to you before everyone gets here.”
Marcus was looking at me curiously when he heard me saying ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’.
“Okay. I’ll guess I’ll see you soon then.”
“True. Be careful there princess. And I’ll see you soon too.”
We hung up and I found myself on cloud nine for a moment. Hearing her still made me feel so alive. No matter what we had to go through, I know we could go through it together.
“Sweetheart? Honey? Dude, you got a secret relationship going on man. And I bet it’s with Toby’s sister.” Marcus said when Nick had hung up. Totally caught out of the blue, Nick had no idea what to say in response, and that gave Marcus his final answer.
“Whatever it is Nick, I’ll keep quiet about it. But if I were you, I’d tell everyone as soon as possible. Because right now, you and her are playing with fire.”
With that said, Marcus stood up and escorted Nick outside the venue.
“Where were you man? Have you heard the good news?” Toby ran to Nick and almost hugged him.
“Uhm, I don’t know. If it is about Claire, yes, I know she will be in Hawaii too..”
Toby gave him a weird look and sighed.
“Nick. I really believe you’re my best friend, and you and I have shared a lot of deep thoughts together. Right now, it feels like you are shutting me out and I know you desperately want to talk about what’s bothering you.”
“I’m fine.” Nick grinned and tried to walk towards his tour bus to grab his iPod.
“Hold on Nick. Look, I’m trying to help you out here; everyone’s thinking you’re acting all weird.”
Nick turned around and glared at his best friend.
“So what if I am acting weird? Am I not allowed too? Do I have to be Mr Happy 24/7?”
“I didn’t say that…”
“No, you didn’t say that, but I know what you’re thinking anyway. If you’re worried I’m back on cocaine again, well, I’m not. And I’m not excessive drinking either. I just…” Nicks words ran dead when he was that close of confessing everything.
“You just what?” Toby asked softly, placing himself next to Nick on the ground, leaning against the tour bus.
“I just have unusual strong feelings towards this girl I know I can never have.”
“What? That’s crazy. You should go for it. Come on Nick, when did anything ever stopped you from dating a girl? Never!”
“This isn’t any girl…” Nick quietly responded.
“Wait a minute….. no way….. Nickolas Carter is totally head over heels crazy in love!”
“Haha, very funny… Done with making fun of a poor man?”
“Tell me, who is she?”
“Someone who I, for this moment and the near future, want to keep just for me. Besides, neither of us are ready to go public.”
“You can’t tell me anything?”
“Nope. I promised her that.”
“Is she good in bed?”
Nick’s mouth fell open and then bursted out laughing.
“You’re sick, you know that?”
“Come on, if you tell me, I’ll tell you about Zoë.”
“No way man. I don’t need to know anything sexual about Zoë. But to answer your question, I wouldn’t know.”
“You haven’t slept with her yet? Nick, you are a true sex addict!”
“Yeah well, she’s still innocent, if you know what I mean, and I have respect for her. When a woman has slept with someone already it’s different. This is another story. I would feel like a perv if I took her to bed too soon.”
“Wow… That’s something different indeed.”
“Yeah… But enough about me. What’s going on with you lately? All mushy around your girlfriend.”
“I do not get mushy!”
“Yes you do. Come on dude. Whenever Zoë asks you to carry her purse or bag, you instantly do it. Not to mention the fact you stay in your hotel room every single night, when we used to raid the hotel bar late at night.”
“Yeah… I guess you have a point.”
“No worries man. You’re in a relationship now, so it’s understandable that you want to stay with your girl…”
“Thanks. But if there’s anything, just know I’m still there for you. I know you’ve been through a lot.”
Nick patted Toby on the shoulder and told him he would see him back in the venue. He stepped on board of his bus and took his iPod. Searching for the right tune, he got outside again and let the words run through his mind.
After a long day of soundchecks, meeting fans, performing and even a short meeting with the management, Nick could finally crawl onto his bus and into his bed. He was just undoing his boxers when he heard someone knocking on his bus. Sighing and wishing everyone would leave him alone for a moment, he walked to the door and opened it, seeing Brian standing in his pj’s.
“Hi. Where you sleeping already?”
“No. But I was about to do just that. What’s up?”
“Ah nothing. Just thought it has been a couple of days since we had a chance to talk… so…”
“Come on in. Hold on for a second, I’ll go get something comfy to wear since it’s pretty chilly.”
Nick left Brian alone and he searched for a great spot to sit down. He noticed Nick’s laptop and asked if it would hurt if he quickly got online to check his emails. When Nick told him it wasn’t a problem and that he would take a quick shower, Brian took the laptop and logged onto the Internet. Scrolling down his Inbox, he got disturbed by a message that popped up.
He knew it was a private message on Messenger and that he had no business with it. Knowing his uncontrollable curiosity he steered the mouse towards the message. And opened it.
MightyMouse: Glad we’re gonna spend sometime together on Hawaii.
So Nick had a girlfriend no one knew about? Interesting…
MightyMouse: I was just thinking that maybe it’s better if we stopped lying to everyone. I know you hate it, I hate it too, so…
MightyMouse: And I’m curious though….are we gonna sleep together? ‘Cause it’s making me so nervous Nick. I’m nervous of not being good enough for you, I’m nervous that it will hurt…
Brian had no idea who she was but honestly was surprised Nick hadn’t told him he was seeing someone, and that this special person would be in Hawaii too… Wait a minute. If this woman would be in Hawaii on the same days we are, it means she’s related to someone of the group!
