I remembered most of that Wednesday, which had consisted of my very last chemotherapy treatment which had made me sicker than a dog before I'd even left the hospital. Which wasn't completely out of the ordinary, but it never boded well for the evening to come. Then I remembered Nick sitting up with me the rest of that evening and late into that night. But everything that happened after about midnight was a complete and total blur.

For me at least.

It was clear that for Nick, it was anything but. For him it had been a day that I had a feeling he now relived in his thoughts, and especially in his nightmares.

I would wake up in the night to the sound of him crying out into the darkness beside me, and I would reach out for him, just to let him know that I was still there. Just to let him know that everything was okay. Of course then he would wake up in a sweaty panic, disoriented and unable to tell me what his dreams had been about. He always said he couldn't remember... but I was sure he did remember. I just didn't think he wanted to relive the moments when he was awake too.

Aaron and Angel spent that entire week visiting and while it had done Nick a lot of good to have his baby brother and sister around to keep his mind off things, I felt absolutely horrible that not only had I ruined their Thanksgiving, but that they were having to spend most of their trip stuck in my house, while I was sick in bed.

It had been such a relief on Sunday when I was finally able to get up and move around. Angel and I spent that day sitting at the kitchen table with Kelly and Kristin, putting the finishing touches on the wedding plans we'd started working on just a month before. Nick, Aaron, Kevin and Joey tried to be supportive, even joining in at one point to offer their opinions on tuxedo colors and catering ideas before growing tired of the whole ordeal and retiring to the living room for a video game competition instead.

On the following Monday, after watching Nick and Aaron sit in the living room most of the day arguing over who'd really won or lost whatever game they'd been playing on the Playstation, I finally set my foot down and told Nick that he had to take Aaron and leave the house.

He'd tried to argue with me at first, but I'd easily won. It was a gorgeous day for the first of December and so I encouraged the the two of them to load up the trunk of the car with supplies and a picnic lunch and they'd taken off for a day of hiking at Natural Bridge. After that I called up Kelly and asked her if she would mind taking Angel out and showing her around the town. She happily agreed and within an hour I'd sent the two of them off on an all day shopping spree.

I sighed as their car vanished down the road. My blood counts were still too low to be out in public and though I hated not being able to go along with them, it was a relief to know that at least Angel wasn't stuck in the house anymore. I watched from the porch until I could no longer see the tail lights and then set out on my own journey - a walk through the neighborhood with Kahlua following happily at my heels.

I met up with Kate not long after I started walking and the two of us continued walking together as we talked for a long time.

I loved having Kate around. Not that I could ever be comforted by the fact that Kate had also suffered from cancer, because I'd never wish cancer on another soul... but because since she had been through her own journey, she had been a major source of support for me, anytime I was having a bad day or just needed someone to talk to. And so we walked and talked until we'd done all the walking and talking we could do.

Everyone had ended up having a lot of fun that day and they thanked me as they each returned home happy and exhausted, to find a homecooked meal of turkey and dressing waiting for them in the dining room. We might have missed out on having a real Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving day, but I wanted them to at least have one before I sent them home. We sat at the table that night for hours and laughed and talked and told funny family stories.

I felt good to be with family. And most importantly... I felt good.

They'd left Wednesday morning, a little less than a week after arriving and since then the house had felt empty. I missed having them around to talk to and I missed how happy they made Nick.

I stretched out on the lounge chair on the back deck, basking in the sunlight and sipping on an ice cold Ale-8. Kahlua curled at my feet, her face planted in the sunniest spot she could find.

Life didn't get much better than this.

Friday, December 5th and it was a balmy 65 degrees outside. I'd had to laugh when Nick had jolted me awake that morning as he'd hopped out of bed at 7 am because he'd flipped on the weather channel and seen the forecast. Of course I'd been quick to warn him about the bipolar tendancies of Lexington weather - you know the old quote "Don't like the weather... give it five minutes." - and to assure him that 65 could be 25 by the next morning.

He'd shrugged his shoulders as he jumped out of bed early, vowing to at least enjoy it while it lasted. He'd called our neighbor Sean while I curled back up under the covers and not an hour had gone by before a car was pulling into our driveway and the two of them were off to pick up Kevin and Joey for a day of golf.

I'd had to smile as I'd peered down from our bedroom window at the sight of Sean and Nick walking down the front walk together, Nick carrying his golf clubs and the two of them chatting back and forth happily with one another, like they were old friends, as they headed off for a day at the greens. It was refreshing seeing Nick so happy and it was great to know that there was someone so close by who he could connect with. Sean had certainly been through a lot of the same things that Nick was going through with me.

I leaned back against my chair and picked up my day planner, flipping it open to the calender. It was hard to believe there were less than four weeks until our wedding day. Almost everything had been planned; flights booked, flowers and caterin purchased, hotel rooms reserved, and guests invited - but I still felt like I had so much to do. And then there was the Christmas shopping. Christmas was less than three weeks away and I still needed to buy gifts for at least half of our family members.

I stood from my chair and stretched as I looked out over the lake, watching as a heron landed in the distance. Such a beautiful bird. I grew to love this place more everyday.

I went inside and grabbed my laptop and took it back out to the porch. I was just sitting back down to do some online Christmas shopping when I heard my cellphone ringing from the kitchen. I considered ignoring it for a few moments but then figured it might be Nick, or it might be important, so I jumped up and headed inside to retrieve it.

"Hello," I answered, hitting the send button without even checking my caller ID.

"May I speak to Kathryn Littrell please?" I heard the voice on the other line say. I thought she sounded familiar but I couldn't quite pinpoint who it was.

"This is she."

"Oh, Grace," the woman's voice came back now sounding a little less professional, "This is Dr. Antoinelli at UK."

"Hi," I said, feeling as my heart began to beat faster within my chest. I hadn't been expecting a call from them this soon.

"A few of your test results have come in..." She said pausing briefly after the last word.

"Yes..."

"Is there anyway you can make it into the office on Monday morning?"

I could feel my heart sinking in my chest as I inhaled a deep breath and tried to remain on my feet. Tried to steady my breathing enough to just get through the rest of conversation.

"Yes. What time?"

I knew it had to be bad. They never called me into the office unless it was bad news. Good news... they'd give patient the good news over the phone. But they'd only ever given me the bad news face to face.

"Can you be there at 9:00."

"Yes ma'am."

"We'll see you then."

I hung up the phone and laid my head down on the kitchen counter as my vision blurred and my stomach twisted. This could not be happening.

I'm not sure why I was surprised. I knew the chances... God, I knew the percentages... I knew the most likely outcome. But somehow in my deepest heart I'd kept believing in a miracle.

I somehow managed to regain my composure long enough to call Nick's cellphone and leave him a rushed message. I'd barely gotten the words out and hung up the phone before I burst into tears...

"Please come home soon..." I'd said choking back the sobs... "I really need you."