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While standing on the balcony memories of the night before flood my mind. AJ was absolutely incredible. We seemed so perfect for each other. We fit so well together. At that moment I felt hands wrap around my waist. I turn around and face AJ, who is smiling down at me. He sweeps a piece of hair out of my face that was blown there by the wind. He is looking directly in my eyes, and I wanted him. I pulled his face down to mine and placed my lips onto his. The kiss was full of passion. It was soft, but it was so sensual. He picked me up and sat me on the edge of the balcony. He looked me dead in the eye and said “You drive me crazy. No matter how much I tell myself to give you space and not pressure you, I can not help but want you.”


“I want you too, Alex…” I reply.


AJ shook his head “You want me right now, but in a few hours you will want Nick and if it isn’t in a few hours the next time you see him, you will want him. I can not accept the fact that the woman that I am in love with wants someone else. So, we are either going to be lovers or friends. You are either going to choose me or Nick. That is it. I will not fight for you; I will not try to win you over. If you are going to be with me, it is because you choose me without any bribery or outside influence.”


“Can I still have you until I make up my mind?” I ask with my sexy voice and my sexy smile.


“UGGGG!!! Dess!! Don’t do that to me. You make me want to take you right now!!”


“That is what I want….since last night, I can’t get you out of my head. I have never experienced sex like last night. It was so exhilarating. It was so fulfilling. I so didn’t want it to end. And I defiantly want it again.”


AJ took me into his arms and pulled me off the ledge. He carried me over to my bed and laid me down onto it. He stood over me looking down at me. He crawled onto the bed and placed one arm on each side of me. He looked down into my eyes and said “Do you want me Dess?”


“Yes, I want you!” I replied.


“Do you love me Dess?” he asked.


“Do I have to be in love with you to want you?” I ask.


“No, but it makes it better…” he leaned down and kissed me. I pushed him up a little and looked him in the eye.


“I don’t know if it is love or infatuation, but you do something to me that makes me feel out of control. I loved feeling that last night. You made me forget all my troubles. You made me excited for life again. And frankly it was the best fucking sex I have ever had.”


He returned his lips to mine and forcefully kissed me. He quickly took my clothes off and then his own. Within minutes he was inside of me. It felt different this time. It felt forced, like he didn’t really want to me with me. It was over quickly and he got up and put his clothes back on. He looked over at me and I guess he could see the disappointment in my face. He said, “Still the best sex you’ve ever had?”


My eyes filled with tears and I looked away from him. I wipe a tear away and then looked back at him. “You didn’t have to force yourself to be with me AJ. I would’ve accepted the fact that that you didn’t want to be with me again until I made a decision. Instead, you just made me feel used.”


“It sucks to feel used doesn’t Dessie?”


I begin to sob more and AJ looks away from me and then says “At least now you know what it feels like when I am making love and when I am fucking.”


He was being so cold. It was a side of him I had never seen. It was almost like he was playing AJ the Backstreet Boy and not himself. I got off the bed, grabbed my clothes and shut myself in the bathroom. How could he say those things to me? How could he be so cold? If he was trying to push me away he was doing a damn good job at it. I sat against the door with me knees to my chest and just cried. Now my heart was in more pain than ever.


AJ’s BRAIN


What did I just do? Why did I just say those things to her? Am I purposely trying to push her away? Am I trying to make her choose Nick? I know one thing though; I will not just sit her and let her fuck me whenever she wants me. What about when I want her? What about how much I love her? I am just going to stay away from her until she figures this out. This house is big enough that I don’t even have to see her if I don’t want too. That is what I will do; I will just avoid her and let her make up her mind.


MEANWHILE IN THE BATHROOM


I finally got up and got into the bathtub. I felt like I had to wash him off of me. How could he treat me like that? How could he make me feel so used and unwanted? If he really wanted to be with me, that was not the way to show me. How was that love?


