He sat up and looked at the other side of his king sized bed and like he guessed it was empty. She left and even though he knew she would do it, he was a little hurt. He couldn’t put his finger on the feeling he had and he really didn’t want to. It was a one-night-stand, nothing more, he tried to tell himself and pushed it aside.
Nick got up, collecting his clothes from his floor but he was missing something. Where the hell did my shirt go? he wonderd. It was his favorite and he couldn’t find it everywhere. He was even laying on the floor looking under his bed – nothing. That’s when he knew. She took it, and it annoyed him.
He thought he won and now he knew the game wasn’t over yet.
But on the other side. Could be fun.
Katelynn was staring at the ceiling, eyes wide. She hadn’t slept a minute since she got in her room. She didn’t understand how she could let something like that happen. She was always trying to do the right things, so how could she do something so wrong? She felt cheap and wanted to stay wrapped in her blanket forever. She didn’t want to face the world knowing that she made a huge mistake which she couldn’t take back. She didn’t want to face Karyn. She didn’t want to face fans and most of all she didn’t want to face Nick. I’m a slut, was all she could think about.
There was a knock on her door before Karyn opend it. She still didn’t look too happy but when she saw the tearsstreaked face of her sister her eyes held nothing but worry.
“What’s wrong?” she wanted to know but Kate stayed silent and avoided her eyes.
“Is it because of Mom?” she asked quietly. “I miss her, too. Especially the last few days.”
Katelynn found her sister’s eyes and sat up hugging her. “I am sorry.”
“I know,” sighed Karyn, “I am, too.”
They sat there for awhile before Kate spoke up. “We should get some breakfast before we go to the airport. You know what Mom always said,” she smiled a half-smile, “a good breakfast makes a good day.”
Karyn smiled a little, “I go and make myself ready. I wait for you in the living room.”
Kate only noded. She didn’t feel any better than before. She felt, when that’s even possible, worse. I just lied to my sister. And I used Mom as an excuse… She started crying silent tears again. She didn’t understand herself anymore.
The breakfast room was full of chatter when Katelynn and Karyn entered it.
Most of the people sitting around were young, probably staying at the hotel because of the boys and it made Kate’s stomach turn around. If they would only know…. They think those guys are made in heaven and that’s just wrong. She looked at the female faces wearing smiles of hope. They want something I had but do they even know it would leave them with nothing but emptiness? She never wanted to be something like a groupie. She hardly was fan of anyone and yet now she felt like she was one of those girls. Groupie… What does it even mean? Sleeping with someone famous. It’s not even something to be proud of, she thought. She pulled the cap she was wearing a little lower to hide her face unable to look at those girls anymore.
“Are you alright?”, Karyn asked worried looking at her daydreaming sister. This trip was to make her happy but did she really want it when it made her own blood unhappy? She didn’t know anymore. This was her dream but she didn’t want her sister’s heart to be torn apart because of it.
“Yeah, I am okay,” Kate forced a smile, “why shouldn’t I be?”
Karyn shrugged, “I don’t know. You looked lost.”
“I was just wondering how we would ever find a table to actually have breakfast,” she laughed even though her heart was breaking all over again. Another lie…
“I’ll find us some nice table while you can pick some breakfastfor yourself! Sounds good?”
Katelynn only nodded, not being able to say anything more because her sister was already gone. I am not even hungry, she sighed. Stepping more into the room she noticed the whole place was full of walls and huge vases filled with beautiful flowers. It was impossible to see any people behind them and that’s just the direction where Karyn went. She honestly wondered how she would find her again. I can worry about this later, she told herself before taking the way to the buffet which was right in the middle of all those pretty blossoms. It hold all kinds of things to eat for any taste. Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, muffins, pancakes,…
Since she wasn’t hungry at all but didn’t want to give Karyn another reason to worry she headed to some chocolate cornflakes, taking a bowl and pouring some into it. When she was reaching for milk, she heard him and she froze in her spot right away.
“You know… I would really like to have my shirt back.” Nick was only standing a few feet away from her. He made sure noone else was around so noone would be able to hear them. He didn’t want to have his private life spread all over the papers or even discussed in forums he knew about. And even though he liked teasing her, he also knew it was between him and her only.
Katelynn stayed silent. Can he please just go away? He was the last person she wanted to see. He caused her emotional pain, he was the reason why she had to fight hard right now to not lose any tears infront of him.
“It’s my fav shirt and it’s really not nice for you to steal it out of my room while I was sleeping. I feel used now, did you know?”
He really tried his best to sound playful but the only words Kate could hear were “steal” and “used”.
To say she was pissed was an understatement. She tried to swallow it down but she just couldn’t. She turned around facing him with clenched teeth, her eyes still hidden by her baseball cap.
“You can’t be serious!”, she spit.
