“Happy Birthday to Alex! Happy Birthday to Alex!”
“Carter, quit your singing, will yah?”
“Happy Birthday dear Al-ex; Happy Birthday to you!”
“Carter!”
“What? It’s your birthday, man!”
“I know that, and you know that, but the whole world doesn’t need to know that!”
“I bet the whole world probably already does – you old fart.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sure there are some people out there who don’t!”
“Well, I’m here to make sure they do!”
“Well, I’d prefer you didn’t.”
“We don’t always get what we want, now do we?”
“You of all people should know the answer to that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You tell me.”
“Whatever. What do you want for your birthday, Alex?”
“You mean you haven’t bought me anything yet?”
“Just ‘cause I’m asking don’t mean a thing. For all you know, I got you something really nice, and am trying to make sure you’re going to like it.”
“Nick, if you don’t know what I like by now, how the Hell can you call yourself my kid brother?”
“Easily Alex. It’s called, you-let-me-or-Kevin-will-beat-you-up.”
“Quit callin’ me Alex, will yah? And Kevin’s not gonna beat me up – I’d kick his old ass in return.”
“You’re almost as old as he is! And what? Would you prefer A.J.?”
“Carter! Shut-up! Must you talk so loud? What’re you trying to do? Start a frigin’ riot and get me mobbed on my birthday?”
“So what if I was?”
“Carter, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll get that shit-eating smirk off your damn face.”
“Ooh. Cranky in our old age now are we?”
“You’re not too far behind yourself.”
“But I’m far enough!”
“Another couple years, and I’ll be calling you the old fart.”
“How can I be the old fart, when I’m younger than you Alex? That just doesn’t make any sense. Boy, if you lose your mind when turning thirty, then I plan on avoiding it for as long as possible.”
“You can’t ignore it, birdbrain. It’s the inevitable. It’s going to happen whether you want it to or not.”
“Kinda like us being followed by paparazzi, right?”
“Right, just like – what? They’re following us? Again?”
“Would you rather they just up and ignore us Alex? Because the day that happens, is the day we might as well give up our careers and become monks.”
“The day I become a monk because someone stopped following me with cameras is the day Hell freezes over and stays frozen for good.”
“Hey, Aje?”
“What?”
“Where are we going?”
“I’m looking for the convenient store I spotted last night. Where you’re going, I’ve no idea.”
“I’m going wherever you’re going.”
“Figures. You’re just dying to make this day a living hell for me, aren’t you?”
“Oh, c’mon man. I’m not that bad, am I?”
“Yeah, Nick, you are.”
“Oh….”
“Dammit Carter! Would you wipe that pathetic sad look off your face! You know I love you like a brother, so get over it when I say nasty things. It’s my job, just like it’s your job to make me feel guilty, even when I know you’re faking it.”
“Yanno, one of these days you truly are going to hurt my feelings and that look will be real.”
“Yeah, it’ll be real when we can transport ourselves back in time and be the scrawny ass teenagers that we were again. Then that look of hurt will be real, and I’ll know it to be real. But until that happens, I know it’s always going to be fake; unless some dumb-ass says shit like that and actually means it. Then I’ll have to kick the bastard’s ass.”
“Haha. I’d pay to see that.”
“You wouldn’t have to pay, numskull. You’d already be there.”
“Good point.”
“I always have good points. It’s you we wonder about.”
“Hey, I’m smarter than people think. So what is I said I resign in Florida? Or if I get mixed up some when traveling – we all do it! And it was you Kevin called a dildo on the one hundred hour tour, not me!”
“Yeah, yeah. You can shut-up now.”
“So you never did answer my question, Alex.”
“And what question would that be?”
“What you want for your birthday – boy, your memory is bad.”
“You know what I want for my birthday?”
“Dammit! Why’d you hafta stop so fast? Now people are going to think I’m an idiot for crashing into you!”
“They already think that, dickwad.”
“Gee, thanks for that vote of confidence.”
“Anytime.”
“Anywhere, any place. You can be anyone today.”
“Must you start singing one of our songs while out in public?”
“Well, you’re the one who said anytime.”
“You know what, I’m not going to even get into that one. It’ll just take us around in annoying as fuck circles.”
“Are you ever going to answer my question, or just keep dodging the question?”
“Well, if you’d stop being such an imbecile I’d be able to tell you!”
“Then tell me already!”
“For my birthday, I want for you to go away and leave me alone until that party Rok and D. are throwing me later tonight.”
“Hey, I helped!”
“How? By following my around all day and getting on my last nerve, so when I finally show up for the party, I’ll snap at people to leave me the fuck alone?”
“The party was my idea! They’re just taking credit for it, because they don’t want any strippers or anything fun and crazy like that. They deemed me unfit to plan the party, and kicked me out. So since I can’t help with the party I came up with, I decided to hang out with you instead.”
“Nick, I don’t need no damned strippers. I have a girlfriend who’d cut my balls off for that.”
“Then maybe you ought to get a different girlfriend?”
“Yanno, if we weren’t in public, I’d smack you upside the head for that one…..Ah, hell. Who cares?”
“Ow! It was a joke! Jeez Aje! You get old and forget how to laugh!”
“Well, maybe if you weren’t driving me insane, I’d be able to laugh at something as stupid as that.”
“And here we go calling me an idiot again. Thank-you ever so much, Alex.”
“Oh, grow up Nick.”
“I need to grow up? Who just hit me upside the head?”
“All jerks deserve a good smack every now and then – just ask Kevin; he’s smacked you enough.”
“You can blame him for all my common sense being knocked outta my head too.”
“I’ll be sure to tell him you said that.”
“Well, I speak the truth. And dammit Aje! Just tell me what you want already so I can go report back to those who’ve yet to get you anything.”
“I told you what I want, Carter.”
“Yeah, well, we don’t always get what we want, now do we Alex?”
“I figured as much.”
