“What?” Nick was quite confused.
“You said you go to one of the bathrooms. That was thirty minutes ago. Did the toilet swallow you and spit you out again?”
“Not that it’s your business but I didn’t even went to the restrooms.” Nick sat down in his chair to finally get some breakfast.
AJ looked at him funny. “Did you pee in some of the plant?” He started laughing.
Nick could only shake his head. Sometimes Alex was a little too much to handle.
“No. I was talking to a girl.” He didn’t look at his friend and acted like he didn’t even say anything at all. He didn’t feel like talking about it. Not after talking with Karyn who nearly talked his ear off. He guessed she just couldn’t believe her luck but anyway. He was a normal person, too. No need to freak out. Sadly not a lot of people think that way…
“A girl? What girl?” He had been sitting waiting for Nick long enough. Now he at least wanted to know what was going on.
Nick sighed. “It’s not important, okay? Can I please just eat something before we need to get going again?” He was starving and the thought about flying without anything in his stomach made him sick. If only he would shut up. It’s none of his business.
“No-uh,” AJ was shaking his head. “Spill it Carter. I didn’t sit on my booty for all this time just to watch you chewing on a sandwich.”
Nick could only roll his eyes. How old was he again? 27? His friend surely didn’t act that way.
“Remember the girl that was thrown out of soundcheck yesterday?”
“Yeah I do. What about it?” Now he was curious.
Nick thought about how to say it carefully. He didn’t want AJ to know what was going on in detail. He just wanted him to leave him alone.
“I talked to her sister and invited them again.”
His tattood bandmemeber could only raise his eyebrow. This surely would make some people pissed. He looked at Nick questionally.
“She didn’t have to do with anything what happened and was sad. I don’t wanna have sad fans around, you know? She didn’t even know why she was thrown out. Think about the comments on message boards –Backstreet Boys throwing out invited fans – that wouldn’t make us look good, now would it?”
“That’s true. Look Nick, I don’t mind – it’s obviously a thing going on between you and that girl but you better talk to Kevin about it, okay? And the guards to let them know.”
Nick only nodded. Finally he could enjoy his breakfast.
Katelynn on the other hand didn’t enjoy her breakfast at all. Nick only made it worse if that was even possible. He had talked with Karyn for awhile and now she couldn’t sit still and always said “oh my god, I just talked to Nick Carter”. She didn’t understand her sister’s behavior but kept quiet since she was so happy about it. Her sisters dream come true was her nightmare.
He invited both of them to the soundcheck in Cleveland but that was not even the worst of it. He had the bright idea to let them come backstage, too. She could hide at soundcheck but she couldn’t backstage. It made her a little mad again. She felt corned. Didn’t she tell him she wanted to be left alone? If not I surely have to do it again. Who does he think he is?
She was glad when they got back to their suite because that’s when she had a little time to herself without her way too excited sister.
She slowly collected all her things to get ready. They had to catch a flight which would bring them to Cleveland, Ohio in two hours. She didn’t want to go. It wasn’t any different then the days before. She was doubting if her decision to make this trip was the right one yet again. She really wanted to go home, crawl into her bed and hide.
Her feeling didn’t get much better when she found Nicks shirt laying halfway under the hotel bed. She stared at it for quite some time. It brought back memories she wanted to forget. It showed her once again what happened last night. She couldn’t just ignore it now. She felt helpless. Swallowing hard she picked it up and folded it together, putting it deep down in her luggage.
When she was done packing she sighed looking around her room. Maybe by leaving this hotel behind she would also leave some emotional pain here. She quietly closed the room. It was time to move on.
“Karyn?” Kate asked after unpacking in yet another suite.
Karyn looked at her with shining eyes. She was still hyper from her accounter with Nick. She couldn’t believe how that could even happen. He said he was sorry for the day before and he wanted them to come again to make it up. She never thought about the boys caring so much about their fans. She would have guessed that they did not even notice someone thrown out. But Nick did. He knew her name, he asked her to come. Not anyone else – her. Well, he asked about Katelynn, too, but that didn’t matter for her. In her dreams he just asked her sister to come along to be nice.
She finally snapped out of her daydreaming. Her sister wanted to ask her something.
“Yeah?”
“You wanna come down to the pool with me? Maybe relax a little? I mean you are always sitting in the lobby and since you met that Nick dude today in person you could come with me, don’t you think?”
