Was I too open?
Was I too high? Was I too fast?
Was I too close?
No matter how far, no matter how long
I will be there
~Close by Telepopmusik
Nick quietly and slowly pushed open the hotel door, careful to make as little sound as possible knowing that Leslie would be sound asleep by now. It was 3 in the morning and he had just gotten back from a night out on the town with AJ. Turns out, Argentina had more to offer than he had originally thought. They had quickly lost track of time, going from one club to the next, each experience better than the first. He had a blast, and he had done just what Leslie had asked of him. He had only one drink the entire night.
After he quietly clicked the door shut, he turned and suddenly stopped in his tracks, surprised to see the lights still on in the room. He made his way slowly forward and glanced around, his eyes falling upon Leslie’s turned away figure. She was standing over by the bed, looking out the bay window, her arms crossed over her chest.
“Baby, you okay?” Nick spoke up. Leslie didn’t immediately turn to him and was not at all startled to hear his voice. Instead, she took a few moments to stare down at the quiet city below before turning her head to look at him. Nick’s heart dropped in his chest at the sight of her, her eyes red and puffy, sadness overwhelming her face. His instinct forced him to step forward quickly, “Leslie, what’s wrong?”
She had been calming down up until that point, but Nick’s words had caused her to reverberate back to the few hours previous. She allowed him to wrap his arms around her, and the safeness and love in them lead her to break down again. She uncrossed her own arms from her chest, allowing Nick to pull her closer, and she in turn slid her hands around his waist, clinging to him, her head resting on his shoulder.
Nick was confused to say the least. He hadn’t expected coming home to this, but it was also disheartening because he had never seen Leslie in this state before. For her to cry like this, he knew something horrible had to have happened, but he had no idea what it could be. He hugged her tightly all the same, knowing that’s what he was supposed to do. Knowing that’s what she needed.
Leslie buried her head into Nick’s shoulder, her tears wetting his shirt. She had felt so incredibly alone after Brian had left her and having Nick here was a huge relief. She knew that he was unwavering in his affections, and his comfort is something she needed at that point in time. She needed something, anything, other than the immense amount of heartache she was feeling.
Nick softly whispered, “Sweetie, what’s the matter?”
Leslie pulled back, sniffling, raising her hand to wipe some of the tears away. Nick helped her, bringing his thumb up to gently stroke her cheek.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. He looked at her with mounting concern, his need to know what had caused this rising to a new peak, “Are you okay?”
She shook her head, looking up at him, “I don’t know.”
“Talk to me,” he pleaded. She took a deep breath then and looked up into his worried, loving face. A wave of gratitude washed over her and she found herself leaning up to bring her lips to his. She kissed him softly at first, but then more forcefully. He found himself getting lost in her kisses, but forced himself to pull back slightly, “Leslie…”
“Make love to me,” she interrupted, searching his face. He sighed, his confusion, worry, and concern showing no signs of dissipating. She whispered, “Please.”
He hated not knowing what was wrong, but he couldn’t deny her something she so desperately seemed to need, because she was indeed desperate. He could see it in her eyes. She was trying to find some way to feel something other than her pain, wanting to get lost in Nick, knowing that he loved her and would take care of her.
“Does this relate to what you needed to talk to me about earlier?” he asked. She shook her head; her tears had finally come to a stop. She smiled gently up at him, “No.”
“What did you need to talk about?”
She paused, thinking back to the last couple of hours with Brian and when he had left her alone, broken. After she had settled down, she had began to think of Nick and if it was really worth going through with now. If she couldn’t have Brian, then why would she have to lose Nick too? He loved her, and she still deeply cared for him. She told herself that maybe with her and Brian’s ‘relationship’ over, she could finally grow to love Nick the way he loved her. She was convinced that Brian had been blocking her and Nick’s full potential. Of course, this was her desperate attempt to be optimistic when her world had just been torn apart.
She kissed him lightly then, saying, “It was nothing important.”
He was skeptical at her words, especially because of how upset she was. His weakness shined all too brightly then as she began to kiss him again. He told himself that he should not allow this to happen, knowing that after this moment, he would never be able to get the truth out of her, but he found himself getting pulled into her all the same. Every time she touched him, he lost all control, and this time was no different. He could never refuse her something she wanted, and at that moment, she wanted him to make love to her, so make love to her he did, kissing her tenderly between the sheets, whispering ‘I love you’s in her ear as he moved against her. He made love to her until the sun came up, and by the time they had drifted off to sleep, Nick had decided to let whatever had happened a few hours previous go. His love for Leslie surpassed any curiosity and any desire he had to know the truth.
A Week Later
Leighanne pulled back the curtain of the hotel room and glanced down at the bustling city of Denver, snow flurries interrupting her view. She grumbled slightly and she turned to see Brian pulling in the luggage from the hall. He heard her groan and he stopped, looking at her, “What?”
