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The next two days, I took care of Nick and he became stronger and was feeling better. We never really talked more than me asking what he needed and me telling him to eat or to sleep. It was still hard for me to be around Nick and I found myself just having to step out of his room to not let myself get attached again. I however knew the truth, I knew it was too late.

“Hey where’s Nick?” Brian asked me as I was packing up some of my clothes. “And what are you doing?”

“He’s in the shower and I’m packing…” I didn’t look up at Brian and he came and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Why?”

“B he’s better, or at least getting there, he’ll be alright,” I zipped up my suit case.

“Hailey, you two haven’t talked and I think you need to and I know you want to,” Brian put a hand over mine to stop me from moving.

“I honestly don’t think we have anything to talk about,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“That’s not true and you know it. I see how you’ve been with him these last couple of days, that’s love in your eyes girl. And between yesterday and this morning, that’s definitely still love in his eyes for you.”

“Maybe so but that doesn’t change the past,” I threw my long hair up in messy bun and looked at Brian. “I believe in second chances I really do but this just doesn’t feel right.”

“Will you stay a little longer? The guys are coming out tonight; I know they want to see you. Just at least until tomorrow? And talk to Nick?”

“That was like five things you wanted me to do…but you’re right I’d love to see the guys, I miss them and we’ll see about talking. I mean if it just happens, then yeah I will. Which I have this feeling the next time I see him it’s going to, maybe that’s why I’m avoiding.”

And at that split moment it was like Nick had been in the room the entire time because there was a knock on the door. Nick was leaning against it, wearing jeans and a plain white tee shirt, head against the frame; his hair was wet and falling over his eyes. Damn how can he look so good for being so sick? His jeans were definitely bigger on him as his tee-shirt…almost scary big that reminded me of my past.

“I’m going to call Kev and double check his arrival time,” Brian squeezed my shoulder, patted Nick on the back and left. My eyes were locked with Nick’s and neither of us knew exactly what to say or how to start. I stood up from the bed and walked up to him, it was almost like I was being pulled and I had no control.

“I…how are you feeling?” I shoved my hands in my back pockets of my jean shorts.

“Uh, better now that I showered thanks…for everything.” I nodded my head and looked down at the ground. “I need some fresh air, want to go for a walk?”

“Nick, I don’t know if you—”

“Shh, I’m fine, thanks to you,” Nick cut me off by putting his finger up to my lips. I could smell his body wash, the familiar, comforting scent.

“Okay,” I followed Nick out the door and we walked down the path to the beach. It was a 90 degree day but with the breeze off the ocean, it only felt like 75-80. We made out way over to a pile of rocks on the jetty and had a seat.

For a moment, the both of us just stared out into the ocean, thinking of a million different things and reliving our past in our minds. I watched as the waves crushed over each other and rolled up onto the sandy white beach. I then had to know.

“Why?” I kept my gaze out into the open water. “Why did you walk into those waters the way Aaron said you did?”

Nick didn’t speak for a moment and then looked at me. “It was a selfish and easy way out.” He said it plain and simple.

“Easy way out of what?”

“The pain,” Nick picked up a stone and threw it into the sand. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say, I just looked at him. “The pain I felt, the pain I inflicted on you, not knowing if I’d see you again, knowing that I lost you for ever…”

“It was wrong of me not to contact you back Nick and I was so scared when I first came back, scared that you were really sick and scared for your life when Brian told me what you had done. If something had happened to you, I-I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“You had every right not to talk to me, I hurt you, I broke the trust you had in me. God Hailey, that day though, I just, I’m so angry at myself for not being there when that creep laid his sick hands on you. And I spent so many nights just asking myself, what if Brian and Katie weren’t there that night or if it were just Katie and if I had been there not only would you have safe but you wouldn’t have been hurt by me.” Nick’s voice rose, he put his head into his hands and then stood up.

“Nick, it’s in the past and we can’t keep thinking of ‘what if’s’, it’s only going to make us crazy.”

“Hailey, I still love you,” Nick turned around, putting his hands on my shoulders. His eyes were intent and full of emotion. I wanted to look away from those eyes that I feel in love with, which seemed so long ago now.

“Nick,I-,we can’t,” I tore away from him and started walking away. He ran up to me, took my let hand and spun me around.

“I screwed up, I’m a guy, I’m human but I’m still paying for it Hailey and until I have you back again, don’t you see I always will. Can you honestly look at me and tell me that everything we once had is just gone?!” His yes began to fill with tears and I felt my own welling up. Just as I was about to protest Nick collapsed to his knees. I dropped to my knees to look at him, his face was ghostly white. I went to touch his forehead and he pushed my hand away.

