I sat on the small couch, resting my arms on my knees and trying to control the shakes. I hated being this nervous because it sucked all the fun out of everything. What’s worse is I really didn’t want everyone to know. There was no reason for it; at least that’s what I thought. I guess security thought differently.

“How you holding up Nicky?” I looked over at Howie and shrugged. What else was I supposed to do?

“Do we know anything yet?” AJ asked Q, one of our main security people.

“Just that we are in lockdown and can’t leave until we are given the all clear.”

“We’re canceling the concert tonight though, right?” That was Brian. Ever since he found out he had been pacing back and forth making us all nervous. “I mean if they don’t catch this person, there’s no way we should go on with this show.” You know years ago, I would have taken his concern as brotherly love but now I know better. He was more concerned about his wife than me and even though I understand that, it still hurt.

“It’s too dangerous for him.” Kevin said, pointing at me as if we didn’t already know why all of this was happening. Maybe he felt the need to remind Brian that I was the one in danger and that contrary to what most of our fans feel, Leighanne’s head would remain firmly on her shoulders as luck would have it.

“I think you’re all over reacting to this.” I figured… since everyone else was giving their two cents, why not me?

“Death threats aren’t anything to laugh about Nick.” Kevin answered sternly while looking at his watch. We were set to go on stage in 30 minutes. The crowd was out there screaming for us. We all heard them from our little prison off stage. They would hate us all if we had to cancel now.

“I know Kevin and I’m not laughing. I just think you are all taking it a little too seriously. I mean a lockdown?”

“They wouldn’t have done it if they felt like it wasn’t a legitimate threat.” Kevin responded, once again looking at his watch.

“We’ve gotten thousands of death threats before.”  I said sounding a little whiny. That wasn’t what I was going for.

“Nick. How many times have you gotten mailed a rat’s head saying that you were next? I know I haven’t ever had that happen to me.” AJ said sarcastically as he played with one of his many bracelets.

“I guess once now.” I laughed. No one else thought it was funny.

“There are some sick ass people in this world. Why are half of them our fans?”

“AJ, I have no freaking clue.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to you.” I looked up at Kevin who was staring at my shaking leg. Damn nervous habit.

“I know.” I didn’t really, but I pretended to.

Mike our manager entered the room seconds after that, “Well guys, the show can go on. We did a sweep of the arena, pretty much checked everyone out going on the picture ID we had and he’s not here.”

“What if he is here but hiding?” Brian asked.

“The police are in the wings, the aisles and will be right back stage. If anything happens, they’ll see it and act on it. Our security will even be on stage with you. You’ll all be safe.”

I wanted to be happy but the truth is I’m too busy being scared shitless to be giddy with happiness. Someone sent me a friggin rat’s head this morning and left it right outside my hotel room door in a shoebox. It was decorated in sparkles and glitter. The kinds of things you see our fans using to make those huge signs they hold up in concerts, only this time it wasn’t a sign it was a box and it held a rat’s head. A real rat’s head! And on that real rat’s head was a picture of me super glued to it. Who the fuck does something like that?

I’ll tell you who, the really creepy ass guy who was dumb enough to leave his picture in the box with the little note, that’s who.

“Guess the show must go on then, see? I told you guys it was nothing to worry about.” I said looking at all of them and smiling. Kevin didn’t buy it though, I knew he wouldn’t. As we all moved forward towards the stage he placed an arm on my shoulder.

“You know Nick; we don’t have to do this if you don’t feel safe. We can tell them to cancel. The fans will be mad but they’ll get over it.”

“I’ll be okay.” My voice was a little shaky and I was far from okay. Somewhere there was a man walking around with a headless rat in his pocket most likely and highly anticipating being able to do the same thing to me. He didn’t even give a reason just that he very much wanted to decapitate me.

“Just stick by me while we’re out there.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Make sure no one cuts your head off for one.”

I laughed at the matter of fact way he said it, as if he prevented head choppage on a daily basis. I am Kevin, I sing and dance, sign autographs for people and occasionally prevent people from chopping off other people’s heads.

“And how are you going to prevent that from happening?”

“I’ll push you out of the way.” He pat my back and winked at me.

There was no doubt in my mind that he would do just that. Kevin for all the crap he used to give me when I was a kid and for all the crap he still gives me now that I’m an adult, one thing I am certain of, he will always have my back…always.

“But what if he chops your head off?”

“Then I’ll haunt your ass for eternity and I’m telling you right now…Kristin is off limits!” Damn him and his ‘if I accidentally get my head chopped off protecting you’ rules!

We walked on stage to the sounds of screams and adoration. Thousands of people all were yelling our names unknowing of the events that took place only minutes before. How close they came to not even having this moment.

The concert went off without a hitch. No one tried to even approach the stage or me during the performance, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to share this story with you.

The entire night Kevin was no more than a shoulder’s length from me. When I ran to the left side of the stage, he followed. When I jumped up by the drums, he jumped up by the keyboard. He made me feel safe and cared about. Two things everyone should feel every once in awhile.

Right before we were done, he walked over and once again placed his hand on my back. “Told you I’d keep you safe,” He whispered to me as he pointed to a random sign in the crowd.

“Yes, you did.” I answered, “And that’s why I love you.”

I then turned to my side of the crowd and waved, knowing I had nothing to fear, that night at least.