“It’s so damn cold,” she said. He sighed, closing the door behind him. He pushed the luggage forward and finally gave up, untwisting the scarf from around his neck and shedding the coat from his body, tossing it over the back of the couch. His cheeks were red from the outside cold, but from also having to carry every single bag through the hotel, up the elevator, and through the hall, Leighanne saying the exertion was bad for the baby. AJ, Rachel, Howie, Leigh, Kevin, and Kristin would have helped, but they had all their own luggage to attend to.
“We’re in Colorado, in December, what do you expect?” he asked, trying not to sound annoyed.
“Why couldn’t we have gone to Hawaii, or even Kentucky? It’s not as cold in Kentucky and your mother was wanting to see you,” she replied, taking her own coat off and tossing it to the side.
“We’ve already been over this Leigh. We’re going to Kentucky after New Years, and until then, we’re having a nice little ski holiday.”
“But why Colorado?” she asked, walking around the room slowly, sizing it up. He watched her and had the urge to yell, but instead decided to say nothing. He mumbled that he was going to take a shower, and searched through the suitcases until he found all that he needed. As he closed the bathroom door behind him, he sighed, closing his eyes tightly.
He didn’t know how many times he had that same conversation with Leighanne. He had never seen her so bothered about going to a place before. She normally went with the flow, but the fact that they were in Colorado really bothered her. She tried getting him to change the location, but he had told her he couldn’t, saying the reservations were already made.
Of course, he could have easily dropped the reservations and planned a skiing trip elsewhere, but if he had done that, he knew Leslie wouldn’t be a part of it, because Leslie would be coming to Colorado no matter what. Her and Nick had planned this trip a couple months ago and their plans were set in stone. And though he had not really talked to Leslie this past week, he still felt a mad desire to be near her, so when Kevin had called him about the potential ski trip for their Christmas break from the tour, the first thought that crossed his mind was the Rocky Mountains. He immediately suggested it and Kevin agreed, telling him to ask the rest of the guys if they would be down for it. And so Brian asked and everyone had jumped at the opportunity, thinking it a great idea.
And so here they all were, in Denver until Christmas, and then up to Vail to ski the slopes for a few days before flying out again to meet up with their families.
Brian had remembered Leslie’s shocked face when AJ had mentioned the trip and for a split second, he thought he had made a very huge mistake. It was cruel of him to keep pushing himself at her, not giving her a chance to breathe, to get away, but his own selfishness and unhappiness took over, his desire to see her the one thing that comforted him these days.
He and Leighanne had yet to inform anyone of their pregnancy because Leighanne felt that they should wait until the best time to spring it on everyone. She thought that since Christmas was coming up, it would be a great opportunity to bring it up with everyone together so they could all share in the good news. Brian understood her need to do this, but he dreaded it all the same. It was hard enough to act happy around her, but to have to fake excitement around his loved ones was going to be even harder. But then he knew that wasn’t exactly true. He could fake happiness any day, but knowing that Leslie would be there to hear it from Leighanne’s own lips, with him sitting beside her, to see her reaction, to see her devastation, was going to be absolute torture. He had originally hoped to have their little secret leak out, for Leslie to hear the news through the grapevine, so he wouldn’t have to be there when she found out, but that faint glimpse of hope had flickered away. He had to endure hurting her again, and again, and again. It was his punishment for sinning. It was his punishment for loving her.
Of course, Brian didn’t know Leighanne’s real motives for wanting to tell everyone at Christmas. She thought it would be nice to tell everyone at the same time, but she didn’t feel that strongly about it because quite frankly, she really wasn’t pregnant. If she were actually with child, she would be more inclined to share in her happiness with everyone she knew, but instead what she really wanted was to ruin the holidays for one particular person. Even though her plan had been working, Brian had been faking his happiness with her. She was angry as hell in the first place, but Brian’s lack of enthusiasm and love only infuriated and upset her more. Her desire to hurt Leslie reached a new peak and what better way to hurt her than to ruin her Christmas? Because then her anger would be shown passively, and be seemingly innocent. She wouldn’t be to blame. She had a gigantic urge to see the hurt she felt herself on Leslie’s face.
She knew she was being vindictive, but hell, it’s not her fault Leslie decided to whore herself out to her man. It’s not her fault.
Leighanne watched as Brian closed the bathroom door behind him and sighed, looking around the room, wondering what she should do to pass the time. What the hell was there to do in Denver anyway?
She stepped forward, grabbing her discarded coat and then moving to grab Brian’s, to hang them up out of the way. As she lifted his pea coat off the couch, she heard something clunk to the floor. She stopped, lifting the coats in the air, moving her feet to see what had fallen. She set the coats aside and bent down, seeing a black velvet box peeking out from under the back of the couch. She reached out and felt the soft material slide under her fingers.
