If she could only get to that freedom on the other side of the window, she would see him again. He would be hers once more and she would be his. They would continue on with their story. They would continue on loving each other, as if nothing had ever happened; as if nothing had ever come between them. They would continue on just being.
These were her thoughts. They were real and they were whole and that was fact, but the idea of these thoughts, the very essence and the very depth and the very core of these desires, is what wavered.
Were her dreams possible? How could they be when she was trapped in such a dark place with no comprehension of why?
The answers seemed to be in the blinding yellows and in the dazzling blues and the flickering whites beyond her hell that taunted her so evilly. The answers were on the outside, not only of this place, but of her mind.
There was once a time when Julia Kiley knew her life and knew her path. There was once a time where she knew everything any other person knew, but now things had changed. Now everything was skewed. Now everything was slanted and blurry and torn at the edges. Now everything was mixed up and pieces were missing. Now reality wasn’t reality any longer, for she was now broken. What once was real now wasn’t.
However, through all her heartache she had managed to hold on to a few pieces of her life that had meant so much to her. These pieces were real. These pieces were truth. Through every word and every breath and every blink and every touch, these pieces never wavered.
These pieces echoed in her mind daily. They were put on repeat. Though other thoughts surfaced, these still played beneath as an everlasting taunt of what once was. They never stopped and they never changed, for they were truth.
These things she knew with no doubt.
She knew she was hopelessly in love with a man named Nick Carter. She knew that she was once his wife. She knew that he had promised her the world. And above all, she knew that he had left her.
These pieces were real.
These pieces were truth.
4 Years Earlier
Nick squinted at the blinding sun as his head followed the ball through the air. He raised his hand to shield his eyes as he used his other arm to reach out and snatch the basketball from the air.
He dribbled the ball against the asphalt and lowered his gaze, glancing over at his friend who was bent over with his hands on his knees, sweat rolling down his face, his breathing heavy.
Nick swallowed in a gulp of air, continuing to idly bounce the ball.
“What’s that, 42-50?” Nick asked.
Brian nodded, barely glancing at his tall friend.
Nick smirked, “You scared?”
Brian rolled his eyes, taking a few steps towards Nick and snatching the ball out of his hands, “I’m only 8 points behind dumbass.”
“So?” Nick shrugged. “It’ll soon turn to 30.”
Brian laughed, bouncing the ball once, before tucking it under his arm, “Don’t get your hopes up.”
“Lemme get some water,” Nick breathed out, ignoring Brian’s comment. Brian nodded, silently welcoming the extended break from their game. The sun was unusually fierce today and the heat could be felt both from the sky above and the asphalt below.
Nick snatched a couple of water bottles from his bag and ran back to Brian, tossing him one in the process. Brian gratefully snatched it from the air and took a few gulps.
“So how’s Baylee?” Nick asked.
Brian swallowed what he had in his mouth, nodding, “He’s good, considering.”
“Still got that nasty cough?”
“It’s getting better. You should come by this afternoon and see him. He’d love to see you,” Brian offered.
Nick swallowed the water in his mouth, “Yeah man, sure. I miss the little guy.”
Brian seemed content with this and didn’t feel the need to respond. A few moments of silence drifted between the two sweating figures until Nick tentatively brought up another subject that had been eating away at him the past couple of days. He had not talked to anyone about it, thinking himself foolish.
“So I met this girl the other day,” Nick said, watching Brian’s expression warily.
Brian raised his eyebrows at his friend, “Oh?”
“Yeah,” Nick continued, trying to stop any embarrassment from sneaking forward. “Her name’s Julia. She works at Gucci.”
Brian looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying, “So why are you telling me this?”
Nick knew this question would arise, so he tried not to let it bother him, “Because it’s different.”
“How so? I mean, I can kind of figure since you’re even mentioning the girl in the first place. It’s been awhile.”
Nick shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.”
“You sleep with her yet?” Brian asked.
This question was standard really. Nick was hardly one to settle down with just one girl. He took his bachelorhood very seriously. That’s not to say that he wasn’t sentimental or romantic, it’s just that he never stayed in one place long enough to really start any kind of serious relationship. Instead, his philosophy was to have as much fun as possible until the right woman came along.
“No,” Nick said honestly.
Brian looked surprised at this, “Did she push you off or something?”
