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Author's Chapter Notes:
The chapter is a little short, but I really think it is something that has been long awaited, and I hope you all like how it came out!
There, in the middle of the hallway, I remained in Nick’s arms, shaking from the combination of sobs and hiccups. The tears were hot on my cheeks and my head was spinning, like a top. It was like I had hopped on a time machine and traveled back to the past…where I was nothing more than a broken little boy. Now…I was still just as broken, but I was much older.

Nick’s voice was soft, as his hand brushed over my hair, “that’s it BayBay…it’s good to let it out. You’ve held it in, for far too long.” He swayed, slightly, back and forth, his arms still securely around me. I can barely remember the last time I was in his arms, like this…where I actually needed to be there…I needed his touch…his comfort…his strength.

“I guess…I’m…probably…grounded…for breaking the…stuff…huh?” I couldn’t stop the sniffing, the hiccups, the tears, or the pain. All I wanted, was to forget it all again. But how could I do that, now that it had all surfaced?

“No. But you will need to clean up the mess.” Pulling away, just enough to look at me, he tilted his head. Once again, his fingers brushed aside my curls, in the most caring manner.

“I thought…it was supposed to get better, Nick.” I adverted my eyes, slightly embarrassed that I had broken down and cried like a baby, but there had been no fighting it. “Isn’t the pain supposed to go away?!? It just hides.”

“It will never completely go away. There will always be a place, in your heart, that hurts for them. Sometimes it will seem like the pain has disappeared, but it always comes back.” A soft sigh escaped him, as we moved apart. We now sat a few feet from each other and I hugged my knees. “I know how you feel Baylee…I understand…”

“Wait…no…no you don’t understand! Why do you keep claiming that you know how I feel…when you don’t?! You don’t know the first thing about how I feel!” And we go from bad…to worse…my temper flaring up, once again. I didn’t mean to get angry…I didn’t even want to fight with him…the last thing I wanted, was to be yelling again, but I was now on me feet, screaming down at him. “Stop pretending you know, Nick! You…don’t…know…anything…about…how…I…feel! I lost my parents! You didn’t…so you don’t understand!”

“If you want to get technical…you’re right…I don’t.” Something flashed in his eyes as he stood up, to peer down at me. His expression was no longer soft and caring…it looked like he was hurt and offended. Crossing his arms, he locked eyes with me…and that’s when it really started. “You know what I DO know? …what I DO understand? I understand how it feels to lose my very best friend, unexpectedly. I DO understand…how it feels to get to the hospital…and have to tell my 9 year old, little buddy…that his dad is dead…when I haven’t even had the time to process the news, myself! I know how it feels…to explain, to you…not once…not twice…not even three times…but FOUR TIMES…that your dad wasn’t going to be coming back, for you…because you kept forgetting that he was gone! I know how it feels…to watch your heart break…over…and over again…because of the words I was telling you! And my heart ached…and shattered…every…single…time!”

“But…” I tried to interrupt, but he wouldn’t let me. He continued to ramble…I guess he had a lot of bottled up emotions, too. All this time, I accused him of not understanding, but I never took the time to really look at his side of things.

“I know how it feels…to hold a crumpled, mess of a broken young boy…in my arms…through many sleepless nights…and the pain of not being able to make anything better for you! I understand…what it’s like…to try being the solid foundation you needed…when I couldn’t even keep my own damn emotions together! Then to have you beg me…to let you come live with me…because you had lost hope of your mom making it through…yeah…I know how that feels too! I was so angry at your family…for not being there for you, like they should have been…for not being the strength you needed…for not keeping your hopes high, that she would pull through. I know how it feels…to be the only one who could bring a smile to your face…only to have it fade away, moments later!”

“Nick…I…”

“No. You said I don’t understand the pain you feel…and maybe I don’t know what it’s like to lose my parents, traumatically, like you have…but I do know and I do understand the pain! I still lie awake, at night…wondering how the hell I can make everything okay, for you…how I can take away the pain you have in your heart and help you heal…I wrack my brain, constantly, trying to figure out if being your guardian was the best thing for you, or if I’ve just made everything worse.” I could feel a sharp pain, in my chest, as I listened to his angered rant. It was an odd type of anger in his voice though…he didn’t sound mad at me…but maybe the situation.

“I didn’t know…I…” Had he purposely kept his feelings from me? I could see the pain in his eyes, clearer than ever, and I felt bad for not knowing how badly he had been affected. I selfishly thought that he could never understand, since they were my parents, and not his. All the tears I had seen him shed…and I never stopped to think about his heart and how he felt.

“You’re right…you didn’t…because you weren’t supposed to. I am supposed to be the strong one…the one to keep everything together…the one that makes sure you make it out of this okay…the solid rock that you can lean on, when you need it. I’m not supposed to be weak.” His cheeks were long past being streaked, with tears. If it was possible to hear someone’s heart break…I knew I was hearing Nick’s crumble into a million pieces, right at that moment.

“You don’t have to be strong…all the time.” In a twisted turn of events, it was now my arms wrapping around Nick. For the first time…I was now the one that needed to be strong…it was my turn to offer comfort. I wasn’t used to this, but in a strange way, it felt good…almost like I was repaying him for a very small portion of all that he’s done, for me, over the years.

“Yes. I do. I can’t let Brian down…I can’t…let…you down.” All these years, he’s been worried about letting me down? Sure…I give the guy a hard time…but he’s never…

“Nick…you’ve never let me down. I know…that sometimes…it might seem that I don’t appreciate what you do, for me…but…” I let out a long sigh. This was the moment of truth…the one phrase that would put everything in perspective…a confession that could, and would, change everything between us…something that should have been said ages, upon ages ago. “…I push you away…and give you such a hard time because…I’m afraid that…that if I let us get too close…you’ll replace my dad and I’ll forget him.”

There…I said it. The truth was that I was afraid. All this time, I was worried about letting myself replace my dad. Let’s face it…Nick was awesome and he had always been there for me…we used to be inseparable. But now, I was just afraid of the day I’d accidentally call him ‘dad’.
Chapter End Notes:
Baylee was nominated for the Felix Awards again, this year! For Best Drama...AND for Best Series!!! A HUGE thank you, to those that nominated and/or voted! It's an incredible honor!