She stood up, looking down at the box in puzzlement for a moment. She quickly glanced at the bathroom to make sure Brian wasn’t in sight and then turned back to the box, her curiosity forcing her to flip it open. When it popped open, she immediately smiled down at its contents. The two diamond encrusted dangling earrings sparkled up at her and she had to stifle a small laugh. She felt giddy, immediately thinking that it was one of her Christmas presents from Brian. She thought that he must have put it in his coat in the hopes of hiding it from her. She hated that she had spoiled his surprise, but she loved it all the same, because this brought new hope to her. To her, this signified that he still cared and that he was putting forth effort. To her, this meant that they still had a pretty damn good chance.
And so, she took once last look at the dazzling earrings and snapped the box shut, quickly putting it back in his coat pocket. For the rest of the day, she couldn’t tear away the huge smile that had crept over her face.
Leslie stepped out of the taxi, the cold, harsh Coloradan air hitting her skin immediately. She smiled anyway, pulling her coat tighter around her as she stared up at her childhood home. It had been too long since she had been here and she fought back the urge to sprint up the walk and burst through the doors to see her family.
She heard Nick rustle behind her and she turned to look, seeing him bent over, wallet in hand, cash being passed from him to the driver.
“You gonna help get the bags out man?” Nick asked a little annoyed. Leslie lightly laughed, knowing his irritability was due to the snow and ice surrounding him, but mainly because of the cold. He hated it. Of course, the nervousness of meeting his family was also a large factor.
The taxi driver reluctantly got out of the car and went to the back to help Nick unload the luggage. As this was happening, Leslie heard a loud squeal from up the walkway. She immediately turned towards the familiar sound, seeing her older sister Amy coming barreling towards her. Leslie laughed, stepping forward, her arms opening for her oncoming sister.
Amy collided into her then, and Leslie stumbled back, giggling loudly. Amy wasn’t in a coat, but didn’t seem to care. She clung to Leslie tightly, “I missed you so much baby sister!”
“I missed you too Ames,” Leslie replied. Amy pulled back and Leslie had to take a second to take her all in. It had been a couple years since she had really seen her and she looked older. Since childhood, though she was only a year older, they had looked like twins. Leslie felt like she was always looking in a mirror as she stared at her sister, but now, she saw something different.
“What?” Amy smiled. Leslie narrowed her eyes, “You look different.”
Amy let out a laugh, her breath billowing out in front of her, “It’s because another Ice Age has passed since you’ve been here.”
Leslie rolled her eyes, pulling her in for another hug.
“Come inside, it’s cold!” Leslie and Amy pulled away from each other and Leslie glanced up at the porch, seeing her mother standing with her arms crossed over her chest, a large grin over her face. Leslie’s heart swelled in her chest. She felt herself returning to her childlike mentality, wanting to run and hug her mother and never let go.
Nick grunted from behind them and they both turned, seeing Nick throwing the last of the luggage down. The driver closed the trunk and without another word, got into the car and drove off. Nick cursed under his breath and Leslie walked over, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. She felt him relax slightly.
She thought it sweet of him to want to stay with her at her parent's house. She told him repeatedly that it wasn't needed. He could stay at a hotel if he wanted, but he insisted that he stay with her. How would it look to her parents if they weren't together? That was fine and all, but he had started freaking out a couple days ago. She knew that he was more worried about this than he had been about anything in quite sometime.
“Nick, this is my sister Amy. Amy, this is Nick,” Leslie introduced. Nick immediately stepped forward, wrapping Amy in a hug. Leslie could see Amy’s surprised face from over Nick’s shoulder and laughed. Nick said happily, “It’s nice to meet you Ms. Amy.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you, too, Mr. Nick,” Amy replied with a smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Me too, especially this past week. I can’t get her to shut up,” he said, grinning. Amy laughed and Leslie rolled her eyes, reaching down to grab a few of the bags. Nick and Amy rushed around grabbing the rest of the luggage and they all made their way up the walk. Amy made her way past her mother, rolling the luggage through the large front door. Leslie’s mom stepped forward and where Leslie thought she was extending her arms out to help with the heavy bags, instead they grabbed at Leslie, yanking her into a hug.
“Oh sweetheart, it’s so good to see you,” she said. Leslie gave her an awkward half hug, the heavy bags hanging off her preventing her from giving her mother the hug she deserved.
“It’s good to see you too mom,” Leslie said. Her mom pulled back, pushing hair away from Leslie’s face, tears coming to her eyes. Leslie laughed lightly, though touched, “Mom, don’t cry.”
“Oh, I know, I’m being silly. I’m just happy my baby’s home,” she said softly. Leslie smiled warmly and leaned in, kissing her mother’s cheek, “Let’s get inside yeah?”