Nick rolled his eyes, “It’s not like I pounce on every girl I see Rok.”
Brian chuckled, “I’m just messing with you.”
“Yeah, I know,” Nick grumbled. “We’ve only talked a few minutes.”
“Wait, so you haven’t done anything at all?”
Nick shook his head, “Nah. I was going to ask her out but AJ interrupted me when I was about to and then I lost my nerve.”
“You lost your nerve?” Brian was flabbergasted. “You’re kidding.”
Nick felt himself blush against his will, “I couldn’t help it.”
Brian tossed the water bottle off to the side and addressed his friend, “So what are you waiting for? She’s obviously caught your eye.”
“I don’t know. I mean, she’s really nice, absolutely gorgeous… you should see her eyes Rok,” Nick said distractedly. “But we hardly even spoke to each other and I don’t even know if she likes me.”
Brian was highly puzzled by this developing conversation. It was out of Nick’s character to be so hung up on a girl he only met in passing, but even more so by the fact that he was afraid of being rejected. It was something that Brian never thought he’d see from Nick. But for Nick to even mention this girl said something in itself. It was clear she had made a deep impression on him.
Brian smiled lightly at his friend, “You know, honestly, what’s there to lose? You live only once Nick. If she says no then she says no, but how are you going to know unless you ask her? Who cares if you two have barely talked? That’s what a date’s all about; getting to know each other. And if it doesn’t work out, then fine, but at least you tried. If I didn’t ask out Leighanne when I did, who knows where I would be right now. Who knows if I would be married or not, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have Scooter. Life’s all about taking chances.”
Nick listened to these words carefully, finding some comfort in them. He knew Brian was right, but at the same time he still had reservations. It was ridiculous, he knew, but he couldn’t help it all the same. He didn’t even know if she had a boyfriend or not.
“Besides, you’re Nick freaking Carter, she’s gotta like you,” Brian joked.
Nick let out a laugh, joking back, “Damn right.”
“So her name’s Julia?” Brian asked. If Nick was so interested in this girl, Brian knew that he would have to be too.
Nick smiled, nodding, “Yeah.”
“And she works in Beverly Hills?”
Nick nodded once more.
“And she knows who you are?”
Nick cringed a bit at the question, knowing what Brian was trying to find out. He was worried that Julia might not be sincere.
“Of course she does,” Nick said dismissively. “How could she not? But that’s not the point. She was cool Bri. She wasn’t trying to impress me, she wasn’t trying to shower me with attention or compliments. She was just this girl who was doing her job and she knew who I was and what I did, but she didn’t make a big deal out of it. She’s cool Rok, real cool.”
Brian seemed satisfied with this, and Nick continued, “And she’s beautiful. Brown hair, this great smile, these dark green eyes…”
Brian threw the basketball then and Nick caught it against his stomach, letting out an ‘Umph’ as it collided with him.
Brian laughed at the awkward noise, interrupting Nick’s rambling, “Come on lover boy. I can’t let you lose your concentration now. Not when I’m losing.”
Nick smiled sheepishly, knowing it was time to get back to the task at hand, “Alright. You ready for this shit?”
“No, no, the question is are you ready?” Brian shot back.
Nick smirked, dribbling the ball once more against the concrete.
“Your victory days are at an end my friend,” Nick taunted as he sprung into action. Brian followed closely behind.
And, as fate would have it, just an hour later Nick was walking off the court scowling, with Brian beside him grinning. The score was 102-90. Brian had won.
Later That Afternoon
After his game with Brian, Nick went directly home and took a quick shower, stopping more than once by the mirror to make sure he looked presentable. After his talk with Brian on the court, he had this gnawing urge within him to go talk to Julia. He had put it off long enough. Brian was right; he had to live a little.
Now here he stood across the street from Gucci on Rodeo Drive. He had caught a glimpse of her as customer’s waltzed in and out of the store. He had been relieved to see that she was working that day, but at the same time he felt his nerves go into overdrive at the very prospect of going inside and seeing her once again.
He had one thing going for him, however, and that was that the paparazzi seemed to be busy elsewhere.
For nearly ten minutes, Nick found himself hesitating. He would pace back and forth from one parking meter to the next, every so often looking over to the store that she was now presently standing in. Just when he would find the courage to step into the street, he’d find himself just as quickly stepping back. He was second guessing himself. His nerves and his doubts were holding him back, and he was trying desperately to talk himself into taking the plunge.
