I walked up beside him and took it in my hands.

"Turn around," I said as I turned him to face me and wrapped the tie carefully around his neck, "I'll tie this for you."

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" He asked me for at least the 8th time in the last hour.

I was positive.

"I'm sure Nick."

"I can stay here with you if you want me to."

"No, you go with them. Fill in for me this year... please."

He nodded, standing patiently as I finished tying the tie and then stood back to take in the full view.

"You look very sexy," I said, winking at him and smiling. He grinned back and danced goofily over to me taking me in his arms and kissing me long and hard.

"You look sexy too babe."

I had to laugh before smacking him softly on the back of his head. I was still in my pajamas.

"No... really you do. I mean, I probably have five minutes before we need to leave if you wanna, you know..." And with those words he hopped on the bed and hummed the first few notes of Barry White's Let's Get it On.

I rolled my eyes at him as I walked over and grabbed my black dress from my closet. I carried it into the bathroom and hung it on the towel rack.

"So... you're going?" Nick asked watching as I came back out of the bathroom.

"What? Oh... no. I'll be meeting you guys at mom and dad's house after the service."

He sighed and hopped up off the bed coming over to where I stood and taking me in his arms, nibbling my neck as he ran his hands over my soft fuzzy head, "I love you sexy."

I rolled my eyes at him again and pushed him playfully away. "I love you too... horny."

He laughed and opened the bedroom door just as Baylee came bounding down the hall into in the room followed in quick pursuit by Kahlua, who could be heard from a mile away with the bell he had tied around her neck. Nick caught Baylee in his arms and threw him up in the air as Kahlua barked loudly at his feet and jumped up onto Nick's legs.

"Good grief!" Nick said pushing Kahlua down and setting Baylee upright on the floor, "that dog's gotten as big as you kiddo."

Baylee laughed and gave Kahlua a gentle pat on the head.

"Hey uncle Nick," he said a very serious expression crossing his face.

"Yeah little man?"

"Aunt Gracie's not coming to church?"

Nick glanced over at me and I shook my head as I walked over to where Baylee stood and picked him up. He gave me one of his best Baylee Bear hugs all the while staring at Nick as if he was the only one who could provide the proper answer to his question.

"No little man, she's not. She's going to stay home and get things ready for Christmas tomorrow... but I'll tell ya what. I'll go with you."

Baylee's eyes lit up at the idea and he high fived Nick as he took off back out of the room. He'd only been gone a split second before he suddenly reappeard, out of breath and giggling.

"Oh yeah," he said as if he'd forgotten something very important, "Daddy said it's time to go."

Nick laughed and gave me a quick kiss, "I'll see you in a couple of hours."

I hugged him and walked out to the landing to watch them leave. Brian and Leighanne were standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting to go and they waved up at me.

"See you at mom's," Brian yelled up as he scooped Baylee into his arms and followed Leighanne out the door.

"You'll be okay?" Nick questioned one last time, looking up at me with concern in his eyes.

"I'll be fine."

He smiled as he waved and headed out the door with the others.

It was Christmas Eve and they were headed off to the annual Children's service at the church. I had thought about going for days, hating the fact that I would miss seeing Baylee in the pagent and Brian singing with the chorus... but I just couldn't find it in me to go.

It had only been a few weeks since the doctor had told me the cancer was still there... that it hadn't changed... that maybe even, it'd gotten a little worse. I was still working my way through the stages of grief. I'd gotten past denial and now I was working very hard at getting past the anger. I knew in my heart that I needed to be angry for a while, that the anger was a good thing, but that I couldn't take it out on my family. I knew that I needed to hold this cancer against someone and after thinking carefully on it I had decided that if anyone was strong enough take the anger... it was God. And so I'd decided to be angry with God, and going to church so angry would have been hypocritical it seemed, to me.

I'd spent the past two weeks trying my best to take my mind off of that visit to my doctor's office. I wasn't doing the best job of it. Nick and I had spent several evenings discussing all of my possible options and together we'd come to the agreement that I wouldn't do chemotherapy again. If radiation treatments were an option I may consider it, but chemo was out. I just couldn't even stand the thought.

Other than those few talks we hadn't discussed my cancer at all. I had done a lot of last minute Christmas shopping now that my blood counts were high enough and Nick and I spent a lot of time decorating the house. To be honest, I hadn't even wanted to do that at first. I hadn't really been in the mood to celebrate the holidays at all, but then I'd remembered that Brian and Leighanne were going to be staying with us for Christmas with Baylee and I knew that I had to make this Christmas special for him... especially if it was to be my last Christmas with him.

We'd bought a couple of trees for around the house and a bunch of new ornaments and my mom and dad had given me some of my childhood ones. Nick had hung lights on the outside of the house and we'd bought one of those goofy blow up snoglobes for the back deck. We'd listened to Christmas music and I'd made dozens of Christmas cookies. I had actually enjoyed myself. I allowed myself a few moments of every day to grieve and feel sorry and to be angry and then I made a promise to myself that I would move on.

Our wedding was less than a week away and that was what was really keeping me going. We'd spend Christmas here with my family and then all of us would fly out on December 29th for California. We would spend the night in LA with Howie and Leigh and then fly out to Hawaii on the 30th. Our wedding was planned for New Year's Day.

There were so many times in the past few months that I didn't know if I'd make it this far. I looked at the calender now and couldn't believe that it was all happening so fast. I smiled as I touched my engagement ring on my finger. I couldn't wait to make it official.

I wrapped a few last minute presents and then jumped in the shower. I was dressed and headed out the door to my parent's house by the time they should have been leaving church. I was actually excited now. I was excited to be spending Christmas with my family. Excited that no matter how sick I was at least for the moment I was feeling good.

Did you ever get that feeling? The one when you wake up and you haven't opened your eyes yet but you feel like someone is staring at you? That's how I woke up that morning. I didn't open my eyes... I didn't want to. I was exhausted and I probably could have stayed in bed all day. I laid there for a little bit longer hoping whoever it was would go away, but he didn't.

"Auntie Grace" I heard him saying from the side of my bed, "Are you awake?"

"Nope," I said still keeping my eyes closed.

I felt him climb up onto the bed beside me and the next thing I knew one of my eyelids had been pried open.

"I see you in there." He said laughing, "Wake up."

I squinted my eyes open and looked over at the clock on the table... 6:50 am.

I opened them the rest of the way and sat up in bed yawning and stretching my arms way up over my head. I glanced over to where Nick should have been sleeping and noticed that he was already up. I looked over at Baylee who was laying beside me, his hands propped under his chin and sighed.

"So..." I said looking down at his innocent face, "where'd you come from?"

"Georgia?" He replied, but it was more like a question than an answer and of course that wasn't what I'd meant.

"No silly, I mean do mommy and daddy know you're awake?"

"Yep. Daddy and Uncle Nick told me to come up here and wake you up!"

"Ah ha!" Those two were bigger children than the actual children.

"Guess what Aunt Grace?" He yelled as he ran towards the door and spun back around to look at me, his face glowing in the sunlight that bounced in the window.

"Yes Tater?"

"Santa came last night!"

"Oh he did?"

"Yes he did!" His excitement made me smile. "He brought me a scooter!"

"Sweet!" I said trying to match his enthusiasm. "You can show me how to ride it later."

"No silly, it's for little kids." He rolled his eyes at me as he bounced up and down with excitement.

"I see," I said sounding a bit dejected. "Okay well run downstairs and tell daddy and uncle Nick that I'll be down in a minute."

And with that he ran out of the room.