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TWO WEEKS LATER


The last two weeks have been hell for me. I haven’t received a letter or a call from Nick and I am starting to think that I got played. All I have been doing is moping around hoping to get mail. I have written three times; he should have received at least one of them by now. I have decided to keep myself busy, and keep my mind off of him. I have started working out a lot more. I mean I can’t seriously think that I can keep a guy like Nick if I get all fat. I have also started a journal that helps me keep track of my days and events that happen. I have also suddenly been getting hit on by so many guys. Where were they at before Nick? It is like now that I am supposed to be faithful I have all of this temptation. And with Nick not calling or writing, I am beginning to feel used and setup.


I walk outside and sit on the flight deck. I look out to the horizon and smile as I think of Nick. He would love this view. Suddenly a huge whale surfaces and it scares the shit out of me. It was so beautiful though. Its eyes looked so sad, and it appeared to be looking directly at me. As quickly as it surfaced it was gone. That was amazing I said to myself. Nick would have loved to see that. It seems that here lately all my thoughts bring me back to Nick. How it is that someone I hardly know has such an impact on me.


I return inside only to find out that I got mail. I rush to my bunk to open it. It is a letter from Nick:

Dessie,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. We have been super busy in the studios recording. We are going to be in Sweden for the next few weeks, so hopefully I can write you more. I tried calling a few times, but it keeps saying that the lines weren’t operational, whatever that means.

I wanted you to know that I am so glad that I meet you. I can’t get you out of my head. It feels like I have known you forever. I can’t wait until we can actually be together. Until next time,Nick

I smile the entire time I am reading it, and I keep reading it over and over.


“Whatcha reading” ask Elle as she walks into the berthing (what we call sleeping quarters in the Navy).


“A letter from Nick.” I answer smiling.


“No way, I still don’t believe that you actually met Nick Carter in Spain. Nobody gets that lucky”


“I did”


“Let me see it” she reaches and grabs the letter. She reads it and then smiles. “How sweet” she say’s “But it doesn’t prove that it is Nick Carter.”


“I don’t have to prove that it is Nick Carter. It actually doesn’t even matter that he is Nick Carter. I like him… a lot….and being Nick Cater has nothing to do with it. You should know that. I mean after all, he is my least favorite Backstreet Boy. I didn’t even recognize him until I seen AJ.”


“Yeah, OK!” she replied with a mischievous grin. “I still don’t buy it.”


“You don’t have too.” I answer nonchalantly.


ANOTHER WEEK GOES BY….


I have been feeling extremely sick the past few days. The sea doesn’t normally make me feel this way. I am lying in my bunk trying not to move my head for fear of throwing up yet again. I am contemplating going down into medical and getting medicine for it.


After two more trips to the bathroom, I decide to go be seen by the doctor.


“So, what is the problem?” asked LT Barnes.


“I have been feeling really sick the past couple of days. I can’t keep anything down and I am always dizzy.”


“Sounds like you are sea sick.”


“That is what I have been telling myself, except I have never had a problem with it before, and I am even waking up in the middle of the night to vomit.”


“Huh… Well let’s get some blood and see if maybe you have a virus or infection of some sort. Just to be sure.”


“OK” She takes the blood and comes back into the room with a needle.


“What is that for?”


“I am going to give you some phenergan for you nausea so you will stop vomiting it will make you go to sleep, but when you wake we should have the results of the blood test.”


“Thanks” Within minutes of receiving the phenergan I feel myself falling asleep. I fall asleep and dream of Nick. I dream of getting off the ship and running into his arms and…


“Dessie! Wake up!” I am shaken awake.


“What is it” I say barely awake.


“We have a problem” said George, one of the corpsman.


“What is it?” I repeat myself.


“Well, we got your test results back and it looks like you’re pregnant.”


“What does that mean?” I ask not really comprehending what he just told me.


“It means your going to have a baby!”


Suddenly the realization of what he just said hit me. “WHAT!!!! HOW, I mean I haven’t had sex in…..” suddenly I am silenced with the memory of my first night with Nick. We hadn’t used protection. “Oh my God, what am I going to do?” I begin to cry.


“Don’t worry, we can always stop at a port and you can have it taken care of.” He said carelessly.


“WHAT! Are you out of your mind? I don’t believe in abortion. I have to handle my mistakes in a more adult and moral way than that.”


“I just am pointing out the option.”


“That isn’t an option for me.”


“Then you will be forced to leave the ship. You can’t stay here pregnant. It is to much a safety risk.”


“I know…” I throw my head in my hands and begin to sob “God, why? Why now, why with someone I barely know.” Suddenly millions of thoughts flood through my mind. What is Nick going to say? When should I tell him? Should I tell him? Should I call everything off with him, so I don’t have to tell him?


I begin to cry harder and I get up and run out of the room, crashing into Elle as I leave.


“Why are you crying?” she asked with a worried look on her face.


“No reason. Sorry, but I can’t talk right now I have to go.” I excuse myself and go back to my bunk. I just can’t seem to comprehend why this happened. I mean I how it happened; I just don’t get why! I end up crying myself to sleep.


I wake up the next morning and know that I have to get up and go down to work. I have to tell LT Barnes the doctor what my plan is, and I don’t even know yet.


I get into medical and start doing my everyday tasks. I count the narcotics and log them in. I fill all of the patients on the wards medications, then I sit down and start going over the log books to make sure everything is up to date and correct. I realize that I don’t do this everyday, and the reason I am now doing it is to make sure everything is good for me to leave. I guess I already know what I am going to do. It is just hard to admit it. A few minutes later LT comes into my office and looks at me without say anything.


I look back and say, “I guess we need to make plans to get me off the ship. I am keeping the baby and know that I can not stay.”


“OK, I will get the paperwork started. We will medivac you out of here tonight. Good luck.” She said smiling.


“Thanks.” I replied as I attempted to smile back.


I return to my berthing and begin to pack my stuff. Some of it will have to be shipped home, because I can’t carry it all on the helicopter with me. I box the stuff up that needs to be mailed and pack 2 suitcases that will come with me. I lie down in my bed and decide to try and sleep awhile before leaving. I am woke up by the sound of the helicopter on the flight deck.


“Well, I guess this is it.” I say to myself. Just then Elle walks in the room.


“Where are you going?” she ask.


“I have to leave the ship.”


“Why?”


“Because…. I am pregnant!” I spit out.


“What, Oh my GOD!!! By Nick? Is it fucking Nick Carters baby?”


“No, it is one of the other guys I have had sex with in the last month. OF course it is Nicks!”


“WOW!!! That is all I can say. Fucking lucky shit”


“Lucky? You call this LUCKY!! I am pregnant by a guy I barely know. I don’t even know if I am going to tell him or not!”


“What? You have to tell him.”


“Why? So he can turn me away?”


“You don’t know that he is going to do that. You have to give him a chance to be a father if he wants to.”


“I know….you are right. I am just so afraid that he is going to reject me.”


“If he does, then he doesn’t deserve you.”


“Thanks, Elle” I move to hug her bye. “I am going to miss you.”


“I will miss you too” she replied. “So are you going to get out of the Navy or just go to a shore command?”


“I am probably going to get out. Working in a real hospital seems to boring to me. Plus, I am a strong believer in being a hands on mom.”


“Well, I wish you all the luck in the world.”

“Thank you.” I grab my two bags and head for the flight deck. I board the helicopter and can’t help but think how different my whole world is about to become.