She nodded and reached down, taking one of the rolling luggage bags and turning to go into the house. Leslie looked back at Nick and found him smiling at her. Once they piled into the house, Leslie’s mom shut the door and immediately turned to Nick, “Come, let me look at you.”
Nick glanced over at Leslie and Leslie had to stifle a laugh at the comical look on his face. Her mom was nearly a foot shorter than him, but her forwardness and courage surpassed Nick's by a mile. Her mom reached out, grabbing Nick’s hands and raising them, her eyes searching over his body, sizing him up.
“You’re very handsome,” she grinned. Nick blushed slightly, “Thanks Mrs. Baker.”
“Call me Cathy, please,” she said, motioning for him to go in for a hug. He stepped forward, bent down slightly and wrapped his arms around her. She gave him a squeeze, “It’s nice to finally meet the man who’s been an ornament in my daughter’s life for how long now?”
Leslie spoke up, “Almost 7 months.”
Cathy smiled warmly at Nick, repeating quietly, “7 months.”
“It’s nice to meet you too Cathy. It’s a real pleasure,” Nick replied. Leslie took off her coat and scarf, handing them off to Amy before she went to Nick to gather his things.
“Where is she!?” a booming voice then sounded from the next room over. They all turned and saw Leslie’s father bustling through the living room, a grin plastered on his face. Leslie nearly melted at the sight of him. She let out a sigh, “Daddy.”
“Oh pumpkin,” he breathed out, taking Leslie into a tight hug. “Oh sweetheart, it’s so good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too,” Leslie said softly, closing her eyes and letting the smell of Old Spice fill her senses. It had been awhile since she had come across a man that wore this brand of cologne, and smelling it now brought memories rushing back to her. He pulled back, looking her over, “You’re beautiful.”
“Thanks daddy,” Leslie smiled. Cathy spoke up, “She needs to eat.”
“No, she doesn’t. She looks just fine,” Amy interjected. Cathy still persisted, “She needs to eat. You’re getting too skinny. This is what happens when you don’t get a good home cooked meal every night.”
“Well, I’m home now aren’t I?” Leslie asked.
“That you are sweetheart,” her dad said lovingly. He then saw Nick standing over by the door and stepped forward, extending his hand. Nick took it firmly, “Nice to meet you Mr. Baker.”
“John,” corrected Leslie’s dad. Nick smiled, shaking his hand once more, “John.”
“And it’s good to meet you too Nick. It’s Nick isn’t it?”
Nick laughed, “Yeah. Carter.”
“Backside Boys or whatever?”
Leslie laughed, “Dad, you know what his band is called, don’t act like you don’t.”
John smiled sheepishly, “Giving him a hard time love. I’m allowed aren’t I?”
“Go easy on me, please,” Nick said. John laughed heartily, clapping Nick on the back, “We’ll just see about that son.”
Nick grinned over at Leslie when he had called him ‘son’, taking that as a good sign that he was accepted. That was one of Nick’s biggest worries. He knew Leslie’s family meant the world to her, and if he didn’t fit in with them, then he knew that he could never fully fit in her heart. Leslie smiled at him reassuringly and stepped forward, taking his hand. John, Cathy, and Amy started snatching up the luggage and made their ways towards the staircase.
“You need any help?” Nick asked, stepping forward. Leslie grabbed his hand tightly and he stopped.
Cathy brushed off his offer, “Nonsense. Make yourself at home. It’s time to relax.”
They watched as they walked up the stairs and Leslie immediately reached up and planted a kiss on Nick’s cheek. He turned to her, a small smile playing across his lips, “I like them.”
“Yeah?” she asked. He nodded, “I do. No wonder you turned out so great.”
“Kiss ass much?” Leslie teased. He smiled and kissed her softly. He then turned and glanced into the living room to the left and the dining room to the right, “So this is where your beautiful self grew up?”
“Yep. Ran through here in my diapers and all.”
Nick laughed, “I would have loved to see that.”
“Pervert.”
He squeezed her hand and she tugged him towards the living room, “Come on, I’ll give ya a tour.”
And so she showed him around the house, telling cute and funny stories in each room. She showed him the back yard and finally upstairs to her room. He was surprised that her parents had kept it intact and she had shrugged, saying that they thought it wasn’t their place to push her out. It was their way of holding on to her when she was gone and a subtle way of telling her that she could come home at any time, though they knew that was a long shot.
Nick joked about doing naughty and sinful things to her on her bed these next couple nights but he groaned when she had laughed and informed him that they wouldn’t be sleeping together in the same room. He would be sleeping in her room as she and Amy would be sleeping in Amy’s old bedroom.
