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I am taken to Germany and left there. I decide that instead of going home, I will go to Sweden and tell Nick in person. As scared as I am, I know that is the right thing to do. I board the first plan to Sweden and make my way to the hotel that they are staying at. I am really glad that I got Nicks schedule. I try to get Nicks room number but the Receptionist refused to give it to me. I guess I wouldn’t me his room number either. I could be some irate fan. I book my own room instead and decide to wait in the lounge for the boys to pass by.


After reading three magazines, I here a familiar voice. I look up and see AJ walking into the lounge. I meet eyes with him and he suddenly looks surprised to see me.


“Dessie, what are you doing here? Does Nick know?” He asks.


“I just got here and no he doesn’t know, but I kind of need to talk to him. It is pretty important.”


“How long have you been waiting?”


“A few hours.”


“Well, Nick is still at the studio, I could call him for you.”


“OK, thanks.”


“So, what is so important that you had to come all the way here to tell him?”


“You know soon enough…” I say kind of rudely.


“Sorry… not trying to intrude. Just trying to make conversation. I will go call Nick for you.” He walks off pulling his phone from his pocket.


I suddenly feel really guilty for being rude to him and when we walks back over I tell him so. “I am sorry about earlier. I just have so much on my mind right now. I catch myself being mean and rude to the wrong people.”


“It’s alright…. You’ll learn. I don’t offend easy.”


“That is good to know.” I reply. “So……”


“Nick was super excited to hear that you are here. He is on his way now.”


“Thanks…”


AJ and I sit and talk for five or ten more minutes until Nick comes in. “Dess, what are you doing here. I thought you weren’t going to have another port call for another week or two.”



“Yeah, we aren’t, but I am no longer on the ship. I had to leave.”


“Really that is great…. But why?”


“That is kind of why I am here. I need to talk to you in private”


He nodded “Ok, lets go to my room.” He pulls me up and brings me in for a hug. “I can’t believe how much I missed you. I really don’t know what you are doing to me girl”


“Don’t be so sure” I say to myself. I hug him make and take in his scent. He always smelled so good. I look up at him and his eyes are so bright and happy. I wonder if he sees the worry in mine. We walk to his room hand in hand. He is telling me about the new songs that they are recording and how one of them reminded him of us. He really did seem so happy to see me. We got in his room and he immediately pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard. I had to resist the urge to return the passion.


“What is wrong?” he asked when I showed no interest in making love.


“I really need to tell you something.” I say as I feel my throat tighten.


“OK, what is it?”


“Maybe, we should sit down.” I suggest as I feel myself becoming faint.


Nick sits down and looks up at me. I sit next to him. I swallow really hard and then I take a deep breath and prepare myself for his reaction.


“I am pregnant.” I say cautiously.


“You’re what?” he said like he didn’t quite here me.


“I am pregnant.” I repeat myself.


“Who is the father?” he replied.


“YOU ARE!” I say raising my voice.


“You must be joking if you think that because we had sex a couple time that I am the father of your baby. YOU need to go find another tree to bark up. I hate it when women see freaking money signs and think that they are going to get money out of me by saying they are carrying my baby.”


By this time tears are streaming down my face. I am finding it difficult to breath. He stands up and walks to the door and opens it. “GET OUT” he screams. “GET THE FUCK OUT”.


I stand up and walk out of his room sobbing so hard that I can barely catch my breath. He slams the door shut behind me. I try to calm myself as I walk to the elevator but it doesn’t seem to help. I reach the elevator and get in and suddenly there is nothing.


“Dessie, wake up….. Are you OK? Dessie” I open my eyes to find myself laying on the floor in the elevator. I see AJ over me. He reaches and helps me up. He walks me over to a couch in the lounge.


“Are you OK?” he asks again.


I nod my head. “Yeah, I am fine. I guess I hyperventilated.” I tell him.


“What is wrong?”


“Nick, kind of kicked me out.” I say shaking my head. “I should have known better.”


“What why?”


“Because I am pregnant” I say looking straight ahead. I fee the tears well up in my eyes again.


“And it is Nicks.” He asked.


“Yeah. I haven’t been with anyone else in more than six months. He is the only possibility.”


“Did you tell him that?”


“He didn’t even give me a chance. He just started screaming about how I wasn’t getting any money from him. Then he opened the door and told me to leave.”


“WOW! I am so sorry Dess.” He took me into his arms and held me tightly. “He must be in shock. I can’t see him meaning those things. I mean you are all he talks about lately.”


“Well, I really expected it. I was only giving him the chance to be the father if he wants to be. I am not going to force him.” I said shrugging. “It does hurt that he said that he didn’t believe that it was his.”


MEANWHILE in BRIANS ROOM


Nick knocked on Brains door. “Come in” Brian called out.


Nick walks in the room. His face blood red. “DUDE! What the hell is wrong?” Brian asked worried.


“Dessie, just told me that she is pregnant.”



“WHAT! Really? What did you say?”


“I asked who the baby’s father was.” Nick replied matter of factly.


“You did what? She is your girlfriend and you ask her who the father of the baby was. Dude that is messed up.”


“No, it isn’t. I mean, ok maybe a little, but I have only known her for a month, and we have only been together three times and I used protect…..”Nick stopped.


“What? Why did you stop talking?”