Katelynn just wanted to let go of the stress for awhile. Laying in the sun, working on her tan, maybe go for a swim. She wanted to be peaceful again, not full of thoughts. She hoped for a little sleep as well. But sleep wasn’t always good she learned. She had nightmares since her mom died and waking up sweaty infront of people wouldn’t really be the best idea. What happens – happens, she thought.
Karyn on the other side took some time to make her decision. She was right he met who she wanted to meet already, even though she wouldn’t mind another confrontation. There is always tomorrow. On that thought she put a bright smile on her face.
“Sure, I’ll come with you.”
Nick was busy looking for Kevin.
AJ was right when he said he should let his older brother know about the new inventation to Katelynn and Karyn. He would freak out when he would see them again tomorrow without any warning.
Because of some reason Nick was nervous. He had a bad feeling in his stomach and it surely did not come from the flight. He could already sense yesterday that Kevin didn’t like Katelynn at all. He didn’t question her, he judged her right away even thought it was not her fault at all. He felt guilty after it happen and he felt even worse since his accounter with her in person this moring. Noone would have thought that so many thing happen in just so few hours.
He now knew it was not his smartest move to make. He should have waited, he should have let her time. He saw how much he hurt her and he saw so much more. He looked into her eyes and for Nick it felt like he looked into her soul. It seemed like there were so many things undiscovered just waiting to be revealed. She had the same look in her eyes as he did when he felt hurt and that’s when he felt some kind of connection. He wanted to get to know her without any hard feelings, without thinking of her as some bed bunny. She was not and he saw it all in her eyes and he heard it from her himself.
Nick didn’t really know what pulled him to her. But something lay in her eyes that called him. She was ignoring things just like he did so many times, so many years. Maybe it was finally time to let some things go because even though he didn’t know her at all, he trusted her with his life. It was a strange feeling and it scared him but he was liking it all the same.
“… and then he invited me to come backstage tomorrow….”, Karyn explained for the hundredth time.
When her and Katelynn come down to the poolarea, Kate actually thought she would find some time to calm down and to not think of the person called Nick Carter again.
They walked along the pool when they finally arrived at their destination. It was quiet and not many people were around. Most of them were older and probably didn’t care about boybands anymore. Katelynn relaxed right away sensing that most fans were either standing outside of the hotel or waiting in the lobby for someone to show up.
They found a nice spot in the back and lay down on some benches. Just when Kate wanted to close her eyes she heard footsteps coming closer. When she actually opened her eyes again about there were 5 girls sitting around her sister.
“Hey Karyn. We saw he this moring talking to Nick and we wanted to ask you how it was!” Some skinny blonde girl said.
And that’s when Kate’s quiet afternoon went to nowhere. Karyn didn’t even think to send them away, she was back to her cheerful mood all again and noone seemed to be able to stop her from talking.
Katelynn was annoyed and left the pool after hearing her story twice already. More and more girl came up. Noone could belive how and why Nick asked her to come backstage. They didn’t understand and she seriously thought not even Karyn understood. The real reason for this whole mess was Kate herself. But nobody knew and that’s just how she wanted it.
She went to their suite again picking up a package of cigerettes she hadn’t touched in years. She didn’t really plan on using them when she put them in her bag at home. But now she was glad she actually did. It seemed like she couldn’t realx anywhere, so some kind of drug would have to do. She would hate herself afterwards and she knew it but right now she didn’t care.
She had an idea. Maybe there was a place to have some peace after all. She locked the door again before getting to the elevator pushing the up-button.
Nick finally found Kevin in Marcus’ room. He actually planned on taking to Kev first but since he had them both at once he took would he got.
“What’s up Nicky?” Kevin asked trying to sound funny.
Nick didn’t even start yet and he was already annoyed. He hated to be called ‘Nicky’. That made it sound like he was some little kid and he was not. He was an adult of 25years. He just wondered when Kevin was finally ready to accept that.
“I wanted to talk to you two about something. You better say nothing at all and just listen, alright?”
Kevin and his bodyguard Marcus were sitting on a table, nooding there heads.
“Go ahead.”
“Look… You have thrown out that girl and her sister yesterday, right? I just wanted to let you know that I invited both of them for tomorrow’s soundcheck and I invited them backstage.”
Kevin started laughing. “You are kidding, right?” He looked at Nick, waiting. But Nick didn’t laugh, he didn’t even smile. He was dead serious.
