I don’t know

This could break my heart or save me

Nothings real until you let go completely

So here I go with all my thoughts

I’ve been saving

So here I go with all me fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober

Picked all my weeds

But kept the flowers

And I don’t know

I could crash and burn but maybe

At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me

Three months and I’m still standing here

Three months and I’m getting better yeah

Three months and I’m still breathing

Three months and I still remember it

It had come full circle.

Adie had been in the same position seven years ago, she had faced a difficult decision then too. At the time she had chosen the wrong path, made the wrong decision and she knew it was one of the reasons she was in the mess she was currently in. She thought she had learnt that running didn’t solve anything, trying to forget didn’t make the problem magically disappear, she knew that now all she had to do was put those thoughts into action.

She wasn’t going to make the same mistake three times.

She had the ability to take control of her future, she had the ability to make not only herself happy but Nick as well. He deserved that probably more then she did, she wanted to make him happy, she wanted to wake up next to him everyday, she didn’t want to be without him and so it had really been a no brainer when her Dad had supplied her with all the information she needed. Adie knew what her Father had said was completely right. She couldn’t let the past ruin their future, she couldn’t dwell on loosing Molly she had to look to what they possibly could have if only she was willing to try.

She was willing to try.

So why did it seem like everything was against her now that she had made her decision?

“Boarding pass please M’am?” The security guard asked when she reached the metal detectors.

“I don’t have one,” She admitted.

“I’m going to have to ask you to step aside, I can’t let you through to departures without a valid boarding pass,” He told her calmly as he blocked her path.

“I just need to speak to somebody, I won’t get on a plane you can come with if you like, I just really need to speak to him,” She pleaded.

“Sorry M’am,” He apologised with a shake of his head, “You can buy a ticket over there and then you can come through.”

She followed the direction he pointed in and sighed as she made her way quickly towards it, she looked to her watch and then to the departures board as she waited in the short queue, his flight was already boarding. She bounced from foot to foot as she waited for the person in front to complete their transaction, and by the time it got to be her turn she was about going insane.

“I need a ticket,” She said quickly to the woman behind the desk before she could even greet Adie.

“Where to M’am?” She asked.

“Anywhere.”

“A hot destination or a cold destination?” The woman asked.

“I don’t care, just pick a place and give me a ticket,” Adie told her harshly as she tapped her credit card on the counter. 

“Are you feeling okay M’am?” The women asked concerned.

“Do I look okay to you?” She almost hissed, “It has just taken me over forty eight hours to get home, I haven’t slept, I’m hungry and I’m dirty, all I want to do is speak to someone, to tell them that I made a mistake but Mr Security over there won’t let me through without a ticket.”

“M’am I am going to have to ask you to calm down,” The woman said calmly.

“Calm down?! I have about ten minutes before his flight takes off, this is the man I am supposed to be with, I need to make sure he knows that okay? So can you please just give me a ticket, I don’t care if it to Australia, I just need a god damned ticket,” She almost begged.

The women looked at her curiously for a few seconds and Adie was certain that any moment she was going to be led away from the desk. Well it was going to be kicking and screaming if it happened, she was too damned tired to put up with anymore shit, all she needed to do was talk to him. That was why she was so surprised when the Sales Lady began furiously typing on her computer.

“How does New York sound?”

Adie smiled brightly at her, “That sounds amazing, thank you.”

***

Nick hated flying and so in turn he hated airports, it was logical really you sat in an airport waiting to board your flight, it was where all the anticipation started, maybe this was going to be the last time that he ever stepped foot on solid ground alive. Maybe this time he wouldn’t be so lucky, after the all with the amount he had flown the odds had to be starting to stack against him. He shook his head as his own ridiculous thoughts, and looked around the airport and although he hated them he had to admit that it was a great place to people watch.

You saw a bit of everyone here, every emotion could be captured in an airport, happiness, sadness, excitement, dread, anger, frustration. He had felt all of those emotions and then some since she had been gone and he knew the only reason he had waited until the final boarding call was to see if she would turn up. He was testing her and she didn’t even know, that was probably why she had failed.

He sighed heavily when he heard the final call for his flight, he stood quickly and threw his back pack over his shoulder and with one final look at the screen of his phone, he pressed the off button, plunging the picture of her into darkness. Did he really fool himself into believing that she would chase him, just like some pathetic scene from some crappy chick flick, god that was what he hated the most about those types of films. He walked to the gate and smiled at the Stewardess as he handed her his boarding pass.

“Have a nice flight sir,” She smiled brightly.

“Thanks.”

