“Thanks, baby,” I winked. “I’ll be fine.” I nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. He nodded and hurried off to his room to get ready for bed. Nick grinned at me from the doorway and I laughed. “He’s adorable. I think he’s soaking up all of this…you and me being in the same living situation together again.” I rolled my eyes. “Kids.” I sighed with a slight chuckle.
“Yeah, kids,” Nick nodded and shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “So I don’t have to worry about waking up to Jake standing over me with a baseball bat about to kill me for living with you, right?” He chuckled nervously, licking his lips in the process.
I rolled my eyes again. “Jake’s not the bad guy, Nick.” I tried defending him, even though these days I had been more than confused about my love life. “But no, he’s not going to be here because I haven’t told him yet.” I shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal and then took a little time to stand up and wobble towards the bathroom.
“You haven’t told him yet?” Nick sounded surprised. “Sarah, you’re going to have to tell him.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” I laughed, pushing him playfully. “I’ll tell him tomorrow. Today’s been such a big day and I’m exhausted.” It wasn’t a lie. I really was exhausted. Between the medication and the stress of the entire surgery, I was ready to just crash and go to sleep.
“How are you feeling?” Nick asked sincerely as I pulled out a toothbrush from the medicine cabinet with some toothpaste. I shrugged and looked at my reflection in the mirror, the big white bandage covering my heart.
“It’s sore,” I muttered, glancing down at my hands awkwardly. “But I mean, I’m glad they fixed it and I don’t really have to worry anymore.”
“I want you to remember it’s there, Sarah,” Nick said and made his way closer, leaning against the counter. “The doctor said there’s a chance the fake artery could still rupture. You have to be careful.” It was moments like that which made my heart flutter and butterflies go loose in my stomach. Why did he have to always say things like that?
“I’ll be careful,” I nodded with a grin. “You better get to bed, Mister. Who do you think is waking up with Connor tomorrow morning?” I laughed at his facial expression.
“Dammit, taking care of you means taking Connor to school bright and early every morning,” he whined playfully, making me laugh even more.
“Yes sir,” I winked and wet my toothbrush. So things weren’t so bad.
“Momma! Dad said you’d be sleeping still!” Connor ran into the kitchen where I had started a pot of coffee – something Nick always managed to forget. I smiled and leaned down gently, careful not to hurt myself, to kiss the top of his head.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged. “I packed you lunch. Are you all ready for school?” I asked as he slipped his shoes on. He nodded and took the banana I handed him.
“I have my vocabulary test today,” he explained as he began peeling the banana. “It won’t be hard.” He reassured me.
“Did you and Dad study?” I asked him and he nodded. I poured some Kool-Aid into a cup and handed it to him. “Okay, well, good luck with it. You’ll do well. I’ll be here when you get home.” I smiled. I had to admit, it was nice to all be back together and be acting as if we were a family all over again. It was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Even the nights where Jake would sleep over…it never felt the same.
“Hey,” Nick came into the kitchen looking confused. “What are you doing awake? You’re supposed to be sleeping.” He grinned as he noticed the coffee brewing. “Yeah, I could never get used to doing that after you left…” he trailed off.
My eyes nearly bulged out of my skull. “Nick, it’s been five years since I left,” I chuckled, trying to sound playfully. Yet I was completely shocked he just couldn’t get used to it.
“I know,” he shrugged. “There’s a lot of stuff I just haven’t gotten used to after you left.” He made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal but it SO was. I had to control myself from not letting my jaw drop.
“Like what?” I questioned, completely interested now.
“Stuff,” he shrugged again with a playful grin. “But I need to get our kid to school.” The way it sounded made me feel good inside. Again, it really felt like a real family…like it should. “I’ll be home later.” He opened the front door and called for Connor, and then they left.
I shook my head, not sure how to handle the entire situation with Nick. He was acting so strange lately. He was acting…nice? That wasn’t the Nick I used to know. I shrugged and sighed, wobbling into the living room with a cup of coffee to sit and relax – something I definitely wasn’t used to doing.