“No way!” Kevin said loudly. “She was disrespectful to everyone of us and you want her to come backstage? Are you insane?”
“No, I am not! It was my decision and if she was disrespectful – she was to me. Because I said something to get that reaction out of her. You don’t own the world Kevin. She will be there tomorrow and you better don’t do anything to her or …”
“Or what? What do you wanna do Nick?” He was getting mad at him. Noone is allowed to go backstage and now he invited some random girl who showed him the finger?
“Don’t act like you are so much better Kevin. You are not alone in this band.And this was MY decision,” he yelled, going for the door, throwing it shut.
Nick wanted to scream. He hated those situation. For so many people he was still the little boy who doesn’t know how to make the right decision. But I am 25 damn years old now. Arghh. They have to show me some respect.
He wanted to be alone now but he didn’t know where to go. He was sure it wouldn’t take Kevin long to follow him to his room and he really wasn’t up for a fight now. He couldn’t go downstairs either or even out. Fans were everywhere. There was only one place left he cold think of.
Katelynn was on top of the hotel. She found a way to it’s roof which was clean and with some chimney like spots to sit on.
She took a seat on one where she could overlook the whole city. It was a nice view. All that was missing was her cigarettes. When she finally found one, she lit it and took a deep long smoke. That feels good…, she sighed and closed her eyes.
“You should lay off those thingies. They are no good anyway.” Nick was surprised to see Katelynn on top of the building. He came here to get away from life for awhile and obviously she did, too.
She only let her head hang and groaned. Why is HE here? God, just let me die…
“You know I don’t wanna bother you, you obviously came up here to hide and to be honest I had the same reason. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes we don’t want anything else but to escape.”
He walked past her and watched down on the streets. There was so much going on and yet everything was so quite. Thousand thought going trhough thousends minds and yet they only could hear theirselves.
“I am not the asshole you think I am,” he continued.
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
“I have a reason for acting like I do.” He turned around to look at her but she didn’t met his eyes. Kate took another smoke instead and closed her eyes. She didn’t care about what he had to say. She had her own business to deal with.
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies
“I have been in this business since I was a kid. I joined the band when I was 13 years old. I loved it. We had fame and fans who loved us. We had money to spend. But in the end it was not everything we got. We got a lot of hate, too, and we still do.”
He took a seat beside her. He didn’t even know why he was telling her all that.
“To be honest I am lonely.”
Katelynn snickerd. If he is lonely, what am I? she wondered.
“I don’t know who actually likes me for me.” He sighed again. She didn’t know where he was coming from.
“You think I hurt all those girls. But I got hurt, too. I got hurt bad in my life. Girls used me all the time and some day I just stopped carrying. I was sick of hurting. And basicly it’s their own fault they get hurt, you know? They throw themselves at me. In the end they just get what they wanted.” He took a deep breath. “I feel guilty most of the time I wake up because I know I destroyed someone’s dream. Sometimes I just can’t stop myself. It’s my way to drown the pain. My way to ignore this longing for love. True love.”
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
“My parents being divorced didn’t help much either. They always were my idols when it came to love and it ended in a mess. My mom was arrested for a day and my dad is already married again. Keeping those girls at distance is my way from getting hurt.”
To feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you!
“I was an ass to you and I wanna say I am sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you this bad. I wasn’t used at someone saying ‘no’ but I appreciate that you did because it shows me again that I am not much better than anyone else. You were right with that.”
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
“I hope you forgive me one day because I really think you are a great girl and I just saw that too late.”
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
Nick slowly got up. He said way to much already and he wasn’t even sure Katelynn listened to him at all. At least she didn’t look like she did. Her face showed no emotion. Her cigarette has been replaced by another. Maybe it wasn’t right for him to say all those things but he felt a little better.
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
He turned to her once again before heading inside again. Her back was now facing him.
“I know you don’t like me inviting Karyn. And I sure do know that you don’t like me inviting you. But I will do it again. I want you to be there tomorrow, okay? Nothing will happen I promise you that. I can act like I don’t know you if you want me to. I really didn’t want to bother you with anything.”
He walked inside the building, softly whispering “I am sorry”.
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
A small tear ran down Katelynn’s eye when she tunred around watching him leave. Maybe even him has a heart.
Lyrics by Limp Biskit - “Behind blue eyes”