The rest of the night went off without a hitch. They all sat down for a nice dinner and they all talked and laughed. Nick took to Leslie’s family quickly, just as they did with him. They adored him, just as much as Leslie did, and this comforted her greatly. She sat at the table, watching them interact, watching her dad tell Nick jokes, seeing Nick’s face light up with laughter, and she realized that she would be happy if she spent the rest of her life with Nick. He wasn’t Brian, but he was still a good man, and he fit into her life the way she needed him to.
Leslie kissed Nick goodnight and left him pouting on her bed as she made her way towards Amy’s room. She closed the door behind her and found Amy lying on her stomach, her legs swinging in the air, her fingers flipping through a magazine. Leslie rushed towards the bed and jumped on it, Amy’s body jostling about. Amy laughed, grabbing Leslie's leg and yanked her down. Leslie flipped on her stomach, and snuggled close to her sister, looking down at the magazine she was reading.
“He’s cuter in person,” Amy announced. Leslie laughed, “You didn’t think he would be?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know. I personally always liked the tall, bushy eyebrows one.”
“Kevin?”
“Yeah, Kevin.”
“Sorry, he’s married,” Leslie teased. Amy rolled her eyes, “I know," and then mumbled quietly, "Not like I need a man anyway.”
“Wait, what?” Leslie asked. Amy looked away, trying to hide her smile. Leslie caught it all the same and exclaimed, nudging her shoulder against hers, “I knew it!”
Amy laughed, “Knew what?”
“I thought you looked different. It’s cause you’re so happy,” Leslie said. Amy looked at her oddly, “Happiness changes a person’s features?”
“Of course it does,” Leslie said in shock, thinking everyone knew this, “Gives you a happy glow you know?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” she grinned. Leslie nudged her again, “What’s his name?”
Amy giggled, “Leslie, I feel like I'm in high school again with you.”
“I do too,” Leslie laughed. “But come on, give me details!”
She sighed happily, “Well, his name’s Michael.”
“Oooo, Michael,” Leslie teased. Amy scoffed, “Come on whoreface, be serious!”
“I am serious! Come on, keep going,” she pushed. Amy paused before saying a bit more quietly, “I gotta show you something.”
“What is it?” Leslie asked curiously.
Amy bit her lip before she moved her left hand towards Leslie. Leslie looked down and nearly choked when she saw the sparkling ring on her finger. She screeched, snatching at her hand, “AMY!”
Amy laughed as Leslie goggled at her hand, bringing the ring as close to her face as possible. Her excitement began to dissipate when she realized that she had been out of the loop on this. She knew that her sister wouldn’t jump into getting engaged to someone she had only known for a short while. Amy must have been dating this guy for quite some time, and the fact that she hadn’t told her hurt Leslie immensely, “Why didn’t I know this before?”
Amy replied, “I told mom and dad not to tell you. I wanted to tell you myself. And I haven’t told you about him because you’ve been so busy. I barely get to talk to you as is, so I don’t want to muddle the time I get to talk to you with going on about Michael.”
Leslie looked at her sadly, “Amy, I’m sorry. I’m a horrible sister.”
Amy quickly shook her head, “Leslie, shut up. You’re not a horrible sister. I know you have a lot on your plate, what with the tour and Nick.”
She paused before saying quietly, “And Brian.”
Leslie started at his name and Amy frowned slightly, “You didn’t need me boasting about my life when yours has been less than stellar lately.”
“But Ames, it would have made me feel better, knowing how happy you are. I feel like I’ve missed out on everything. I called you the first time I had a date with Nick, first time I kissed him, slept with him… all that. And I have no idea who this guy is.”
Amy looked at her sadly, “I’m sorry Leslie, I am. I’d change things if I could if I knew it meant that much to you.”
Leslie leaned her head against Amy’s shoulder for a moment before deciding to let it go. She was home, with her family, with her sister there right beside her. She didn’t want to spoil these precious moments, “He hot?”
Amy laughed, both relieved and happy at Leslie’s forwardness and ability to move on from her clear sadness, “Very much so.”
“Is he good to you?” she asked, lifting her head to look at her sister.
“More so than any guy I’ve dated before.”
“Well, that’s saying a lot,” Leslie joked.
“Seriously Les, he’s wonderful, and I love him,” she smiled. Leslie smiled back, “I’m happy for you Ames. I really am. When do I get to meet him?”
“He’s coming for dinner tomorrow,” she announced.
“Good, the sooner the better. I gotta determine if he’s worthy of you.”
Amy laughed, “Baby sister, I love you dearly.”
“I love you, too,” she replied.
“So you’ll be my bridesmaid won’t you?” she asked. Leslie perked up at this, “Hell yes I’ll be your bridesmaid!”
Amy laughed, but then Leslie frowned, “But wait, how am I going to help you with everything when I have the tour?”
Amy brushed it off, “I already talked to Michael about that. We’re waiting until it’s over. We’re hoping for a late summer wedding.”