“Why not? You obviously stole it from my room. You wanna sell it on ebay?” He laughed. “I could give you other shirts for that!”
Now she looked at him with tearstreaked eyes, full of hurt and anger. “How dare you talk to me like that? Do you think that’s what I wanted? I give a damn about your shirt or for whatever,” she tried hard not to cry while speaking loudly, “and don’t you dare telling me something about being used.”
He didn’t know what to say. Nick was speechless. All he could do was looking at her, looking into her eyes. It seemed like she cried all night, her eyes red and fresh tears filling them. Her body was trembling lightly. That’s when he realized that this whole situation was anything else but funny. She was hurt. I hurt her.
He stepped closer, trying to wipe a tear away. “I am sorry,” he whispered. He never meant to hurt her. He wanted to have some fun but not of the cost of deeply hurting someone.
Katelynn slapped his hand away. “Don’t touch me!” That’s the last thing she I want. “For you
life is nothing more than a game. The only thing you want to have is fun and no price is too high. But let me tell you what – it’s not like that. Life is no freaking game to play. It’s hard. I don’t know what you think it is but it’s not that. You have absolulty no clue. You never lead a normal life. You probably think having another girl every freaking day is normal. It’s not!”
She took a deep breath before continuing
“You have no respect of females. You hurt them every day of your oh so great life. But let me tell you what. I am no freaking groupie. I never was and I never will be. I am not one of your little sluts who see your bed for one night.I don’t want any attention, I don’t want people looking at me with hate. I don’t want your damn money. Money doesn’t give you a thing. Money doesn’t love you, money can never be a friend to you. I could care less that you are famous. For me you are just an asshole like any other guy is. I did not use you. You used me and you know it as well as I do!” A tear slipped down her cheek. She didn’t know what to say anymore. She felt lost and fragile like a little girl who wanted nothing more than to see her mommy. That’s just not possible, she sighed.
“I didn’t want…,” Nick tried to say.
With a now calm voice she interrupted him, “It’s not about what you want or even what I want. It’s not just about what we want anymore since yesterday.”
She looked at him with sad eyes, he nodded. Nick knew what she was talking about. It was not only her that was hurt but her sister was hurt, too.
“Don’t make it up to me. What’s done is done. But make it up to Karyn.” With that said she turned around, pulling her cap lower again to avoid the interested glances she got from some females now. That’s what I didn’t want… I don’t want to be looke at like I have two heads.
Nick stood in his spot a minute longer. He needed to let the words she said sink in. She’s right, he swallowed. He would make it up again. First to Karyn and then to her. He just had to because even though she was speaking mad at him he saw that there is more to the girl named Katelynn then anything he had seen until now. She had a story to tell and he would try to figure it out. On a normal basis. No more using, he swore himself.
“I thought you were kidnapped!” Karyn laughed when Kate finally made it to their table.
Katelynn just shrugged. She really didn’t feel like talking. Even though she was not tired before she longed for a bed now, or just for a place to be alone to find some peace and some time to sleep. “Go and get yourself somethig to eat. We have a flight to catch,” she tried to say cheerful. Lying wasn’t one of her strength. With raised eyebrows Karyn got up from her chair. Something was defenitly wrong in her mind but she let it slip.
“Do you want me to bring you anything?” Karyn asked.
Her sister looked confused when she finally noticed that she didn’t bring anything with her to the table. Great, now I even forgot my food, she rolled her eyes. I wish that guy would just leave me alone so I could forget what happened. I just want my normal life back. I long to be me again.
“No thanks, hon. I eat something at the airport. I am not hungry anymore.”
Even though Karyn was wondering about the ‘anymore’ she went into the direction of the buffet. Her sister may have lost her appetite but she surely didn’t.
Katelynn watched her go. So innocent. I hope she won’t get her heart broken anytime soon.
Right at that thought she saw Nick again. He searched for eyecontact when he approached her sister. He nodded as sign that he would make it up again but Katelynn just looked away. At least Karyn’s day will be made. She lay her head into her hands, closing her eyes. Could it be any worse? A tear ran over her cheek but she didn’t care anymore. She felt numb, longing to be someone else.
She's been crying again
She's been walking into walls again
Behind her quivering smile
There's a secret
That goes deeper than the cuts she hides
Her head's spinning around
He beat her soul to the ground
A grown woman in pain
And all she longs to be
Is that little girl again
She screams inside
And all she wants to be
All she wants to be
is yesterdays's child
She wants to hide
She can't run away
to the safety of yesterdays child
Curled up, shivering, alone
She's been hurt again
She's been walking into walls again
A grown woman in pain
And all she longs to be
Is that little girl again
She screams inside
And all she wants to be
All she wants to be
is yesterdays's child
She wants to hide
She can't run away
to the safety of yesterdays child
Lyrics by Brian McFadden – “Walking into walls”