He placed the head phones in his ears and walked down the gangway to where the plane was waiting and that was why he didn’t hear her calls of his name from behind him.

***

She had been so close, if only she hadn’t been held up by the guy in front of her at the security check point, if only he had been smart enough to unload his pockets of all his change before he had walked through. Then again maybe it was a blessing in disguise, she looked and felt like utter crap, she couldn’t remember the last time she slept properly, her breath had to be completely rancid. She knew none of that would have mattered to him, the only thing he would have cared about was that she was there but she needed to know what she was going to say him.

Adie made her way back through the airport dejectedly, trying to figure out what her next move was going to be but her brain couldn’t form a simple thought and that was when she knew she had to get some sleep. She would head home, sleep and when she woke she might then have the energy to figure her life out, well maybe not her life but at least her plan to get to Nick anyway. Her pace had slowed down considerably the closer she got to the entrance of the airport, it was almost as if her body was shutting down from the overdrive she had seem to be running on for the past forty eight hours, that was until she saw what was occurring just outside of the main entrance.

“No, no, no,” she chanted to herself as she practically ran outside. “That’s my car.”

The guy just looked at her as he wrapped the final strap through the front on the chasse and tied it to the back of the trailer.

“Did you not hear me?” She asked.

“I heard ya, but this here is a drop off point, not a parking zone,” he said as he pointed to the sign.

“I was ten minutes!” She exclaimed, throwing up her hands in exacerbation.

“I don’t make the rules Lady,” he told her as he began to walk towards the front of his truck.

“WAIT!” She called after him, “Wait, can I just get my stuff out of the trunk?”

“It’s not safe for you to get on the back,” he told her as he climbed into the cab of the truck.

“Well then can’t you get it out?” She asked.

“Not insured to touch personal property,” he shrugged.

“You just took my fucking car!” She yelled.

“Because it was illegally parked,” he pointed out before he started the engine and signalled to pull away. Well technically it wasn’t her car, it was a rental but that was beside the point, most of her stuff was in the trunk, she now had no phone charger, no toothbrush, no passport, no cash, no ATM card, and as she watched the truck move off into the distance she realised that she had no way of getting home, not unless cabby’s started taking credit cards. She would just have to go back in, beg to borrow a phone and call her Mom to come and get her out of this mess.

“Hey Stranger,” She heard from behind her and she turned slowly, her heart leaping into her throat at the person before her.

***

The flight had been long and boring and Nick’s plan had to be to try and sleep through it but he had failed miserably. He just couldn’t shut his mind off, the confusion spinning round and round as he tried to decide what he should do. Was this how she had felt? Was this the reason she had originally left? Because not knowing what the other was thinking, having to put your life on hold and wait for someone else was just complete hell. They were both as bad as each other.

He just felt like he was never going to happy again, when he had given her the promise ring, he had meant it, his whole heart for his whole life, she still had it and she always would, there was no way he could move on. As much as he didn’t like her at that point, as much as he hated what grief and guilt had done to her, he loved her but he knew deep down he was done with fighting for them, it was completely up to her now. He had never been good with memorising phone numbers and he knew if he ever lost his cell phone he would be completely screwed but when he switched his phone back on after disembarking the plane the first thing he did was bring up Adie’s contact screen and after a few seconds he hit the delete button. That way the temptation to fight was gone.

It was now truly up to her.

***

“Having some trouble?” Alex asked. Adie’s focus was still on the chubby baby in his arms, he had gotten so big since the last time Adie had seen him, he was like a proper little person now, the little converse sneakers bouncing up and down every time he kicked his feet in excitement. Molly would have been two days old now or Adie would have been the size of a house if she had decided to be overdue. She couldn’t think about that, she couldn’t think about what if’s because she was dog tired and she knew that if the tears were to start again it was going to be murder to try and get them to stop.

Adie finally tore her gaze away from Max and looked to Alex with a sheepish smile, “Kind of.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked a small smile playing on his lips.

“What are you doing here?” She asked with a raise of her eyebrows.

“Dropping off a friend.”

“I was coming to see said friend but once again the world is against me,” she sighed.

“The world isn't against you Adie,” He told her sternly. “If it was Max wouldn’t have barfed everywhere and I would be long gone by now. But here I am, with a none double parked car, safely nestled away in the parking lot, I also have a house with a spare bed and a shower.”

Adie eyed him cautiously before speaking, “Do you not like being married to my sister Jay?”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“If she finds me at your house she’ll probably file for divorce,” she deadpanned.

