I chuckled at something Captain Jack Sparrow was doing on the TV. I glanced down to see why Connor wasn’t laughing and noticed he had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I kissed the top of his head and rearranged so that I could pick him up.
“I got him,” Nick whispered and scooped him up, taking him to his bedroom. I smirked and stood up after Nick had left, turning off the movie.
“Thanks,” I smiled when Nick walked back into the room. “He keeps getting heavier.” I joked.
“Yeah, and you’re not supposed to be lifting stuff,” he scolded. I had completely forgotten, to be honest. “I know you and I know you’re probably carrying him around anyway. You really can’t risk anything, Sarah.” I had to grin. Nick Carter, worried about me? Seriously? “What?” He asked when he saw I was smiling.
“I’m just shocked you care, that’s all,” I admitted honestly as I watched Nick sit back down as if we were going to stay and chat, just like old friends. I shrugged and sat back down. I didn’t have anything else to do.
“Why do you make me out to be this really, really bad guy?” Nick asked out of the blue. I was a little taken back, to be honest. I glanced around and sighed.
“Well, I guess just from the way things used to be,” I shrugged. “I mean, when I was pregnant with Connor, you never really cared, Nick. I know we’ve been over this countless times,” I added when I saw him ready to interject. “But still…that’s why I’ve made you out to be someone that doesn’t care. I know you love Connor and you care about him. I just never really felt that when it came to me.” I explained.
“I do care about you, Sarah. I’m sorry things never really worked out the way we had hoped,” even though I always seemed to be ragging on Nick, that sounded like a genuine statement. “And I worry about you these days. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Connor loves you. He loves being with you so much more than he loves being with me. We can’t lose you.”
Even though he was basically saying he wanted me to stick around simply because our son liked me better, I still felt my heart flutter. “Thanks Nick,” I grinned. “It’s nice to feel wanted. And you aren’t going to lose me. I’m following the doctor’s orders and all…”
“Well good,” he smirked. That was one thing I couldn’t help myself with – his grin. Anyone that knew Nick Carter knew he had an amazing smile. The one where his eyes open up and his eyebrows rise a little. It makes me melt. “Can I get you some ice cream or something? I’m starving.” He laughed.
I glanced at the clock on the wall and chuckled, myself. “Nick, we ate pizza like, an hour ago.” I followed him into the kitchen.
“Sarah,” he looked at me as if I were stupid. “You know me. You know I can’t go an hour or more without food.” He winked. I rolled my eyes and nodded.
“Oh, yep, that’s right,” I laughed and folded my arms across my chest. I leaned back against the counter. “You would eat all the food and then never restock.” I giggled. He opened his mouth to say something and then thought about it for a minute.
“That was the case only part of the time,” he argued. “If I remember correctly, while you were pregnant I did a lot of the grocery shopping…” he trailed off, knowing that was only partially true.
I cleared my throat, really not wanting to go down that road again. I was over talking to Nick about our “marriage”, if you could even call it that. The ceremony had been absolutely beautiful – well planned out and expensive. The reception was even more amazing. It had everything I wanted. Except something incredibly important. Love.
“Sorry,” he mumbled as he scooped up some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream into two bowls. He tossed a spoon in mine and handed it to me, following me out back into the living room.
“For what?” I asked as I folded my legs underneath me on the couch, sitting Indian style. I shoved a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth and watched him intently.
“For being the world’s shittiest husband,” he chuckled.
I nearly choked on the slippery sweet stuff sliding down my throat. Instead of confronting what he said, I decided to dance around it. “Shittiest? Is that even a word?” I tried laughing, but it sounded more awkward and nervous than I intended it to.
“Sar, I know I was an ass, okay?” He became extremely serious extremely fast. “I really screwed it all up. I got scared when you got pregnant.” He sighed and glanced down at his bowl, as if he was looking for courage or strength. “I wasn’t ready to be a dad. I wasn’t ready for any of it. But I knew we needed to get married…so I did.”
“Nick, it’s okay…”
“No, it’s not,” he shook his head. His big blue eyes were so full of passion. I felt like this might have been something he had needed to say for a while, though it was hard to imagine. I never in my right mind imagined him apologizing to me for everything that had happened so many years ago. Nick wasn’t the apologizing time, like I mentioned earlier. “Just hear me out. It’s taken me so much time to get this out…” he sighed. “I kept telling myself if things had been different, I’d never gotten you pregnant in the first place and maybe we’d be happy. But then I think about Connor…and I’m so happy he’s in my life.” He said genuinely with a smile. “He’s made my life so much better. I’m just sorry I fucked up yours. Your life you had going for you was amazing.”
“Nick…” I was appalled. I couldn’t believe my ears. Part of me wanted to actually reach out and touch his hand to see if he was really there. “My life’s amazing right now. Connor is everything to me. I’d never in a million years regret having him.” I assured him. “I know things didn’t work out between us, but I think everything happens for a reason.”
Nick nodded and took another bite of his ice cream, trying to make it some kind of a distraction. “I’m glad you have Jake.” He said softly. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
“After tonight, I’m not sure I have Jake anymore,” I mumbled and traced my fingers along the bowl – it happened to be one of the bowls we had gotten at our wedding. A smile cracked my lips. “Remember when we got these dish sets? You and I both hated them.” I laughed, completely changing the subject.
Nick smiled and nodded. “Yep, but during the divorce I wanted to get my hands on as much as I could just to piss you off.” He shook his head. “I can be such an asshole.”
“Ah, yes you can,” I nodded with a grin. “However, I do remember I was the one that ended up getting your Cadillac…and sold it.” I winced, just remembering the awful thing I had done.
“Yeah, that was definitely a hit below the belt,” he nodded, speaking softly but with a light chuckle to his voice. It was that tone I couldn’t even listen to without my heart speeding up in my chest. His voice – that was something, along with his eyes, that was completely sexy about Nick. I couldn’t make the feeling go away, that’s how strong it was. “That, and…well, you getting full custody of Connor. That really hit me hard. Though, I should’ve expected it.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I knew Nick and I were completely different types of parents – I knew I was probably better off having completely custody over our son. But at the same time, if the roles had been reversed and Nick had gotten complete custody, I would have been devastated. I couldn’t even imagine how Nick felt. “I’m sorry about it all, Nick.”
“It’s okay,” he assured me with a small smile. “I’m thankful that you let me see Connor whenever you do. You’ve never really kept him away from me.” He thanked me.
“I could never do that. He loves you way too much,” I felt tears in my eyes – almost like I was saddened by everything Nick was telling me. Nick and I had never really talked this much without arguing.
He cleared his throat and put his now empty bowl down on the coffee table. “You should marry Jake,” he nodded, completely shocking me in the process. “He’d be good for you and Connor both.” He stood up and carried mine and his bowl into the kitchen, leaving me completely speechless.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for your feedback! Keep it all coming and I'll try to get the next chapter out *hopefully* soon. Thanks :].
