Your whole world falls apart
Just know that when you hear the rain
Even heaven cries
Everybody cries
It's ok to doubt
Yourself sometimes
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you fear inside
It's all right, it's all right
´Cause even heaven cries
The concert was over for quite some time now and Katelynn was surprised to find herself on top of the hotel. She had no clue why she followed his lead or what she had to expect. To be honest she didn’t know anything anymore. She felt empty and there wasn’t anything left he could take from her. Maybe she hoped that he could make her feel again. But why him? He hurt her deeply and the cut would leave a scar behind and yet he brought some kind of comfort when she looked into his eyes. It was like she could see his soul and something told her not to let go just yet.
But he let her wait and she was getting frustrated. Was this some kind of joke again? She sighed. She waited for well over two hours and there was still no sign of him yet. She looked at her watch and rolled her eyes when she saw that it was going to 1am. Kate slowly got up from her spot, ready to leave. Why wait any longer? I will just get sick sitting here.
She just reached the door when he suddenly stood before her. He was out of breath. Nick probably jogged up the stairs to see if she was still there or there at all. And he was glad he made it in time.
“Sorry I’m late!“ he apologized, looking into her eyes. “Some magazine wanted to interview us after the concert. We didn’t know but management said we had to do it. It was not my purpose to let you wait.”
Kate turned back around walking to her previous hiding place again. “Why am I even here,” she asked softly sitting down, looking away from him.
“Because I wanted to thank you for letting Karyn come today. It seemed like she was having fun.”
“Yeah, it made her happy. She couldn’t stop talking about it all night long,” Kate said smiling a sad smile.
Nick sat down in front of her, touching her chin to make her look at him. “But what about you? I would love to see you being happy, too,” and to her surprise he appeared sincere.
She tried hard no to cry, blinking her eyes, trying to look away from him again but he wouldn’t let her. “You hurt me,” she whispered, closing her eyes, letting a tear slip. She hated herself for letting him see her so weak but she couldn’t help it.
“I know. And I can’t say sorry enough for it.” Nick wiped away her tears. He really did hurt her but he knew that her tears were not tears because of him, at least not all of them. There was something else and he wanted to know her better to understand the reason for her pain. “I will try to make it up to you!“
“How?” Kate opened her eyes again, looking straight into his.
“By being honest. No more playing around.”
“But why me?” she asked shaking her head. She didn’t get it. “What is it about me that you can’t just leave me alone?”
Before he spoke further he got up and sat down next to her, staring right in front.
“Your story,” he said so quiet she could hardly understand him.
Now it was Kate’s turn to look at him again. With narrowed eyes she whispered “My story?”
“Yeah,” he paused, thinking about what to say next. “It feels like you have me in some kind of spell. At first I thought it was pour attraction. I tried to see you just like I see nearly any other girl. I know that sounds shitty but that’s how it is. And that is what actually got us in this mess. But it didn’t take me long to figure out that there is more to you. I think I saw it the first time I have seen you. There is this sadness in your eyes and I want to know why. A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t have such sad eyes. Your eyes should be sparkling and I do want to see them doing just that. I have been to hell and back in my life and somehow – I don’t know why – I want to pull you out of yours.”
“And if I don’t want you to pull me out of it?” Who does he even think he is, Kate wondered, who gave him the right?
“You might not want me to but Katelynn,” he turned towards her again, “anybody needs somebody and honestly – who do you have here on tour? I know that I have so many people around me and yet I feel alone. You have Karyn but can she give you what you need?”
“You know what I need?” She asked with cold eyes.
But Nick wasn’t taken aback by her stare. Whatever it was that she hid so well, she wouldn’t be able to handle it alone. He had tried once and well… let’s say it didn’t turn out so well.
“What you need is a friend, a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen. You can say you don’t but that would be a lie.”
And with that said they sat. Silence fell between them, the only sounds could be heard from the street.
They were lost in their thoughts for at least an hour before Kate spoke again.
“Tell me about yourself,” she spoke softly leaning her head in Nick’s direction.
He chuckled. “Wow, it’s been forever since I had to tell someone about me. Normally they know everything or at least think they do. Internet is a bitch, you know? Anyway, what do you want to know?”
“Start from the beginning I guess. The basics because right now I hardly know anything about you but your name.”
Nick couldn’t hide his smirk. “You know a lot more about me!”
Kate could only gasp at him. Chuckling she hit him in the arm. “That is not what I was talking about!”
