Love me and hide me
Kiss all the hurtin'
Of this world away
Hold me so close
That I feel your heart beat
And don't ever wander away
~Lay Down Beside Me by Alison Krauss
Nick was whistling, humming the music blasting in his ears from his iPod. He opened his hotel door and walked through, bobbing his head. He entered the room and noticed the balcony doors open, the curtains billowing in the breeze. He stopped in his tracks, ignoring the music, glancing at the piano bench that had been haphazardly pushed aside from the piano. He noticed Leslie’s high heels lying disorganized on the floor beneath the keys. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
He walked further into the room and the bed came into view, the sheets slightly abused, scrunched up as if someone had a rough dream, thrashing about on them. Leslie sat at the foot of the bed, a silk robe tightly covering her, her hair wet and falling free. She was staring out the balcony doors in a daze, unblinking, a brush held in her hands.
Nick took his ear buds out, quickly turning his iPod off, glancing at Leslie puzzled.
“You okay baby?” Nick asked tentatively.
Leslie jumped, torn out of her thoughts. Nick jumped too, not expecting her reaction. Leslie let out a laugh, “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Apparently,” Nick smiled, approaching her. He leaned in and gently brushed his lips against hers. He felt her stiffen and he pulled back. He licked his lips, staring down at her, “What’s wrong?”
“What?” she asked quickly.
“Why are you so jumpy?” he laughed lightly, sitting down and rubbing her back. He turned his attention to the piano, “And what happened over there?”
“Over where?”
He pointed, “The piano. Did you get in a fight with the bench?”
Leslie smiled at his teasing manner, relaxing a little bit. He continued, “Cause by the looks of it, you won.”
She rolled her eyes, laughing, “Oh stop it Nicky.”
He smiled at her, “So everything’s okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” she said, kissing him.
She glanced at the bed, noticing the untidiness of it. She secretly kicked herself, wondering why she hadn’t fixed the room to how it was before Nick had left. She had taken such a long shower, unable to get Brian out of her head and she had lost track of time, not thinking of when Nick would be back.
“How was your interview?” she asked.
Nick leaned in and kissed her quickly once more before he got up, tossing his iPod on the bed. “It was fine. Same ol’ stuff. I swear, if I have to answer that damn question about why Kevin’s not in the group one more time, I might just kill someone.”
Leslie watched as Nick peeled off his shirt, tossing it to the side as he bent down to shuffle through his suitcase. She glanced at him, freely taking in his tattooed skin. She couldn't help but smile to herself.
She got up from the bed and approached him, bending down and lightly kissing his shoulder. Her guilt had intensified when Nick had entered the room.
“Just go along with it. Don’t even think twice about it. Just answer the questions with a smile and move on from it,” she soothed.
Nick stood up with his shaving kit, turning to her. He looked down at her, “I know, and I do. It just gets annoying answering the same questions all the time. You’d think they’d research this shit before hand or see it from other interviews.”
“You’d think but people aren’t as smart as you Nicky,” Leslie said.
He laughed, kissing her again, “Damn straight they aren’t.”
Leslie glanced down at his kit and then up at him, raising her hands and rubbing the stubble on his cheeks that were peeking through, “It’s about time mister.”
“For what?” he grinned. “Don’t like kissing a scruffy guy?”
She scrunched her nose, “It hurts!”
He teasingly grabbed her, kissing her dramatically, making sure to rub his skin against hers. She screeched, trying to push him away.
He laughed good heartedly, “I’m sorry baby, couldn’t help it.”
She stuck her tongue out at him and followed him to the bathroom, watching as he set up. He glanced at her through the mirror, “What’s so fascinating about this?”
“Well, nothing. I can’t just stand here and look at my boyfriend? You’ve been gone all day,” she reasoned.
He looked at her oddly, “Honey, you’re acting weird.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!” he teased, rubbing shaving cream on his face.
“I just missed you today, that’s all,” she said. Which was partly true. She missed him, to a degree. The truth was she felt horrible, and her way of trying to make this better within herself was to be attentive to him as a way to try and forget what had happened.
“I missed you too,” he winked. He turned to her and gently slid his hands around her waist, lowering his voice slightly, “Want to take a shower with me?”
She laughed a bit nervously, knowing full well what his intentions were. She pushed him away lightly, “Quite the romantic aren’t you?”