Finally, he was propelling himself across the street, looking up and down the drive to make sure no cars were in hitting range. He knew that if he stopped now he would never be able to go through with it, so he pushed blindly through the front doors, and it wasn’t until they clicked shut behind him that he had a sense of dread seep up through his stomach.
He took a deep breath and slipped off his sunglasses, letting his eyes adjust to the softer light of the store. His eyes swept across the tables and the racks, and for a split moment, he found his heart sinking in his chest, thinking that he had taken too long and she had gone home without him noticing.
He relaxed then as he spotted her. She was in the far corner, busily rearranging the clothes against the wall. He made a beeline for her, slipping past customers and associates and tables full of merchandise. His entire attention was fixated on her and only her.
When he approached her, he found his nerves subside slightly. Her beauty calmed him. He could faintly smell the scent of her perfume, and it made him smile.
He cleared his throat lightly, waiting for her to look up at him. She turned her head at the sudden noise and looked almost shocked to see him standing there. She finished hanging the clothes back on the rack and smiled at him, “Hi. Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon.”
Nick smiled back at her, poking fun, “I was just in the neighborhood you know.”
She nodded, taking a moment from her tedious task to speak with him. It was obvious he wanted to speak with her and only her, or else he would have flagged down someone who was free to help him.
She asked conversationally, “How does your friend like his shoes?”
“Ah, he loves them no doubt. He takes his shopping very seriously,” he said.
Julia laughed lightly, “Yeah, I could tell.”
Nick stuffed his hands into his jean pockets and looked over her quickly. She was more beautiful than he had remembered her, and in a way, this only encouraged him more. He had nearly forgotten how stunning her eyes really were, and he found himself staring all over again.
The lull between them amused her, and she found herself wondering what it was that he wanted. She noticed his stares, and she once again found it her duty to continue on with the conversation, “So did you come back for that watch?”
“Huh?” Nick snapped back to reality, replaying what she had just said in his head. “Oh, no," but then thinking he may have offended her by declining, he rushed to elaborate, “Though it was a great watch. Really. I would buy it, it’s just that I already have plenty,” he raised his arm and tapped the watch around his wrist, “And if I bought another one I doubt it would ever see the light of day, but really, it’s a great watch…”
Julia started to laugh at his nearly incoherent rambling. It was at that moment she realized that he was nervous, but about what?
“It’s okay Nick, I was only teasing,” she giggled. “It’s not that great of a watch anyway.”
Nick was clearly embarrassed by his outburst and he quickly tried to find a way to salvage himself. Before he could stop himself, he was already blurting out, “Do you like food?”
When the words left his mouth, he wanted to reach up and smack himself on the forehead, but instead all he could afford to do was cringe at the absurdity of it. He was making great headway, that was for sure.
Julia looked at him oddly, and tried not to smirk.
Nick scrambled to rephrase what he had just said, “Well, of course you like food, you sort of have to, unless your anorexic, which you clearly are not, and I’m definitely not saying you are, because it’s obvious you like food since you aren’t, but shit, I’m not saying you look fat because you’re definitely not…”
Nick groaned when each word that came out of his mouth dug a deeper hole.
Julia crossed her arms and watched on with amusement, “I love food actually.”
Nick stopped and looked relieved at her happy expression. He was clearly entertaining her, and this set him at ease slightly, though he still wanted to kick himself in the ass for being such an idiot.
“Yeah? Cause I do too,” Nick announced. Nick then rolled his eyes at himself and breathed out, “Fuck, I’m just rolling right along aren’t I?”
“Are you normally like this?” Julia asked curiously.
Nick bit his lip and shook his head, “No, not really. It seems to be a recent development. You ever have this affect on other guys?”
“Me?“ Julia asked in surprise. She wasn’t expecting herself to be a factor in this.
“Yeah, you. You have to know that I’m all jittery because of you,” Nick admitted.
Now it was Julia’s turn to be nervous, “But why?”
Nick smiled lightly at her for a moment before finally spitting out the one question he had wanted to ask since the very moment he met her, “Would you go to dinner with me tonight?”
Julia was stunned. Did Nick Carter just ask her out on a date? No, that’s not possible. She was just this normal girl that worked a shitty job. There was no way in hell that a celebrity would ask her out; no way. She was a commoner. She was a nobody.