“I know, I know. Sorry,” he laughed. “Uhm, okay... I was born January 28th, 1980 in Jamestown, New York. My full name is Nickolas Gene Carter but as you hear everybody calls me Nick. My parents are Jane and Bob Carter. I have one brother and three sisters.”
“Wow, that’s a big family.”
“No kidding!” he said. “We moved around a lot when I was little. Always chasing after the dream of being famous one day. We hardly had money but my mom paid for singing lessons and I tried to audition for everything available. I even tried the Mickey Mouse Club but they turned me down. Who knows where I would be if they had taken me. Probably a member of N Sync,” he was laughing now. “Anyway, I met Howie and AJ down the road. We had auditions together. Little did we know back then that we would spend our whole lives with one another one day. It feels so weird looking back. So much has changed,” he sighed.
“Is that how you became a member of the Backstreet Boys? Audition?” Kate was curious. She had no clue how someone could live a life like that. She wanted to know how he became the person he is today.
“Yeah. Brian was the last to join. At first it was only Howie, AJ, Kevin and me. But something was missing. So Kevin called up his cousin and a few days later we became the Backstreet Boys. April 13th, 1992 to be correct.”
“That’s a long time ago. You were only twelve.”
“Yeah, I missed out on a lot of things. I never got to do the things normal teenagers would do. I mean I never went to high school. Never attended prom and stuff like that. It doesn’t really bother me most of the time but sometimes I wish I could have done those things.”
“But your life changed for the better, didn’t it?”
“A lot of things changed for the better, yes. But other things only got worse.”
“Like?”
“Like I got this money. We used to have trouble paying the rent and suddenly I was able to buy my family a mansion. I travelled the whole world, met so many people and learned so much on the road. But on the other hand things with me family got worse.” Nick closed his eyes thinking. “My mom tried to push my siblings into the business. Aaron was only seven when he released his first record. Singing about love, things he had no idea of. And it changed him. I love him to death but sometimes he is so stubborn. It seems like he doesn’t know what to do with his life. Yeah, he wants to keep singing, wants to release another album but things changed since he was this young. He can’t count on his former fans. If he is getting out there again he needs to start from zero but he doesn’t get it. I think sometimes he thinks he owns the whole world. He needs to see that the business changed, too. It’s not easy to have success these days when you stay quite and don’t cause bad press. It’s sad that this is how it works today. I mean we don’t have the success like we used to either but we are comfortable where we are. At least we now that the fans we have are loyal and don’t change their mind in the next second. I just hope he will make it in the end. I want nothing more then for him to be happy. That goes for my other sibs, too. Angel is into modelling, Leslie sings, too and BJ, well she is the most ‘normal’ one out of us. She has a normal job and isn’t seen by the public eye.”
“Do you see them a lot?” Kate asked. She couldn’t imagine not seeing Karyn at least once every two weeks and he was travelling the world.
“No,” Nick was shaking his head. “I wish I would though. But like I said the business changed our family, too. It broke us apart. My parents are divorced. My dad is already married again and has another son. My mom has problems with money and so much else. It’s killing me to even think about it. I hardly talk to her. She used me and my siblings. But she is still my mom and I love her because without her I wouldn’t sit here today,” he now looked at her smiling.
“That’s true. I am sorry Nick.”
“No need to be sorry. I mean I wanted to live this life and I can’t go back now. I just hope that my family will get back on track one day.”
Kate nodded her head, “I hope so, too.” There is actually more to him that I thought.
“What about you? Tell me about yourself.”
“It’s pretty late,” she looked at her watch nervously, “make that early. I need to go. A little sleep can’t hurt. We have to catch a flight in a few hours.”
“You are right and we have to catch one as well. Thanks for being here tonight. It means a lot but I really would like to do that again. You still owe me a little information about yourself. How about tomorrow after the show on another roof?” he laughed, “I bring pizza if you’d like.”
“Sure,” she turned serious again, “but if I let you know about me, it will be nothing but platonic. No kissing, no sex and God forbid no falling in love. Shake on it or leave it,” Kate said standing up.
Nick didn’t want to leave it so he shook her hand instead, standing up himself, a smile plastered on his face, “you will not regret it.”
She sighed, “I so hope I won’t.” She walked to the door. It was time to go back to reality.
“Oh and one more thing,” Kate turned around one last time, “I don’t want Karyn to know about any of this nor anybody else!” And with that she was gone for the night.
Nick looked around one more time before heading for the door as well.
Tomorrow would be an interesting day, that’s for sure.
Lyrics by Monrose – “Even heaven cries”