“What?” he asked, smiling.
“Try asking me when you don’t have all that gunk on your face.”
“What, this?” he asked, swiping at his face, getting cream over his fingers.
She nodded, “And if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were blind. I already took a shower you dork.”
Leslie screamed when Nick reached forward, spreading shaving cream over her face. He laughed, backing away as she swatted at him, screaming, “Nick, stop!”
“Oh dear, now you’re all messy again. And oh! Lookie here, I’m about to take a shower, so lets help save the earth and take one together,” he grinned.
She grabbed a towel, wiping the cream away from her face. She slapped him with the towel, laughing, “Nice try but I’ll pass.”
He grabbed his heart, watching as she turned to leave the bathroom, “Ouch, that hurts. I’ll get you later baby, don’t worry.”
“Uh-huh,” she said. She grabbed her make-up bag and travel mirror, sitting on the bed. She started applying her make-up when Nick spoke up, “Oh, baby?”
“Yeah?” she called back.
“Ran into Brian in the hall,” he stated.
Leslie froze, her heart jumping in her throat. She cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks flush, “Oh yeah?”
“I guess he wrote a song today,” he said conversationally.
She tentatively went back to applying her make-up, relieved that Nick showed no suspicions, “That’s great!”
“But anyway, looks like we’re all going out to dinner tonight, is that okay?”
“That’s fine,” she replied, biting her lip. She looked up, glancing across the room at the piano across the way. She closed her eyes, hearing echoes of banging notes, Brian's moans sending shivers over her body. She shook her head, trying, but failing, to focus.
Brian set his guitar to the side, glancing down at his notebook filled with lyrics and notes. He grabbed the pencil hanging out of his mouth and tossed it across the couch, where balled up pieces of paper laid discarded. He smiled, satisfied with how productive he had been. He had written it for Leslie, for when he had left her room, the moment he stepped into his, the lyrics jumped immediately to his head. She had been more of an inspiration than he realized.
He glanced at his cell as it began to vibrate across the table. He reached over, flipping it open and bringing it to his ear, “Hello?”
“Babyduck, it’s me,” an all too familiar voice chimed in.
Brian relaxed at the sound of the voice that had raised him, “Mom, hey, how are you?”
“I’m just fine darling, but how are you? How’s the tour? I haven’t heard from you in weeks. I was getting worried.”
“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’ve just been busy. I’ve been meaning to call you for so long,” he replied.
“I figured, but how are things?” she asked lovingly.
Brian sighed, “As good as they can be.”
“Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating well?”
Brian smiled at her concerned tone, feeling comforted at her soothing voice. She would always be the concerned parent, no matter how old he became, “Yes, mom, sleeping just fine and eating all the right things.”
“Good,” she responded, a hint of relief in her tone. “And the tour?”
“It’s going great mom, really. There’s no need to worry.”
“I know,” she replied. “I can’t help it though. I haven’t seen you in so long.”
“Christmas will be here before you know it.”
“That’s three months away! You can’t get any time off before then?”
Brian laughed, “Mom, it’s not like I can just call in for a few days off. I’m not working at Home Depot or anything.”
She sighed, laughing lightly herself, “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just a bit tense.”
“But why?”
“Well, now that you mention it, I talked to Leighanne,” she stated.
Brian had grabbed a bottle of water and had taken a swig, but slightly choked, coughing uncontrollably. This had been her real motive for calling him and she had waited for the right moment to slip it in.
“Brian, are you alright?”
Brian let out a few more coughs, responding, “I’m fine. What did you guys talk about?”
“Various things,” she paused. There was silence until she began again, slightly more quieter, “Why didn’t you call me?”
Brian groaned, rubbing his forehead roughly, “Because I was afraid to get the tone I’m getting now.”
“What tone?” she asked, confused. “Sweetheart, you can tell me anything. If you and Leighanne are having problems, I’m here to help.”
Brian sighed heavily, “What right has she to call you?”
She sounded shocked at this, “Brian Thomas Littrell! She’s your fiancée! She has every right in the world!”
Brian quickly tried to appease his mother, tightly closing his eyes, “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“What’s gotten into you?” she asked. Brian clenched his jaw, his growing anger shifting towards the surface. He had wanted to tell his mother on his own time. He hadn’t expected Leighanne to run off and gab everything, but he had been foolish to think otherwise.