“Don’t,” he said sharply. “Don’t unless you’re going to tell me the words I need to hear to live.”

“Nick, you’re still sick, we should get you inside,” my voice quivered, trying not to let the tears.

“TELL ME!” Nick was now crying, head hanging low, fingers dug deep into the sand. I had never heard that tone in his voice before. “Is it gone?” His voice softened.

“Nick…I’m sorry.” My voice was a whisper and I wasn’t even sure if he heard me.

“Leave me,” he whispered back.

“I’m not going—”

“GET OUT OF HERE!” Nick looked into my eyes, his own full of hurt and anger. “GO!” I quickly got off my knees and ran towards Nick’s house, blinded by tears I found myself falling over rocks. Ignoring the pain in my hands and knees I continued to run until I reached the house.

As I got up to the door, Brian had come out and I ran into his arms.

“What’s wrong? I saw you running?”

“He told…me…to…he…he’s down by the jetty.” I pulled from Brian and went inside, upstairs to lock myself up in the guest room. I plopped down on the bed, upset and regretting for not speaking from my heart, I cried myself to sleep.

Ch. 5: Brian’s Point Of View (POV)

As soon as Hailey ran away from me I headed down the beach to look for Nick. When I got to the jetty Nick was sitting down, knees up to his chest and crying. I sat down next to him looking out into the ocean.

“What happened Nick?” Nick shook his head and let out a deep breath.

“I just screwed up…again.”

“What did you two talk about?”

“I asked her if what we had was just gone and then I lost it and yelled at her, bad Bri,” Nick’s eyes stayed fixed out into the ocean. “I’ve officially lost her and what is even worse; I lost even the chance of being friends.”

“I don’t know what to tell you Nick, she came in pretty upset.”

“Why aren’t you with her to console and hold?” Nick’s voice was icy cold.

“Hey man that’s not fair, I looked out for her and was there when there was no one else,” I told Nick.

“Whatever,” Nick went to stand and I saw how shaky he was. I stood up to help him but he pulled away.

“Buddy you need to go back in and get some rest before you get real sick again,” I told him sympathetically.

“Doesn’t matter anymore, nothing does.” I couldn’t believe how depressed Nick was and it was starting to scare me. I felt my phone vibrate and took it out, it was Kevin. I started following Nick back to the beach house and talked to Kevin.
“Hey Kev,” I answered.

“Hey, we’re here, where are you?”

“On our way back from the beach, long story, tell you later. This is bigger than I thought though,” I told Kevin worriedly.

“We’ll figure out when you get back, see you in a bit,” Kevin hung up the phone and Nick and I got back to the house. When w got inside, Kevin, Howie, and A.J. were in the living room.

“What the hell Brian?” Nick asked me getting upset.

“Nick, we just want to help. We’re worried about you bro,” A.J. stood up and went to pull Nick in for a hug but Nick turned away.

“I don’t need anyone’s help, just get the @#%$ out of here,” Nick went up stairs and into his room, slamming the door like a teenager.

“We should’ve been here sooner,” Howie said giving me a hug.

“I should’ve been here sooner,” I told him sitting down. “He’s in a dark place and he can’t get out,” I told them about the last couple of days and the incident on the beach.

“Is she still up there now?” A.J. asked.

“I believe so, I haven’t been able to check on her, I will now,” I told him and headed for the stairs.

“I’ll go with you,” A.J. told me, he had been pretty close with Hailey has well. We reached the stairs and went up to the guest room. I tried the door but it was locked. I knocked three times but there was no answer and I was worried. I reached my hand above the door frame and found he key and unlocked it. We walked in slowly and saw her lying side ways on the bed on her stomach.

“She must’ve cried herself to sleep, she hasn’t slept much in the last couple of days,” I told A.J. as he brushed a piece of her hair off her face gently.

“Brian what are these for?” A.J. pointed to three prescription bottles that lied on the bed with her. I picked them up and they were prescriptions I had never heard of and wasn’t sure. Hailey’s name however was printed on the prescription.

“A.J. you don’t think…”

“No, she’s sleeping, she’s not suicidal,” A.J. told me with question in his answer. We both looked at each other for a minute and I shook Hailey’s shoulder to wake her. She murmured a bit and her eyes fluttered open.

“A.J?”

“Hey doll face.”

“What? Brian? What are you guys doing?” She sat up trying to adjust to the light from the window.

“We just wanted to check on you, how are you?” I asked and she shrugged her shoulders. Her eyes were swollen and red. A.J. pulled her into a hug.