“Because I realized that the first time we slept together we were so drunk. I don’t remember using a condom.”


“See, that might very well be your baby” Brian replied.


“Great! That is fucking fantastic. She needs to have an abortion then. I am not ready to be a father.”


“NICK! Are you out of your mind? Are you seriously going to tell a girl that you care about to have a fucking abortion?”


“What other choice is there. If she wants to be with me, then she will get one.”


Nick walks out of the room and goes to find Dessie. He was going to tell her that he had to get an abortion. He wasn’t ready for a baby. He found her in the lounge with AJ. He could see the look of pain on her face. Oh well, if she really liked him, she would get rid of the baby.


BACK WITH AJ


I look up and see Nick walking towards me. I go to stand up, but realize I am still to weak.


“I need to talk to you, NOW” Nick ordered.


I nod my head at him. He looks over at AJ. “Leave this is between us.” He says rudely.


AJ throws his hands up as to surrender and walks away.


Nick sits down and looks at me. “Do you want to be with me?” he asks looking forward.


“Yes” I simply reply.


“Then get an abortion.” He say’s still not looking at me.


I am stunned by the words coming out of his mouth. “Are you crazy?” I reply getting very emotional. “You want me to kill my baby?”


“Yes, no not kill it. Abort it.”


“Abortion is killing it!!!” I say getting more and more upset.


“Well. Get one! If you don’t it is over, and I won’t have anymore to do with you.” He still hadn’t looked at me.


“Well, Nick Carter. Fuck YOU!!! You can’t go jump off a fucking bridge. I don’t need you and I had no intentions of making you be the baby’s father. I was just giving you the option. You have obviously made your choice. I will leave you alone to bask in your on guilt once you realize that the reason why you lost me.”


I stand up and go to walk away. I suddenly feel as though I am going to faint. I feel hard to the floor this time in the middle of the lobby. My head hit the ground hard as did the rest of my body. The bell man runs up to me to see if I am ok. I am unable to see clearly and I have intense pains in my head and stomach. I can barely make out Nick standing to the side for a second, before turning and walking away. I am brought to the Emergency Room, where I am brought directly to the back. My intense stomach pain is getting worse. I know that I am losing the baby. Nick is getting his way. Sure enough about two hours later it is confirmed that I lost the baby. It died in utero. I am placed on the ward for the night with a D&C scheduled for the next morning.


BACK TO NICK


“What happened?” AJ screamed as he asked Nick to repeat himself.


“She fainted, and the Bell man helped her. I think they took her to the hospital” he said still with no expression on his face.


“What the fuck Nick? She could be losing the baby and she is all alone.”


“I hope she loses the baby. I don’t want it.” He said finally looking at AJ.


“You must be out of your mind. Do you realize what you are saying? Do you know how much pain and heart ache women go through when they lose a baby? Who are you, man? YOU are supposed to care for this girl!!!”


“I wanted her to get an abortion. She didn’t want to. We are no longer together. She is no longer my problem.”


“You need to grow up. I am going to the hospital to check on her.


HOSPITAL

AJ arrives at the hospital and comes to my room. He looked in and tried smiling at me.


“Hey, sweetie. I heard you had to be brought to the hospital.” He said as he walked over to me.


“Hey” I replied with a weak smile.


“How are you?” he asked.


I start to cry and I shake my head. “Oh sweetie what is wrong?”


“I lost the baby. I fainted and lost the baby. The doctor said that I had to much stress on my body and it caused me to pass out. The baby is still in me dead. They are going to do surgery tomorrow to take it out.”


“I am so sorry” he said taking me into his arms and holding me. “I don’t know what to say.”


“It looks like Nick got his wish…” I continued. “He wanted me to have an abortion.”


“I know. He told me that too. I’m not going to try and make excuses for him, but I really think he just got really scared.”


“I was scared too.” I replied with so much pain in my voice. “I was terrified. But I could never have an abortion. It just isn’t a part of me.”


“I understand. So what are you going to do?” he asked


I don’t know. I really don’t want to go home. All I will get from there is a pity party. But I don’t see any other options.”


“You can come stay with me. We are finished recording in a week. You can stay at my house as long as you like. It is big and I have plenty of room.”


“I don’t want to impose.”


“I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t want you to stay.”


“What do I do until then? I would really feel weird staying at your house with out you there.”


“Stay here with me then. You can avoid Nick pretty easy, since he will probably be avoiding you too.”


I think for a minute and decide that I am going to take him up on his offer. I mean this is my favorite Backstreet Boy asking me to stay at his house.



“Of course….. How could I turn down staying with my favorite Backstreet Boy?”


“I am your favorite?” he asks smiling big.


“YOU always, have been!”


“AWWW!!! Thanks” he replied pretending to blush. He then changed his mood. “WE are going to have so much fun. I will make sure you don’t get sad and depressed. I promise.”


“Thanks Jay!” he leaned over and kissed me on the check. “You get some rest. I will be back in to morning before you go into surgery. I won’t let you be alone.”


“Good Night and thank you” I say as he walks out of the room.


How is it that I was so wrong about both of them? I really expected AJ to be an arrogant ass and he is the total opposite. And Nick was so sweet to me at first. Now he has totally crushed my heart. I can’t believe he was able to hurt me so bad. I find myself crying once more and I eventually drift off to sleep.