“What has she told you?” he asked.
“That you guys have stopped planning because you’re feeling overwhelmed,” she replied. “Honey, why would you do that?”
“Mom, it’s complicated,” he grumbled.
“I’m your mother, how complicated can it be for me to not understand you?”
“I just feel so out of control of everything. She was obsessed with the wedding. I felt like I didn’t even matter anymore.”
“Of course she was obsessed, it’s her wedding,” she scolded.
“You don’t understand mom!” he groaned, frustrated.
“Maybe I don’t, but I know that you love her, you have since the day you met her, and you’re pushing her away.”
“I’m not pushing her away,” Brian said.
“She started crying on the phone with me Brian. You’re pushing her away.”
“The wedding is still on mom," he said, trying to get this conversation to stop. He flinched at her unyielding voice.
“That’s beside the point. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but these actions are so unlike you. If you’re having problems, you try and work them out. She’s going to be your wife. You can’t start off on this footing or your marriage is going to struggle.”
“I know,” he sighed.
“Gosh honey, the invitations have already been sent out,” she said quietly.
Brian balled up his fist, pounding his knee, trying not to yell. The high that he had been on after this afternoon was quickly diminishing and a world that he had escaped was drowning him once again. He had been so optimistic, but hearing his mom’s voice and her words only brought back the stress and worry that came with this wedding. His parents were counting on him to do the right thing. They were already so invested in this and his mounting failure at meeting their expectations was crashing around him. They loved Leighanne dearly. And then when you brought her parents into it…
He sighed, his only option was appeasing her, “I know mom. Everything will be fine. I’ll see her in a few weeks time.”
He could hear the relief in her voice, “Call her won’t you? She misses you, almost as much as I do.”
“I will,” he replied quietly.
“Well, I love you.”
“Love you too.”
“Call me soon okay? I don’t want to go another two weeks without hearing from my boy.”
“I will mom, I promise. Say hi to dad for me,” he said.
“Will do sweetheart, love you! Bye,” she said.
Brian said goodbye and tossed his phone to the side, immediately putting his head in his hands. He groaned with the rising stress, frustration, and anger sweeping over him.
His desire to be with Leslie overwhelmed him then. He needed to see her, if only it were to calm him down. She always had a way of comforting him, even if she didn’t know it. Her very presence was therapeutic, but her eyes seemed to be the source of it all.
He leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes, trying to visualize her face. Of all the things in his life that he didn’t know how to handle, she was the one thing he was sure of. He needed her and he wouldn’t stop until he got her.
That Night
Leslie’s hand rested gently in Nick’s, trailing behind him as he led her through the restaurant. They were running nearly a half hour late because Nick was having trouble finding the tie he had bought specifically for his outfit. Leslie scoured their suitcases in her knee length black, flowing cocktail dress, her black heels digging into the carpet as she crawled across the floor with Nick, looking in every nook and cranny. After half an hour, Nick had found it amongst his socks, claiming he had no idea how it had got there.
And now here they were, following the hostess through the restaurant to the back private room where everyone sat and waited. Leslie's heart had sped up in her chest the nearer she got, nervous and excited to see Brian.
Her hair was in curls, pinned up with tendrils hanging loosely in random spots, her dangling earrings catching the light and sparkling.
“We’re here!” Nick exclaimed, entering the dim lit room, addressing the long table.
Voices erupted, filling the room, heckles and jokes floating their way. Nick laughed, yelling back at them all. Leslie only smiled, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone just yet.
Nick led her to two free seats towards the middle of the table, where he waited until she sat before he took a seat himself. She settled herself in, hearing AJ to her left, “Did the taxi driver get lost or what?”
“Nick lost his tie,” she replied.
He rolled his eyes, “Figures. The man needs to put a tracking device on everything that he owns. Here, try this bread, it’s fucking fantastic.”
He tossed a roll on her plate and she laughed, “Can I breathe first?”
“Hell no, who needs to do that?” he grinned. He kissed her cheek and then turned to the other people at the table, joining in on one of the side conversations. She noticed Nick had begun talking to the people on his right. The noise in the room was nearly deafening, but it was welcomed all the same. You could tell that there was love in this room, strong friendships and bonds. She was happy that she was a part of it. She remembered something Brian had told her at the beginning about how they’re all one huge family, and he was right. It was a family.