He heard Nick coming out of the shower and placed the laptop back where it stood.
“So, what do you wanna talk about?”
“How about you?”
“What do you mean Bri?”
“Well, it has been a while since you had a relationship. I was wondering if there was anyone special in your life?”
Nick started laughing and shook his head.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just that Kevin and Toby have asked me the same question today too. And yes, there’s a special someone somewhere but right now, I’m keeping her to myself. I promised her I wouldn’t say her name, nor how we got together. I think she and I are just taking it day by day, see where it leads us.”
“I’m happy for you Nick.” Brian tapped his finger unusually fast on the table and Nick frowned his eyebrows.
“Something else?”
Brian hesitated, Nick could see that.
“Spill it out Bri.”
“I didn’t mean to be so curious but I kinda fell onto a Messenger message…”
Nick’s mouth fell open and he took his laptop. Reading the messages Claire had sent him was enough to know he had to give one hell of an explanation.
“Look Nick. I’ve been so wrong in intruding your personal life.”
“Damn right you are. Brian, I never thought you’d do something like this..”
“I know I know. But honestly Nick, I’m happy I did. It must be someone related to one of us, and my guess is Toby’s sister. Look, it was obvious you guys liked each other a lot back in Montana, and I know what kind of trouble you get when Toby ever finds out. But that doesn’t mean you cannot trust me.”
Nick sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes.
“You’re right. Absolutely right. Claire and I are involved.”
“When did that happen? Back in Montana?”
“Yep. She and I hit off like instantly when I first met her at that party Toby and I went too. At that moment I had no idea Claire was his sister. That night, after we had left, I got hold on her cell phone number and asked if she wanted to meet again. The morning after, we took a walk and I was this close kissing her Bri, but I couldn’t. Knowing she was Toby’s sister and that it would geopardise my friendship with him was too much too handle for me.”
“So what made you change your mind?”
“I saw her again when she and Zoë ended up at our house there.”
“Ah, now I know why you didn’t want to go out with us.”
Nick smiled and rested his chin on his hand.
“Yeah. After Kristin went to bed, Claire and I talked all night through. It was the first time in my life I could open up so fastly to someone I hardly knew. So when I brought her back to the guesthouse, I kissed her. And not long after that, I heard we had to leave. Since then, I haven’t seen her, but we kept in touch through email, Messenger and on the phone.”
Brian shook his head. “And that’s why you came up with the idea of inviting our family to the shoot.”
“Yep. I figured it would be the only thing I could do to see her without anyone questioning me… Brian, if you only felt what I felt the short times Claire and I were together. She’s so wonderful, extremely attractive and she’s smart. I’ve missed her every day since I left for the tour and it has been hell to lie to all of you. But I figured, the less people who knew about us, the less risk that it would be discovered.”
“So why not tell Toby?”
“Are you kidding me? The guy would probably first torture me and then dump my body somewhere at the desert. No Bri, I can’t risk that, and neither does Claire.”
“You cannot live on like that Nick. And neither does Claire.”
“You think I don’t know that? That I haven’t been asking myself the same question every day again: if Claire is really worth all of this? And she is, every single breath I take now is for her.”
“So, now what? Who knows and who doesn’t?”
“AJ knows, you know and marcus just guessed it. Look Brian, I know it’s uncoventional, name it whatever you want to name it, but I love her. In one night she has captured my heart. And I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make sure we stay together. I cannot imagine and I don’t want to think about the day when she won’t be there anymore. I cannot live and I don’t want to live without her love.”
Brian sighed and looked at his best friend. The little boy had changed into a man with responsabilities and had a life in front of him with a magnificent girl. Another message from Claire announced itself with a sound and Nick answered her questions. He seemed so at ease in confessing his feelings for her, and that’s why Brian knew Claire was probably thé one for him. He felt so sorry for the two of them, knoowing they shared a forbidden love. That had to be one of the most cruel things in life. Loving someone you aren’t suppose to love.
“If you want I can leave you...” Brian offered. It had to be quite a day for his friend and he figured he might want some time alone.
“Nah Bri. Stay a bit longer if you can. I feel relieved I could confess it all to you. I’m just gonna give Claire a quick call.”
Brian listened to their conversation and noticed how Nick’s eyes lit up when he listened to that one specific person that really had changed him. He saw him laugh when she had told him something funny and he hung up with an obvious discomfort.
“So, is she excited to come to Hawaii?”
Nick smiled sincerely and nodded his head.
“Yep. She cannot wait until she’s there. You gotta help me out though... during our stay there. I want to spend as much time as I can with Claire. But to do that I need your help, and AJ’s help.”
“You know I don’t like that, but I guess I’ll do anything for love. How can I help?”
Nick sat a bit closer to Brian and developped his entire plan to his best friend, while his thoughts were still with Claire’s confession. The one where she confessed to have fears for being intimate with him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sooooooooooooooooooooo sorry it took so long!! I haven't ha dinspiration for ages and since a day or two, I'm back on track. So forgive me and doo enjoy this one ;o)
