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K sat at his desk with his fingers interlaced. Jay leaned against the desk with his shades pulled down as he watched the girls stand around the room. Emerald leaned against the frame of the closed door. Diamond leaned against the wall, right next to the hanging plant, and furiously texted on her phone. Red and Pearl sat in the two padded chairs in front of K’s desk. Both men wore solemn expressions.

Pearl rested her chin on her hand. “I hope this isn’t about the machine gun bra… It’s still got a few kinks.”

Jay gave a silent glance to Emerald and Red before turning back to Pearl. “No, nothing like that…”

Pearl folded her hands in her lap. “So it’s a new mission? Couldn’t I just stay in my lab? I have to work out the kinks in the bra, and then there are a few other projects I’m behind on…”

Jay pushed his shades back up the bridge of his nose slowly. “No, we need you on the team. Unless you want an assistant…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Pearl crossed her arms and turned to Red. “It’s been a while since you’ve been on a mission too, right?”

Red stared at the folder on her lap. “The last time I was here, someone was trying to poison the water supply….”

Pearl loosened her arms slightly. “The microbes, right?” She turned back to Emerald. “Where were you then?”

Emerald shook her head. “Am I supposed to memorize your missions and mine? You’ve got to be kidding.”

Diamond held up her phone briefly. “Nick says he’s still in Antarctica, Miss Memorizer of Missions. Also… there’s moonwalking penguins… and…. that CIA guy forced Nick out of the driver’s side of their boat… and…” Her face lit up. “Oh, Lancy picked up my dry cleaning!” She went back to focusing on the key pad of her phone.

Emerald shook her head. “Well, obviously, a gentleman is better at driving a boat than a novice.”

Diamond paused momentarily. “Nick just wrote ‘Go back to Canada, Avril.’ And… Lancy said there’s a sale at the shoe store…” She turned to K. “Can we make this quick, pretty please?”

Emerald grumbled under her breath, “Maybe 008 should go back to surfing in LA…”

K cleared his throat.

Jay gave a brief smile. “At least they’re keeping positive.”

K let out a low sigh and rapped his fingers on his desk. “Finish it up, Jay.”

Jay rose his free hand as he produced a wireless mouse in the other. “Sorry, Di, you won’t get to go to the mall with Lancy for a little while, at least…” He gave the mouse a click, and a projector screen appeared from the name plate on K’s desk. A tiny projector appeared from the arm of the chair Red sat in.

Red took in a quick gasp; her folder fell to the ground. “You really did put all sorts of technology in this office, didn’t you?”

Pearl gave her a smirk. “You should see what the ceiling fan does.”

“Shoots missiles, Pearl?” Emerald smirked.

“You wish. Actually…”

K cleared his throat again.

The girls turned back to K with rapt attention, except for Red, who hurriedly whisked the contents of the folder from the floor.

K leaned back in his chair. “So… you all heard about the situation we were in yesterday. Jay typed up a summary of the… incident for all of you.”

A summarized version of K’s previous debriefing flashed across the projector screen as Jay clicked the mouse.

Pearl turned her head. “Red…”

Red closed the folder in her lap. “Don’t worry; I’ve had a day.”

K rose his hand. “What’s more important is that this hasn’t gotten out, but it could be a bigger problem than you think.”

Emerald uncrossed her arms. “The wife is dead, and the husband thinks she never existed. How could it get out?”

K shook his head. “It’s bigger than this one incident.”

Pearl smirked. “What, like Vegas strip clubs?”

K nodded his head. “You’re on the right track.”

Red turned to K. “This goes beyond Vegas?”

“Try Los Angeles.”

Pearl let out another small laugh. “What, beach bunnies?”

Diamond lowered her phone. “That’s not fair! Being a beach bunny is a very important part of beach commerce!”

Emerald smirked. “And the text message queen finally joins the mission.”

Diamond shook her head. “I was listening, and I was downloading the power point to my phone….”

Emerald rolled her eyes. “You and that phone… Did 008 tell you anything else while you were taking notes?”

Diamond blinked. “Antarctica is cold, and he’s wearing a huge white puffy jacket after Labor Day….”

Emerald crossed her arms and laughed again. “I’m impressed you sleep with that fashion faux pas.”

Diamond rolled her eyes and turned to Pearl. “Can we possibly get me a phone with a QWERTY keypad?”

Pearl laughed. “After I finish the machine gun bra.” She turned back to K. “So do you really need me for this beach bunny mission? I’m not really suited to prancing around in a bikini.”

