"Alex...hey...what's up?" Howie asked, surprised to see his friend and band-mate on his front porch.  He opened the door wider to allow the other man in.

"I don't know."

"Everything okay?  I thought you'd be with Katie."

"I was."

"And?"

"Shit happened."

"Are you going to give me more than two or three words sentences?  Or do I have to guess what your problem is?"

AJ took a deep breath and walked into the living room, plopping into a chair.  He scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to organize his thoughts.

"What happened?" Howie gently prodded.

"She got pregnant."

"Wow.  I...congrats?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Don't sound too excited," Howie sarcastically replied, "The way you're talking leads me to believe this isn't a good thing?"

"It's not that.  Wouldn't have been the best, but...it woulda been cool."

"Then...?"

"She lost the baby."

"Oh.  Wow.  Sorry man."

AJ just went off then, "She didn't even tell me she was fuckin' pregnant!  She had weeks to get used to it, and I never fucking knew!  She never told me!"

"J, there has to be more behind it."

"She said she wanted to tell me in person."

"See.  Would you have really wanted to find out you were going to be a father over the phone?"

"Woulda been nice to know before it was ripped from my damn hands!"

AJ stood up and began pacing back and forth across the living room.

"I...so that's why she hasn't been going out?"

"Guess so," AJ spat out.

"Where is she?"

"Why the fuck should I care?"

Howie's head snapped up to glare at the man pacing a hole in his living room floor, "Why should you care?  She's your goddamn girlfriend!  And she just told you something that no one should have to tell the person they love!"

"She's had a week to deal with it."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!?" Howie stood up and grabbed AJ by the shoulders.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" AJ yelled back.

"Oh yes there is!  What, she told you and you just walked out?"

AJ stopped fighting the smaller man, feeling all of his energy drain from his body.  What had he done?  His girlfriend, the woman he loved more than anything, had just told him, in tears, that she'd lost their baby.

Huh, lost, AJ thought, that makes it sound like she just misplaced it.

AJ crumpled against Howie.  The anger he held on to so tightly dissipated, replaced with sadness and grief.  The tears found him and he held on to Howie for support.

"I...I'm such...I can't..." AJ couldn't form the right words to say.

"It's all going to be okay," Howie reassured him.  He knew his friend wasn't a complete ass hole, so he knew that AJ would come around.  And he had.

After regaining his composure, AJ sat back again, "I just walked out.  When she needed me.  I didn't even know there was a baby for more than five minutes before I found out it was gone.  She'd had weeks.  If it hurts this much for me...and I just walked out."

"You got scared.  You can be an ass when you're scared," Howie smiled.

AJ shot him a glare, but quickly conceded, knowing it was the truth.  He did need to go back.  He just hoped Katie would still be there, that she didn't hate him.

*****

Katie had spent several minutes in the kitchen after AJ had left.  The only reason she wasn't still curled up on the kitchen floor was because the smoke alarm had gone off when the grilled cheese started smoking.  She cleaned it up and went to call someone.  She needed someone to talk to.

Katie hadn't told anyone but Beth about the baby or the miscarriage, but she figured her other friends had a right to know why she'd become anti-social.  Plus, Kristin and Leighanne knew AJ better than Beth did.  They'd be able to help her out in the AJ department.

Kristin wasn't answering, probably because she was with Kevin.  Leighanne answered, though.  Brian was sleeping, and Leighanne was bored.  She had plenty of time to hear Katie's story.

Katie told her about finding out she was pregnant, to which Leighanne replied, "Well, duh!"

"So why didn't you say anything then, if you knew?"

"I didn't want to butt in.  I figured you'd tell us when you were ready.  I mean, you would've had to have told us eventually, if you didn't...sorry."

"Yeah."

Which brought Katie to the AJ ordeal.

"He walked out?" Leighanne asked, astonished.

"Yeah."

"Did he say anything?"

"Not really.  The last thing he said was, ‘why didn't you tell me?'  I was kind of in shock, I guess."

