He sat down on the side of the tub and took deep breaths in and out trying his best to keep his own stomach from betraying him. He could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks as he leaned forward, his head in his hands and sobbed.
He found himself asking the same question he'd asked a million times since all of this had started... how had this become his life?
Yesterday had been her final chemotherapy treatment. It was supposed to be a day of celebration but instead she'd been too sick to even lift her head up off the pillow. He'd lost count of how many times she'd vomited out the car door on the way home and it had only gotten worse since they'd arrived. He'd spent hours last night rubbing her back as she knelt on the bathroom floor and told him she couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know what to do. No words he could say, no medicine he could give her, nothing he could do could take away what she was going through. He knew this was the last time she'd have to do this, at least for now but he'd had to admit he was scared that she wouldn't make it through.
She'd finally fallen asleep about an hour ago after vomiting for what felt like the hundreth time that night. She didn't even have anything left in her too throw up. She'd fallen back exhausted against the pillow and closed her eyes while he rubbed her feet and continously changed the cool cloth on her forehead. He knew he needed a shower and he needed something to eat but he hadn't dared leave her side until he was sure she was asleep for good.
He climbed into the shower and let the hot water wash over his aching body. He leaned up against the wall of the tub and prayed to God to get them through this. He only stayed in a few minutes, afraid that she would wake up and need him. He climbed out quickly and dried his hair with the towel before slipping into some jeans and a polo and stepping back out of the bathroom.
He smiled at the sight before him. She was still sound asleep, curled up on her side now and she finally looked peaceful. Kahlua had jumped up on the bed with her and staked out her spot right in the curve of her back where she'd slept everyday since she'd started treatments the week before. Nick couldn't help but be amazed by their dog. She'd followed Grace around since the day Nick brought her into their lives. She sat by her feet while she ate in the kitchen or watched tv in the living room and she had slept at the foot of their bed every night. That is, every night until this week when she'd swiftly moved in closer to Grace. Nick couldn't help but wonder if Kahlua sensed more than he knew.
Nick looked up at the clock on the wall, 7:30 am. They should be arriving in a short while. He walked over and tucked the blankets up around Grace once more, kissing her forehead gently and reaching across to give Kahlua a scratch behind the ears. "Good girl," He said as she licked his hand before curling back into a ball and closing her eyes.
He took in the sight of the two of them laying there one more time before flipping on the baby monitor on the dresser and walking out the door and down the stairs. He went to the kitchen and pulled some frozen waffles out of the freezer popping them into the toaster as he turned on the pot of coffee. He definitely needed it this morning. He'd probably gotten about two hours of sleep last night. He grabbed the syrup from the pantry and poured it over his waffles before sitting down at the kitchen table with the morning paper.
He awoke with a start at the sound of the doorbell ringing. He had fallen asleep at the kitchen table and now glanced up at the clock to realize that a couple of hours had passed by. He stretched and walked through the kitchen, the doorbell rang again and he quickened his pace hoping that they wouldn't wake up Grace.
"Hey bro!" Aaron said as he flung the door back and jumped into Nick's waiting arms.
Nick took him into his arms and held him tight. He'd always been closest to his little brother and he hadn't seen him in months. He pulled him back out in front of him and couldn't believe how much he'd grown. He hugged him again and ruffled his hair with his fingers.
"Damn dude... where'd that skinny, scrawny little kid I always knew go?"
Aaron laughed and punched him playfully in the side.
Nick dodged his punch and put him in a headlock tickling him under the arms until he begged him to stop.
"Happy Thanksgiving Nick."
Nick looked up from where he was tickling Aaron to see Angel standing in the doorway now carrying a suitcase and Aaron's duffel bag. She dropped them in the doorway and gave Aaron a nasty look. "Carry your own damn bag next time."
Nick released his little brother after giving him a playful punch in the ribs and took Angel into a hug. "Hey sis. I'm glad you guys are here."
He ushered the two of them into the living room out of the cold and fixed them each a mug of hot cocoa before sitting down on the couch between them.
"So," He said looking back and forth at the two of them, "what have you two been up to?"
They sat and talked for a little while, Aaron told Nick about his new album and his recording studio in Orlando and Angel talked about her modeling career out in LA. Nick sat and listened. He couldn't help but be impressed at how mature the two of them were. Yeah Aaron could act like a little kid at times, but it sounded like he finally had his head in the right place.
"Well," Nick sighed after they'd been chatting for a while. "It is Thanksgiving, so we should at least do something festive!" He reached over to the coffee table and flipped on the tv to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. He remembered watching this with his family every year as a child and he smiled as he watched Aaron and Angel talking back and forth about the character floats and the cheerleaders, the bands and even making fun of Al Roker. He'd actually gotten to be a part of the parade one year with the Backstreet Boys. It had been an experience he'd never forget.
It was Aaron who broke the silence that had settled in the room.
"Where's Grace?" He asked after a little while of watching the parade. "I thought she loved this thing."
"She's still sleeping. She's had a really rough time with her lastest chemothera..."
Nick's words were cut off by the harsh sounds of wretching coming through the baby monitor on the coffee table.
"Shit!" He cried as he leapt of the couch and ran up the stairs as fast as his legs could carry him. He flung the door of the bedroom open to find her lying in the bed gasping for air between each bout of dry heaves. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her with ease into the bathroom where he sat on the floor with her and held her tightly.
"It's okay baby," he whispered gently, rubbing her back as she wretched once more, finally able to vomit into the toilet, "I'm here Gracie, it's okay."
"Do you need anything?" Angel asked from the doorway trying to make herself useful.
"Yeah actually," Nick tried his best to steady his voice, in an attempt to remain calm for Grace, even though he was scared after what he'd just seen. He held Gracie against his chest and whispered across the room to his sister, "Tell Aaron to call 911... she's throwing up blood."
Angel ran from the bathroom and hollered down the stairs for Aaron to call for an ambulance. Nick could do nothing but sit there and hold her in his arms. He was terrified.
"Please don't die!" He found himself repeating in his head... "Please God, don't let her die!"