Jay shook his head. “They won’t like this, K…”

K laced his fingers. “The four of you will be going to Los Angeles together.”

Diamond pulled down her phone. “What’s not to like about LA?” She turned to Jay. “Look at that Baldwin!”

Jay chuckled.

Emerald rolled her eyes. “Who are you, Diamond, Cher Horowitz?”

Red leaned forward. “So they’re targeting LA next?”

K shook his head. “No, they’re already in LA. How do you all feel about bunnies?”

Diamond’s face lit up. “I have a picture of a cute one on my phone!”

Jay grabbed Diamond’s phone. “It’s a real rabbit…”

Diamond cocked her head. “What kind of bunny would it be?”

Emerald leaned forward. “Jay, really?” She shook her head. “So we go to LA and hang out on the beach? That’s not bad.”

Pearl crossed her arms. “But we’re not supposed to like it… and if K says we won’t like it, then that means it’s something difficult.”

K cleared his throat. “You’ll be going undercover as Bunnies.”

Diamond took her phone back from Jay. “Like full body suits?”

K cleared his throat again. “Like lingerie.”

Pearl gave K a sharp look. “Repeat that.”

K laced his fingers once more. “Like lingerie.”

Pearl slammed her hand on K’s desk. “NO! NO WAY!!!”

Red turned to Pearl. “Am I going through shock, because I swore K just said we were going to wear bunny lingerie in LA…”

K tapped the top of the projector. “Jay will be going with you to donate you to the Playboy Mansion.”

Pearl leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “You have got to be kidding me…”

Red turned back to K with a raised brow. “I had no idea you were into trafficking flesh.”

K pointed to Jay. “He’s the top agent on this mission; send your complaints to him.”

Emerald shook her head. “I don’t like the idea of playing sex slave. I’m a one man girl.”

Diamond snickered. “A one-CIA-agent girl, you mean.”

Emerald slammed her fist into the wall. “Jay, I’m not touching no nasty ass! And if you think I’m gonna take shit, I’ll tell you right now, I’m not.”

Jay put the mouse on the desk. “Well, there’s only Hef to worry about, and he’s old enough that you probably won’t ever see him.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “And the other guys that go into the mansion?”

Diamond shut her phone. “Wait, I don’t have to sleep with them, right? They’re probably diseased!”

There was silence.

Jay turned to K. “They really didn’t take it well…. I expected a snide comment from Emerald just then…”

Emerald sneered. “And I suppose you want to be a sex slave, Jay? Because you’re more than welcome to it.”

K cleared his throat once more. “You girls better get suited up and head for the helicopter… Playboy’s waiting.”

Pearl crossed her arms. “If we’re being Playmates, we should at least get a jet.”

K gave her a weak smile. “You know as well as I do that they aren’t in yet.”

“Then at least get me my big weapons!”

K shook his head. “You have big weapons?”

“For killing things.” Pearl gave K one last intense stare before the girls exited the room in a huff.


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Agent Carter stepped out of the airport, his signature Ray-Bans already in place, and smiled a smile that could stop the hearts of women around the world when his eyes found the beautiful sight of his decked out Hornet, ready and waiting for him in the parking lot. The heat was blistering, but he blared the music over the noise of the rolled-down windows instead of the comforts of air conditioning, because triple-digit heat was better than double-digit cold any day.

“God, it’s good to be home,” he said to himself as he passed through the front doors of the HimTak agency headquarters.

And it was good to be back. Good to be back where no one was trying to kill him. Good to be back where there weren’t any penguins, however cool moonwalking ones may be. It was good to finally be free of the damned CIA and their dim-witted, pushy, whiny agents trying to tell him what to do, and back where his co-workers loved and respected him. (Well, most of them.) And it was especially good to be back where the women preferred to make out with him as opposed to each other.

With that last thought in mind, Nick walked into the main sector of the HimTak offices and yelled at the top of his lungs, “LADIES! I’M HOME! 00Carter’s back, and he’s saved the world, yet again.”

Nick held out his arms as wide as he could, waiting for the greeting that always followed a long mission, but was only met with an unnerving silence. “Ladies? Angels?”

Nick frowned at the empty office until a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, and he was greeted with a high-pitched squeal. “NIIIIIIICKYYYYY!”

“Bassy?” he questioned when he recognized the voice that was not nearly feminine enough to be so close to him. “Ugh, get off me!”