Over the next few days AJ completely avoided me. I felt like I was in this huge house all by myself. I heard him leave very early every morning and he did not come home until late at night. I am sure he was drunk two of those nights. I was seriously considering packing my things and leaving. I was at least going to get out of the house.


I got dressed and grabbed the keys to one of AJ’s cars. I grabbed my purse off of the desk in the corner and opened the door only to find Nick standing there about to knock.


“Nick! What are you doing here?” I asked calmly, but inside I was so excited to see him.


He ran his hand through his hair bashfully and then said, “I wanted to see you. I thought maybe we could go have lunch together.”


I allowed a smile to slide across my face and I say “I was just on my way out myself. I would love to go to lunch with you.”


His shyness suddenly went away and he seemed like himself again. “Sweet, where were you going?”


“No idea! I just had to get out of the house before I went stir crazy!”


“AJ hasn’t been keeping you busy?” asked Nick suspiciously.


“Hardly! He hasn’t said a word to me since the day we got here.” I said shaking my head.


“What happened?”


“UGGGG…I think he is mad at me, because I haven’t made a decision. I think it is bothering him that I am staying in his house, but sleeping in a different room.”


“You mean you’re not still sleeping with him?”


I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I mean the whole reason why we are fighting is because we had sex, but then again, I don’t see it happening again.



“No we aren’t sleeping together. Honestly, when you heard us the other night, that was the first time it had happened. I hadn’t been sleeping with AJ while pining away for you. Something just happened between me and AJ. I can’t explain it?”


“You sound like you are in love with him” he said as he looked forward while driving down the road.


“I don’t think so… I am starting to think it is more of an infatuation…I mean he was after all my favorite Backstreet Boy. He was the one I use to day dream about in high school. He was my celebrity crush. And now that he is in my life it is kind of surreal.”


“So….you are like fulfilling a fantasy by sleeping with my best friend knowing that both he and I are in love with you?”


I look over at him. How do I answer this without sounding like a slut? “AJ was there for me Nick. He showed me affection at my weakest moment. He made me feel beautiful even when I knew I looked horrible. He made me smile and laugh when I felt like I didn’t have anything to laugh about. And when we were together he made me feel….I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear this.”


“No, tell me! What did he make you feel that I didn’t?” he said raising his voice.


Tears streamed down my checks again. “He made me feel that I was all he wanted.”


“I didn’t do that for you? I didn’t make you feel like I wanted you?”


“Yeah, I felt wanted by you, but you quickly made me feel unwanted. While I was in pain from losing the baby, you were out screwing a different girl every night. I had to just lay there in bed listening to you fuck them. Wanting so badly to be them.”


Nick pulled over to the side of the road. He got out of the car and then came and pulled me out. He looked down and me and yelled, “I wanted them to be you!!” he then pulled me into him and kissed me. I felt my knees go weak. There was the feeling that I had been missing. There was the want and the love that I wanted to feel. He pulled away from me and looked down at me as he wiped the tears off of my checks. “I wanted nothing more than to be with you every night. The only way I could get you out of my head was to drown myself in alcohol. I wanted to come and take you back everyday. I just thought I had fucked to bad for you to ever forgive me.”


“For awhile I honestly didn’t think I could.” I admitted.


“Have you now?” he asked with hope in his eyes.


“I just did.” I replied and pulled him down to me. He kissed me again with his lips lingering on mine a few seconds longer this time. “Take me to your house.”