"Maybe he just needed some space to think about it alone?"

"Maybe.  But you should've seen him.  He was so mad."

"At you?"

"That's what it felt like."

"I'm sure he wasn't really mad at you."

"But what if he is?  What if he can't forgive me for this?"

"For what?  For not telling him?  Or for having a miscarriage?" Leighanne asked, trying to get to the bottom of Katie's insecurities.

"Um...yes?"

"Katherine Faith Sullivan."

"Um, middle name?"

"Yes.  Have you lost your mind?"

"I may have."

"You did absolutely nothing wrong!  Sure you could have told Alex a little sooner, but I understand that you wanted to tell him in person.  I would want to wait and tell Bri in person if I got pregnant."

"But-"

Leighanne cute her off, knowing exactly what she was thinking, "There is nothing you could have done to avoid a miscarriage.  It's not like you were being crazy stupid, right?"

"No."

"And you didn't do anything to intentionally sabotage the pregnancy, right?"

"Of course not."

"Then get it out of your mind.  It's not your fault.  It just wasn't meant to be."

"I know...I just keep thinking...what if I'd woken up a few minutes earlier?"

"It may or may not have made any difference.  You told me the doctor said, that while it majorly sucks, it's just something that happens."

"I know.  Even the research I've done tells me that."

"See?  I know it sucks, and you know I'm here for you if you need me, but there's nothing you could have done."

"Thanks Leigh.  So you think I should just give Alex a little space then?"

"Yeah.  He'll come around.  And if he doesn't, we'll just have to kick his ass."

Katie let out a little laugh, "Okay.  I'll call you later then."

"Bye hon."

Katie placed the phone back on the cradle and sat on the bed quietly looking out the window.

"I know it wasn't your fault," AJ softly said.

Katie jumped, turning to face him.  He was standing in the doorway, leaning against the jamb.

"I didn't know you were there."

"I just got back.  I haven't been here long.  I wasn't eavesdropping, I promise."

Katie waved it off, "So..."

"I was an ass."

Katie didn't say anything, just watched him standing in the doorway.

"Can we talk about it?"

Katie nodded.  She moved around to face him, sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed.  AJ walked into the room, hesitantly at first, and sat on the edge of the bed.  He wasn't sure how she was going to be after he'd walked out on her like he had.  He'd fully expected her to throw something at him, or yell at him to get away from her.  And he would have deserved it.  He was hoping she wouldn't though.

"I didn't know what to think."

Katie continued to stay silent.

"I'm sorry I walked out like that.  You needed me...and I needed you...and instead of stepping up, I left.  Seemed easier.  I guess I was scared of my reaction, too."

Finally Katie spoke up, "Where'd you go?"

"Howie's.  I was just driving and ended up there.  I thought he was going to kick the shit out of me when I told him I left you."

Katie let a small grin show on her face and AJ relaxed a little.  He knew then that she wasn't going to rip out his heart.  He knew then that they would be okay.  He planned on having to prove himself to her again, but he knew they'd be okay.

"Leighanne told me that you would come back.  She told me she knew you weren't a complete jerk."

"I'll have to remember to thank her.  Did you...think that I was...leaving you?"

Katie shook her head, "I really hoped not.  But I was scared.  I thought we'd had a strong enough relationship...I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I could never leave you.  You remember telling me that it scared you how much you loved me?"

Katie nodded, remembering that statement.  It was true.  She hadn't realized it until he'd come back home, but Katie was so in love with him.  She knew the second she opened her eyes on the couch that morning.

"I think...it scares me, too.  When you told me you wanted to talk about something when I got home...I got so fucking scared.  I was sure you were breaking up with me, or...dying...and I didn't know what to do with myself."

"Are you mad at me for not telling you sooner?"

AJ shook his head.  It wouldn't have been right hearing it over the phone.  Not that he was going to be a daddy.  And not that he'd lost his child.

"We're going to be okay?"

Katie nodded, "I love you Alex."

"I love you, too, babe."