“Yeah?” Leslie felt relieved. Amy nodded happily. Leslie flung her left arm around her sister, hugging her closely, “This is so exciting!” Leslie then abruptly asked, “So how is he?”
Amy smiled slyly and Leslie laughed, “That good eh?”
Amy nodded and they both burst into giggles. Amy then spoke up, “I don’t know how it compares to Nick or anything.”
Leslie shrugged, “It’s hard to compare men in that regard.”
“No, it’s not,” Amy scoffed. “It’s easy as hell. But then again, it’s always better if you have a lot of emotion invested in it.”
Leslie nodded, deciding not to respond. Amy saw Leslie’s detachedness and sighed slightly, “Sorry.”
“About what?” Leslie asked innocently.
“Made you think of Brian again,” she said. Leslie shook her head, “Did not.”
“Did too. You got that sad, forlorn look on your face. I know that what you two had was explosive. I could hear it in your voice when you’d call me."
"It wasn’t that great," Leslie said, trying to brush off her sister's words.
“Liar,” Amy said quietly. Leslie groaned, “Who cares if it was! Not like sex is the only thing that matters.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t, but you can tell a lot from a man from just sleeping with him. If he’s gentle and loving or wild and all sadist like.”
“Sadist like huh?” Leslie mused.
“You know what I mean Les,” she said. Leslie grew quiet and looked down at Amy’s bed sheet, tracing the flowers with her finger tips. Amy spoke up, “You talk to him?”
Leslie shook her head, “No.”
“He’s here isn’t he? In Denver?”
“They all are.”
“I’m gonna get to meet him?” she asked.
“I suppose you are,” Leslie replied.
Amy frowned, “I can beat him up for you.”
Leslie let out a sad laugh, “He’d probably let you, but no need for that. If Nick ever finds out what’s happened between us, he’ll get enough of a beating to last him a lifetime.”
“You think Nick will find out?”
Leslie shrugged, “I don’t know. Only one that knows is AJ, at least as far as I know, and he’s cool about it. Well, not exactly ‘cool’, but he understands, and he’s given his word that he won’t tell.”
Amy watched Leslie’s face for a few moments before asking, “You want to tell him don’t you?”
Leslie looked over at her sister, “What makes you think that?”
“I know you, that’s why. Leslie, when you told me you had slept with Brian, I was shocked to say the least. I couldn’t be angry with you though because you’re my sister and you’ve always had a level head. I knew that you wouldn’t have done it unless it meant something to you. Brian means something to you, I get that, but Nick means something to you too, and I know it must be eating you up inside that you had an affair behind his back with his best friend. That’s intense stuff and it’s hard to keep that bottled up. It’s only human nature to want to tell him the truth and hope that he’ll forgive you, because then at least you won’t be lying anymore, and you’ll feel free. You can’t really move on with the relationship with what happened with Brian hanging over your head can you?”
Leslie sighed, looking at Amy sadly, “Why couldn’t you come to LA with me? I forgot how much I needed you.”
“That life’s not for me and you know it,” she said.
“I don’t know if it’s for me either,” she said quietly. “But you’re right. I’ve been thinking of telling him. Do you think I should?”
Amy shrugged, “I can’t tell you tell him. If it were me, I probably would, but I don’t know Les. He loves you, I could see that from just seeing you two together for a couple hours, and it would probably hurt him beyond repair. You might lose him.”
Leslie nodded sadly, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Amy nudged her gently, “That means something doesn’t it? That you’re afraid to lose him?”
“I guess so, but does it really? I can’t tell if I’m afraid to lose him because I care for him or because I’m afraid of ending up alone.”
Amy sighed, wrapping her arm around Leslie and hugging her, “Knowing you, it’s because you care for him.”
Leslie leaned her head against her sister’s shoulder again, and Amy squeezed her gently, “Come on, let’s get to bed.”
The Next Morning
Brian glanced out the frost covered window towards the large, looming house. He sighed, looking down at the piece of paper in his hand, an address scribbled in Nick’s writing greeting him.
“You sure this is the right place?" Brian asked.
“Took you where you told me to go,” the driver responded. Brian sighed, glancing out the window again. It was 8am, and he knew that it was really early to be dropping by someone’s house, especially with people he didn’t know, but he vividly remembered Leslie telling him that her parents were the biggest morning people in the world, and whenever she was home, she found herself getting up at the crack of dawn to spend time with them. He hoped that her words were true, wanting to talk to her before Nick had awakened, knowing that Nick would sleep in as much as possible if he had the chance. If Nick were awake, he’d find some sort of excuse to explain why he was here so early in the morning, instead of later that night when they were all supposed to come over.
Brian reached for his wallet and shelled out a couple of twenty dollar bills for the driver, “I’ll pay you double if you wait an extra half an hour for me.”
He saw the driver eye him in his rearview mirror but he nodded, “Alright, double it is.”
