"But you don't do anything with me!" she shouted, and stomped her feet.
"You've got to be kidding me!" I rolled my eyes at my complaining five-year-old.
"You always leave me with Marcus! Your never here!"
It had only been two days on the trip, and I had just got back from a show. I didn't want to do this, I was exhausted.
I sighed, and leaned down to her level, "Sweetie, I'm sorry. I'm trying as hard as I can... but I told you, this is Daddy's job. I'm really busy during my job. This is why I usually leave you with Dana, so that your in your own home."
She had tears rolling down her cheeks and simply nodded.
"But I like to be with you, Daddy," she crawled into my lap, "You leave too much."
That broke my heart. Split my god damn heart in two. I did leave too much, and I knew that. I couldn't be the best father I could be with the job I have. But I love my job.
I gave her a big squeeze and a kiss on the cheek, "I love you, you know?"
She nodded and wiped her tear.
"Do you love me?" I grinned at her, and she gave me a big smile back and nodded 'yes.'
"Bed time for you... it's extremely past your bedtime. It's past midnight."
She crawled into the bed, and I pulled the covers up to her chin, and smacked a kiss on her forehead, "Go to sleep. I'll be right in the next bed."
I made myself comfortable in the bed, but I just sat there. I didn't even try to go to sleep. Usually after a show, I was too hyper to even think about sleep. But I was so exhausted... I was like, overly tired.
"Daddy?" she whispered from the other side of the hotel room.
"Yes?"
"Did you do a good concert?" she whispered.
I couldn't help but smile, "I did."
"But I wanna watch."
"You want to watch?" I repeated back to her.
"Yeah, in the... aubidence," she tried to pronounce the word right.
"Audience?" I corrected her.
"Yeah! Why can't I watch you, Daddy?"
"Well, who are you going to watch it with in the audience?"
"Marcus."
I shook my head, "Sweetie, he's supposed to be backstage. With us. He protects Daddy."
"Protects Daddy from what? Those girls?"
I smiled, "Yeah. Those girls."
"You gots lots of girls after you, Daddy," she said, seriously.
I started cracking up, "Yeah, but your the only one that's actually got me, right?"
She giggled, "Yeah!"
"Alright, shhh," I laid my head back down, "Let's go to sleep. We have to go on another plane tomorrow."
She nodded, and closed her eyes again. And I laid here again, with my eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.
What's going to happen when I'm gone like this, one day down the road when she's a teenager, and boys like her... and I'm not there. And she won't want to come with me, and she'll be in school. I don't want her to grow up, at all. She's grown up enough as it is. Don't let my job cause her to hate me.