“Uh,” Julia was speechless. She averted her gaze from Nick’s hopeful eyes and found herself grasping at nothing. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to react. She had never expected this. When she had met him the other day, she thought that he was flirting, but she knew it was harmless. She had heard countless stories of him through tabloids and from fan sightings of his partying escapades that she didn’t think him to be sincere. He was a pop star that was adored by millions of girls across the world and he had adapted his lifestyle to fit these developments, and she couldn’t blame him for it.
She thought he was handsome and cute, she thought he had a lovely voice and a charismatic personality, and she liked him, but she couldn’t see herself giving into something like that. She wasn’t that type of girl.
The first thought that came to mind was that she would just be another girl on his list. He would seduce her and then move on, and though she couldn’t deny that she wouldn’t have minded spending the night with Nick Carter, she still couldn’t bring herself to being one of those girls. Her conscience wouldn’t allow it.
“Nick…” she started out, looking at him apologetically. From her expression and the way she said his name, he knew that he didn’t want to hear what was about to come out of her mouth.
“So, what do you say?” he pressed anyway, holding onto some glimpse of hope. “I don’t bite, honest. And we can go wherever you want. I know you don’t know me, and I know I don’t know you, but we can fix that. I’d love to get to know you better.”
She was touched by these words, but she still held onto her convictions, “Nick,” she shook her head slightly, “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Her rejection was like a slap in the face. He silently cursed Brian for convincing him to do this. He cleared his throat, trying to not show his embarrassment, “Why not? If you have a boyfriend, I’m sorry I didn’t-“
Julia quickly corrected his misconception, “No, no, it’s not like that. I don’t have a boyfriend, it’s just…”
She sighed, trying to figure out how to put what she needed to say without sounding like an idiot, “I just can’t. It’s not like I don’t like you, cause I do. From what I can tell, you’re a very nice guy, and like you said, I don’t know you, and I’m sure you’re great, really, but it’s just not for me.”
“What’s not for you?” he asked puzzled.
“I’m not really into the party scene,” she admitted tentatively, though her words had a deeper meaning.
Understanding of her reservations flooded over him. He had to stop himself from cursing. How had he dismissed the fact of what she had probably heard about him? Most of the things were true, but still others were absurd, but how could he tell her that without blatantly admitting to his crazy lifestyle?
He wished he could deny the underlying implications she had presented, but he couldn’t, and he felt sickeningly defeated. Under normal circumstances, he would have rushed to defend himself, to tell her he wasn’t like she had heard, but he found himself struggling to find the words.
“Julia, this isn’t what you think,” he tried to explain.
“It’s not?” she challenged.
“Not at all. I just want to have dinner with you, that’s all. There’s no strings attached, I swear,” he desperately wanted her to say yes.
She lowered her gaze, “I’m sorry, I am. I just can’t.”
He didn’t want to push her, so all he could do was nod, his features falling in disappointment, “I understand.”
And he did. The fact that she doubted him and his intentions was actually comforting. It showed him that she wasn’t some secret gold digger. She was a genuine girl with genuine morals and genuine intelligence.
“I really am sorry,” she said sincerely, looking up at him carefully.
He smiled lightly at her and turned to walk away, “Well, hey, I tried right? Maybe I’ll try again in the next couple of days,” he said, trying to lighten the situation. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”
Her face softened at this, “Yeah, of course. It was nice seeing you again.”
“You too,” he said. He gave her a friendly wave and then turned and walked to the front door, trying to keep his pride intact.
Though he had been rejected, he couldn’t help but still feel some hope. She had admitted to liking him; the only thing she didn’t like was what she had heard about him. She was afraid that all he wanted was to sleep with her, and that she would be discarded soon after. Given, he had done that in the past, but he didn’t feel that way with her, but how was he going to show her that?
All of his life Nick always got what he wanted. Some things came easily to him, while others he had to work for to get, but in the end, he always got what he set his mind to. As he walked out of the store into the blinding sunlight once more, he found himself wanting her more now than he did on his way there in the first place. Where she had kindly declined him, it had only lit a new fire within him. Most men would have given up, thinking it not worth the time or effort, but Nick thought differently.
Nick wanted her and he wasn’t going to stop until he got her.