Nick struggled to release himself from his affectionate secretary’s grip, as Agent 006 came into the room in workout gear. “Excuse me, ladies, some of us have important missions to train for,” he laughed as he passed the other two men. “Carter, I always knew you were a little desperate, but the girls haven’t even been gone a day, and you’re already putting the moves on poor Lancy?”

Nick glanced at the man who still had his arms around him, surprised to see him blushing, and glared at him until he jumped a safe distance back. Then he turned his attention back to his fellow agent. “Fuck off, Chasez. What do you mean the girls are gone?”

“K sent them on a mission to Los Angeles.”

“All of them?”

“Yup, without you.”

“Looks like he sent them without you too, dumbass. I was off saving the world; what’s your excuse?”

“Saving the world? I heard you actually almost got yourself killed and blew up half of Antarctica. Emerald said the CIA guy saved your ass.”

“She said what!? That bitch!” Nick yelled and then turned his attention on Lancybassy. “Is that what you heard?”

Lancy hated to upset his favorite HimTak agent, but the version he’d heard wasn’t really that far off, so he just shrugged as he glanced at his feet. “But Pearl told me you almost got Drums this time,” he added optimistically.

“Yeah, way to drop the ball there too, 008,” JC laughed. “Is that twice now, or three times you let him get away? Maybe we should just call you Butterfingers from now on.”

Lancy’s eyes widened in horror at the comment about Drums, and he stepped to the side just in time to escape getting pounded as Nick grabbed JC and threw him against the wall. So angry he couldn’t speak, Nick raised his fist, deciding a beating was the best option at the moment, but just before he could throw his fist into JC’s face, a hand was placed over his, forcing it to his side.

Nick huffed to see the soft, soothing smile of his superior, the ever-wise Grasshopper, meet his rage head on. “Careful, young grasshopper,” he advised, pulling him away from his scared co-worker. “In times of crisis, it is better for a man to think like a fish and build himself a nest of bubbles.”

Nick, JC, and Lancy all exchanged confused looks, but no matter whether they understood his words or not, they knew his meaning, and both Nick and JC gained control of their tempers. Grasshopper smiled proudly and threw his arm over JC’s shoulder. “Come, my son, we must make sure you are prepared before you meet your next mission.”

Nick glared at JC as he walked away, unable to pull his attention away until a hand was placed on his shoulder. “Lancy!” he yelled again. “I told you to get the fuck off-”

Nick whirled around to see Agent K looking at him with critical eyes. “Are you alright, 008?” K questioned, sternly, yet sincerely. “Was the last mission too stressful?”

“Of course not, sir. It’s just that jackass, 006.”

“He’s a good agent.”

“He’s still a jackass.”

K looked at the young man with disapproval, covering the fact that he wanted to agree, and quickly turned the focus of the conversation back to Carter. “Have you been to the medic yet? Until you’ve been back in the field for awhile, I want you to have a routine psych evaluation after each mission.”

“What!?”

“Just taking precautions, 008. You’re one of my better agents; I can’t afford to take any chances.”

Nick grumbled a moment, but then thought of the stunning redhead who was normally in charge of his “evaluations” and smirked at the memory of his last. “No sir,” he finally grinned, “I haven’t been to medical yet, but I promise to let Red evaluate me quite thoroughly just as soon as you get me to Los Angeles.”

“Nice try, 008, but the only place you’re going is Pearl’s lab, after a visit to the medic, of course. I need you to be my eyes back home this time.”

“You’re benching me?”

“Just giving you a break.”

“I don’t need a break.”

“I consider your last mission a success, if for no other reason than you and Rok didn’t kill each other, but you’re a little high-strung now, and there’s no way I’m putting you on a case that has anything to do with Los Angeles, let alone the Playboy Mansion, and expect you to actually concentrate on the mission...”

“Playboy Mansion?! But!”

“No buts, Carter. You’re not going.”

“That’s not fair!”

Agent K sighed, but then smiled at Nick. He respected the young man’s enthusiasm and willingness to work hard, but the kid had a lot to learn about patience. “I needed the girls on this one, Nick. I didn’t have a choice. Believe me, they would all rather trade places with you if they could, but I need you to be their eyes and ears this time.”

Nick rolled his eyes, pouting that he wouldn’t be getting his way, but at least it wasn’t because K didn’t think he could handle it. He eventually made his way to Pearl’s lab and flipped on the monitors. He sunk into his chair, already feeling the boredom of the next few days creeping up on him.


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