He laughed slightly, “I can drop you at your house if you want, I have to pick up Layla anyway. You still need me to take her?”

***

It had been three days since Nick had arrived in Vegas, the twins had arrived practically at the same time and although Nick was footing the bill he had had little say in what was going to happen. When he thought about it neither had Aaron, the only thing he had specified was that the cake had be chocolate, the pair had left all the planning to Angel, but he couldn’t fault her decisions because the night had so far gone off really well. They had sat down to eat about eight and luckily enough Chris had managed to come out and meet Nick, he had been a welcomed distraction from thinking about Adie. It had been a nice chance to catch up with one of his best friends, to reminise about old times, to party a little and relive at least some of the stress that had built up over the padt few months of his life.

That stress and worry had only built up again as the night had worn on though and the closer it got to the end of the night the more Nick wanted her there. He didn’t want to go back to an empty bedroom, to sleep in an empty bed. He wanted to talk to her, wanted to make sure that she thought Aaron and Angel had enjoyed themselves, he just wanted to hold her, to feel her hold him back.

“Your frowning again,” Angel old him when she sat down beside him

“Sorry,” He apologised as he rubbed his forehead to get rid of the lines jokingly.

“I need a smile!” She exclaimed grabbing his cheeks.

“I think you need coffee!” He chanted back, “How much have you had Sissy?”

“It doesn’t matter because I am an adult now,” She told him making him laugh. “That’s better. Thanks for the party Nickle you’re the best big brother in the world.”

“I have been told in the past. Where’s Aaron?” he asked as he looked into the crowd.

“Why are we doing cake soon?” She asked.

“Maybe.”

“I am so going to shove his face in it,” she planned out loud making Nick laugh loudly.

“I don’t think it’s going to come as a surprise Angel you do it to him every year,” He pointed out as he felt his phone begin to vibrate in his back pocket. He reached into retrieve it and pulled it up to his ear as he answered. “Hello?”

He could barely hear the person on the other end of the line but instantly he knew it was her and his heart began to race, “Nick?”

“Adie?” He almost yelled into the phone, compensating for not being able to hear her. That then got Angels attention, her head wiping back round from the conversation she had just started with Chris.

“Adie?!” She yelled excitedly, grabbing the phone out of Nick’s hand before he could do anything. “Oh my god it is you! I’m good, oww Nick get off!”

“Give me the damn phone back!” He exclaimed as he grabbed her arm.

“Hello I’m talking here,” Angel told him as she kept a firm grip on the phone but he won out in the end as he yanked the phone back from her.

“Adie?” He asked again and he knew she was talking but he just couldn’t hear her, “Hang on I can barely hear you, I’m just going to go outside.”

It seemed to take forever to make his way through the throng of people of the dance floor and he was sure by the time he would get outside she would be gone, or that his battery would have died, or that maybe it wasn’t even her at all on the other end of the phone. The noise had dulled considerably when he finally made it out in the dark of the night, not that it was really dark the illuminations of Vegas so bright it almost felt like it was day time.

He slowly bought his phone back to his ear and cautiously asked, “Adie, you still there?”

“Hi,” she almost whispered back and he wasn’t sure why but a big grin spread across his face. She could have been calling to tell him that it was over between them and yet it was just so good to hear her voice he didn’t care.

“Hi,” he echoed.

“Enjoying Vegas?” She asked.

“Yeah chaperoning thirty twenty one year olds is my idea of fun,” he chuckled. “How’s your Dad?”

“Good I think,” she told him and her choice of words made him frown.

“You think? Haven’t you seen him?” He asked.

“Not since yesterday I had a flight to catch this morning,” she told him and by the tone of her voice he knew she was heading back to Nepal.

“Are you on a layover then?” He asked, his heart sinking, that was definitely his answer right there, if she could go back that easily and that quickly, she had made her decision.

“No.”

Well that answer completely threw him off.

“So where are you?” He asked but all he heard was the dial tone of the phone before she answered. “Adie? Adie?” He said into the phone even though he knew it was futile. That was why he jumped when he heard his name called from behind him.

“Nick?”

He didn’t turn straight away because he wanted to prepare himself, this was just probably his imagination after too many beers but when he did eventually turn, he thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest when he spotted her.

“I’m in Vegas,” She told him with a shy smile.

So I won’t worry about my timing

I wanna get it right

No comparing, second guessing

No not this time

Three Months and I’m still breathing

Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in

But I know It’s never really over, no, wake up

Three months and I’m still breathing

Three months and I still remember it

Three months and I wake up

Song Credit - Kelly Clarkson - Sober