“Leslie! Hi!”
Leslie turned and looked down the table, seeing Leigh, Howie’s girlfriend, waving at her. Leslie smiled, waving back. She had to raise her voice slightly, “Hey, when did you get in?”
“This afternoon,” she replied.
“I’m glad you’re here!”
“I am too,” she laughed.
Howie nudged her, trying to get her attention. She quickly turned to him, leaning in on the conversation. Leslie glanced at the other end of the table, immediately making eye contact with a pair of piercing baby blue eyes across from her. Brian sat there staring at her, smiling lightly. She smiled, looking away, blushing.
She looked back, seeing him chuckle slightly. He mouthed, “Hi.”
She mouthed back, “Hi.”
Her heart felt like bursting. She could always picture him in her head, but seeing him in person was always ten times more powerful. She could sit by herself and talk herself out of caring for him and moving on from him, but each time she set her eyes on him, she found it harder and harder to do so. He sent her nerves into utter chaos.
“Baby, do you know what you want?” Nick interrupted.
She tore her gaze from Brian, looking over at Nick. He stared at her, a menu open in front of him.
“I haven’t even looked,” she replied sheepishly.
He leaned in and tenderly kissed her cheek, “Steak okay?”
“Get me something with chicken,” she responded, not really hungry and definitely not caring what was ordered for her. She was eager to look back at Brian, to talk with him.
He shrugged, “Whatever you say babe.”
AJ suddenly turned to her, “You haven’t tasted the bread yet.”
She laughed, looking at him oddly, “AJ, it’s bread!”
“It’s fucking amazing bread!” he exclaimed, grabbing it from her plate and stuffing it in her hand, “Don’t make me force feed it to you.”
She rolled her eyes, finally taking a bite. She was surprised at it being sweet. She mumbled, “It’s sweet.”
“Good right?” he grinned. She nodded, unable to talk between her bites. AJ was satisfied, suddenly jumping into a conversation where he had heard his name. Leslie turned back to Brian, still chewing. He was laughing at her and she mouthed, “What?”
He blew his cheeks up with air and crossed his eyes, acting like he was chewing. She giggled, swallowing the last of her bite. She rolled her eyes, blushing, “Stop.”
He stuck his tongue out and turned to address someone that had been calling his name. Leslie grabbed Nick’s hand, and he turned to her, “Is this how it always is?”
“What is what?” he asked, chewing some unknown food.
She motioned toward the table. Realization dawned on him, “Oh yeah. Course Kevin and Kristin aren’t here, but yeah. Big ol’ happy family.”
She nodded, allowing him to kiss her, “Indeed. I like it.”
“Yeah?”
“Mmhmm. It’s loud, but it’s nice,” she smiled.
He smiled back at her, putting his arm around her, “I’m glad.”
Leslie turned her attention back to Brian, unable to keep her eyes from looking at him. He was like a magnet.
He licked his lips and motioned towards the door with his eyes. She furrowed her eyebrow, mouthing, “What?”
He did the same motion with his eyes again and stood up, acting like his cell phone had rang and had to leave to answer it. She watched as he walked along the table, towards the door to the main restaurant. He kept glancing at her, anticipation in his eyes. She licked her lips, looking at everyone around her a bit nervously. She didn’t know it but AJ had seen some of Brian and Leslie’s interaction, and was a bit confused when she excused herself from the table.
“Where you going?” Nick asked, resting his hand on her hip.
“Restroom, I’ll be right back,” she replied. He nodded, returning back to his conversation with some of the band members.
Leslie gulped, pushing her chair in and squeezing behind the numerous chairs to the door. She stepped out into the much quieter restaurant, closing the door behind her, cutting off the loud party within. She glanced across the restaurant, not seeing Brian anywhere.
She sighed, unnerved. She decided to head for the restroom, convinced she would run into him. And run into him she did. He stood in the long hallway that led to the restrooms, his back leaning against the wall. His hands were tucked into his slack pockets, and he stared down at the floor, as if waiting for something. She slowed down her pace, completely taken by how handsome he looked.
He heard her heels clack against the cobbled floor and looked up, immediately smiling. She was gorgeous.