“OK”


We got back into the car and drove to Nick’s house. I had a huge knot in my throat the entire way. I was sure now that I was going to choose Nick. I was terrified of telling AJ. Once we got to Nicks house he opened my door and took my hand. He pulled me into a soft kiss and then walked me into his house. He shut the door and immediately turned around and pushed me up against the wall. He smothered my face and neck with kisses. He pulled my head gently back by pulling my hair. I let out a moan of pleasure. He backed away and walked up the stairs with me close behind him. He pulled me into his room and allowed a smile to slide across his face. Pulled his shirt over his head and pulled me into his bare chest. I kissed his chest as he lifted my arms and removed my shirt. He laid me onto the bed and kissed down my stomach. He reached me scar next to my belly button and asked “Is this where you had the surgery?” I nodded my head yes as he leaned down to kiss the scar. Nick pulled my pants off and then my underwear. He kissed me just below my navel and then slid his fingers into my wetness. I arched my back with pleasure as he rubbed me gently. He then moved his fingers into my opening and his mouth onto my clit. As he gave me oral pleasure a flash of AJ doing the same thing flashed in my mind. For an instant I felt guilty for being with Nick. As quickly as the guilt came though it went. Nick rose above me and took his pants off, he then placed him self on top of me and went to enter me.



“Wait!” I said. “You need to put a condom on.” I add. Nick shook his head no and replied, “NO! I want to show you that if you get pregnant I will be here. I want to show you that I am not running anymore.”


Nick then entered me slowly and gently. After allowing my body to adjust to his manly hood he began to pick up the pace. He got more and more forceful with every thrust. He looked down at me and said, “I love you Dessie. I never stopped. I want you to come back to me.”


“I am already back Nick.” I reply as he smiles and brings his lips back down to mine. After a few more minutes both Nick and I receive our climax and are lying side by side.


“Promise me, you won’t ever let me go so easy again.” Said Nick.


“I didn’t let you go easy this time Nick. I just didn’t know how to make you want something that I wanted so badly.”


“Well, I promise, I will never let you go as easily as I did this time.”


Nick laid there holding until we both feel asleep. A few hours later we wake up and suddenly the realization that I have to tell AJ that I am not going to be with him hit me. What am I going to say to him? How am I going to tell him? How is he going to react?


I got out of bed and put my clothes on. Nick looked over and asked me where I was going. I told him that I needed to speak with AJ to let him know that I had made a decision. I didn’t want to keep stringing him along. Nick took me back to AJ’s house and once I arrived I was petrified. Nick dropped me off and told me to call when I was done and he would come and get me. I watched as he drove off and turned around to walk to the house. As I moved my eyes from the ground to eye level I found AJ standing outside the door looking at me.


“You been with him all day?” he asked with a cold look on his face.


“Yeah.” I reply as I nod slowly.


“What are you back here for then?” he ask still with a cold voice and cold face.


“I came back to talk to you.” I answer.


“Why? To tell me you spent the day fucking Nick? To tell me that you have choose him? To tell me we are better off as friends?” He screams at me. Tears are rolling down my face.


“Well, don’t waste your breath. I don’t really give a fuck and frankly I was through with you anyway.”


“AJ, why are you saying these things. Why have you been so cold and distant the past you days? Why did you treat me like a whore the other night?”


“Did you sleep with Nick today?” he asks with his face finally softening and becoming more sad. I just look at the ground. “See that…” he said “That right there is why I treated you like a whore….It is obvious you are one.”


I am now really angry. I start yelling and screaming and crying uncontrollably. I pick up a rock and throw it at AJ’s house. “Fuck you AJ!! And to think that I was coming back to tell you that I was in love with you and that I wanted us to be together. I must have been fucking stupid.”


AJ’s mouth had dropped open and he didn’t say a word. “I am glad I didn’t say that before I realized what you really think of me. Either get my stuff together and send it to Nicks or I will come by later and pick it up. I am so done here.”


“Dess….wait” said AJ.


“Don’t waste your breath Alex, it is so over.” I reply as I turn and walk away. I felt a little guilty about making him think that I was going to choose him, but I didn’t know another way to make him feel as shitty as I was feeling.


AJ’s BRAIN


AJ fell to his knees and began to cry. Why had he said those horrible to her? He was so sure that she was going to choose Nick. He just thought he was building up a defense system so that he would be so hurt by her rejection. And in return, he instead he ended up rejecting her.