~June 16, 2003~

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" AJ threw down the offending magazine.  He paced back and forth across the living room, mumbling obscenities to himself.

Katie pushed herself to a sitting position on the couch and looked over the back, "What's wrong babe?"

AJ shook his head, "Nothing.  It's fine.  Are you okay over there?  You need something to drink?  A snack?"

"No," Katie answered, trying to crane her neck to see what he was holding, "What're you reading?"

"Something Nick sent over.  It's no big deal."

"What is it?" Katie's curiosity got the best of her and she attempted to lever herself up off of the couch.

"Sit down before you hurt yourself," AJ scolded.  He threw the magazine down on the small table along the back of the couch and went around to help her sit back down.

"I'm pregnant, not crippled.  What the hell is going on?  You wouldn't be this upset if it was nothing," she maneuvered herself around to see what he'd thrown down, "Why are you reading that tabloid crap?"

"I told you, it's just something Nick sent over," AJ snapped, grabbing the magazine away.

Katie's jaw dropped, "Fine, if you're going to be a dick, I'm going to go sit outside by myself for a while."

She pushed herself up again, but her belly threw her off balance.  Her center of balance had been off ever since the belly had grown, so she had trouble keeping her balance.  AJ reached down to help stabilize her.

"You're not supposed to be getting up like that."

"I'm fine," Katie snapped back, pushing his hand away, "I don't need your help."

AJ held his hands up in front of him and let her go.  Katie waddled across the living room and to the doors to the backyard.  Whipping them open, Katie waddled through, and slammed it closed behind her.  She took a few deep breaths before making her way to her favorite spot, the swing.

Katie had been sitting on the swing, gently rocking herself, her hands resting on her belly as she watched the sky.  Almost a half an hour had gone by and she was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard the back door open.  The sound of footsteps behind her brought her back, though, and she tried to brush the tears from her eyes without him seeing.

"I don't want to talk to you right now," she softly said without turning around.  She was afraid her voice would betray her, letting him know how scared and upset she was now.

"I'm sorry babe," AJ ignored her request for him to leave and he walked up behind her, "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Katie didn't respond, instead sitting quietly rocking herself.  She felt his hands touch her shoulders and the tears started again.

"I was upset," he passed the rolled up magazine over her shoulder so she could see it.

Blinking the tears back, Katie hesitantly reached up and took the magazine in her hands.  Her eyes scanned the cover, trying to figure out what he would be so mad about.  There, on the bottom right-hand corner, was the thing that set this off.

Katie wasn't sure what exactly to say about it.  The caption was utterly ridiculous, she didn't understand why AJ would be so upset.

"Where the hell did they get that from?" Katie said the only thing that came to her mind.

AJ walked around the swing and sat down next to her, "I think it stems from the press conference last week."

"Unless you told them that the twins were deformed, and I was leaving you...it's just ridiculous."

"They were asking questions...about where you were...tabloids like to jump to their own majorly fucked up opinions on these things.  The press conference wasn't supposed to be about you, or us, it was about the Boys and our album.  I didn't want to overshadow the guys by getting into us."

AJ put his hand over Katie's belly, leaning into her.  He rested his cheek on her head, letting her melt into him.  The couple sat in silence for a few minutes, AJ gently propelling them back and forth.  She felt his breath on her hair and the babies moved.  These were the moments that Katie loved, and was so scared of.

"Why were you crying?" he finally asked.

"I...I didn't think you saw.  I guess...I'm scared," Katie confessed.  She wouldn't look at him, unsure of her willingness to actually discuss things.

"Scared of what?" he softly prodded.

"This.  Us.  That I'm not..."

"Good enough?"

Katie slowly nodded, "How did I get so lucky?  What did I do to deserve you...these babies...this life?"

AJ sat silently for a few seconds, listening to her breath.

Finally he spoke again, "Can I tell you something?"

Katie nodded again.

"That's why I was so mad."

Katie sat up and finally looked at him.  Unsure of what he meant, she waited for him to go on.

"Nick sent the magazine over as a joke.  I think the guys all thought it was pretty ridiculous, but...the thought of you leaving me scared me to death.  I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, but I'm scared sometimes that I'm not good enough for you."

"We both have to work on that, I think."

AJ pulled her close to him again.

"We need to talk to each other.  I got so scared when you wouldn't tell me what was wrong.  I didn't know what was going on, and you were shutting me out."

"I just needed some time to work it through in my head.  I'm sorry I'm a dick."

"I didn't mean that," Katie whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too, with everything in me," AJ responded.

Katie could tell there was something more on his mind, "Babe, you need to talk to me."

"I just...have you ever thought about it?"

"About what?"

"L...leaving me?"

"Never."

"I....I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Asking you that."

"You should know better...but that's why we have to talk.  If you feel like that, or if something is bothering you, we need to work it out together.  The second we cut each other off," her voice trailed off.

"We just have to communicate."

Katie nodded.  She needed to lighten the mood.

Katie picked the magazine up from her lap, "I don't think they could have come up with anything any more ridiculous than this!"

AJ re-read the caption, "‘AJ Mclean's fiancé leaves with deformed, unborn twins.'  Okay yeah, completely ridiculous."

The couple began to laugh as Katie chucked the magazine into the pool.

"Our babies are not deformed.  They're gorgeous," Katie insisted.