And yet it was the worst day of her life.
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
It was the day of her mother’s funeral.
I can't remember why
She felt like she had lost everything she had in her life. Her mom, her soulmate, her best friend.
She didn’t know how to handle the situation.
She was sitting in between her father and sister in the first row of the big church they had rented. Her family was well known so a lot of guests and the rest of her huge family were there as well. And even though she was sitting in the middle of all these people the only thing she could do was stare at the white coffin with red roses. She felt so alone like never before.
And I can't stand the pain
She still didn’t understand how it happened. Her mom was always so happy. She cared for her children and loved her husband. They were the perfect family and all of a sudden they weren’t perfect anymore because someone was missing.
No I can't stand the pain
It was a day like every day before.
Everyone was leaving the house early in the morning. Either for work, school or college.
They said their goodbyes and “I love you”’s and parted their ways.
She could still remember the look on her mother’s face. Her eyes were glowing and her face was smiling.
It was the last time she saw her. Her mom didn’t get back home.
Her car was hit by a truck on her way to work.She didn’t do anything wrong and yet it was her who died, not the man who drove the truck.
I've made my mistakes
She had such hate for that man. How could he? Why? Why did he take away her mother?
She would never get a real answer. All she got was an “I’m sorry”. But what did that mean? Nothing – it didn’t bring back the person she loved most in life.
The night goes on
The coffin was let to the ground. Everyone was moving a little forward.
Her dad was the first one to move. He kissed a single red rose and threw it on the coffin. He kept standing there for a while, whispering sweet words in hope his wife could still hear him.
It was her turn next. She was moving slowly in fear of doing something wrong.
Everyone was looking at her and she hated every moment of it. This should be a private minute for her and her mom but it wouldn’t be.
I'm sick of this life
She kissed a blooming yellow rose symbolising friendship and love. She knelt down to the ground before throwing the flower in the hole. She kept silent. She didn’t know what to say.
All she could offer was “I love you mom”, then she broke down in tears.
How could this happen to me
Slowly she opened her eyes. She dreamt about it – again.
She looked around only to find herself sitting in one of her classes. Somehow college didn’t seem as important anymore. She kept drifting off into her own world, she couldn’t concentrate. All she really wanted to do was go home and cry. But she couldn’t – she knew that she owned that much to her father.
“Kate? Are you okay?” her friend Sophie asked. Katelynn turned her head towards her.
She met Sophie a year ago when she started college. They attended the same classes and shared the same interests. But not anymore, Kate thought. Everything changed. She was now 21 and her life had turned around. Going out, meeting guys and having fun wasn’t for her anymore. It had been once but she just couldn’t go on thinking about that. She lost her mom and with that she lost the fun in her life. She started building a wall around herself. She didn’t want to be close to someone in fear of losing him again. She just wouldn’t be able to take any more of that kind of pain.
“I’m fine – don’t worry,” Kate answered her.
“Are you sure? You look like you have seen a ghost,” her friend questioned again. Her friend didn’t seem like her usual self and she started to worry.
“Sophie – I am okay, really! Stop asking,” she shot back annoyed. It really started to get on her nevers that everyone was asking her if she was okay. Damn it. No she was not okay but she was sitting here – alive. That should be more than enough.
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
“Okay. I just wanted to make sure,” Sophie looked at her apologizing. “What do you want to do now that we have two month off? I myself was thinking about a nice vacation on some beach! I think we really deserved something like that!”
I'm hanging by a thread
Katelynn raised her eyebrow. A beach? “I don’t think that I am up for that. I guess I won’t do anything at all. I try to live day by day. And today I have to pretend I am all happy because it’s Karyn’s birthday. It’s her 15th!” Whispering, she added: “Her first birthday without mom!”
“I am so sorry Kate! Give your sister a hug from me, will you?”
And I can't explain what happened
Katelynn only nodded her head.
No I can't
It was still morning when Katelynn got home.
She parked her car near the house she grew up in. But instead of getting out she stayed in her seat. The only thing she did was turn off the engine. This is going to be hard.
She hadn’t been here since her mom’s funeral.
The first thing she did when her mom died was move out. She wasn’t able to take all the memories which she associated with certain things.
She wondered how her dad and sister did it.
The truth was that her mother and her had always shared a special bound.
She missed that. Missed the late night talks, the cooking, the movie-nights, the travelling … she missed just everything about her mom.
Karyn had that special bound with her father so they hardly fought for anyones attention. Everyone was happy in their place. Mother and daughter. Father and daughter.
“It was perfect,” she said quietly, a single tear running down her face.
She looked up. Looked at their “little mansion” like they used to call it.
It was beautiful, sitting perfectly at the San Diego Bay.
Her father owned a big trading firm, that’s how they could afford this place.
Katelynn never knew how much money they had and she still didn’t. But she knew that they were called “reach” by others.
Katelynn didn’t care.
Her eyes moved to the window of her sister Karyn. Her light blue curtains were still closed. She is probably still asleep. She wondered how they would overcome this day.
Without tears? Not possible.
As I'm fading away
She took one last breath before she moved out of her car.
She closed the doors before crossing the street, moved up the stairs carefully.
It was like she was scared to break anything, to destroy a memory held by every step.
She stopped as she reached the last step. That’s it – no turning around.
I just wanna scream
She took her purse looking for her keys, but the door was already opend by her father.
He looked at her. His little girl was back and she was looking exactly like his wife.
Tall, curvy, long dark blonde hair and sparkling green eyes.
How he missed seeing her. How he missed his wife.
It had been four month being only the three of them and with that they were crying at each others shoulder.
Lyrics by Simple Plan “Untitled”
