Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for
***
It seemed like forever before they parted.
They looked in each other’s eyes, sad smiles playing on their lips.
“Is that how it will be from now on?” Kate asked with tears in her eyes.
Her father looked at her, he seemed almost desperate. “I don’t know honey, I really don’t.”
Without another word they went into the house but it didn’t take long for Katelynn to stop again. She was frozen in her spot. Everything looked the same, nothing had changed. It was like she was thrown back in time, like it would only take a minute for her mom to come down the big staircase which led to the bedrooms. And even though she knew it wouldn’t happen – she waited.
Nothing…
It took her a while to see her father waiting for her. She tried to shake the feeling of hope off of her when she followed her father to the living room.
It was like she had entered another world. She could feel her mom’s presence, could smell her perfume. But she wasn’t there. At least not in person.
A portrait of Diane McLain was standing over the fireplace. Right in the middle so everyone could see it the minute they entered the room. It was black and white and showed her beauty. Her eyes were shining like always. Her smile made Kate smile, too.
Her mom had always had a way to make people feel better and she didn’t lose that ablity even though she wasn’t there anymore.
Her heart was surrounded by a warm feeling you could only have in one place.
I’m home.
“Karyn is still asleep. I didn’t want to wake her up yet because I wanted to talk to you first.” Her father interrupted her thoughts. He was already seated on the couch and waiting for her to take a seat as well.
She moved next to him, she was curious what her dad wanted from her. “What about?” she quietly asked. Her feeling told her that she wouldn’t like what she was about to hear and yet she waited for his answer.
“About your sister’s bithday-present,” he looked almost scared. What did he do?
“Okay.” So far so good.
“Like you probably know it hasn’t been easy for her since Diane passed away. All she seems to do is cry and it’s breaking my heart in two. I try to be there for her but I can’t take away her pain.”
“I know, I am feeling the same way,” she whispered.
“I didn’t want to make it sound like you are not. She meant the world to you and she did for me, too. I miss her like crazy. But I want both of you to be happy again. To have fun and get back to your usual selves,” he told her, concerned.
“I can’t go back dad. Things have changed and I can’t just ignore that,” she shot back, angry.
“Don’t get mad at me Katelynn. I’m not even finished yet. You can be angry at me when you’ve heard it all. But before that I don’t want to hear anything, did you understand me?” He had a feeling she wouldn’t like what he had planned. She was already mad and that disappointed him. Yes, things had changed, she wouldn’t even listen to him anymore.
“I won’t say anything anymore,” she said, pissed.
Her father, Jim, nodded before continuing.
“You know how Karyn is in love with these poster guys? She has their pictures all over her walls and is listening to their music 24/7. It drives me crazy but that doesn’t matter. She seems to feel good with their melodies. When I look at her singing I feel better and I want to give something back to her. These guys will be going on tour this month and I thought it would be fun for her to go. With you. I had some help from some clients so I have tickets and hotel reservations ready. What do you think so far?” He looked at her, worried.
“I don’t care, really. I mean it’s not the whole tour and one concert won’t hurt,” she laughed. That was what her dad was worried about? No way.
He wouldn’t look at her. Now he was scared. “Actually, I was talking about the whole tour. You have two month off and they tour North America for over a month.”
“What?” Kate looked at him with disbelief.
“You heard me,” her dad said without even looking at her.
“You are kidding me right,” she started laughing. Her dad couldn’t be serious but one look at him told her that he was. “How can you even think I would be up for something like that? Don’t you think I have better things to do with my free time? Why me? If you want that to be her present than you should go with her because I won’t,” she screamed.
“You know as well as I do that I can’t do this! It wouldn’t hurt you, would it? It would be something special for her and it’s an opportunity she will never get again,” Jim tried to justify. “Everything is booked already!”
Kate could only shake her head before standing up and leaving the room.
This is ridiculous. How dare he think I would be up for something like that? Why the hell would I go on tour with someone for so long. He is just doing that because he can. Fucking money.
She knocked at her sister’s bedroom door before slowly peeking her head in. To her surprise her sister was already wide awake.
Karyn was laying in her dark room, still wrapped in a blanket on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. It took her awhile to look at Kate.
“Hey,” she whisperd.
“Hey Sis! I thought you were still sleeping. Why didn’t you come down?” Katelynn asked smiling. She went over to her and hugged her. “Happy Bithday!”
“Thanks,” Karyn forced a smile. “I just didn’t feel like getting up yet, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. Move over.” She moved and soon both of them were laying in bed, staring at the ceiling.
“You seem pissed, what’s wrong?” Karyn hadn’t seen her sister angry in forever. Most of the time she was happy or lately sad but never was she pissed in her presence, but something was up and she wanted to know what.
“It’s dad. He is so annoying – I swear!”
“What did he do?” What had her father done now? He didn’t do much since her mom died; that’s why she was curious.
“He got that really stupid idea of us going on tour with your poster guys,” Kate said pointing at one of her picture hanging on the wall.
“OH MY GOD! For real? Touring with the Backstreet Boys? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” she screamed. She wasn’t even laying anymore – she was jumping on her bed up and down and up and down.
Kate couldn’t believe it, she didn’t know what to say. Her sister seemed so happy all of a sudden. She felt guilty for not wanting to go. How can I say no now?
“Kate. You are the BEST sister in the world for doing this with me. Thank you so much.” Karyn was hugging her so hard she could hardly breathe.
“No problem. Everything for my baby sis,” she said sighing. I guess that’s it. I’ll be following the Backy Boys, no wait, the Backstreet Boys. Why am I doing that again? She looked at the girl sitting in front of her. Her eyes were sparkling. She changed from sad to happy and Katelynn didn’t want to change that. I guess that’s why I’m doing it.
“Go and thank dad, not me. He made it possible, bought all tickets and made every hotel reservation.” As soon as she was finished Karyn was running down the stairs. Kate was still laying in bed. What have I gotten myself into? “Ugh.”
The tour. It was all Karyn kept talking about the whole day. She couldn’t believe how lucky she had suddenly become. She always loved her dad and her sister but now she loved them even more. In her head she was already dreaming about what could happen. Would they meet the boys? Would they be able to get backstage?
Katelynn on the other hand had doubts. She didn’t know if she made the right decision.
What was she supposed to do when they were there? She didn’t want to attend every concert. She was sure that it would get boring after awhile. And as much as she loved her sister, she didn’t know how she would be able to handle her one and a half month 24/7? She didn’t want to sit her butt off in hotel lobbies either. She wanted to have some relaxing time for herself but that wouldn’t happen.
Jim was happy it all worked out in the end. He couldn’t believe that Kate gave in before she told him herself. She was still mad at him but he was sure this mood would go away. He was proud at himself. He was sure it would help both of them to get happy. At least he was hoping it would.
Late that night Kate stood at Karyn’s door. She was sleeping this time, a small smile playing on her lips. At least one of us is happy she thought before closing the door and going to sleep herself.
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone
And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid
When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
And I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down
Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So just slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Until the end of our days
When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone
No you will not be alone
Lyrics by Blue “Breathe Easy” and Rob Thomas “Now comes the night”