“Brian, I want to go home,” her voice was soft and sounded like a child.

“I’ll look into flights for you,” she put her head on my shoulder and I looked at A.J. “Hails?”

“Hmm?”

“What are these for?” I picked up one of the bottles of pills. She sat up and took it from my hand and picked up the others.

“Oh, nothing.” She shoved them into her purse and picked up her brush and brushed her hair.

“I’m going to go try to talk to well, I’ll be back in a bit,” AJ. Stood up knowing that she probably only wanted to talk to me. I walked behind her and she saw me in the mirror.

“Talk to me, you don’t ever keep anything from me girl,” I took the brush out of her hand and took her hand, leading her to the bed.

“How do you know?”

“Hales?”

“Ugh alright. One is to help me stay asleep at night.”

“Were you still having the nightmares?”

“Yeah, I just got this about a week ago.”

“You’ve had them up till then? You told me they had stopped months ago.”

“I was embarrassed, I don’t know?”

“You know you have nothing to be embarrassed about with me Hales, what are the other two?”

“Um, well, one is for,” her voice trailed off and she looked down at her hands.

“What is it? You can tell me.”

“One is an anti-depressant. I know it seems like an easy way out, Kara made me go see someone and they just gave these to me and I know I’m pathetic.”

“No not at all, it’s good you went to someone. Is there a reason why Kara had you go?”

“Uh,” I watched as she bit her lower lip. “It’s jus for my heart, from the surgery remember?”

“I thought they put you on something else?”

“Well, they did and it well, something’s not exactly right with my heart.” I sat up a little straighter now and I looked her straight in the eye.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s nothing really I guess, they’re not too sure. I’m supposed to go see another specialist next week.”

“What’s not right with it?”

“I sorta have this irregular heart beat that sometimes makes me pass out, especially if I’m working out…thus the weight gainage here,” I watched as she tried to laugh it off.

“And the doctors aren’t sure what to do? Does the medicine help?”

“This is the third one they’re trying; they can’t seem to find anything really wrong with my heart. I just got this one a month ago and only have had two spells. But I won’t know for another month or so.” She shrugged her shoulders and pulled a half grin. Something told me however that this wasn’t just something light to deal with on the side, there was some serious stuff going on with her and she wasn’t letting me in.

“Are you still seeing someone for the depression?”

“Not really, I went to maybe three sessions, I don’t even think the medication is helping and I’ll probably just go off it soon. I mean I don’t think I need it, look I know that look you’re giving me and I’m fine. I’m a big girl, I can handle the world. But I really would like to go home, I mean I know the guys just got here but I can’t be around him. He has so much anger towards me and I’m just going to hurt him more than I already have.”

“I’ll go look for flights right now, why don’t you go downstairs to see the guys,” I pulled her in for a hug. “And please, don’t keep me in the dark. I’m here for you,” I kissed the top of her head and went downstairs to use the computer to book her a flight.

Hailey’s POV:

After Brian left the room, I took a minute to compose myself and walked out of the room. As I turned the corner, I ran into Nick…literally.

“Sorry,” we said simultaneously. I happened to meet his eyes and he looked flat out terrible and I wanted to so badly pull him into my arms and hold him. I wanted to tell him that I still was in love with him, that I never fell out. I wanted him to know how much I missed him and how I wanted us back. I watched as he disappeared into the bathroom and I stared as the door closed. I went downstairs to where the guys were talking.

When I reached them they all quieted down and I had to laugh a little.

“Okay guys, stop talking about me,” Kevin stood up and pulled me in for a hug. Howie followed him and I sat down next to him.

“Brian said he’s looking for a plane ticket for you,” Kevin told me.

“Yeah, my job as a nurse here is done.” I smiled trying to be strong.

“Hales…” A.J. went to cut in.

“I’m going to go check on Brian and the plane.” I got up and went to the other side of the house. I saw Brian sitting at the computer.

“I can’t get anything out until tomorrow night earliest and it’s like three am. Weird time.”

“Well, that’s fine. I can get a cab.”

“Nonsense you’ll have a ride.”

“I was thinking about getting a hotel tonight then, I kind of need to be alone.”

“Hon, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“You’re only saying that, now that you know how crazy I am and need pills.”

“Of course not but we’re all here and it will be like…”

“It can’t be like old times B, you guys need to be here for Nick. I’m worried about him but there’s nothing I can do.”

“You just have to say the three words to him.”

“They’re not there,” I said shortly.

“Liar.”

“I’m going to go for a jog on the beach. I’ll have my phone on me.”

“Be safe.”

“Always,” I winked.