Brian licked his lips, folding up the address and phone number Nick had given him the day before at the airport and stuffed it in his pocket. He stepped out into the cold and felt his body shiver. He wondered if the shivers were entirely from the cold, or also from his mounting nervousness. His heart galloped within his chest and he tried to talk himself down.
He shuffled his feet for a moment, staring up at the house that Leslie had talked to him so many times about. He had somewhat visualized it as this. He could see why she loved it so much and why she missed it like she did. It was fitting for her. It was definitely home.
He sprang into action then, making his way up the path towards the front door. He scaled the few steps of the porch and approached the door. He glanced behind him, the taxi running idly on the street, white snow surrounding everything. He turned back to the door and looked through the paned, decorated glass. He saw lights within and small movements. He raised his hand and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before pressing the doorbell.
He heard a girl yell from the other side that she’d get the door. His heart skipped a beat, thinking that it could be Leslie, but as the door swung open, a girl that looked nearly identical to the woman he had come to adore stood before him. She had been smiling, but it had completely vanished at the sight of him, out of shock more than anything.
“Uh, hi,” she said awkwardly.
“Mornin’,” he put on a smile. He was secretly kicking himself, wondering what insane idea had caused him to come over here alone, and so early in the morning. He kept cursing to himself that he was an idiot.
He saw Amy glance to her left, and he spoke up, extending his hand, “I’m Brian.”
“Yeah, I know,” she replied. She took his hand and shook it lightly, “Amy.”
“Nice to finally meet you,” Brian said sincerely. He had heard enough about Amy to feel like he knew her personally. Standing there in front of her was sort of a weird experience, seeing how much she looked like Leslie, but still seeing how incredibly different she was.
“Nice to meet you, too,” a small smile flickered across her face. Brian cleared his throat, “I’m really sorry that I’m just showing up like this at 8 in the morning. I was just wondering if Leslie was up?”
“She is,” she said, but didn’t care to elaborate. She eyed him carefully and spoke up, “We have a phone you know.”
“I know, it’s just if I had called, I know she would have told me not to come.”
“And why is that?” she asked. By the way she said it, he realized that she already knew why. He swallowed, his feet shuffling. His face was growing numb and his breath billowed out in front of him, the warmth of the house slowly seeping out.
“Who is it Ames?” a woman called from in the house. Amy turned her head, “No one mom!”
Brian was surprised to hear those words escape her lips but he was actually grateful. He wasn’t ready to meet Leslie’s parents under such strange conditions. He would have rather tried to make a good impression later on that evening. She saw this grateful look and smiled lightly, “So came to see my baby sister?”
“Yes,” he replied. “I don’t even have to come in. I’ll wait out here. I just need to talk to her for a minute.”
She sighed, her demeanor softening the longer she stood in front of him. She nodded once and then said, “Alright, I’ll go get her. Wait here.”
She closed the door and Brian turned away, noticing the cab still running idly. He walked across the porch, glancing at the snow covered lounge chairs. He got to the end and absentmindedly dusted off flurries of snow from the wooden railing. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. He always seemed to notice that when it snowed out, everything seemed quieter. Softer. More peaceful. He liked it, and he tried to incorporate it into his being.
He suddenly heard a door open from behind him and he twirled quickly, seeing Leslie step out into the cold air, closing the door quietly behind her. She had a coat and beanie hat on, her blonde locks in waves, her eyes a piercing blue as she raised her eyes to look at him. She was absolutely gorgeous and he found his heart speeding up again, but it suddenly dropped when sadness crossed her face at the sight of him.
He stepped forward but she walked towards him at a quicker pace, leading him back to the far side railing, “Brian, what are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you,” he said. She looked back towards the front door nervously. He didn’t follow her gaze, for he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her beautiful face. He didn’t realize how much he missed her until this very moment. He burned inside, wanting her so much, but knowing he couldn't have her.
He sighed, “Nick’s not up is he?”
“No, not yet,” she replied, turning back to him. She stuffed her hands inside her pockets and Brian licked his lips, “It’s just like you said it was.”
“What is?” she asked. He noticed the wall she had put up around herself and it saddened him further. He had pushed her away slightly, something that he hated more than anything.
“This house,” he said, motioning around him. “You described it perfectly.”
She didn’t respond but only looked at his features, wondering what on earth had brought him here so early in the morning, and alone to boot. He saw that his attempt at small talk was fruitless, so he cleared his throat, “I’m sorry I’m here so early.”
“Why are you here?” she asked. He flinched slightly at the harshness of it. She saw this and softened slightly, waiting for him to continue.
