She looked around the small apartment, it was a far cry from what she had been used to but it was clean, had two bedrooms and was quite open plan which gave it a fresh feeling. It also gave the advantage of being able to see most rooms, of being able to visualise all the exits which made her feel safer, no one could really hide anywhere. God that was so stupid, who thought like that? Some paranoid freak that’s who.
The neighbourhood was nice enough, white picket fences dotted around, the roads quiet enough that Matty would be able to ride her bike safely, the school not more then a quick walk away. She would attended with her cousins who seemed to be settled and doing well there. The best part that Matt was less then ten minutes away, could get there quickly if she ever needed him and his wife had happily offered to watch Matty when she had to work. This was what they both needed. A fresh start, a complete fresh start.
“So this is your new place huh?” Matt asked when he walked through the doorway.
“Yep,” she said as she looked across the street to the park, Matilda would love that she thought to herself as she smiled.
“You told Mom yet?” He asked leaning against the wall.
“No and before you ask I haven’t told Nick yet either,” she said still staring at the children hurling themselves down the slide.
“Don’t you think you should?” He questioned raising an eyebrow to her.
“I will I just need to do it in person, when I get back to Florida,” she said.
“What reason did you give him for staying here longer?”
“Said that I just needed a few more days,” she shrugged.
“Are you moving here for the right reasons Shan?” He asked her and she sighed deeply. “Your not just moving here to run away from him? To run away from your feelings?”
“What is this? Twenty questions?“ She asked trying to make light of the subject but when all he did was look at her sceptically she continued, “I need a fresh start Matt, I can’t be in Florida with the threat of Ben being released and finding us or just bumping into him, I can’t live my life like that,” she told him and the part was at least truthful. The past week here had shown her how much she needed to leave Florida, how she needed a fresh start, and after thinking long and hard she had decided that the fresh start did not include Nick, now all she had to do was find the courage to tell him.
“I get that, I really do but this is a bit of a rash decision, you come up here for a few days and the day before your supposed to head back you tell me that your staying a few more days so you can meet up the a realtor, go for an interview for a new job. It just seems-”
“Seems like what?” She asked cutting him off, crossing her arms across her chest.
She knew why she was getting angry with him but she couldn’t admit to him that she was running from her feelings. The decision had been a rash one, one minute she was packing her bag dreading going back and still not having any answers for him and the next she found herself calling him asking if he could keep Matilda a bit longer, making the excuse that she wanted to spend a few more days with her brother. He hadn’t questioned her at all and as soon as she hung up she began trawling the internet looking at apartment listings, checking out local hospitals for jobs. Her interview had been yesterday and she had been offered the job almost immediately and today she had signed the lease on the apartment, this was really happening she thought to herself.
She had phoned work and spoken to Jenny, explained the whole situation, apologised for leaving so unexpectedly but Jenny had been so understanding, told her that a glowing letter of recommendation would be sent that evening and wished her luck. Apart from her Brother and sister in law, Jenny was the only other person who knew. She had dialled his number last night and had every intention of telling him but she bottled out at the last minute, it would have been easier to tell him on the phone, then she wouldn’t have to look at his face but she just couldn’t do it, she couldn’t be that callous about it.
“Mom told me about what happened and to me it seems like your running away from what happened with Nick, I know the Ben thing is an issue but if that is your true reason behind this why didn’t you think about moving sooner?”
“Firstly I can’t believe that she told you and secondly I was thinking about moving long before we… before we…I just need a fresh start, away from Florida, away from Ben, away from everything.”
“Alright as long as your sure. I don’t want you regretting this Shannon I just want you to be happy,” he said wrapping his arm around his younger sister.
“I will be,” she told him as she hugged back trying her hardest to convince herself.
I've just had the craziest week,
Like a party bag of lies, booze and then deceit.
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud,
It's therapeutic somehow.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me.
I put one foot forward and ended up thirty yards back.
And am I losing touch or am I just completely off the track?
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud,
It's therapeutic somehow.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me.
The Wombats - Moving to New York
***
How can I go home with nothing to say?
I know your going to look at me that way
And say what did you do out there?
What did you decide?
