“What do you mean, something’s abnormal?” I asked the technician and cardiologist as I pulled my shirt back over my head after the echocardiogram. I gnawed on the inside of my lip as I sat there, waiting for some kind of answer. The cold table was beginning to turn my thighs numb and I folded my arms across my chest.
“We’ve been watching different aspects of your heart for some time, Miss James. There’s always been an odd sound to it. We just never could put our finger on it,” the cardiologist explained as she sat down on one of those swivel chairs Connor loved to play on. “Unfortunately, there are some things us doctors aren’t even aware of out there – and this was one of them.” I wanted to lash out at her for not understanding why something was wrong with me. Wasn’t she supposed to know? Wasn’t that her job? “So I called a fellow colleague and sent him your tapes.” She motioned back to the screen, pulling up a shot of one of my arteries. “See how big this is, Sarah?” She asked. I nodded and swallowed hard. I could already feel the tears boiling in my eyes. “We were able to diagnose you with idiopathic dilatation of the main pulmonary artery.”
I blinked a few times and swallowed. “What?” I asked.
“Idiopathic dilatation of the main pulmonary artery,” she repeated a bit slower. “Basically we call it IDPA. It’s a disease that’s very uncommon. I’ve never seen a patient with it before, and the colleague I spoke with has only seen one case. It’s not only uncommon, but it’s even more uncommon in young women.” She sighed heavily and sat back down on her swivel chair, again making me think of my son.
“What does it mean?” I tried my hardest to swallow all of this information.
“It basically means that your pulmonary artery is bigger than it should be. I’ve noticed that the normal person’s measures at about 22 mm. Yours, though, measures about 47 mm. It can be very dangerous; especially because last year it measured…” she paused and looked down at my folder. “43 mm.” She sighed. “A person’s pulmonary artery shouldn’t grow that much in five years, let alone one year.”
I closed my eyes and rubbed my temple. “Is this dangerous? I mean, what kind of restrictions do I have? Where do we go from here?” All these questions. I should have sent Connor over to Nick’s and brought Jake with me. I should have known this would have been a bad appointment. I wasn’t sure I could get through it all on my own.
“Yes, there are a bit of restrictions. You can’t run, we’d advise you to take stairs slowly. No physical sports. Natural childbirth is a big no –…”
I cut her off. “I had my son naturally,” I said softly. “Vaginally, if that’s what you’re meaning.”
“Really?” She raised her eyebrows. “Did you experience any chest pains?”
I had to chuckle. “No offense, Dr. Anderson, but I experienced a lot of pain that night and I’m not sure I remember perfectly whether any of it was coming from my chest.” I sighed.
“You probably stretched it out even more,” she mustered softly. It seemed to me as though she was learning this as she went along, and that scared me. “Do you have any chest pains regularly?” I shrugged and nodded a bit. I had always experienced the pains. I thought it was normal. She sighed and scribbled something down in her notes. “I really think we should start calling surgeons.”
My eyes nearly popped out of my head. “Do you really think it’s necessary? I have a five-year-old son at home…I’m only twenty-six, Dr. Anderson.” I began rambling.
“Sarah, you could experience anything from an artery rupture to a heart attack because of this and possibly die. I’d much rather you risk the surgery than risk not having it. I’d really like to sit down with multiple surgeons all over the country and talk about who would want to do this. The surgery hasn’t been performed as frequently as I’d like it to, but we’re going to have to start making plans and soon,” she said firmly. “I’m telling you that you’re at risk.”
“Okay,” I mumbled softly as a tear rolled off my cheek. “Am I able to still take care of my son?”
“Don’t carry him and you should be fine,” she nodded. “Just remember to avoid running and stairs. And sports, of course. I’d like you to look into getting either a business card or bracelet of some sort to keep on you at all times in case you’re in a car accident or something happens, that way paramedics know your diagnosis,” she made it sound like I was dying. “Sarah, your ex husband does have custody over Connor if anything happened, right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded and sighed, rubbing my legs to try and make them warm. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“You might want to sit down and explain everything to him, just in case,” she patted my knee caringly.
“Dr. Anderson, you keep saying ‘just in case’…should I be more worried about this?” I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. This was all coming as such a shock. I didn’t understand why I was sick or how I had gotten the disease.