She approached him slowly, “Hi.”
“Hi,” he said back. “You look amazing.”
She looked down at herself, her fingers fiddling with the flowing folds of her dress. She bit her lip, glancing up at him, “Thank you.”
They stared at one another for a moment, the tension between them obviously increasing. Brian pushed off the wall then, taking only a couple quick strides to get to her. He grabbed her hand and swiftly pushed the men’s bathroom door open, pulling her in. He locked the door as she said nervously and quietly, looking at the two stalls, “Brian, there could be someone in here.”
He turned to her, approaching her once more, “There isn’t. I checked before you came.”
By the time those last words had escaped his mouth, he had already pinned her against the wall, his hands slipping around her waist, his lips pressing against hers. Without a second thought she kissed back, her hands lacing around his neck, pulling him downward. A feeling of electricity traveled down both their backs, their skin already on fire. Brian hungrily massaged his lips against hers, loving how she tasted.
After what seemed like hours, he pulled away from her, gently leaning his forehead against hers, “I’m guessing you thought about what I said?”
She nodded, kissing him lightly, “I have.”
“And I can take this as a good sign?” he asked, continually giving her small kisses.
She nuzzled her nose against his, smiling, “I’d say so.”
He kissed her once more before both their heads jerked towards the door as someone banged against it in attempts to opening it.
“Shit,” Brian mumbled. He yelled out, “It’s occupied!”
The person behind the door grumbled, but stopped trying to get in. He glanced back at Leslie, her flushed cheeks making him gush. He raised his hands and cupped her face, gently giving her butterfly kisses across her face. She closed her eyes, loving how his lips felt against her skin.
He eventually stopped and stared down into her blue eyes, taking a deep breath.
“I’m with Leighanne,” he finally stated.
She bit her lip, grabbing his hands and squeezing, “And I’m with Nick.”
By these words, they understood one another. They were in no position to leave the people they were with for many reasons, including the fact that they both cared for their significant others, but they also knew that they couldn’t go on not being with one another.
“When can I see you again?” he asked.
She shook her head, “I don’t know.”
“Tonight?” he kissed her deeply. She kissed back, getting lost in him. He pulled back, noticing her eyes still closed.
She breathed out, “Wow.”
He smiled, stroking her cheek. She opened her eyes, shaking out of her reverie, “Not tonight. Tomorrow.”
“When?” he asked eagerly, once again looking towards the door as someone knocked on it impatiently, yelling on the other side, “Hurry up!”
“Before the show," she said.
“Where?” he pushed.
She leaned up, kissing him, “Your dressing room. Nick doesn’t see me before shows, it’s a superstition thing he has. He’s afraid that seeing me beforehand will make him too nervous to perform right.”
He nodded, kissing her softly between his words, “Tomorrow it is then. Get in one of the stalls and wait til whoever it is out there is done. I’ll knock on the door to let you know the coast is clear.”
She nodded, kissing his several more times before she forced herself to tear away from him. He waited until she closed the stall door before he unlocked the door, swinging it open. A balding, rather large man stood on the other side, looking angry. He spat out in an English accent, “What the fuck were you doing?”
“I like to do my business in private,” Brian mused.
The man rolled his eyes and pushed past him. Brian waited until the man was done, carefully watching the hallway, acting as if he were talking on his cell phone. When the man left, Brian knocked hard on the door and quickly left back for the private room, trying to space out their arrival time.
Leslie hadn’t returned for another couple of minutes, but when she did, his heart swelled in his chest at the sight of her. She glanced at him as she sat down next to Nick, allowing him to kiss her cheek before he went back to talking animatedly to the people around him. They had smiled at one another, guiltily loving their dirty secret.
The rest of the night, they would continually steal glances at one another, but they tried to keep it at a minimum, in case someone would notice. Of course, someone had noticed, but he refused to let it ruin his time.
All Leslie and Brian could do was look forward to the next day when they would once again be in each other’s arms, able to block out the rest of the world. Though they knew they were doing something wrong, they felt the necessity in it and it only exhilarated them more.
For a time, their story had halted. Their will and reason had prevented them from giving into their emotions and moving forward, but after that afternoon, they knew they couldn’t turn back. As they stared at one another from across the table, fighting the butterflies in their stomachs, they knew their story could finally resume.