You said you needed time and you had time
You are a china shop and I am a bull
You are really good food and I am full
I guess everything is timing
I guess everything’s been said
So I am coming home with an empty head
He grabbed for his cell phone and cursed when it rung off. Checking the caller ID he realised it was Shannon and quickly pressed the call button the return her call.
“Hey. I have a huge favour to ask you,” she said when she finally picked up.
“What’s that?” He asked smiling when he heard her voice.
“My car won’t start I was wondering if you can pick me up from the airport, I really cannot be bothered to hang around for triple A,” she asked.
“Sure I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he said grabbing his wallet, shoving it in his back pocket as he stepped into a pair of flip flops.
“Thanks Nick, see you in a few,” she said before she hung up. He got into the car and headed towards the airport his stomach in knots about seeing her. He was hoping that she would give him an answer today, that she would have finally decided what she wanted.
He was nervous about what she was going to say. If she rejected him and decided that she could not be with him he would be devastated but he knew he would have to accept her decision. On the other hand he was nervous about whether she would say yes she felt the same and wanted to give things a try. That would be a huge change for him and for her, a change he knew he wanted but it still scared him.
There was also the possibility that she still hadn’t made up her mind and although he said he would wait for her he knew that he couldn’t wait for ever. He just wanted to know one way or another.
You’ll say its really good to see you
You’ll say I missed you horribly
You’ll say let me carry that give that to me
And you will take the heavy stuff
And you will drive the car
And ill look out the window and make jokes
About the way things are
He pulled up beside her car and smiled when he saw her sat in the front seat. She returned his smile when she realised it was him and opened the door so she could get out.
“Here’s my knight in shining armour,” she joked wrapping her arm around him in a hug and he squeezed back.
“Yeah always around to rescue you when you get yourself in to a mess,” he joked back but what he said was true. He had always been around when she had needed him the most, even if he was thousands of miles away he would always pick up his cell phone whenever she called, something that he didn’t even do for his family. She was going to miss that she realised when she pulled away, what she was doing would change that and she knew that their friendship would change, hell it already had in the space of half a year.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with it, it didn’t sound to healthy the last few times I’ve driven it but I just kind of ignored it,” she shrugged.
“Shan do I look like the guy from triple A? I don’t think I am going to be able to fix the car, I can give you a ride,” he said making her laugh.
“Sure, thanks,” she said as she went to pick up her bag.
“Here let me get that,” he said lifting the suitcase and bag so he could put it in the trunk before he met her in the front of the car. “So how’s Matt and the family?” He asked as he started the car and began that half an hour journey home.
“Noisy, I forgot how loud his boys were,” she smiled.
“But you had a good time?” He asked pulling down his sun viser when they pulled out of the parking garage and the sun hit them in the face.
“Yeah I did. How’s Matilda?” She asked.
“Missing you. She’s been good though and I think your going to have trouble getting her back to your Mom’s,” he admitted trying to see whether that would get her talking about her decision. He was hoping she would say that it wasn’t going to be a problem because she had no intention of going back to her Mom’s but when she bit her lip and sighed he knew what her answer would be.
“Yeah I thought that on the plane. Nick I…” she trailed off. She knew she had to tell him, she was moving in a week and a half, but the words would just not come and so she opted to lie. “I’m still not sure about what I want and I know your probably thinking that I should by now, hell I even think that, but this is something I really need to be sure about, you understand right?” She asked him.
“Of course I do and what I said before you left, I really meant that,” he said glancing over to her quickly before turning his eyes back to the road.
“I know.”
“It’s good to see you, I’ve missed you,” he admitted.
“I’ve only been gone a week,” she said through a chuckle.
“I’m not just talking about that, you don’t have to avoid me you know,” he said concentrating on the world outside.
“I know and I’m sorry about that I was wrong to do that but it was just weird seeing and…I wont do it anymore okay?” She said knowing that she was lying through her teeth. In less then two weeks she would be moving to a different city and although she had convinced her brother that her reasons were not to do with Nick ultimately she knew they were.
How can I go home with nothing to say
I know your going to look at me that way
And say what did you do out there
What did you decide
You say you needed time and you had time
You had time
You had time
You had time
Ani Di Franco - You Had Time
Chapter End Notes:
Let me know what you think although I know a lot of you aren't going to be best pleased! Next xhpater should be up by sunday at the latest and it's going to be a corker!