“I hate having to tell you this, Sarah,” she sighed. “But I honestly don’t know. I’m studying this more and more every day to try and help you the best I can. But right now, I don’t really have any answers for you. I wish I did.” She explained. “I suggest going home and talking all of this over with your family. I’ll be in contact with you within the next few days after I find out what the surgeons say.”
I nodded slowly and hopped down from the table I was sitting on. This would be interesting to discuss with Jake, Nick and Connor. I pictured each one of them handling it differently.
The drive home was interesting. I was trying to think who to tell first and how to go about doing it. I figured I should probably start with Jake so that afterwards, he could help me explain it to Connor. And then I figured I needed to tell Nick. If something happened to me – God forbid – he’d be in charge of Connor 100%. I sighed heavily as fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. This was so drastic, so sudden. I wasn’t sure why I was going through all of this, I just knew I was.
I pulled into the parking lot for my apartment with Connor and headed up the stairs. Connor was still at school and Jake was at the house, supposedly making dinner. I opened the door and took in a deep breath, the air smelling like lasagna – one of my favorites.
“Hey baby,” Jake winked as he placed the plates on the table. “Alex called and said he’d pick Connor up from school and bring him over. I think him and Jill are having dinner with us. Is that okay?” He asked. He froze when he saw my face, obviously recognizing that something was wrong.
“I need to tell you something,” I whispered and sat down on the couch. He immediately came over and sat down next to me, concerned as to why I seemed so upset. “I have a disease, Jake.”
“A d-disease?” He swallowed hard and placed his hand on mine, squeezing it gently. “What kind of disease? Are you going to be okay?” He asked. I sighed and wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.
“I have no idea. It’s called idiopathic dilatation of the main pulmonary artery,” I broke out and explained everything like the nurse had explained to me. Part of me was wondering if Jake would even want to be with me anymore, but then the other part of me knew of course he’d stick around. He wouldn’t leave because I was sick.
“Wow,” Jake swallowed and glanced down at our hands after I finished explaining everything. “What’s going to happen, Sarah?” He asked softly.
I felt the tears welling in my eyes and I shrugged. “I don’t know.” I mumbled. “My cardiologist wants to start talking to surgeons around the country. She said it needs to be fixed.” I didn’t know how to admit I was scared to him. I wasn’t sure what to say.
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“Hey bud,” Nick swung open the door, expecting to be face to face with Connor. Instead, he was face to face with me. I swallowed back the tears and tried to dry my face once more before I pushed into the room past him. He frowned and looked out the door, waiting for Connor to run up. “Where’s my son?” He asked, getting angry.
“With Jake in the car,” I said softly. “But don’t freak out. I’m going to go get him in a minute. I just need to talk to you about some stuff.” I sighed and glanced around the manly, not very warm, apartment. It was so dark…so cold.
“Talk about what?” He folded his arms over his chest and sat down on the couch across from me. “You aren’t going back to court, right?” I had always threatened Nick with the idea of taking him into court and fighting him for complete custody over Connor – where Nick wouldn’t see him anymore. With everything Nick had been through, we both knew I’d win. But I only used that against him when I was angry or upset.
“No, Nick. I’m not going to court,” I closed my eyes and tried to think of how to say what I needed to say. “I need to talk to you about something important…” I sighed. “I’m really sick, Nick. With a disease.” I finally managed to whisper. “It’s a heart disease. And I need surgery.” Bring on the waterworks; I couldn’t ever get through saying all that without tears. This time didn’t prove to be any different. “I need to know that you’re going to be around for Connor. He doesn’t like Jake. He likes you. And I need to know before I go into all this,” by this time I was practically hysterical. “That you’ll be there for him…forever, Nickolas. Not just for a weekend every once and a while.” I noticed that his eyes that were full of hatred and anger suddenly softened and he moved over to sit close to me on the couch and put his hand on mine.
“I’ll always be there for him,” he said softly.
“Thanks, Nick,” I wiped at my eyes. We didn’t have the greatest relationship, but it was good knowing we had one thing in common – we both loved Connor. “I’ll go get him now. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Hey,” he called out as I reached the door. “I’m here for you too, ya know.” He muttered. I smiled and walked out.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for the reviews & for being patient! This story is going to be harder for me to write, simply because a lot of what I'm writing is stuff I'm going through right now. Idiopathic dilatation of the main pulmonary artery really is a disease that exists, yet it's very rare. So all the facts I'm using in this story are REAL. I'm living proof. Please keep on reviewing!