“I have something for you,” he said, reaching into his pocket. He grasped the wrapping and slid it out of his pocket. He held it in his hands as he began to talk, Leslie’s eyes watching the gift carefully, “I know you’re probably wondering why I would have a gift for you, that it’s not fair to you, that since I broke it off, I should leave you alone. I get that Leslie, I do. It’s just, I bought this a couple months ago, when we were still… you know…”
Brian trailed off and Leslie looked at him sadly. He averted his gaze for a second, looking at the present in his hands. He felt tears coming on but he quickly blinked them away, trying to focus. He spoke up again, “I bought them in Paris. Remember that one night when we walked around after dinner?”
Leslie slowly nodded, being torn between throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him or turning and running back in the house. Why was he doing this to her?
“We were just window shopping and you didn’t say anything, because you’re not that type of girl, I’ve come to see that…” he licked his lips nervously and continued, “But I could tell by the look on your face that you liked them. So the next day, before we left for Spain, I went back and bought them for you.”
Leslie’s heart softened at his words and the pain that had began to finally wane came rushing back. She shook her head, feeling her losing control, “Brian, you shouldn’t be doing this.”
“But I have to,” he said, the intensity and sadness on his face startling her. “I have to. You may not see that, but I do. I’ve been saving these for now, knowing that it would be a good Christmas present. I had this whole stupid romantic thing planned. Of course, I didn’t foresee where we would be right now. I thought we would still be… us.”
Leslie felt her eyes burning and she looked away from him.
“I can’t give them to anyone else because I got them for you. To give them to someone else would be a lie, and I can’t bear to see someone else wearing them, knowing that they’re yours. And I can’t keep them because it pains me too much to know that they’re there. It wouldn’t feel right Leslie, but I also know that if I didn’t give them to you now, I don’t know when I’d be able to, and so,” he tentatively reached out his hand, the gift held gently between his fingers. He looked at her as she stared down at his hand, saying softly, “Merry Christmas.”
She hesitated but slowly slid her hand out of her pocket, being careful not to touch his skin. She gently took the present from his hand and looked down at it. She blinked, and a tear escaped. She quickly reached up and brushed it away. She looked up at him, “I don’t have anything for you.”
“I don’t need anything,” he said, a look of anticipation on his face. She searched his face one more moment before beginning to unwrap the gift. She crumpled the paper and stuffed it in her coat pocket, looking down at the black box in her hands. She hadn’t remembered what she had been looking at in the window that had caused Brian to go buy them for her, but the black jewelry box flashed something in her brain, making her heart skip a beat.
She gently opened the lid and immediately raised her left hand to cover her mouth slightly as she looked down at the sight before her. She felt herself choking up, the morning sun hitting the diamonds in a way that made them sparkle beautifully. Her eyes were welling with tears but she had ceased to care. She lowered her hand and gently touched the dangling earrings, her heart hurting in her chest.
Brian watched her carefully, nervous, excited, and scared to see her reaction. He could tell that he had struck a chord. He knew she had recognized them immediately and he could see her eyes tear up.
“I remember these,” she whispered.
“They’re the right ones?” he asked hopefully. She nodded, looking up at him, “How did you know I wanted them?”
He shrugged, “Like I said before, I know you Leslie.”
She looked at him with so much sadness, finally shaking her head, snapping the box shut. She thrust her arm out, “I can’t take these.”
“Please,” he pleaded. “Take them. They’re yours.”
When he wasn’t taking them back, she dropped her arm to her side. She reached up and wiped the few tears away that had escaped. She bit her lip, glancing towards the front door again. She felt antsy, her desire to escape greater than ever. She finally spoke up, “Thank you Brian. This was very sweet of you.”
A small smile crossed his face, “You’re welcome.”
He turned to walk across the porch, knowing that it was time to go, but he stopped, his desire causing him to be daring. He turned back to Leslie, who was now staring back down at the closed box. He stepped forward, and was slightly surprised to see that she didn’t flinch or move away. He leaned in and brushed his lips against her cheek. He pulled back tentatively, looking at her reaction. She was staring down at the ground, motionless.
“I’ll see you tonight,” he said softly. She nodded once, not looking up at him. He turned and made his way across the porch and down the path, feeling Leslie’s presence still behind him. Leslie watched after him, wanting to run to him, to wrap her arms around him and kiss him over and over again. She had tried to show as little emotion as possible, not wanting him to think that he had her so enraptured in him that she couldn’t function otherwise. The truth was, she had felt an overwhelming wave of happiness and gratitude towards him for his gift. It had been incredibly sweet of him to do, and in a way, it was a small physical form of his affection towards her. Either way, it still saddened her deeply. She wished that she had received such a thoughtful gift in a more appropriate, deserving manner.
Once he slipped into the car, she made her way back across the porch, opening the door slightly before turning to look back at the taxi. She could vaguely see Brian looking back at her and she smiled lightly, raising her hand to wave. Before the car drove off, she could see Brian wave back, and though against her better judgment, a small flicker of hope burned within her.