Then I saw my cell phone vibrating on the coffee table. I reached for it and sighed heavily when I saw it was Jake. “Hey,” I tried to sound as happy as possible.
“Hey!” He sounded excited. “Baby, why didn’t you call me when you left the hospital? I called your room looking for you and the nurse said you were sent home yesterday. How are ya feeling?” He asked. I smiled and took a sip of my coffee.
“Not too bad, a little sore, but not bad,” I explained, trying to think of how I was going to break the news to him.
“That’s good. Did Paige come to get Connor or is he still at Nick’s?” He asked. I bit my bottom lip, sorting through the words in my brain.
“He’s at Nick’s,” it wasn’t a lie.
“Oh, that’s good,” he said. “Do they have anyone helping you out? You must be struggling getting around or whatnot.” This was it. I was going to have to tell him. I knew I couldn’t blatantly lie – that wasn’t like me at all.
“Uh, yeah…I’m actually staying with Nick for a few days until I get back on my feet, well, more like a month until you get home,” I rambled quickly, as if me saying it faster would make the blow a little less painful.
“You’re staying where?” His tone immediately changed and I closed my eyes as if I could hide from his expression.
“Nick’s,” I sighed. “Paige doesn’t have the room for me and Connor. I really missed being around Connor before and after the surgery. Besides, I can really take care of myself…I just need someone around to be on the safe side.” I tried to play it off even though I knew he was furious.
“I’ll fly you out to California, then,” he said firmly.
“I can’t,” I sighed and stood up slowly to move around to the kitchen. “The doctor doesn’t want me on a plane for a month, at least. I have to take it easy and flying myself across the country definitely isn’t the way to do that.”
“Then I’ll come back,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’ll put off filming for a month. They won’t care. I run this show.” I rolled my eyes. I hated when he got to that point where he was egotistical and full of himself. “It’ll work out. I’ll get a flight home tonight and be there to pick you up tomorrow morning.”
“Do you not trust me, Jake? I don’t want you to come home,” as soon as I said it I knew it sounded harsh and rude. I sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, trying to rephrase what I said. “I don’t mean it like that. I just don’t understand why you’re acting this way. Nick and I are adults. We’re able to look past our differences and be friends, Jake. You must not trust me very much if you’re so worried about all this.”
“To be honest, it sounds like you’re hiding something,” he spat back. “I just don’t understand you anymore, Sarah. You’ve been so distant lately. You haven’t been yourself, at all.”
I felt tears flood my eyes; another side effect of the medicine was my emotions. I was so much more emotional being on these meds. “Sorry, Jake, it’s not like I just came out of a heart surgery or anything.” I muttered sarcastically.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” he sighed. I could tell he was just as stressed as I was, if not more. “I love you and I trust you so much. I just feel like I should be there for you right now. You’re going through a really rough time and I just want to be by your side.”
I knew his apology was sincere and he really was trying to make it all work out. “Jake, you should have thought about that before you flew across the country. I’ve needed someone for the past few weeks. The surgery was the least stressful moment. It’s the days after the surgery that count. And you haven’t been around. I had no one else to turn to. Nick was keeping Connor, and I needed Connor. So I went to Nick.” I tried explaining.
“Let me come home,” he sighed.
“Don’t,” I shook my head with a sigh, wiping underneath my nose with my hand. “I can do this on my own. I’ve been doing it for the past three weeks.”
“I feel like you’re trying to keep me away,” he sighed, feeling defeated. I bit my bottom lip, trying to think of what to say. In a sense, I kind of felt like I was keeping him away. I didn’t want him here. I wanted to stay with Nick. Part of me wanted to know what would happen if I lived with him for a month. I wanted to see if things could be different. “If you don’t want me to come back, then don’t say anything…” he said softly. I closed my eyes, trying to form the sentence in my mind for my mouth to spiel out, telling him how much I loved him and how much I needed him. But nothing came out…nothing but silence.
It was the most informative, loaded moment of silence I had ever spoken.
“Goodbye.” Was the last thing I heard Jake say.
